DW/TW Story: Wonderland (5/5)
Title: Wonderland (5/5)
Rating: PG-15
Characters: ensemble
Pairings: Yes. Many.
Spoilers: Nu!Who 'verse up through CoE, possible casting spoilers for '09 Christmas special
Warnings: extreme self-indulgence, angsty emo (mostly Jack), character death (also mostly Jack), child endangerment, mentions of torture circa The Year That Never Was, sentence fragments, and believe it or not given the other warnings, massive amounts of fluff. It is deeply twee, interspersed with moderate horror.
Beta: With greatest thanks to brinshannara for the translation and my beloved Ab for the read-through.
Author's Note: I hadn't intended to write a sequel to " Six Hundred Seconds" (and in fact suggest that anyone who enjoyed that story avoid this one). But then I looked down into the rabbit hole, and lo, the bunnies living there were so very densely fluffy that they changed the orbits of nearby stars. Title in honour of said rabbit hole and not the Who novel.
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
***
Part Five
***
Ianto brought the children into the front office. Lois introduced him to the coffee machine while Jack bent down to Callie's height and pulled coins from her ears and nose. The other two adults in the room conferred in quiet tones for a few minutes, and then rejoined them.
"Can't do it," Ianto said. "You lack the proper materials and equipment."
"Can you get them?"
"I know the shops, yes."
Jack removed a credit card held under a fake name in a standby Torchwood account. "Go. I'll watch these three."
Ianto stared at the card, not taking it. "What?"
"Go forth. Fetch coffee materials. You'll get it done faster if the children stay here."
"You're not a babysitter."
"I've had kids. Ask Johnson." He touched his ear. "Johnson."
Ten seconds later, Johnson came to the outer office, gun not drawn but clearly ready. "What's wrong?"
"Johnson, I've had kids, right?"
Her jaw moved without her mouth opening. "What?" she finally said.
"Tell Mr. Jones here I've had kids."
"He has."
"You have?"
"At least one." Johnson was staring at the ceiling now. "You called me in for this?"
"You're a good witness."
"You're an idiot." She returned to the back office as Lois laughed.
Ianto said, "This is your best recommendation?"
"It'll be fine," Lois said. "You won't be gone long, yeah?"
Ianto gave him a look, and Jack grinned inside. He was familiar with the look, knew it was equal parts "Do not touch my stuff while I'm gone" and resignation. "Half an hour." He kissed Callie and patted the other two tenderly. The baby was asleep. "Please be careful."
He was out the door like a shot, and Jack wondered how long it'd been since he'd been away from them for more than a few minutes.
"Hey, kids," he said, and then stopped. How did someone entertain small children? It had been thirty years since he'd had the day to day responsibility for a child, and when he went to visit Steven, he'd swept in like a storm, bringing gifts and playing briefly before sweeping out again, leaving clutter in his wake. If Alice wasn't angry with him about the 456, she was no doubt still holding a grudge over all those visits too.
The office door opened and Dr. Sheffield came in. He paused as he saw the children. "Is this a bad time?"
"Um, no. Lois, could you … ?"
"I have just added another item to the 'acceptable reasons to delay your session' list," Lois said. "I'll be in the back."
"Hi," Jack said. Peter was wearing a very nice shirt today, aquamarine, bringing out the green flecks in his blue eyes, and was Jack actually scoping out the shrink again?
"Would you like to talk about it?"
Jack looked at Callie, who was digging a toy out from under the pram. She retrieved something soft, multicoloured, and squeaky. She handed it to Jack, burbling a stream of French.
"I can't," Jack said, and picked her up. "Callie, want to fly with Uncle Jack?"
***
Forty-five minutes and seventy-three flights around the office later, Ianto rushed in with his arms full of packages. He set them down and plucked Callie from Jack's arms, kissing her on the nose. "Were they any trouble?"
"Not much," Jack lied. The diaper changes had been exciting, more so when he was informed that he was in fact the only one there with experience. He'd managed. "Coffee?"
"Working on it now." He noticed Dr. Sheffield then, who was sitting in the office chair, Kyle on his lap, reading a magazine in a quiet, sing-song voice. "Who's this?"
"My therapist."
"Of course." Ianto busied himself setting up the new coffee press, readying the beans, and doing all those little tasks that Jack had watched him perform hundreds of times, trying to figure out how it happened. He'd tried replicating the process, and while the coffee had been good, it hadn't been perfect.
The grinder woke Isabelle. Jack picked her up and rocked her as the office began to fill with the smell of caffeinated heaven.
"Hold on," he said, and ducked into the back, still carrying the baby.
Tosh stared at him as he jogged past her station. "This day just gets stranger."
"Getting something," he said, and he signed out some Retcon for Bren. Tosh watched him until he was back out in the office. "Here," he said, and gave Ianto the pill. "Bren's coffee. She won't remember much of today, but everyone will be happier."
"Can I see that?" asked Dr. Sheffield. "I've never seen your amnesia pills before."
Jack said, "Not right now." He set Isabelle back into her chair. Ianto glared at him and then clicked her straps.
"Always use the fasteners."
"Yes, sir." Jack grabbed a cup and poured a healthy supply of coffee into it. A wave of generosity overtook him. He handed the cup to Dr. Sheffield. "Try this."
"You're not going to Retcon me?"
"Not today." Dr. Sheffield took the coffee, and still suspicious, took a drink. An expression overtook his face that Jack recognised well. Owen had called them "coffeegasms" until the first time Ianto deadpanned offering Owen his morning orgasm.
"I'll go deliver this to Bren, shall I?"
"Good idea."
After the door closed, Peter turned to Jack seriously. "The man has a gift."
"I know." Jack started pouring cups for the team. He wanted to watch as they tried it. "Can you keep an eye on the kids for a moment?"
Peter nodded, still in nirvana.
Jack took Tosh her cup first. The look on her face was worth the wait. "My God."
"Yeah. Lois, come try some."
Lois took a sip and her eyes widened. "This is in our office right now?"
"Right outside that door." Lois went to get more.
Johnson watched him with the same suspicion Peter had, and then broke into a smile. Jack had to remember to bring some coffee to Alice soon. She might not have Johnson shoot him this time.
He handed Mickey a cup. Mickey took a quick drink and then set it down. "Thanks."
Tosh stared at him. Jack said, "Don't you like it?"
"No, it's good. Why?"
Johnson said, "You're not overcome with sudden gratitude at drinking something a little better than sex?"
"Nooooo." Mickey flicked his eyes around to the others. "Am I missing something?" Johnson walked away, cradling her cup.
"You like tea better," Tosh said. "That's it."
"Yeah. But this isn't bad." As Jack went back into the outer office, he heard Mickey say to Tosh in a low voice, "Better than sex?"
"I could use a comparison."
Ianto returned just as Jack shut the inner door. "Mission accomplished."
"Thank you."
"I see you've emptied the pot."
"So we have," Jack said, realising he hadn't gotten any. "Could you make more?"
Lois was back behind her desk, typing furiously. Jack squeaked Callie's toy a few times to make her laugh and then went to see what Lois was doing.
"Lois?"
"Writing up an employment requisition."
"That's for Andy, right?"
"Did his already."
