Never Have To Hide - A one-shot
And now for something... almost completely the same!
Title: Never Have To Hide
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Gwen/Lancelot
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 1498
Summary: She is struggling with her feelings, torn between love and guilt, while he still can’t get his eyes off her.
Notes: Mostly inspired by the song For Guinevere by Heather Dale, but by other things as well. You can listen to the song here, it's beautiful and heart-breaking. Also, it sets after Season 3.
Never Have To Hide
Inspired by For Guinevere by Heather Dale
He let Arthur win. The crowd might not notice it, but for Gwen it was obvious. He took a step backwards to let the prince win the tournament and take all the glory. He needed it, since it gave hope to the people and thus he gained their trust, which was more than important these days. These days, when King Uther was only a shadow of himself: a broken soul after the betrayal of her own daughter. Arthur organized this tournament to cheer his father up, since he always loved to see his knights fighting and he had been a great warrior himself. However, he could only watch it from the window of his chambers. He reacted to Arthur’s victory with a vague smile, without saying a word.
Gwen was there with him; since Morgana had been left the court, she took care of Uther, mainly for Arthur’s sake, as the king had sentenced her to death several times for practicing sorcery which she had never done and had his father killed for the same reason. She didn’t hate him for this, she rather felt sorry for him and for what he had become.
She cheered like the people standing by the field, even though her eyes weren’t on the prince, but on her opponent: the bravest and noblest man she had ever met. Lancelot. Letting Arthur win was so much like him, she stated in mind, with butterflies in her stomach. They were there every time she heard his name, saw him or thought of him, even a glance of his made her heart race - she had never felt like this for anyone else before. Not even for Arthur. She loved him, but in a different way that she couldn’t explain, not even to herself, she only knew it was different.
The prince and the knight turned around to greet the King in the window, taking a bow to him. Gwen’s eyes met Lancelot’s and she felt his gaze burning into her mind, making her heart skip a beat. Then guilt clutched her stomach: how did she dare thinking of Lancelot while standing by the King? She kept asking questions like this since Lancelot was back in Camelot. However, she could feel all the guilt of the world; she wouldn’t be able to get him out of her head. So she tried her best to avoid him, while what she wanted the most was to be with him. Whenever they passed by each other on the corridors, she was glowing, but only for a few seconds, then along came the guilt making her the most miserable person in the whole world.
She didn’t know, but he felt the same every time he set his eyes on her. When she was around, he just couldn’t look at something else; when she entered the council hall to bring some water to the knights, everyone else faded away. After the final battle, even though the whole city was there, she saw only her standing next to the King, smiling at him and it was more worthy for him than any prize he could’ve won.
But that was all, he knew that; and yet she was always on his mind, it didn’t matter how much he was trying to avoid her. Wherever she smiled at him, his heart skipped a beat and he couldn’t wipe the grin off his face, then guilt hit him right in the stomach: he felt like betraying one of his closest friends.
***
Lancelot needed some fresh air, so he left the great hall and stepped out to the court, welcoming the cool breeze that caressed his face. Even though he had enjoyed the tournament, he wasn’t in the mood for celebrating. He didn’t know the reason why, perhaps it was because of her. The picture of Gwen looking away from him slowly stuck in his head; his mind forced him watch it over and over again. She probably was over him by now, he thought with a sinking heart. She loved Arthur.
“Lancelot!”
Hearing his name pulled him back to reality and he faced a surprised Gwen, who must have been on her way to the great hall.
“Aren’t you at the feast?” she asked, then she looked away embarrassed, since he obviously was not at the feast.
“Neither are you,” he said.
“I had to check if the King was all right,” Gwen told him, still avoiding his glance.
He nodded with eyes fixed on her - he wouldn’t have looked away, even if he could, since he found her the most beautiful of every woman he had ever met. None of them had eyes so warm and kind like she had, and none of them could light up his whole day with a simple smile like she did.
She couldn’t look at him. Not that she didn’t want to - she did, more than anything, only she was afraid that catching his eyes would break her walls down, making her give her feelings away and thus, betraying a friend. His gaze was like flames, burning her skin, clutching her stomach.
“I saw what you did this afternoon,” she told him after a short silence. He gasped in surprise - he thought nobody had noticed it. However, it would have been hard to hide it from Gwen.
“I won’t tell it to anyone,” she added. “It was very noble of you.”
As an instinctive act, she reached out and gently stroked his arm. Then, noticing what she was doing, she pulled her hand away and her face flushed.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, without even knowing why the hell she had done that.
