...and while i'm thinking about it

[nancyshane]

This was a trial poem for the other poetry project.  It didn't make the cut.  But it's things I think about sometimes.  Suggestions for revision welcome

Comments

[anonymous]

I really found this compelling from line 6 onward. The thoughts get more concise and have more impact than in the first five lines. The use of numbering the elements in your life is very effective--unifies the poem.

Love ya,
ME

[nancyshane]

hmmm. I hadn't actually noticed the line of numbers. I will consider how to use this to revise the beginning.