"Lois … "
"Jack, we're hiring him. We're doing it today." She finished her document, and he heard the printer go. "Gwen said you have to sign anything I hand you."
"You're taking on someone new?" asked Dr. Sheffield, finishing his coffee and making furtive eyes towards the machine where more awaited.
"No."
"Yes."
"Excuse me," Ianto said, and he held out a cup for Jack. "Am I going to be consulted on this at any point?"
"No," said Jack.
"No," said Lois.
"Can I have that?" asked Peter.
Jack grabbed the cup and held the long-awaited prize. He breathed in the scent. Better than sex? No. Jack knew exactly how good sex could be. This was definitely one of his favorite forms of foreplay, though.
The inner office door opened. Mickey and Tosh came out. "Taking an early day," said Mickey.
Lois opened her mouth, but Jack waved her down. "Let it go. They're conducting an experiment." He reluctantly handed the cup to Tosh. "You'll need this."
"Thanks," she said. "See you!"
"What was that about?" Dr. Sheffield asked, retrieving another cup.
"I'm sure they'll let you know next week." Jack made a third attempt at coffee. "I believe you and I have an appointment."
"Wait," Ianto said, and pulled the cup out of Jack's hand. Jack made a noise he would insist later was nothing like a squawk. "We weren't finished. Employment requisition?"
"You can start Monday," Lois said.
"I never said I could start at all."
"See?" said Jack. "He doesn't want the job." He tried to take his cup back, found it firmly in Ianto's grasp.
"I didn't say that."
"So you're saying yes," said Lois.
"I didn't say that either. I need to talk with Lisa."
"Good," said Lois. "We'll be approaching her once we've figured out a good exit scenario from Sunrise."
Jack said, "I thought you said Gwen was just joking."
"No, I said she was teasing you. That doesn't mean she doesn't want them aboard."
"Teasing you?" said Ianto. "About what?"
"Nothing."
"Talk to her this weekend," Lois said. "Here’s our offer." She handed him the printout.
Ianto's eyes went wide. "You're not on the same budget Torchwood London was."
"We are," Jack said, and he swiped his coffee back. He took a long, grateful swig. Love. Pure love. "We just have far fewer people."
Lois poured some coffee into a Thermos. "I'm taking off. I'd like to see Gwen while visiting hours are still going on. She's being sent home tomorrow."
"Right," said Jack. "I'll let Johnson know we're the only ones here."
Peter coughed. "We do have an appointment."
Jack looked for help from Lois, but she was capping her Thermos and getting her things together. Ianto had checked the straps on the pram, filed the paper away safely, and was leading Callie out the door, which Lois held for him to get out. No help there.
Jack let Peter lead him to the back office. As he passed Johnson, he said, "You're in charge for the next hour. Don't blow anything up."
"Spoilsport."
When they were seated, Peter said, "So Callie tells me you're Superman."
***
His mobile rang at three AM while he was deep into another room of the collapsed archive. He didn't think he got reception down here.
"Martha Jones," Jack said.
"Guess again." The voice had changed, but the tone was exactly right.
"Hi." He didn't always get tongue-tied around the Doctor. Just sometimes, when he felt like a teenager with a ridiculous crush. "Are you here?"
"No, unless you also happen to be circling Proxima Centauri in the thirty-seventh century."
"Not currently, no. To what do I owe the honor?"
"I need you to remind me of something important. The next time you ask me for something … "
" … which I've promised not to do," Jack reminded him.
"And I'm sure you believed yourself when you said it. The next time, remind me to tell you to take a long walk off a short space platform."
"It can’t be that bad."
"History quiz, Jack. Who founded the Ashtend Colony in 2275?"
"Robert Maloney. Every schoolkid knows that."
"Every schoolchild did know that. Fixed point. Important human history. You know the drill."
"I do."
"Not, I remind you, a point that I should suddenly find changed." Worry bloomed in the back of his mind.
"Doctor … "
"Kathleen Welles. Lovely woman, bit of an adventurer, nice enough when she's not trying to shoot me."
"Someone shot you?"
"Tried to. Bit of a misunderstanding. Her fault. Well, partially my fault. Well, more than partially. Water under the bridge now. Anyway. Kathleen founded the colony."
"That's … not good." The worried feeling filled his stomach.
"Could be not good. Actually could be mostly the same. History wants to happen. More or less."
"How much trouble does it cause, and how much is my fault?"
"I dealt with it. Different nudge here, problem with first contact there. It's sorted."
"Good?"
"You want to guess what I'm going to yell at you about?"
"Sure. What's-her-face has a great-great-grand something who happens to be toddling around Cardiff just now. Option on three names."
"Good boy. Silver star for you. Ask me where I intend to pin it."
Jack lowered his voice. "Doctor, I didn’t think you cared."
"Cardiff."
"Hm?" Jack was distracted with thoughts of the Doctor and little silver stars. The ones with sticky on the back when you lick them.
"You said Cardiff. Jo's boy went to France, and we sent his girlfriend with him. Lydia."
"Lisa."
"Right. Jack … "
"They came back. Lisa got a job here."
"With Torchwood?"
"Not yet." Might as well come completely clean. "She did build us that transporter you were complaining about."
"Lisa did?"
"She reverse engineered it from something."
"And then you used it to dump radioactive trash in the asteroid belt."
"I … may have done."
"Jack, remind me. In what way does dealing with you differ from dealing with a trained chimpanzee?"
"I'm better looking."
There was a long sigh that echoed for sixteen centuries. "Fine. You caused this mess. You clean it up."
"Clean it up how?"
"Jack Harkness, you've just been given a brand new job. You're the babysitter."
"I did that this afternoon."
"Not the children. Well, the children too. Your boyfriend and his wife are messing with the timeline. Your job is to keep an eye on them. Don't let her build anything else that will change history. If he's anything like his mother, he'll find all sorts of ways to get into trouble, too. Keep him safe, and when he manages to poke sticks at the wasp nests anyway, drag him back out. It'll give you something to do with your time."
Jack fought down a retort, and then stopped. "You want me to watch over Ianto and Lisa?"
"Why not? Telling you to stay away hasn't worked."
"Doctor?"
"Yes?"
"Thanks." The word was insufficient. It'd have to do.
He heard the smile on the other end. "Be good." The line went dead.
***
Jack brought more flowers, and at Lois' suggestion, a big box of Pampers when he went round to Gwen and Rhys' house. Gwen's eyes lit up at the gift, and he was rewarded with a polite kiss on his cheek while Rhys watched, only mildly annoyed.
"He's adorable," Jack said, because it was expected and because the Winston Churchill joke was old even by his standards. Edward looked enough like Rhys and, the poor dear, Rhys' mum that any lingering doubts about how close Jack and Gwen might have been would be set to rest. Jack felt it in the ease in Rhys' manner around him, in the half-smile as he brought Jack some tea.
"You got kids?" Rhys asked him.
"You didn't tell him?" Jack said to Gwen.
"I'm not getting into the middle of that."
"Middle of what?" asked Rhys.
"Jack's daughter is seeing someone."
"Ah. Got herself a little boyfriend?"
"Johnson," Jack and Gwen said simultaneously.
"Johnson at Torchwood? Tried to blow you up the once? Tried to shoot us? That Johnson?" Jack nodded. "And you're okay with her seeing your little girl?"
