Friends With Benefits
Title: Friends with Benefits
Author: nancygrew
Rating: G
Disclaimer: characters belong to ATWT
Notes; Written for Fun Fic Fridays on Lure_ATWT for the prompt "Friends with Benefits." You don't have to read my other stories in order to understand this one. Takes place May 2014.
Summary: Reid babysits Jacob
Reid returned to his office to discover his administrative assistant, Lowell Ward, typing away at the speed of sound at his computer, and his pseudo-nephew, Jacob Snyder, sitting cross-legged on the floor playing with Barbie dolls.
“What are you doing here, you little hobbit?” Reid asked Jacob.
“Uncle Reid!” screeched Jacob Snyder joyfully. Jacob hurriedly stood up and spread his arms expansively, secure in the knowledge that Uncle Reid longed for a hug from him.
Reid bent over and scooped the four year old into his arms. He grunted at the kid’s weight; the kid was little but dense. “You need to lay off of the cupcakes, kid.”
“And thus years of eating disorders culminating in manorexia begins,” muttered Lowell quietly without looking up.
Jacob was too busy rubbing his cheek affectionately against Reid’s cheek to pay any attention to Lowell’s comment. Reid turned to Lowell. “I’ve been meaning to tell you that your pin-striped navy suit makes your butt look big.”
If Reid was hoping for an amusingly outraged reaction from Lowell, he was disappointed. Lowell didn’t bother to respond to Reid’s jibe because he, and all of Oakdale, was well-aware that he was ridiculously attractive and svelte.
“Are you watching the kid for Blondie?” asked Reid.
“No,” replied Lowell. “You are. I was just keeping him away from sharp objects until you arrived to take over. She said she would be back in a couple of hours.”
Reid carefully weighed his options. He was an extremely important man with extremely important paperwork to do. But it probably would be unprofessional for him to order Lowell to watch the kid. And the kid was cute and generally non-annoying.
“Okey dokey, then” said Reid as he carried Jacob into his inner office. He plopped Jacob down on the couch.
“Why aren’t you in pre-school today?” asked Reid.
“School’s closed today,” shrugged Jacob. The intricacies of the scheduling of the Bonjour Ecole pre-school held no interest to him.
“Why didn’t your mom take you to work with her?” asked Reid. “Other than the fact that being surrounded by the idiocy of the inner-workings of tabloid television would be detrimental to your psycho-social growth?”
“She’s not at work today,” replied Jacob while making the Barbie dolls ‘dance’ by shaking them emphatically.
“Where is she?” asked Reid.
“She went to visit her friend Scott. She and Scott had a fight because he doesn’t like that Mommy is friends with Jordan. He yelled and slammed the door. I don’t know why he doesn’t like Mommy having other friends. She has lots and lots of friends,” burbled Jacob.
“Friends with benefits,” muttered Reid.
“What’s are benefits? Do I got benefits?” asked Jacob.
Reid’s left eye twitched minutely. “A benefit is something good, something extra special. So a friend with benefits is a friend who does extra-special stuff with you.”
“Okay,” replied Jacob.
“Do you think you can play quietly for awhile so that I can do some work?” asked Reid.
Jacob nodded his head up and down rapidly.
Reid sat down at his desk and began working though the various layers of Purgatory, also known as doing his damn paperwork. He was pretty sure that only minutes had passed before he felt little hands grab at him. He sighed and rolled back his chair so that Jacob could crawl up into his lap.
“Being quiet is hard,” said Jacob solemnly.
“You are your mother’s son,” sighed Reid.
“Uncle Reid, when will I be big enough to go to cocktail parties at your place?” asked Jacob.
“You’re at our place all the freaking time,” said Reid in a not-unkind tone. “Why in the world would you want to come to one of the cocktail parties? It’s a lot of work trying to avoid having to converse with people at those things.”
“I like people,” said Jacob.
“Hopefully, you’ll become a little more discerning as you age,” answered Reid.
“When can I come to a cocktail party?” said Jacob, unwilling to be distracted from his goal.
“Cocktail parties are for grown ups only. Why do you want to come to one so badly?”
“They’re fabulous and everyone looks pretty when they’re wearing fancy clothes,” Jacob informed Reid.
“Yeah, you really are your Mom’s kid,” said Reid. “You can come to a cocktail party when you’re twenty-one.”
Jacob huffed in outrage. “Ethan’s not twenty-one and he came to the cocktail party last month.”
“Ethan only came because he was co-hosting the cocktail party fundraiser,” explained Reid.
