(no subject)
I wish I was drunk
I'm exhausted
Spent until I'm broke
And I refuse sleep
I'm at a party, alone in my corner
Comfortable in my state of irellevance
Dimly lit by the screen in front of me
Listening along with everyone else to a mixtape made for me
I badly want to be inebriated
Out of my head
Consciously unconscious
But I can't bring myself to drink
Beer and wine just just aren't tempting
So I disappear into my hole in the room, the corner of the couch
I'm contemplating just why I'm still here
Why I'm not somewhere else asleep
And I come to the conclusion
I feel accepted here, and I need that acceptance
This social group that I have outcast myself from
Makes me feel a little better that I'm still here and everyone wants me to be
Even if they don't notice the guy typing in the far corner of the room
Sadly, I think my reason for staying has just appeared
And it spells doom for my sanity in the hours...
days...
weeks, months ahead of me
There's a girl, and there always is one
A bright spot I reach high to attain
Every time in the past I've stood by and watched it plummet to somewhere else beneath me
Somewhere I can't see
But I want to be there
Long to be there
With someone who opens my eyes with wonder
I doubt this is the one I catch
And I doubt it because if I keep myself pessimistically minded
It won't hurt as much when they fall
Music in the background has changed to a dreamy landscape of question
An intriguing feeling of unassuredness
Like you don't know what will happen next
I like that feeling, and it makes me hope
Just a little bit
If not with this luminous creature
I will someday live in the depths
With someone that not only shines for me, but makes me feel ever so much brighter with them.