"My 'little girl' is old enough to make her own decisions." Jack shrugged. "And I like Johnson better than my ex-son-in-law anyway."
"Bloody Torchwood."
Gwen said, "Lois tells me you signed the employment forms."
"I signed Andy's. He promptly announced our existence to everyone in the cafeteria."
"Oh!" She put her hand over her mouth and giggled. "I was afraid of that. What did you do?"
"I had Ianto Retcon Brenda. No one else heard. I hope."
"Who's Ianto?"
"The new fellow Lois is hiring to make the coffee." She chucked Edward under his pudgy little chin. "I told you about Lisa and her husband."
"Right."
Edward gurgled, and Jack made an excuse to go as Gwen got ready to feed him. As he opened the door, the postman was bringing a package up the walk. He stayed long enough to watch Gwen and Rhys open a gift from the Jones family: a new Snugli, in blue.
"This may come in handy," read the card.
***
Jack stood atop the building and looked out over his city as the sun set. He'd called Johnson in to help with a Weevil problem earlier in the afternoon, but that had been the only noise all day. Tosh's reports said the Rift was settling down into its normal patterns again. If his tampering with the timeline had upset it, the Doctor's future fix had made it happier. Or everything had all been coincidence, which he was willing to admit.
He didn't deserve this life.
He'd fucked up, more than fucked up. Chickens. Home. Roosting like mad. The 456 had been everything he'd ever secretly feared in the back of his mind, that the work he had begun in the Doctor's name was often the opposite of the Doctor's wishes. More, that given infinite time and space, he would only manage to make an infinite mess. Of course the 456 had taken away everything he'd loved; Jack himself had put those pieces there for anyone to knock down.
Someone had.
Jack hears him say, "He was supposed to take that Welsh bitch in with him, too, but at least his little pet died." Jack doesn't hear much after that. Later, he'll replay the recording, the one the Master doesn't know the Doctor is transmitting to Jack:
"I spent a year trying to break him, and I couldn't. I killed him, and you know how imaginative I was when I did, and he refused to turn on you. I killed his friends in front of him, and he kept coming back. He wasn't broken. He was a challenge. And I had time, and power, and information, and I found out all his sins or at least all the ones on record. I knew where his demons were, and in one case, I knew how to call them back. The frequency was right there in the name.
"Ah, Jack. Given an impossible task and an unbeatable foe, of course he'd storm in, guns blazing. He was supposed to take that Welsh bitch in with him, too, but at least his little pet died. There were cameras recording the whole thing. I watch it almost every night. Then came the next day, he had to kill a child and only one child was anywhere in sight, and oh, I made a special copy of that camera feed, too. When I need a pick me up, I play the recordings back to back, and it's a good night.
"I knew he'd find you eventually, after he killed everything he loved, ask you, and I knew you'd say no. But I offered and do you know what he said he'd do? To have them back?"
The Doctor's tired voice: "I can guess."
"He said 'Anything.' And I had something in mind. All your companions, always so loyal to you, like your children. Disgusting." He leans into the Doctor, breathes in his ear intimately, "I'm going to turn your son. I'll record him killing you for me. It's going to be a triple feature tonight!"
He doesn't know Jack is in the room until the Webley touches the back of his damned skull with a click.
Jack wondered how the Doctor managed to keep going, knowing how his own past unspooled behind him like a mocking shadow. The Doctor made the hard decisions, and Jack knew what happened when he himself tried to take the easy ones. It was always Volcano Day for someone. Jack had let the lava come upon unsuspecting towns, more than once. He deserved to let it burn him to a crisp.
It had.
And the Doctor had reached into the fire and pulled him out.
"Jack," he says, and his voice is incredibly gentle, loving. The Master called Jack his son, and in that moment, he can believe the emotion. The Doctor is calling him like a stray child: "Jack."
"They're gone," he says. "He took them from me."
"You took them yourself," says the Master, his composure already regained although his life is in Jack's shaking hands. "Your decisions. Your choices. That's the only way it could have worked. You did it all, Jack-o, Jack boy, Jacky."
"No."
"Oh yes."
"Jack," the Doctor says again. "Put the gun down. He's goading you."
"Do shut up," says the Master. "You know you want to kill one of us. Kill him, kill me. I still win either way. You're mine forever. Do it. Shoot!"
Jack wants to, wants just to squeeze. The Master has died before, they all have, but it will feel so good to watch him suffer for every time he killed Jack during that terrible year, for every nightmare Jack has had since the 456. Make him pay.
"Jack." Still the gentle voice. "It's over. It's all over."
"You're a killer, Jack. You've always been a killer. What's one more death?"
"Everyone you lost, Jack, would they want you to do this?"
"They would! Take your revenge!"
"They wouldn't. You know that. You loved them. They loved you too, yeah?"
His vision is blurred. All he can see are too many faces lost for good. "Yeah."
"Don't make your last act for them a murder. Put the gun down. He has no power over you now."
"Do it!" the Master orders.
Part of him is aware that the Doctor is fighting the Master for the charred remains of Jack's soul. For a crazy second, he envisions a fourth person coming into the room, someone perfect and beloved, who declares, "Actually, that's mine," and then at long last Jack will know who he is and where he belongs. But it's just a fantasy, and Jack already knows he's the only one who will ever save himself.
He drops the gun. The Master hisses and gropes for it, but Jack isn't stupid, and punches him hard enough to throw him into the cell door.
"Sorry," he says to the Doctor. "I'm so sorry."
"I know. Let's go."
Jack waited until the last light faded from the horizon and the whole city was lit up with streetlights. Saturday night. Date night, or more usually, try to find a date night. He hadn't heard from Tosh or Mickey all day. He hoped they were having a good time.
Every day was the first day of the rest of his life. He had a long life in front of him, and a lot of first days.
Right now, he could go down into the streets, into the pubs, find someone, go back to his flat, and have what would pass for a fantastic night. He'd spent over a century with that very plan being his ideal evening, and with no upper limit to his lifespan, he'd no doubt spend many more centuries in many more pubs meeting many more willing partners. Not tonight.
He could drive over to Alice's house, preferably in Kevlar, and pester her until she relented and let him inside. Johnson would take another head shot, though. Scratch that. He had time to work his way back into Alice's good graces. That would take work, he knew; ever since Lucia had taken her into safety, he'd spent more time buying her affection than earning it.
He could go back down into the ruins of the archives. He'd been spending so much time there, hiding in his past because the future, any future, was frankly terrifying. Since the day Jack had realised how much future he had left, he'd been running away from it, covering himself in secrets, burying his foreknowledge in casual sex and the occasional longer relationship that he knew would end, telling himself nothing mattered, dying all over again when it did anyway. Hiding away tonight wouldn't solve anything.
So what did he want to do? Tonight? Forever?
When had he been happy?
*
Her hair smells like shampoo, and she wants to watch telly with her dad, and he's busy and should be working, but he's also tired and hasn't seen her as much as he wanted this week, or the week before. Come to think of it, he hasn't been by in over a month. Jack lets her sprawl on him as her eyes drift shut.
*
Rose's smile glitters as she takes his hand. The Doctor rolls his eyes at them, but then he gets a grin of his own as the three of them dash behind the boulders, and it is exhilarating and he has never felt so alive.
