[ooc] playlist: all your mental armour and your mouth
[1] our lady peace :: under zenith
maybe they'll come back again maybe they're all gone/one day you'll find me sending their message strong/under your feet the city falls down so far the ground is sky/we're under zenith again/it's healthy if not for long/leave a little room for us to breathe/much more than seven days and you've slipped too deep/much stronger than sympathy, let your best friend pull back that leash/sitting by a frozen man, someone somewhere has to cry/we're under zenith again let the cycle run we won't die leave a little room for us to breathe/I love, I love how you let me fall/under, under but not too far/I love, I love how you let me fall/only now I see where we are
SO much stuff in there...I love that song to bits, first of all, but...aaaah the nature v. city imagery, and the losing battle the wolves are fighting and the leash line - Stefan keeps himself on one: see his obsession with being 'civilized,' propriety, what have you. The last lines are Gatesy, of course, because she is doing her DAMNDEST to destroy that civility, which of course is terrifying to Stefan on many levels, not the least of which is the fact that he could kill her. No, really. He could, and his particular place in life dictates that he probably should. It's....great. Seriously.
[2] our lady peace :: one man army
Take these plastic people/Read their lips, now let it linger/Is there anything that makes them sound sincere?/C'mon, tightly hold your hand/Take a deep breath, give them the finger/Are you worried/That the thought's not quite clear? (Twitch)/Overlooked, unfit appearance/I remember falling/I remember marching/Like a one man army/Through the blaze/I know I'm coughing/I believe in something/I don't want to remember falling for your lies/Unbutton your clothes/Undress your soul, show them your vigor/Are those inhibitions easiest to fear?/C'mon, take this gasoline tin/Head up high, walk like a winner/Let the bare feet be the last sounds that they hear
I have used this elsewhere! But that's okay, it fits Stefan too for entirely different reasons, and it really does work so well as an activism-through-explodey-violence theme. Not that...I'm saying that's a good way to change things, it's NOT, but it's the way Stefan does it.
[3] the eels :: bad news
Guess I'm doin' something wrong/Never feel right in these shoes/Pocketful of matches and head full of flame/Got to warn you that I'm bad news/She tucks me in and then she screams/"One day you will have to choose/Either take care of me or take care of you/And don't pretend you're not bad news."/Come on now I'll take you home/You don't ever think to lose/But stick around long enough and you'll find out/I am nothing but bad news/You can never change where you're from/No matter who I ridicule/Gonna get on with a better life/And one day I won't be bad news/It's the same/Everyday/When I wake up/It's the same/In the way that you/Gave me up/In the middle of a/Swan-dive/And I was soaring down/Perfect and slow
Laurel all over the place, with the copious YOU LEFT ME thread and that tiny, tiny shred of hope that someday she's not going to see him as such a fuck-up, that someday he'll get something right. BONUS: "you can never change where you're from," which is...most of their problem. Pretty much Stefan's theme song.
[4] bush :: mouth
you gave me this/made me give/your silver grin, still sticking it in/you have soul machine, soul machine/the longest kiss, feeling furniture day/drift madly to you, pollute my heart, drain/you have broken me, broken me/all your mental armour drags me down/we can't breathe when you come around/all your mental armour drags me down/nothing hurts like your mouth/our loaded smiles and pretty just deserts/wish it all for you, so much it never hurts/you have soul machine, stolen me
we'd been missing long before never found our way home/we'd been missing long before we will found our way
This song goes on every wolf soundtrack ever; I think it was actually used in a movie for that purpose! Where....Julie Delpy was a werewolf, which is hot, but I digress. Gates, Gates, Gates. Stefan's essential 'what the fuck am i doing' song as far as she goes.
PS 'feeling furniture day', REALLY, Gavin?
