I got my first OKCupid flame!
I got a message today on OKCupid from a sunnyday06, also known as the unsurprisingly single Mr. Gary Voss, 38-year-old taxi company owner from East Lansing, Michigan. I do not know this man and he clearly does not know me.
Entitled 'Eliza Doolittle', it said:
"I doubt if a poor, cockney flower-girl could throw in more stereotypical UK slang than you, Eliza.
Aawwww-wheeeeeeeeeew.
You've been there since March and you have a "flat", say "bloody hell", and hang out with your "mates" at, let me guess ... I don't know -- the PUB.
Next, you'll be spelling "color" and "humor" with the letter "u", or better yet, saying "bloody Yanks".
To you I say in the venacular of the continent, "Piss off, you Soho slag."
Henry Higgins, Professor of Buggerry"
The right thing to do would have been to delete it. I know this. I shouldn't rise to the occasion, allow myself to be dragged to his level, and all those trite proverbs. And it's true that his lack of actually reading my profile made responding like shooting fish in a barrel. However, experience based on years of BBses and Usenet has proved those lead to the best, most humourous replies. My flaming is a little rusty and I'm in a state of insomnia but I just couldn't help myself. I said (with apologies to Americans all and sundry):
"Nice assumptions.
I've been in London since March. I've been in the UK since December 1999 when I moved to Glasgow and have been a citizen since September 2003. If your tiny (or should I say "wee"?) and inappropriately angry American brain is unable to do basic math(s) like so many of your fellow countrymen, that is just under seven years and just over three years respectively. If you had an ounce (or should I say gram?) of reading comprehension, you would have noticed both facts contained within my profile. Not doing so well on the three 'r's, are you?
Funnily enough, I do spell those words colour and humour and I do go to the pub, although I prefer to hang out at home as I'm not a big drinker. With a sense of deep irony that you likely don't understand, I dislike those who move to this country and suddenly start using often incorrect British spellings and venacular far, far more than you do.
PS: Buggery is spelled with one 'r.' So is wanker."
I'm not at all in the habit of publicly embarassing people like this, but they are totally begging for it when they act like the aforementioned stupid Yank in nasty, unsolicited emails and are moronic enough to include their real name in their profile.
Entitled 'Eliza Doolittle', it said:
"I doubt if a poor, cockney flower-girl could throw in more stereotypical UK slang than you, Eliza.
Aawwww-wheeeeeeeeeew.
You've been there since March and you have a "flat", say "bloody hell", and hang out with your "mates" at, let me guess ... I don't know -- the PUB.
Next, you'll be spelling "color" and "humor" with the letter "u", or better yet, saying "bloody Yanks".
To you I say in the venacular of the continent, "Piss off, you Soho slag."
Henry Higgins, Professor of Buggerry"
The right thing to do would have been to delete it. I know this. I shouldn't rise to the occasion, allow myself to be dragged to his level, and all those trite proverbs. And it's true that his lack of actually reading my profile made responding like shooting fish in a barrel. However, experience based on years of BBses and Usenet has proved those lead to the best, most humourous replies. My flaming is a little rusty and I'm in a state of insomnia but I just couldn't help myself. I said (with apologies to Americans all and sundry):
"Nice assumptions.
I've been in London since March. I've been in the UK since December 1999 when I moved to Glasgow and have been a citizen since September 2003. If your tiny (or should I say "wee"?) and inappropriately angry American brain is unable to do basic math(s) like so many of your fellow countrymen, that is just under seven years and just over three years respectively. If you had an ounce (or should I say gram?) of reading comprehension, you would have noticed both facts contained within my profile. Not doing so well on the three 'r's, are you?
Funnily enough, I do spell those words colour and humour and I do go to the pub, although I prefer to hang out at home as I'm not a big drinker. With a sense of deep irony that you likely don't understand, I dislike those who move to this country and suddenly start using often incorrect British spellings and venacular far, far more than you do.
PS: Buggery is spelled with one 'r.' So is wanker."
I'm not at all in the habit of publicly embarassing people like this, but they are totally begging for it when they act like the aforementioned stupid Yank in nasty, unsolicited emails and are moronic enough to include their real name in their profile.