Reid had been amused when Ethan had shown up at their house on a Saturday morning a few months ago to convince Luke to donate money to help the town library replace its dilapidated roof. The ten year old had carefully prepared a presentation explaining the importance of libraries, including the fact that libraries are all that separate human beings from animals. Reid had always felt that it was the ability to do yoga that separated human beings from animals. Reid had expected that Luke, the poster child for philanthropy, would respond by immediately writing a check.
But Luke was a crafty one. He had responded by pointing out to Ethan that the library was entirely too small and out-dated and that there was a need for an entirely new facility for the library. He and Ethan had discussed what a library should aspire to: computer labs, community meeting rooms, electronic card catalogues. Once Ethan had been sufficiently excited about the possibilities, Luke had appointed Ethan as the point person for the project.
At first Ethan had been completely befuddled by the responsibility. He had carefully explained to Luke that he, Ethan, was only ten. Luke had responded by explaining that if Ethan was old enough to see a community need, he was old enough to help resolve the community need. Luke suggested that Ethan contact their Aunt Iva to see if the foundation she ran, The Luke Snyder Foundation, had an interest in participating in the project. Ethan had called Iva, who responded enthusiastically to the project and volunteered to set up an initial meeting with Iva, Ethan and the librarians to discuss the scope and purposes of the fund-raising. Ethan was ecstatic about the success of his first foray into philanthropy. Luke had then suggested to Ethan that he contact their cousin Eliza’s dad to see if the foundation he headed, The Jennifer Munson Foundation, would have an interest in participating in the project. Paul Ryan had responded to Ethan’s shy telephone presentation with excited interest. He volunteered to be part of the planning committee. Ethan had grinned in glee after his conversation with Paul. Luke then suggested that Ethan contact Brian Wheatley who ran the philanthropic organization named after their late aunt, The Rose Foundation. Brian also enthusiastically agreed to take part.
Ethan took his responsibility to the project that was his idea very seriously. It’s possible that Reid had been ridiculously charmed by how gung ho Ethan became about the project; not that he would mention it to anyone. Between school, homework and soccer practices, Ethan had attended planning committee meetings, had researched libraries in other cities, and had button-holed the majority of Oakdale to donate items to a fund-raising auction. Luke just had to go and infect others with his do-good-ism.
“I can co-host a cocktail party fund raiser, too!” pouted Jacob.
“Not until you’re ten,” said Reid.
“Okay!” smiled Jacob.
Reid decided that if Jacob did manage to remember this conversation in five years when he turned ten, that he’d let Luke handle it. Of course, Luke would probably be all for the idea.
Lowell entered the room. “I finished the monthly report for you. All you have to do is sign it.”
“Your butt isn’t that big,” said Reid in gratitude for Lowell saving him from having to work do it.
Jacob tilted his head back so he could look all the up at Lowell. “You do lots of stuff for Uncle Reid, dontcha?”
“He would be helpless without me,” said Lowell.
“Then you and him are friends with benefits!” exclaimed Jacob.
Lowell rapidly blinked three times in succession. As Robo-Lowell wasn’t exactly renowned for sharing his emotions with all and sundry, this was the equivalent of another person shrieking in laughter. Or possibly horror.
Reid closed his eyes and tried to reverse time.
When he opened his eyes, he noticed that Lowell had brought out his cell phone and was rapidly texting someone.
“Please tell me that you are not gleefully texting your girlfriend right in front of me,” ordered Reid.
“She’s so amused that she’s responding entirely in emoticons,” replied Lowell.
Reid grumped. “Jacob and I will be going to lunch now.”
Lowell waved a hand in the air while continuing his texting with the other hand.
Reid and Jacob headed over to Al’s Diner. Upon entering, Jacob had let out a hearty, “Uncle Hank!”
Henry Coleman exited from the kitchen hurriedly. Jacob rushed at Henry. The velocity rocked Henry but he remained standing. Which disappointed Reid.
A grinning Henry hoisted Jacob up into his arms. “How are you, sweetheart?”
“I’m good,” replied Jacob. “Uncle Reid and I are hungry.”
“What do you feel like eating?”
“Can I have a salad?” asked Jacob while Reid shivered in disgust.
“Sure,” said Henry in a proud tone as though a small child volunteering ordering salad was a good thing instead of just deeply disturbing. “What do you want, Satan?”
“I’ll have the soup of the day,” replied Reid. “And a coffee.”
