I need advice from my friends

[nandithebull]

I just used facebook to come out as trans. I tagged my brother and sisters in this note and the reply from my brother follows, and my reply to him. In my mind, I have to be tough for what I'm going to face surgically, socially, being that I likely won't be stealth and the possibility of major financial difficulties to me means that I need to be

Comments

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[evamoon]

If this is something that you've been working through since you were five, it doesn't sound like you are leaping without looking, right? I hope you can find the right therapist soon. It seems you are wading through a lot of crap and that's not easy to do alone. Hugs from Portland!

[fairyarmadillo]

I see where both of you are coming from. I think you both stated your feeling eloquently and as gently as you could and with great maturity. I am sure this is hard for your brother to hear and it's a good sign that he didn't just write you off. He stated his concerns and displeasure which is probably normal in this situation. You two have a lot of hard, sad, history together and it will probably take him a while to warm to the idea of you as a sister. Hopefully he and his kids can get there.

As for me, you know I'll be stoked to have you as a girlfriend if you chose to transition. I love you no matter what gender.

Do you know the singer/band Antony & the Johnsons? The lead singer considers himself transgendered but is not transitioning, his/her music is so powerful and wonderful. I love it.

Kisses!

[nandithebull]

i algree that his displeasure is probably normal, but you know me, I've never had a good relationship to that word. So we'll both struggle and I love my brother and I'm totally willing to fight with him and be fought with. I haven't heard anything back yet, so I'm feeling a bit fragile around this issue right now, but also excited.

I have decided to transition. i will be in Portland, Ithink and a little time in Hawai'i before I begin.

thank you so much! I knew if anyone, you'd embrace me. You get dibs on motorboating!

[fairyarmadillo]

Your bro must know about this- but if you feel like talking to him (or your nephew) again maybe point them at PFLAG. Hopefully they'll come around some time but if not YOU HAVE SUPPORT and we love you!

[maddycat]

Nandi, I just want to say that you're an amazing person and I love you no matter what. In my eyes, your gender is not a part of what makes you such an awesome person. I think your family's responses to you were predictable. I honestly think Maitias letter to you was more thought out and from the heart that your brother's. And I just have to compliment your reply to them (that was the most well written letter I've ever read!). Baby, you just do what you know will make you happy, and what feels right in your heart. You will always have my love and support in whatever decions you choose to make, and I will always be here for you whenever you need me.

[nandithebull]

Thank you for that! I am excited and sad and letting the fear leave my body and my mind. for the first tiome in months I am sleeping without medication andI'm eating normally!

I am less scared of transitioning, but I hate wigs! They're so hot and itchy on my little bald scalp. Pooh

But I am looking into what surgeries I'd like and finding and endocrinologist thank you for showing me love and support, Maddy. You've always got mine...Know that at least!

[ex_lavender]

I offer my love and support to you. I know how hard this must be. Well maybe not completely, but I've had a similar upbringing where no one in the family believed me. So I was outcasted. I came out, but coming out gay is so very different than coming out bi. People in the straight community and gay community are NOT supportive of bi women. Sometimes I just *wish* I was gay or straight. Maybe that is how you feel? You struggle with your own identity and people's opinions/reactions are cruel. My sister told me that I should have been prepared for this life and people's reactions because this is what I am choosing for myself. That was a fucking bitchy remark. But maybe there is a grain of truth to that. I haven't stepped foot in her house in years and she hasn't stepped foot in mine. And frankly, I'm JUST FINE with that.

[nandithebull]

I know how hard both of those things are! I have never identified as exclusively gay, though I've yielded to others' interpretations or concepts of who I am because I'm exhausted of explaining, defending myself away and making every relationship so fucking processy.
I have been really helped by your honesty in sharing your family affairs as well, you keep me brave and honest!

You know, the other day someone told me that my honesty was intimidating.

I never had the thought that being honest could be scary. I mean in the context of my transsex, yes. But in the day-to-day, I find it so strange that honesty could be a deterrent.

thanks for your open-heartedness!!!!

[rae_la_fai]

A,
You and I discussed this many years ago, and at the time you asked me to keep your secret (which I did). I had no idea the scope of that secret-keeping until now. I told you then that I loved you and accepted you however made you happy. That has not chaned. I miss you terribly and wish I could magic you here. I would give you a shoulder, a hug, and some really great pasta :)
I know that the contact with your family of origin must have been hard. But, how very brave of you to make that step! Your brother sounds like one of those "choose to let go of the past" types, which is wonderful, but when you've been through abuse, trauma, etc... you must deal with those things first.
I hope that the family of your choosing (which I better be included in :P) will support and love any decision that brings you closer to your personal truth and joy.
I love you, and next life we are both coming back as afro-caribbean women, K? ;)

[nandithebull]

Rae- You have been my family all these years, and thank you for being so. And definitely, I am coming back caramel skinned, long haired and THICK