*
He's back from what could have been permanent death, an unexpected gift from Gwen, and he holds her hand as he steps into the Hub. They come to him, one by one, and it's their love and sorrow and regret that builds him back to life as he embraces each one.
*
Estelle is smiling up at him as though he is the most dashing man she's ever met, and he is.
*
Ianto's head fits just perfectly in the crook of his arm, and Jack finds, against all expectation, that watching him sleep is even more enticing than waking him for more sex.
*
He brushes Lucia's hair from her face and kisses her deeply.
*
The lights glittered below him as he frowned. It had always gone wrong. Always. Lucia had been right: Jack couldn't be with one person for long, not without burning through him or her. He wasn't made for being one half of a couple, being responsible for one person's entire happiness. He hated the notion of exclusiveness, sure, but it went further. Two was unnatural, unstable. Two meant he would take over the other person, or flee before he lost himself. Two meant always fighting for dominance with Lucia until what they had broke in half. Two meant John Hart, or whatever his name was today, spent each day for two weeks (five years) trying to kill him or fuck him or both. Two meant an empty chasm between him and the Doctor.
Two never worked for Jack.
Triads did. He was happy in a triad. Three meant he had a buffer, had a way out that was still a way in, had peace. Three meant two pillars to lean against instead of crumbling one alone, meant an extra voice to talk him down when he needed it instead of letting him shout the other into silence. Three meant stability.
"Is it because they're both your type?"
Beautiful, wonderful, sensible Lois, who'd taken one look at a relationship with Jack and run for the hills, had to be the one to point out the obvious, as Jack was clearly too stupid to notice himself.
He said a very rude word to the universe, but he smiled as he said it, and he knew exactly where he wanted to be.
Flowers and chocolates had never worked on Ianto, though Jack had tried them in his various attempts at non-"bend me over the desk right now" romance. From what he knew of Lisa, they wouldn't work on her, either. Dinners and movies could come later, would come later, he was sure, but if he didn't start out with a proper gesture, he'd never get their attention.
He wanted their attention.
As he made his way down in the lift, he hit on the perfect plan.
Jack reran the Rift activity logs over the past couple of days. Some things they'd picked up, others they'd let slide, now that they were getting more accurate readings on what was and wasn't landing in the Bay or on their heads. Since Lois had invented weekends, the Saturday readings, if they were small enough, could be held over until they had time.
"Ten minutes," the Doctor says, once the TARDIS has calmed from having Jack aboard again. "I can give you ten minutes to say goodbye."
"You don't have to." But his pulse is racing, and he wants, oh he wants.
"Call it a gift. Anyway," he pauses, looking down. "Even you can't get into much trouble in ten minutes."
Jack was looking for a large Rift reading, but he'd take a small one. The important part was that it was tonight.
And there it was. A bit on the small side, and he would definitely have to pick up a larger one later, but Jack had found the perfect gift for the man and woman who thought they had it all. Well, almost perfect. Sadly, compys had no wings.
***
He rapped on the door a little louder than he intended. The dinosaur was safely stowed in a storage space a few miles away and could keep. In theory, he ought to wait until morning, but he couldn't. He'd been waiting for so long, and he wanted to see Ianto's face light up, wanted to learn just how bright Lisa's face could be.
"Hold on, hold on," came the grumble from the other side of the door, and before his ears properly registered, a face appeared. "Hello."
"Rhiannon?"
She smiled, a bit flustered. This Rhiannon hadn't met him after he'd bailed on a funeral, hadn't sobbed on his shirt until he'd had to flee entirely. "That's me. Have we met?"
"Not yet," he said, and turned on the charm. "But the night is young. Captain Jack Harkness."
"And you are here … ?"
"Looking for Ianto and Lisa. Are they in?"
"No. Gone on a date, haven't they? I told 'im I'd watch the kids, let them have a night out."
"Ah." There went that idea. He'd ask where they went, but it was one thing to come swashbuckling in, and another to join them on their first night out together since Isabelle's arrival. "Do you know when they'll be back?"
"Couple of hours. Think they've gone dancin'." His face must have fallen, because she said, "Is it important? I could call."
"No. I don't suppose I could wait?"
Rhiannon frowned, but just then, Callie peeped her head around her aunt's leg and squealed with delight. "Uncle Jack!"
He grinned at her. "You're up late, young lady."
"I can't get her to stay in bed. Kyle either. The baby's asleep, anyway."
"I can help," he said, and he filled the words with enough confidence that Rhiannon opened the door and let him inside.
***
Epilogue
***
It was past one when Ianto pulled the van into their parking space. Lisa covered her yawn with her hand, and he was tempted to steal her hand and kiss it, but she looked dead tired.
"We could still get that room," he said. "Rhi said she could stay all night."
"Or we could go inside and sleep."
"Sleep?" he asked, disappointed.
"Eventually."
She reached the door first and unlocked it. Ianto made one last grab for her, was rewarded with a nice touch of hip and a quick kiss before she said loudly, "We're back!"
"Hush," Rhiannon said, coming down the hallway. "They're in the living room."
Ianto said, "They have a bedroom."
"Yeah, well, they wouldn't stay in it, would they? Anyway, they had company."
Company?
He and Lisa went into the living room. The television was on low enough not to disturb the sleepers on the couch. Callie and Kyle had climbed on top of --- Ianto was deeply confused --- Jack Harkness, and all three had fallen asleep there. Jack had draped his coat over the back of the couch. Kyle's arm wrapped around one sleeve.
"They seemed happy to see him," Rhiannon whispered. "And anyway, he was great with them. Isabelle went to sleep about two hours ago, and they've all been changed." She pecked her brother on the cheek.
"You're not staying?"
"Nah. You've got a guest. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"
"Yeah. Goodnight."
"Thanks again," said Lisa.
After Ianto saw her out, he picked up Callie and Lisa picked up Kyle, and they put them both back in their beds. Lisa found a spare blanket in the closet and threw it over Jack, who kept sleeping.
"He's mental," she said. "Cute, but mental. Are you sure you want to work for these people?"
"We could use the money. Rhi said she'd love seeing more of the kids." He watched the rise and fall of Jack's breath under the blanket, and curiously, nothing seemed out of place. Of course his soon-to-be boss, the time-traveling one who didn't die, would be passed out on Ianto's sofa. It made sense in the crazed way he was becoming used to regarding anything about Jack Harkness. Ianto thought back to the watch, to the rooftop, to the thrill of breaking into the school, to tasing someone who richly deserved it. "Anyway, it'll be fun."
Jack's eyes drifted open. "Hey. I got you a dinosaur. I gave it some chocolate." And with that curious pronouncement, he fell back asleep and didn't wake up again the rest of the night.
"Mental," Lisa said again.
"You like mental," Ianto said, and he took her hand and led her back towards their room for what he didn't know then would be the last time for just the two of them.
As their door shut, he leaned in to kiss her, and then hesitated. "Did he say 'dinosaur'?"
***
The End
***
Final Note: I'll be hiding here in the rabbit hole until canon manages to fix things. This could be a while.