“The soup’s onion soup. You don’t like that. I’ll bring you a BLT,” said Henry. Henry sat Jacob down in a booth and walked away, not caring that Reid might have wanted the opportunity to order something else. The monster.
Reid sat across from Jacob. A waitress brought over two glasses of water and a couple of straws.
Jacob tore the paper on one end of his straw. He put the uncovered end of the straw to his mouth and blew. When the paper flew off of the straw into the air, he collapsed in giggles. After Jacob got over his fit of the giggles, he decided to tell Reid all about the movie he and his best friend Eliza had watched during a recent sleepover. Reid was pretty sure that the kid was getting two different movie plots confused, unless there was some sort of sequel made where the Lion King fought Darth Vader.
Henry returned with their food.
Jacob clapped his hands with glee. Henry smiled and sat down beside Jacob. Reid bit into his BLT. It was really good.
“Uncle Hank?” began Jacob.
“Yeah?”
“Uncle Reid loves food more than anything except Uncle Luke,” said Jacob.
“Your Uncle Luke and food are tied,” said Reid around a mouthful of food. Both Jacob and Henry ignored that clearly ridiculous statement.
“And you give Uncle Reid food all the time,” said Jacob. “So you and Uncle Reid are friends with benefits.”
Reid lowered his head, only partly to avoid Henry’s self-righteous glare at his assumption that Jacob had learned the phrase ‘friends with benefits’ from him. Yeah, that’s what happened but it was an outrage that Henry would just make an assumption like that.
Henry’s outrage quickly turned to humor. “Are you going to tell your husband or am I?”
Reid sighed. “Jacob, can you do me a favor?”
Jacob nodded, wide-eyed at the thought of Uncle Reid needing something from him.
“Don’t use the phrase ‘friends with benefits’ anymore.”
“Is it ‘Uncle Reid’s Crazy Talk’?” asked Jacob while holding his hands aloft and quickly opening and closing his entire hands in order to indicate quotation marks for the phrase ‘Uncle Reid’s Crazy Talk.’
“Pardon?” asked Reid.
“Mommy says that you’re a good role model for me but I should just ignore you when you say things that sound like they’re ‘Uncle Reid’s Crazy Talk’.”
Reid blinked. He glanced at Henry who had pursed his lips in an attempt not to laugh. “You know, I’d be offended but even I know that that’s probably a good idea.”
Author: nancygrew
Rating: G
Disclaimer: characters belong to ATWT
Notes; Written for Fun Fic Fridays on Lure_ATWT for the prompt "Friends with Benefits." You don't have to read my other stories in order to understand this one. Takes place May 2014.
Summary: Reid babysits Jacob
Reid returned to his office to discover his administrative assistant, Lowell Ward, typing away at the speed of sound at his computer, and his pseudo-nephew, Jacob Snyder, sitting cross-legged on the floor playing with Barbie dolls.
“What are you doing here, you little hobbit?” Reid asked Jacob.
“Uncle Reid!” screeched Jacob Snyder joyfully. Jacob hurriedly stood up and spread his arms expansively, secure in the knowledge that Uncle Reid longed for a hug from him.
Reid bent over and scooped the four year old into his arms. He grunted at the kid’s weight; the kid was little but dense. “You need to lay off of the cupcakes, kid.”
“And thus years of eating disorders culminating in manorexia begins,” muttered Lowell quietly without looking up.
Jacob was too busy rubbing his cheek affectionately against Reid’s cheek to pay any attention to Lowell’s comment. Reid turned to Lowell. “I’ve been meaning to tell you that your pin-striped navy suit makes your butt look big.”
If Reid was hoping for an amusingly outraged reaction from Lowell, he was disappointed. Lowell didn’t bother to respond to Reid’s jibe because he, and all of Oakdale, was well-aware that he was ridiculously attractive and svelte.
“Are you watching the kid for Blondie?” asked Reid.
“No,” replied Lowell. “You are. I was just keeping him away from sharp objects until you arrived to take over. She said she would be back in a couple of hours.”
Reid carefully weighed his options. He was an extremely important man with extremely important paperwork to do. But it probably would be unprofessional for him to order Lowell to watch the kid. And the kid was cute and generally non-annoying.
“Okey dokey, then” said Reid as he carried Jacob into his inner office. He plopped Jacob down on the couch.
“Why aren’t you in pre-school today?” asked Reid.
“School’s closed today,” shrugged Jacob. The intricacies of the scheduling of the Bonjour Ecole pre-school held no interest to him.