[5] elbow :: scattered black and whites
Been climbing trees, I've skinned my knees/My hands are black/The sun is going down/She scruffs my hair in the kitchen steam/She's listening to the dream I'm weaving today/Crosswords through the bathroom door/While someone sings the theme-tune to the news/And my sister buzzes through the room/Leaving perfume in the air/And that's what triggered this/I come back here from time to time/I shelter here some days/A highback chair, he sits and stares a thousand yards/And whistles marching band/Kneeling by and speaking up/He reaches out and I take a massive hand/Disjointed tales that flit between/Short trousers and a full dress uniform/And he talks of people ten years gone like I've known them all my life/Like Scattered Black and Whites/I come back here from time to time/I shelter here some days
There's a line from the movie Garden State, which I love, about how all a family really is is a group of people who are homesick for the same imaginary place.
[6] elbow :: newborn
I'll be the corpse in your bathtub/Useless/I'll be as deaf as a post/If you hold me like a newborn/Whisper what you feel/My badly strung declaration/To You/You'll spend the end of your days/Gently smiling like a newborn/Love not by degrees/Press your lips/To my eyes/Taste my tears/On your tongue/Pull the blinds/Play our song/Nothing's changed/Nothing could be wrong/Scream in the night/Kick and strike/Like a newborn/Holding me shaking/Awake in the dark/All of these promises/Kept and unbroken/Tracing the scars/Tracing the scars/Even and cold/As we both become older/Your arms bound about me/The hush in your voice/The warmth of your fingers/Entwined around mine/In the eve of our lives/Never a choice
Just like the previous was about what family isn't for Stefan, if he lives long enough to experience this kind of peace, I'll be quite surprised. But just in case. Just in case.
[7] a perfect circle :: the outsider
help me if you can/It's just that this is not the way I'm wired/so could you please/help me understand why/you've given in to all these/reckless dark desires you're/crying to yourself again/suicidal imbecile/think about it, and put it on a faultline/what'll it take to get it through to you precious/i'm over this/why do you wanna throw it away like this/such a mess/i don't wanna watch you/Disconnect and self-destruct/one bullet at a time/What's your rush now/everyone will have his day to die
Laurel's perspective; perhaps her player will concur. >____> ALSO, this is the song from whence Stefan's journal lyrics come.
[8] a perfect circle :: 3 libras
Threw you the obvious and you/Flew with it on your back/a name in your recollection/Down among a million same/Difficult not to feel a little bit/Disappointed and passed over/When I look right through it all/To see you naked but oblivious/And you don't see me/Here I am expecting just a little bit/Too much from the wounded/But I see, see through it all/See through, see you/you don't see me at all
Apparently, I am queen of doubling up artists this go-round! But that's okay. This one is for Stefan's sept; it may be true that Fenrir treat their metis better than a lot of other tribes, but it's always the elephant in the room, if you will.
[9] iron and wine :: cinder and smoke
Give me your hand/The dog in the garden row is covered in mud/And dragging your mother’s clothes/Cinder and smoke/The snake in the basement/Found the juniper shade/The farmhouse is burning down/Give me your hand/And take what you will tonight, I'll give it as fast/And high as the flame will rise/Cinder and smoke/Some whispers around the trees/The juniper bends/As if you were listening/Give me your hand/Your mother is drunk as all the firemen shake/A photo from father’s arms/Cinder and smoke/You’ll ask me to pray for rain/With ash in your mouth/You’ll ask it to burn again
For better or worse this is one of those songs you really have to be able to hear to get it; not so much the lyrics (although I do like the fire imagery) as sort of the feel of growing up in this remote place with an increeedibly fucked up family.
[10] nine inch nails :: something i can never have
You make this all go away/I'm down to just one thing and I'm starting to scare myself/You make this all go away/You make this all go away/I just want something/I just want something I can never have
we now interrupt to bring you a SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN: jeri likes angry characters. stefan is....not, particularly, but he's kind of broken and i like nine inch nails, and i tend to play characters to whom nine inch nails is appropriate. i was so annoyed "mr self destruct" completely didn't work, because oh. the title. THE TITLE. heeeenyway, i managed to restrain myself from just putting the entirety of the downward spiral on here and just calling it a day. i don't feel bad about this, and neither should you. :D
Moving on! Gates again - there are no words for how much Stefan should not be allowing her anywhere near him. (Clearly, since there are no words, I must steal other people's.) Pretty obviously if you know the song I pared it down a lot because otherwise it's obviously about yet another of Trent's hideous fucking break-ups; I just enjoy 'and I'm starting to scare myself,' for all the reasons I have previously espoused on. At great length.