As Gwen touched his arm, his heart filled with warmth and a smile ran through his face. Could it be that she still had feelings for him? He felt like lifting her chin up to look into her eyes, but she didn’t move, not wanting to scare her away.
“There’s nothing you have to be sorry for,” he spoke, with a dry throat, not taking his eyes off her.
Gwen made the mistake to look up at him, so they eyes finally met and she could see all the affection he felt towards her. Her eyes widened, her cheeks turned red, her heart started to race - she was defeated. His warm and firm glance broke down her walls she had been building since he rescued them from Cenred’s army in the forest. Now there was nowhere to hide, but suddenly, for some unknown reason she didn’t mind it anymore.
Although he only had eyes for Gwen and for her only, Lancelot refused to look at her most of the times, being afraid of his gaze giving his feelings away. However, as he was alone with her, he couldn’t look at anything or anyone else. Now it didn’t matter if she noticed the affection towards her, if she knew that he could see only her, even in a crowded room. Her eyes widened and she gasped in astonishment that made him feel ashamed of his own behavior.
“My lady… Gwen…” he stammered, about to apologize, when suddenly she started to speak:
“When I said my feeling for you would never fade, I meant it and I still do,” she said with tears in her eyes. “I tried everything to hide it, but I… I just can’t do it anymore.”
That was it, she said it! She couldn’t keep it inside her; it was more than she could bear. Lancelot’s heart started to race hearing her words and he found himself grabbing her arms, looking deeply into her eyes.
“With me you never have to hide,” he said, knowing well how she could feel right now. He knew one just couldn’t push a feeling down his throat, no matter how much he tried it. He didn’t want to see her like this again, suffering for being ashamed for her feelings, nor did he want to apologize for the love they shared. Because now he knew he wasn’t alone with his affection.
Tears ran down Gwen’s face. If only they would not have to hide of be sorry for what they felt, she thought. If only… She couldn’t find words to speak. The fact that she could confess her feelings and that he felt the same filled her heart with joy, however, the guilt made it hurt like nothing else before. She saw the same hurt in his eyes, so she lifted her hands and gently caressed his face - his skin was warm under her palms. He smiled at her vaguely, almost thankfully, then he leaned down and kissed her softly, hoping that she wouldn’t pull away.
She didn’t. She accepted the kiss with a gasp; then gave it back to him, stepping closer, stroking his face with her fingers. The joy overfilled her heart and washed away her guilt. She was ready to burn the bridge.
Title: Never Have To Hide
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Gwen/Lancelot
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 1498
Summary: She is struggling with her feelings, torn between love and guilt, while he still can’t get his eyes off her.
Notes: Mostly inspired by the song For Guinevere by Heather Dale, but by other things as well. You can listen to the song here, it's beautiful and heart-breaking. Also, it sets after Season 3.
Never Have To Hide
Inspired by For Guinevere by Heather Dale
He let Arthur win. The crowd might not notice it, but for Gwen it was obvious. He took a step backwards to let the prince win the tournament and take all the glory. He needed it, since it gave hope to the people and thus he gained their trust, which was more than important these days. These days, when King Uther was only a shadow of himself: a broken soul after the betrayal of her own daughter. Arthur organized this tournament to cheer his father up, since he always loved to see his knights fighting and he had been a great warrior himself. However, he could only watch it from the window of his chambers. He reacted to Arthur’s victory with a vague smile, without saying a word.
Gwen was there with him; since Morgana had been left the court, she took care of Uther, mainly for Arthur’s sake, as the king had sentenced her to death several times for practicing sorcery which she had never done and had his father killed for the same reason. She didn’t hate him for this, she rather felt sorry for him and for what he had become.
She cheered like the people standing by the field, even though her eyes weren’t on the prince, but on her opponent: the bravest and noblest man she had ever met. Lancelot. Letting Arthur win was so much like him, she stated in mind, with butterflies in her stomach. They were there every time she heard his name, saw him or thought of him, even a glance of his made her heart race - she had never felt like this for anyone else before. Not even for Arthur. She loved him, but in a different way that she couldn’t explain, not even to herself, she only knew it was different.
The prince and the knight turned around to greet the King in the window, taking a bow to him. Gwen’s eyes met Lancelot’s and she felt his gaze burning into her mind, making her heart skip a beat. Then guilt clutched her stomach: how did she dare thinking of Lancelot while standing by the King? She kept asking questions like this since Lancelot was back in Camelot. However, she could feel all the guilt of the world; she wouldn’t be able to get him out of her head. So she tried her best to avoid him, while what she wanted the most was to be with him. Whenever they passed by each other on the corridors, she was glowing, but only for a few seconds, then along came the guilt making her the most miserable person in the whole world.