“Why didn’t your mom take you to work with her?” asked Reid. “Other than the fact that being surrounded by the idiocy of the inner-workings of tabloid television would be detrimental to your psycho-social growth?”
“She’s not at work today,” replied Jacob while making the Barbie dolls ‘dance’ by shaking them emphatically.
“Where is she?” asked Reid.
“She went to visit her friend Scott. She and Scott had a fight because he doesn’t like that Mommy is friends with Jordan. He yelled and slammed the door. I don’t know why he doesn’t like Mommy having other friends. She has lots and lots of friends,” burbled Jacob.
“Friends with benefits,” muttered Reid.
“What’s are benefits? Do I got benefits?” asked Jacob.
Reid’s left eye twitched minutely. “A benefit is something good, something extra special. So a friend with benefits is a friend who does extra-special stuff with you.”
“Okay,” replied Jacob.
“Do you think you can play quietly for awhile so that I can do some work?” asked Reid.
Jacob nodded his head up and down rapidly.
Reid sat down at his desk and began working though the various layers of Purgatory, also known as doing his damn paperwork. He was pretty sure that only minutes had passed before he felt little hands grab at him. He sighed and rolled back his chair so that Jacob could crawl up into his lap.
“Being quiet is hard,” said Jacob solemnly.
“You are your mother’s son,” sighed Reid.
“Uncle Reid, when will I be big enough to go to cocktail parties at your place?” asked Jacob.
“You’re at our place all the freaking time,” said Reid in a not-unkind tone. “Why in the world would you want to come to one of the cocktail parties? It’s a lot of work trying to avoid having to converse with people at those things.”
“I like people,” said Jacob.
“Hopefully, you’ll become a little more discerning as you age,” answered Reid.
“When can I come to a cocktail party?” said Jacob, unwilling to be distracted from his goal.
“Cocktail parties are for grown ups only. Why do you want to come to one so badly?”
“They’re fabulous and everyone looks pretty when they’re wearing fancy clothes,” Jacob informed Reid.
“Yeah, you really are your Mom’s kid,” said Reid. “You can come to a cocktail party when you’re twenty-one.”
Jacob huffed in outrage. “Ethan’s not twenty-one and he came to the cocktail party last month.”
“Ethan only came because he was co-hosting the cocktail party fundraiser,” explained Reid.
Reid had been amused when Ethan had shown up at their house on a Saturday morning a few months ago to convince Luke to donate money to help the town library replace its dilapidated roof. The ten year old had carefully prepared a presentation explaining the importance of libraries, including the fact that libraries are all that separate human beings from animals. Reid had always felt that it was the ability to do yoga that separated human beings from animals. Reid had expected that Luke, the poster child for philanthropy, would respond by immediately writing a check.
But Luke was a crafty one. He had responded by pointing out to Ethan that the library was entirely too small and out-dated and that there was a need for an entirely new facility for the library. He and Ethan had discussed what a library should aspire to: computer labs, community meeting rooms, electronic card catalogues. Once Ethan had been sufficiently excited about the possibilities, Luke had appointed Ethan as the point person for the project.
At first Ethan had been completely befuddled by the responsibility. He had carefully explained to Luke that he, Ethan, was only ten. Luke had responded by explaining that if Ethan was old enough to see a community need, he was old enough to help resolve the community need. Luke suggested that Ethan contact their Aunt Iva to see if the foundation she ran, The Luke Snyder Foundation, had an interest in participating in the project. Ethan had called Iva, who responded enthusiastically to the project and volunteered to set up an initial meeting with Iva, Ethan and the librarians to discuss the scope and purposes of the fund-raising. Ethan was ecstatic about the success of his first foray into philanthropy. Luke had then suggested to Ethan that he contact their cousin Eliza’s dad to see if the foundation he headed, The Jennifer Munson Foundation, would have an interest in participating in the project. Paul Ryan had responded to Ethan’s shy telephone presentation with excited interest. He volunteered to be part of the planning committee. Ethan had grinned in glee after his conversation with Paul. Luke then suggested that Ethan contact Brian Wheatley who ran the philanthropic organization named after their late aunt, The Rose Foundation. Brian also enthusiastically agreed to take part.
Ethan took his responsibility to the project that was his idea very seriously. It’s possible that Reid had been ridiculously charmed by how gung ho Ethan became about the project; not that he would mention it to anyone. Between school, homework and soccer practices, Ethan had attended planning committee meetings, had researched libraries in other cities, and had button-holed the majority of Oakdale to donate items to a fund-raising auction. Luke just had to go and infect others with his do-good-ism.