ETA: Coda found here: Morning After. Those of you who are laughing at me for creating yet another fanverse at this point know exactly what to do with yourselves. ;)
Rating: PG-15
Characters: ensemble
Pairings: Yes. Many.
Spoilers: Nu!Who 'verse up through CoE, possible casting spoilers for '09 Christmas special
Warnings: extreme self-indulgence, angsty emo (mostly Jack), character death (also mostly Jack), child endangerment, mentions of torture circa The Year That Never Was, sentence fragments, and believe it or not given the other warnings, massive amounts of fluff. It is deeply twee, interspersed with moderate horror.
Beta: With greatest thanks to brinshannara for the translation and my beloved Ab for the read-through.
Author's Note: I hadn't intended to write a sequel to " Six Hundred Seconds" (and in fact suggest that anyone who enjoyed that story avoid this one). But then I looked down into the rabbit hole, and lo, the bunnies living there were so very densely fluffy that they changed the orbits of nearby stars. Title in honour of said rabbit hole and not the Who novel.
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
***
Part Five
***
Ianto brought the children into the front office. Lois introduced him to the coffee machine while Jack bent down to Callie's height and pulled coins from her ears and nose. The other two adults in the room conferred in quiet tones for a few minutes, and then rejoined them.
"Can't do it," Ianto said. "You lack the proper materials and equipment."
"Can you get them?"
"I know the shops, yes."
Jack removed a credit card held under a fake name in a standby Torchwood account. "Go. I'll watch these three."
Ianto stared at the card, not taking it. "What?"
"Go forth. Fetch coffee materials. You'll get it done faster if the children stay here."
"You're not a babysitter."
"I've had kids. Ask Johnson." He touched his ear. "Johnson."
Ten seconds later, Johnson came to the outer office, gun not drawn but clearly ready. "What's wrong?"
"Johnson, I've had kids, right?"
Her jaw moved without her mouth opening. "What?" she finally said.
"Tell Mr. Jones here I've had kids."
"He has."
"You have?"
"At least one." Johnson was staring at the ceiling now. "You called me in for this?"
"You're a good witness."
"You're an idiot." She returned to the back office as Lois laughed.
Ianto said, "This is your best recommendation?"
"It'll be fine," Lois said. "You won't be gone long, yeah?"
Ianto gave him a look, and Jack grinned inside. He was familiar with the look, knew it was equal parts "Do not touch my stuff while I'm gone" and resignation. "Half an hour." He kissed Callie and patted the other two tenderly. The baby was asleep. "Please be careful."
He was out the door like a shot, and Jack wondered how long it'd been since he'd been away from them for more than a few minutes.
"Hey, kids," he said, and then stopped. How did someone entertain small children? It had been thirty years since he'd had the day to day responsibility for a child, and when he went to visit Steven, he'd swept in like a storm, bringing gifts and playing briefly before sweeping out again, leaving clutter in his wake. If Alice wasn't angry with him about the 456, she was no doubt still holding a grudge over all those visits too.
The office door opened and Dr. Sheffield came in. He paused as he saw the children. "Is this a bad time?"
"Um, no. Lois, could you … ?"
"I have just added another item to the 'acceptable reasons to delay your session' list," Lois said. "I'll be in the back."
"Hi," Jack said. Peter was wearing a very nice shirt today, aquamarine, bringing out the green flecks in his blue eyes, and was Jack actually scoping out the shrink again?
"Would you like to talk about it?"
Jack looked at Callie, who was digging a toy out from under the pram. She retrieved something soft, multicoloured, and squeaky. She handed it to Jack, burbling a stream of French.
"I can't," Jack said, and picked her up. "Callie, want to fly with Uncle Jack?"
***
Forty-five minutes and seventy-three flights around the office later, Ianto rushed in with his arms full of packages. He set them down and plucked Callie from Jack's arms, kissing her on the nose. "Were they any trouble?"
"Not much," Jack lied. The diaper changes had been exciting, more so when he was informed that he was in fact the only one there with experience. He'd managed. "Coffee?"
"Working on it now." He noticed Dr. Sheffield then, who was sitting in the office chair, Kyle on his lap, reading a magazine in a quiet, sing-song voice. "Who's this?"
"My therapist."
"Of course." Ianto busied himself setting up the new coffee press, readying the beans, and doing all those little tasks that Jack had watched him perform hundreds of times, trying to figure out how it happened. He'd tried replicating the process, and while the coffee had been good, it hadn't been perfect.
The grinder woke Isabelle. Jack picked her up and rocked her as the office began to fill with the smell of caffeinated heaven.
"Hold on," he said, and ducked into the back, still carrying the baby.
Tosh stared at him as he jogged past her station. "This day just gets stranger."
"Getting something," he said, and he signed out some Retcon for Bren. Tosh watched him until he was back out in the office. "Here," he said, and gave Ianto the pill. "Bren's coffee. She won't remember much of today, but everyone will be happier."
"Can I see that?" asked Dr. Sheffield. "I've never seen your amnesia pills before."
Jack said, "Not right now." He set Isabelle back into her chair. Ianto glared at him and then clicked her straps.
"Always use the fasteners."
"Yes, sir." Jack grabbed a cup and poured a healthy supply of coffee into it. A wave of generosity overtook him. He handed the cup to Dr. Sheffield. "Try this."
"You're not going to Retcon me?"
"Not today." Dr. Sheffield took the coffee, and still suspicious, took a drink. An expression overtook his face that Jack recognised well. Owen had called them "coffeegasms" until the first time Ianto deadpanned offering Owen his morning orgasm.
"I'll go deliver this to Bren, shall I?"
"Good idea."
After the door closed, Peter turned to Jack seriously. "The man has a gift."
"I know." Jack started pouring cups for the team. He wanted to watch as they tried it. "Can you keep an eye on the kids for a moment?"
Peter nodded, still in nirvana.
Jack took Tosh her cup first. The look on her face was worth the wait. "My God."
"Yeah. Lois, come try some."
Lois took a sip and her eyes widened. "This is in our office right now?"
"Right outside that door." Lois went to get more.
Johnson watched him with the same suspicion Peter had, and then broke into a smile. Jack had to remember to bring some coffee to Alice soon. She might not have Johnson shoot him this time.
He handed Mickey a cup. Mickey took a quick drink and then set it down. "Thanks."
Tosh stared at him. Jack said, "Don't you like it?"
"No, it's good. Why?"
Johnson said, "You're not overcome with sudden gratitude at drinking something a little better than sex?"
"Nooooo." Mickey flicked his eyes around to the others. "Am I missing something?" Johnson walked away, cradling her cup.
"You like tea better," Tosh said. "That's it."
"Yeah. But this isn't bad." As Jack went back into the outer office, he heard Mickey say to Tosh in a low voice, "Better than sex?"
"I could use a comparison."
Ianto returned just as Jack shut the inner door. "Mission accomplished."
"Thank you."
"I see you've emptied the pot."
"So we have," Jack said, realising he hadn't gotten any. "Could you make more?"
Lois was back behind her desk, typing furiously. Jack squeaked Callie's toy a few times to make her laugh and then went to see what Lois was doing.
"Lois?"
"Writing up an employment requisition."
"That's for Andy, right?"
"Did his already."
"Lois … "
"Jack, we're hiring him. We're doing it today." She finished her document, and he heard the printer go. "Gwen said you have to sign anything I hand you."