[11] nine inch nails :: metal
we're in the building where they make us grow/and I'm frightened by the liquid engineers
like you/my mallory heart is sure to fail/i could crawl around the floor just like I'm real/like you/the sound of metal I want to be you/i could learn to be a man/like you/plug me in and turn me on/oh everything is moving/i need my treatment it's tomorrow they send me/singing "I am an American"/do you?/picture this if they could make the change/i'd love to pull the wires from the wall/did you?/and who are you and how can I try?/here inside I like metal/don't you?/all I know is no one dies
COMPLICATED SONG AHOY. It has been mentioned regarding another character that his life would have been so much easier if he'd been born a werewolf; likewise the twin's lives could have been greatly, greatly simplified by being born human. Bonus for the emphasis on being horrified by technology, even though Stefan is more comfortable with some aspects of it than most Fenrir. (Hint: those are the explosive parts.) One could say (and I do!) that this makes him just that little bit more human. Everything is cyclical.
[12] guster :: scars and stitches
Can you remember?/What the future held/A little candy ring/And a mystic oceans shell/But they were all anesthetized/And slowly washed away/Left all the poison in the sands in which I played/I don’t mind falling down and scraping up my knees/Scars and Stitches always fade and only strengthen me/But with my eyes as wide as pearls/My only centerpiece/Is taken like a dead man's urn and tossed into the sea/Write me like a letter/And dot your I’s and cross you T’s/Nothing was everything to me/Under the monster's claws and in between his teeth/Was the shadow and a silhouette of what I’d thought I’d be
From the time Stefan was old enough to understand anything at all, he was convinced First Change was going to make everything different. It did - just not the way he thought it would. In a way it made things a lot worse, particularly between he and Laurel. Monster imagery + scars + disillusionment of growing up = A fucking Plus.
[13] morphine :: cure for pain
Where is the ritual/And tell me where where is the taste/Where is the sacrifice/And tell me where where is the faith/Someday there'll be a cure for pain/That's the day I throw my drugs away/When they find a cure for pain/Where is the cave/Where the wise woman went/And tell me where/Where's all that money that I spent/I propose a toast to my self control/You see it crawling helpless on the floor/Someday there'll be a cure for pain/That's the day I throw my drugs away/When they find a cure for pain/When they find a cure for pain/When they find a cure find a cure for pain
Pretty much you can replace 'drugs' with 'incendiary devices' here. See also: arthritis and just IMAGINE how happy Stefan is that a lot of the time he's totally nonfunctional without the assistance of....virtually anything, but here we can look especially at the cortisone injections he shoddily gives himself. THAT probably isn't doing any permanent damage. At all.
[14] johnny cash :: the beast in me
The beast in me/is caged by frail and fragile bars/Restless by day/And by night rants and rages at the stars/God help the beast in me/The beast in me Has had to learn to live with pain And how to shelter from the rain And in the twinkling of an eye Might have to be restrained God help the beast in me
I do not have to explain this one, y'all are intelligent fucking people okay.
[15] our lady peace :: blister
Lately I can't breathe/Waiting, they're chasing me/No one listens but I'm okay with it/Only I wonder why/If only my hands weren't tied/The world's a blister/But I'm okay with it(Don't touch me)/What if I was there/What if I was scared/I'm waiting for/They're at my door/But I'll be back again/Lonely I'm wandering/Patrolling for enemies/No one listens but I'm okay with it/(Don't trust me)/You wonder why I don't know/You shout at me let me go
Gosh, you know, if werewolves would ever like....tell anyone they existed, they might not be totally fucking losing that big ole' extremely important battle. ffs, guys. Also? Stop infighting, it sucks.