She didn’t know, but he felt the same every time he set his eyes on her. When she was around, he just couldn’t look at something else; when she entered the council hall to bring some water to the knights, everyone else faded away. After the final battle, even though the whole city was there, she saw only her standing next to the King, smiling at him and it was more worthy for him than any prize he could’ve won.
But that was all, he knew that; and yet she was always on his mind, it didn’t matter how much he was trying to avoid her. Wherever she smiled at him, his heart skipped a beat and he couldn’t wipe the grin off his face, then guilt hit him right in the stomach: he felt like betraying one of his closest friends.
***
Lancelot needed some fresh air, so he left the great hall and stepped out to the court, welcoming the cool breeze that caressed his face. Even though he had enjoyed the tournament, he wasn’t in the mood for celebrating. He didn’t know the reason why, perhaps it was because of her. The picture of Gwen looking away from him slowly stuck in his head; his mind forced him watch it over and over again. She probably was over him by now, he thought with a sinking heart. She loved Arthur.
“Lancelot!”
Hearing his name pulled him back to reality and he faced a surprised Gwen, who must have been on her way to the great hall.
“Aren’t you at the feast?” she asked, then she looked away embarrassed, since he obviously was not at the feast.
“Neither are you,” he said.
“I had to check if the King was all right,” Gwen told him, still avoiding his glance.
He nodded with eyes fixed on her - he wouldn’t have looked away, even if he could, since he found her the most beautiful of every woman he had ever met. None of them had eyes so warm and kind like she had, and none of them could light up his whole day with a simple smile like she did.
She couldn’t look at him. Not that she didn’t want to - she did, more than anything, only she was afraid that catching his eyes would break her walls down, making her give her feelings away and thus, betraying a friend. His gaze was like flames, burning her skin, clutching her stomach.
“I saw what you did this afternoon,” she told him after a short silence. He gasped in surprise - he thought nobody had noticed it. However, it would have been hard to hide it from Gwen.
“I won’t tell it to anyone,” she added. “It was very noble of you.”
As an instinctive act, she reached out and gently stroked his arm. Then, noticing what she was doing, she pulled her hand away and her face flushed.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, without even knowing why the hell she had done that.
As Gwen touched his arm, his heart filled with warmth and a smile ran through his face. Could it be that she still had feelings for him? He felt like lifting her chin up to look into her eyes, but she didn’t move, not wanting to scare her away.
“There’s nothing you have to be sorry for,” he spoke, with a dry throat, not taking his eyes off her.
Gwen made the mistake to look up at him, so they eyes finally met and she could see all the affection he felt towards her. Her eyes widened, her cheeks turned red, her heart started to race - she was defeated. His warm and firm glance broke down her walls she had been building since he rescued them from Cenred’s army in the forest. Now there was nowhere to hide, but suddenly, for some unknown reason she didn’t mind it anymore.
Although he only had eyes for Gwen and for her only, Lancelot refused to look at her most of the times, being afraid of his gaze giving his feelings away. However, as he was alone with her, he couldn’t look at anything or anyone else. Now it didn’t matter if she noticed the affection towards her, if she knew that he could see only her, even in a crowded room. Her eyes widened and she gasped in astonishment that made him feel ashamed of his own behavior.
“My lady… Gwen…” he stammered, about to apologize, when suddenly she started to speak:
“When I said my feeling for you would never fade, I meant it and I still do,” she said with tears in her eyes. “I tried everything to hide it, but I… I just can’t do it anymore.”
That was it, she said it! She couldn’t keep it inside her; it was more than she could bear. Lancelot’s heart started to race hearing her words and he found himself grabbing her arms, looking deeply into her eyes.
“With me you never have to hide,” he said, knowing well how she could feel right now. He knew one just couldn’t push a feeling down his throat, no matter how much he tried it. He didn’t want to see her like this again, suffering for being ashamed for her feelings, nor did he want to apologize for the love they shared. Because now he knew he wasn’t alone with his affection.
Tears ran down Gwen’s face. If only they would not have to hide of be sorry for what they felt, she thought. If only… She couldn’t find words to speak. The fact that she could confess her feelings and that he felt the same filled her heart with joy, however, the guilt made it hurt like nothing else before. She saw the same hurt in his eyes, so she lifted her hands and gently caressed his face - his skin was warm under her palms. He smiled at her vaguely, almost thankfully, then he leaned down and kissed her softly, hoping that she wouldn’t pull away.
She didn’t. She accepted the kiss with a gasp; then gave it back to him, stepping closer, stroking his face with her fingers. The joy overfilled her heart and washed away her guilt. She was ready to burn the bridge.