"You're taking on someone new?" asked Dr. Sheffield, finishing his coffee and making furtive eyes towards the machine where more awaited.
"No."
"Yes."
"Excuse me," Ianto said, and he held out a cup for Jack. "Am I going to be consulted on this at any point?"
"No," said Jack.
"No," said Lois.
"Can I have that?" asked Peter.
Jack grabbed the cup and held the long-awaited prize. He breathed in the scent. Better than sex? No. Jack knew exactly how good sex could be. This was definitely one of his favorite forms of foreplay, though.
The inner office door opened. Mickey and Tosh came out. "Taking an early day," said Mickey.
Lois opened her mouth, but Jack waved her down. "Let it go. They're conducting an experiment." He reluctantly handed the cup to Tosh. "You'll need this."
"Thanks," she said. "See you!"
"What was that about?" Dr. Sheffield asked, retrieving another cup.
"I'm sure they'll let you know next week." Jack made a third attempt at coffee. "I believe you and I have an appointment."
"Wait," Ianto said, and pulled the cup out of Jack's hand. Jack made a noise he would insist later was nothing like a squawk. "We weren't finished. Employment requisition?"
"You can start Monday," Lois said.
"I never said I could start at all."
"See?" said Jack. "He doesn't want the job." He tried to take his cup back, found it firmly in Ianto's grasp.
"I didn't say that."
"So you're saying yes," said Lois.
"I didn't say that either. I need to talk with Lisa."
"Good," said Lois. "We'll be approaching her once we've figured out a good exit scenario from Sunrise."
Jack said, "I thought you said Gwen was just joking."
"No, I said she was teasing you. That doesn't mean she doesn't want them aboard."
"Teasing you?" said Ianto. "About what?"
"Nothing."
"Talk to her this weekend," Lois said. "Here’s our offer." She handed him the printout.
Ianto's eyes went wide. "You're not on the same budget Torchwood London was."
"We are," Jack said, and he swiped his coffee back. He took a long, grateful swig. Love. Pure love. "We just have far fewer people."
Lois poured some coffee into a Thermos. "I'm taking off. I'd like to see Gwen while visiting hours are still going on. She's being sent home tomorrow."
"Right," said Jack. "I'll let Johnson know we're the only ones here."
Peter coughed. "We do have an appointment."
Jack looked for help from Lois, but she was capping her Thermos and getting her things together. Ianto had checked the straps on the pram, filed the paper away safely, and was leading Callie out the door, which Lois held for him to get out. No help there.
Jack let Peter lead him to the back office. As he passed Johnson, he said, "You're in charge for the next hour. Don't blow anything up."
"Spoilsport."
When they were seated, Peter said, "So Callie tells me you're Superman."
***
His mobile rang at three AM while he was deep into another room of the collapsed archive. He didn't think he got reception down here.
"Martha Jones," Jack said.
"Guess again." The voice had changed, but the tone was exactly right.
"Hi." He didn't always get tongue-tied around the Doctor. Just sometimes, when he felt like a teenager with a ridiculous crush. "Are you here?"
"No, unless you also happen to be circling Proxima Centauri in the thirty-seventh century."
"Not currently, no. To what do I owe the honor?"
"I need you to remind me of something important. The next time you ask me for something … "
" … which I've promised not to do," Jack reminded him.
"And I'm sure you believed yourself when you said it. The next time, remind me to tell you to take a long walk off a short space platform."
"It can’t be that bad."
"History quiz, Jack. Who founded the Ashtend Colony in 2275?"
"Robert Maloney. Every schoolkid knows that."
"Every schoolchild did know that. Fixed point. Important human history. You know the drill."
"I do."
"Not, I remind you, a point that I should suddenly find changed." Worry bloomed in the back of his mind.
"Doctor … "
"Kathleen Welles. Lovely woman, bit of an adventurer, nice enough when she's not trying to shoot me."
"Someone shot you?"
"Tried to. Bit of a misunderstanding. Her fault. Well, partially my fault. Well, more than partially. Water under the bridge now. Anyway. Kathleen founded the colony."
"That's … not good." The worried feeling filled his stomach.
"Could be not good. Actually could be mostly the same. History wants to happen. More or less."
"How much trouble does it cause, and how much is my fault?"
"I dealt with it. Different nudge here, problem with first contact there. It's sorted."
"Good?"
"You want to guess what I'm going to yell at you about?"
"Sure. What's-her-face has a great-great-grand something who happens to be toddling around Cardiff just now. Option on three names."
"Good boy. Silver star for you. Ask me where I intend to pin it."
Jack lowered his voice. "Doctor, I didn’t think you cared."
"Cardiff."
"Hm?" Jack was distracted with thoughts of the Doctor and little silver stars. The ones with sticky on the back when you lick them.
"You said Cardiff. Jo's boy went to France, and we sent his girlfriend with him. Lydia."
"Lisa."
"Right. Jack … "
"They came back. Lisa got a job here."
"With Torchwood?"
"Not yet." Might as well come completely clean. "She did build us that transporter you were complaining about."
"Lisa did?"
"She reverse engineered it from something."
"And then you used it to dump radioactive trash in the asteroid belt."
"I … may have done."
"Jack, remind me. In what way does dealing with you differ from dealing with a trained chimpanzee?"
"I'm better looking."
There was a long sigh that echoed for sixteen centuries. "Fine. You caused this mess. You clean it up."
"Clean it up how?"
"Jack Harkness, you've just been given a brand new job. You're the babysitter."
"I did that this afternoon."
"Not the children. Well, the children too. Your boyfriend and his wife are messing with the timeline. Your job is to keep an eye on them. Don't let her build anything else that will change history. If he's anything like his mother, he'll find all sorts of ways to get into trouble, too. Keep him safe, and when he manages to poke sticks at the wasp nests anyway, drag him back out. It'll give you something to do with your time."
Jack fought down a retort, and then stopped. "You want me to watch over Ianto and Lisa?"
"Why not? Telling you to stay away hasn't worked."
"Doctor?"
"Yes?"
"Thanks." The word was insufficient. It'd have to do.
He heard the smile on the other end. "Be good." The line went dead.
***
Jack brought more flowers, and at Lois' suggestion, a big box of Pampers when he went round to Gwen and Rhys' house. Gwen's eyes lit up at the gift, and he was rewarded with a polite kiss on his cheek while Rhys watched, only mildly annoyed.
"He's adorable," Jack said, because it was expected and because the Winston Churchill joke was old even by his standards. Edward looked enough like Rhys and, the poor dear, Rhys' mum that any lingering doubts about how close Jack and Gwen might have been would be set to rest. Jack felt it in the ease in Rhys' manner around him, in the half-smile as he brought Jack some tea.
"You got kids?" Rhys asked him.
"You didn't tell him?" Jack said to Gwen.
"I'm not getting into the middle of that."
"Middle of what?" asked Rhys.
"Jack's daughter is seeing someone."
"Ah. Got herself a little boyfriend?"
"Johnson," Jack and Gwen said simultaneously.
"Johnson at Torchwood? Tried to blow you up the once? Tried to shoot us? That Johnson?" Jack nodded. "And you're okay with her seeing your little girl?"
