For those who like "24"
1. The reason why terrorists attacked New York City was because Jack Bauer was in LA.
2. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
3. Jack Bauer let the dogs out.
4. Colin Farrell smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. Jack Bauer smokes a pack of terrorists anytime he feels like it.
5. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
6. Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
7. Deaf people listen to Jack Bauer.
8. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
9. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
10. If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
11. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
12. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
13. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.
14. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
15. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
16. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
17. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
18. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
19. Did you know there was a national disaster last night while you were sleeping? Of course you didn't, Jack Bauer was on duty.
20. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
21. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
22. Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
23. Jack Bauer once told God he needed access, the event has since been referred to as "The Big Bang."
24. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
25. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
26. When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
27. When Jack Bauer says "DAMN IT," God actually damns someone.
28. If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
29. Let's get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
30. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.