“I can co-host a cocktail party fund raiser, too!” pouted Jacob.
“Not until you’re ten,” said Reid.
“Okay!” smiled Jacob.
Reid decided that if Jacob did manage to remember this conversation in five years when he turned ten, that he’d let Luke handle it. Of course, Luke would probably be all for the idea.
Lowell entered the room. “I finished the monthly report for you. All you have to do is sign it.”
“Your butt isn’t that big,” said Reid in gratitude for Lowell saving him from having to work do it.
Jacob tilted his head back so he could look all the up at Lowell. “You do lots of stuff for Uncle Reid, dontcha?”
“He would be helpless without me,” said Lowell.
“Then you and him are friends with benefits!” exclaimed Jacob.
Lowell rapidly blinked three times in succession. As Robo-Lowell wasn’t exactly renowned for sharing his emotions with all and sundry, this was the equivalent of another person shrieking in laughter. Or possibly horror.
Reid closed his eyes and tried to reverse time.
When he opened his eyes, he noticed that Lowell had brought out his cell phone and was rapidly texting someone.
“Please tell me that you are not gleefully texting your girlfriend right in front of me,” ordered Reid.
“She’s so amused that she’s responding entirely in emoticons,” replied Lowell.
Reid grumped. “Jacob and I will be going to lunch now.”
Lowell waved a hand in the air while continuing his texting with the other hand.
Reid and Jacob headed over to Al’s Diner. Upon entering, Jacob had let out a hearty, “Uncle Hank!”
Henry Coleman exited from the kitchen hurriedly. Jacob rushed at Henry. The velocity rocked Henry but he remained standing. Which disappointed Reid.
A grinning Henry hoisted Jacob up into his arms. “How are you, sweetheart?”
“I’m good,” replied Jacob. “Uncle Reid and I are hungry.”
“What do you feel like eating?”
“Can I have a salad?” asked Jacob while Reid shivered in disgust.
“Sure,” said Henry in a proud tone as though a small child volunteering ordering salad was a good thing instead of just deeply disturbing. “What do you want, Satan?”
“I’ll have the soup of the day,” replied Reid. “And a coffee.”
“The soup’s onion soup. You don’t like that. I’ll bring you a BLT,” said Henry. Henry sat Jacob down in a booth and walked away, not caring that Reid might have wanted the opportunity to order something else. The monster.
Reid sat across from Jacob. A waitress brought over two glasses of water and a couple of straws.
Jacob tore the paper on one end of his straw. He put the uncovered end of the straw to his mouth and blew. When the paper flew off of the straw into the air, he collapsed in giggles. After Jacob got over his fit of the giggles, he decided to tell Reid all about the movie he and his best friend Eliza had watched during a recent sleepover. Reid was pretty sure that the kid was getting two different movie plots confused, unless there was some sort of sequel made where the Lion King fought Darth Vader.
Henry returned with their food.
Jacob clapped his hands with glee. Henry smiled and sat down beside Jacob. Reid bit into his BLT. It was really good.
“Uncle Hank?” began Jacob.
“Yeah?”
“Uncle Reid loves food more than anything except Uncle Luke,” said Jacob.
“Your Uncle Luke and food are tied,” said Reid around a mouthful of food. Both Jacob and Henry ignored that clearly ridiculous statement.
“And you give Uncle Reid food all the time,” said Jacob. “So you and Uncle Reid are friends with benefits.”
Reid lowered his head, only partly to avoid Henry’s self-righteous glare at his assumption that Jacob had learned the phrase ‘friends with benefits’ from him. Yeah, that’s what happened but it was an outrage that Henry would just make an assumption like that.
Henry’s outrage quickly turned to humor. “Are you going to tell your husband or am I?”
Reid sighed. “Jacob, can you do me a favor?”
Jacob nodded, wide-eyed at the thought of Uncle Reid needing something from him.
“Don’t use the phrase ‘friends with benefits’ anymore.”
“Is it ‘Uncle Reid’s Crazy Talk’?” asked Jacob while holding his hands aloft and quickly opening and closing his entire hands in order to indicate quotation marks for the phrase ‘Uncle Reid’s Crazy Talk.’
“Pardon?” asked Reid.
“Mommy says that you’re a good role model for me but I should just ignore you when you say things that sound like they’re ‘Uncle Reid’s Crazy Talk’.”
Reid blinked. He glanced at Henry who had pursed his lips in an attempt not to laugh. “You know, I’d be offended but even I know that that’s probably a good idea.”