"My 'little girl' is old enough to make her own decisions." Jack shrugged. "And I like Johnson better than my ex-son-in-law anyway."
"Bloody Torchwood."
Gwen said, "Lois tells me you signed the employment forms."
"I signed Andy's. He promptly announced our existence to everyone in the cafeteria."
"Oh!" She put her hand over her mouth and giggled. "I was afraid of that. What did you do?"
"I had Ianto Retcon Brenda. No one else heard. I hope."
"Who's Ianto?"
"The new fellow Lois is hiring to make the coffee." She chucked Edward under his pudgy little chin. "I told you about Lisa and her husband."
"Right."
Edward gurgled, and Jack made an excuse to go as Gwen got ready to feed him. As he opened the door, the postman was bringing a package up the walk. He stayed long enough to watch Gwen and Rhys open a gift from the Jones family: a new Snugli, in blue.
"This may come in handy," read the card.
***
Jack stood atop the building and looked out over his city as the sun set. He'd called Johnson in to help with a Weevil problem earlier in the afternoon, but that had been the only noise all day. Tosh's reports said the Rift was settling down into its normal patterns again. If his tampering with the timeline had upset it, the Doctor's future fix had made it happier. Or everything had all been coincidence, which he was willing to admit.
He didn't deserve this life.
He'd fucked up, more than fucked up. Chickens. Home. Roosting like mad. The 456 had been everything he'd ever secretly feared in the back of his mind, that the work he had begun in the Doctor's name was often the opposite of the Doctor's wishes. More, that given infinite time and space, he would only manage to make an infinite mess. Of course the 456 had taken away everything he'd loved; Jack himself had put those pieces there for anyone to knock down.
Someone had.
Jack hears him say, "He was supposed to take that Welsh bitch in with him, too, but at least his little pet died." Jack doesn't hear much after that. Later, he'll replay the recording, the one the Master doesn't know the Doctor is transmitting to Jack:
"I spent a year trying to break him, and I couldn't. I killed him, and you know how imaginative I was when I did, and he refused to turn on you. I killed his friends in front of him, and he kept coming back. He wasn't broken. He was a challenge. And I had time, and power, and information, and I found out all his sins or at least all the ones on record. I knew where his demons were, and in one case, I knew how to call them back. The frequency was right there in the name.
"Ah, Jack. Given an impossible task and an unbeatable foe, of course he'd storm in, guns blazing. He was supposed to take that Welsh bitch in with him, too, but at least his little pet died. There were cameras recording the whole thing. I watch it almost every night. Then came the next day, he had to kill a child and only one child was anywhere in sight, and oh, I made a special copy of that camera feed, too. When I need a pick me up, I play the recordings back to back, and it's a good night.
"I knew he'd find you eventually, after he killed everything he loved, ask you, and I knew you'd say no. But I offered and do you know what he said he'd do? To have them back?"
The Doctor's tired voice: "I can guess."
"He said 'Anything.' And I had something in mind. All your companions, always so loyal to you, like your children. Disgusting." He leans into the Doctor, breathes in his ear intimately, "I'm going to turn your son. I'll record him killing you for me. It's going to be a triple feature tonight!"
He doesn't know Jack is in the room until the Webley touches the back of his damned skull with a click.
Jack wondered how the Doctor managed to keep going, knowing how his own past unspooled behind him like a mocking shadow. The Doctor made the hard decisions, and Jack knew what happened when he himself tried to take the easy ones. It was always Volcano Day for someone. Jack had let the lava come upon unsuspecting towns, more than once. He deserved to let it burn him to a crisp.
It had.
And the Doctor had reached into the fire and pulled him out.
"Jack," he says, and his voice is incredibly gentle, loving. The Master called Jack his son, and in that moment, he can believe the emotion. The Doctor is calling him like a stray child: "Jack."
"They're gone," he says. "He took them from me."
"You took them yourself," says the Master, his composure already regained although his life is in Jack's shaking hands. "Your decisions. Your choices. That's the only way it could have worked. You did it all, Jack-o, Jack boy, Jacky."
"No."
"Oh yes."
"Jack," the Doctor says again. "Put the gun down. He's goading you."
"Do shut up," says the Master. "You know you want to kill one of us. Kill him, kill me. I still win either way. You're mine forever. Do it. Shoot!"
Jack wants to, wants just to squeeze. The Master has died before, they all have, but it will feel so good to watch him suffer for every time he killed Jack during that terrible year, for every nightmare Jack has had since the 456. Make him pay.
"Jack." Still the gentle voice. "It's over. It's all over."
"You're a killer, Jack. You've always been a killer. What's one more death?"
"Everyone you lost, Jack, would they want you to do this?"
"They would! Take your revenge!"
"They wouldn't. You know that. You loved them. They loved you too, yeah?"
His vision is blurred. All he can see are too many faces lost for good. "Yeah."
"Don't make your last act for them a murder. Put the gun down. He has no power over you now."
"Do it!" the Master orders.
Part of him is aware that the Doctor is fighting the Master for the charred remains of Jack's soul. For a crazy second, he envisions a fourth person coming into the room, someone perfect and beloved, who declares, "Actually, that's mine," and then at long last Jack will know who he is and where he belongs. But it's just a fantasy, and Jack already knows he's the only one who will ever save himself.
He drops the gun. The Master hisses and gropes for it, but Jack isn't stupid, and punches him hard enough to throw him into the cell door.
"Sorry," he says to the Doctor. "I'm so sorry."
"I know. Let's go."
Jack waited until the last light faded from the horizon and the whole city was lit up with streetlights. Saturday night. Date night, or more usually, try to find a date night. He hadn't heard from Tosh or Mickey all day. He hoped they were having a good time.
Every day was the first day of the rest of his life. He had a long life in front of him, and a lot of first days.
Right now, he could go down into the streets, into the pubs, find someone, go back to his flat, and have what would pass for a fantastic night. He'd spent over a century with that very plan being his ideal evening, and with no upper limit to his lifespan, he'd no doubt spend many more centuries in many more pubs meeting many more willing partners. Not tonight.
He could drive over to Alice's house, preferably in Kevlar, and pester her until she relented and let him inside. Johnson would take another head shot, though. Scratch that. He had time to work his way back into Alice's good graces. That would take work, he knew; ever since Lucia had taken her into safety, he'd spent more time buying her affection than earning it.
He could go back down into the ruins of the archives. He'd been spending so much time there, hiding in his past because the future, any future, was frankly terrifying. Since the day Jack had realised how much future he had left, he'd been running away from it, covering himself in secrets, burying his foreknowledge in casual sex and the occasional longer relationship that he knew would end, telling himself nothing mattered, dying all over again when it did anyway. Hiding away tonight wouldn't solve anything.
So what did he want to do? Tonight? Forever?
When had he been happy?
*
Her hair smells like shampoo, and she wants to watch telly with her dad, and he's busy and should be working, but he's also tired and hasn't seen her as much as he wanted this week, or the week before. Come to think of it, he hasn't been by in over a month. Jack lets her sprawl on him as her eyes drift shut.
*
Rose's smile glitters as she takes his hand. The Doctor rolls his eyes at them, but then he gets a grin of his own as the three of them dash behind the boulders, and it is exhilarating and he has never felt so alive.
*
He's back from what could have been permanent death, an unexpected gift from Gwen, and he holds her hand as he steps into the Hub. They come to him, one by one, and it's their love and sorrow and regret that builds him back to life as he embraces each one.
*
Estelle is smiling up at him as though he is the most dashing man she's ever met, and he is.
*
Ianto's head fits just perfectly in the crook of his arm, and Jack finds, against all expectation, that watching him sleep is even more enticing than waking him for more sex.
*
He brushes Lucia's hair from her face and kisses her deeply.
*
The lights glittered below him as he frowned. It had always gone wrong. Always. Lucia had been right: Jack couldn't be with one person for long, not without burning through him or her. He wasn't made for being one half of a couple, being responsible for one person's entire happiness. He hated the notion of exclusiveness, sure, but it went further. Two was unnatural, unstable. Two meant he would take over the other person, or flee before he lost himself. Two meant always fighting for dominance with Lucia until what they had broke in half. Two meant John Hart, or whatever his name was today, spent each day for two weeks (five years) trying to kill him or fuck him or both. Two meant an empty chasm between him and the Doctor.
Two never worked for Jack.
Triads did. He was happy in a triad. Three meant he had a buffer, had a way out that was still a way in, had peace. Three meant two pillars to lean against instead of crumbling one alone, meant an extra voice to talk him down when he needed it instead of letting him shout the other into silence. Three meant stability.
"Is it because they're both your type?"
Beautiful, wonderful, sensible Lois, who'd taken one look at a relationship with Jack and run for the hills, had to be the one to point out the obvious, as Jack was clearly too stupid to notice himself.
He said a very rude word to the universe, but he smiled as he said it, and he knew exactly where he wanted to be.
Flowers and chocolates had never worked on Ianto, though Jack had tried them in his various attempts at non-"bend me over the desk right now" romance. From what he knew of Lisa, they wouldn't work on her, either. Dinners and movies could come later, would come later, he was sure, but if he didn't start out with a proper gesture, he'd never get their attention.
He wanted their attention.
As he made his way down in the lift, he hit on the perfect plan.
Jack reran the Rift activity logs over the past couple of days. Some things they'd picked up, others they'd let slide, now that they were getting more accurate readings on what was and wasn't landing in the Bay or on their heads. Since Lois had invented weekends, the Saturday readings, if they were small enough, could be held over until they had time.
"Ten minutes," the Doctor says, once the TARDIS has calmed from having Jack aboard again. "I can give you ten minutes to say goodbye."
"You don't have to." But his pulse is racing, and he wants, oh he wants.
"Call it a gift. Anyway," he pauses, looking down. "Even you can't get into much trouble in ten minutes."
Jack was looking for a large Rift reading, but he'd take a small one. The important part was that it was tonight.
And there it was. A bit on the small side, and he would definitely have to pick up a larger one later, but Jack had found the perfect gift for the man and woman who thought they had it all. Well, almost perfect. Sadly, compys had no wings.
***
He rapped on the door a little louder than he intended. The dinosaur was safely stowed in a storage space a few miles away and could keep. In theory, he ought to wait until morning, but he couldn't. He'd been waiting for so long, and he wanted to see Ianto's face light up, wanted to learn just how bright Lisa's face could be.
"Hold on, hold on," came the grumble from the other side of the door, and before his ears properly registered, a face appeared. "Hello."
"Rhiannon?"
She smiled, a bit flustered. This Rhiannon hadn't met him after he'd bailed on a funeral, hadn't sobbed on his shirt until he'd had to flee entirely. "That's me. Have we met?"
"Not yet," he said, and turned on the charm. "But the night is young. Captain Jack Harkness."
"And you are here … ?"
"Looking for Ianto and Lisa. Are they in?"
"No. Gone on a date, haven't they? I told 'im I'd watch the kids, let them have a night out."
"Ah." There went that idea. He'd ask where they went, but it was one thing to come swashbuckling in, and another to join them on their first night out together since Isabelle's arrival. "Do you know when they'll be back?"
"Couple of hours. Think they've gone dancin'." His face must have fallen, because she said, "Is it important? I could call."
"No. I don't suppose I could wait?"
Rhiannon frowned, but just then, Callie peeped her head around her aunt's leg and squealed with delight. "Uncle Jack!"
He grinned at her. "You're up late, young lady."
"I can't get her to stay in bed. Kyle either. The baby's asleep, anyway."
"I can help," he said, and he filled the words with enough confidence that Rhiannon opened the door and let him inside.
***
Epilogue
***
It was past one when Ianto pulled the van into their parking space. Lisa covered her yawn with her hand, and he was tempted to steal her hand and kiss it, but she looked dead tired.
"We could still get that room," he said. "Rhi said she could stay all night."
"Or we could go inside and sleep."
"Sleep?" he asked, disappointed.
"Eventually."
She reached the door first and unlocked it. Ianto made one last grab for her, was rewarded with a nice touch of hip and a quick kiss before she said loudly, "We're back!"
"Hush," Rhiannon said, coming down the hallway. "They're in the living room."
Ianto said, "They have a bedroom."
"Yeah, well, they wouldn't stay in it, would they? Anyway, they had company."
Company?
He and Lisa went into the living room. The television was on low enough not to disturb the sleepers on the couch. Callie and Kyle had climbed on top of --- Ianto was deeply confused --- Jack Harkness, and all three had fallen asleep there. Jack had draped his coat over the back of the couch. Kyle's arm wrapped around one sleeve.
"They seemed happy to see him," Rhiannon whispered. "And anyway, he was great with them. Isabelle went to sleep about two hours ago, and they've all been changed." She pecked her brother on the cheek.
"You're not staying?"
"Nah. You've got a guest. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"
"Yeah. Goodnight."
"Thanks again," said Lisa.
After Ianto saw her out, he picked up Callie and Lisa picked up Kyle, and they put them both back in their beds. Lisa found a spare blanket in the closet and threw it over Jack, who kept sleeping.
"He's mental," she said. "Cute, but mental. Are you sure you want to work for these people?"
"We could use the money. Rhi said she'd love seeing more of the kids." He watched the rise and fall of Jack's breath under the blanket, and curiously, nothing seemed out of place. Of course his soon-to-be boss, the time-traveling one who didn't die, would be passed out on Ianto's sofa. It made sense in the crazed way he was becoming used to regarding anything about Jack Harkness. Ianto thought back to the watch, to the rooftop, to the thrill of breaking into the school, to tasing someone who richly deserved it. "Anyway, it'll be fun."
Jack's eyes drifted open. "Hey. I got you a dinosaur. I gave it some chocolate." And with that curious pronouncement, he fell back asleep and didn't wake up again the rest of the night.
"Mental," Lisa said again.
"You like mental," Ianto said, and he took her hand and led her back towards their room for what he didn't know then would be the last time for just the two of them.
As their door shut, he leaned in to kiss her, and then hesitated. "Did he say 'dinosaur'?"
***
The End
***
Final Note: I'll be hiding here in the rabbit hole until canon manages to fix things. This could be a while.
ETA: Coda found here: Morning After. Those of you who are laughing at me for creating yet another fanverse at this point know exactly what to do with yourselves. ;)