Setbacks and Affirmations
Haven't updated you on my life in a while. So here goes:
Well, Tiffany's story finally aired and it has been great to see how it has inspired folks everywhere. What an honor to be a part of such a wonderful experience! However, Tiffany had a HUGE setback yesterday and I fear we are kind of back to square one. She has been living and working on the horse ranch for several weeks now and I thought she was doing OK. She has seemed a little ... well, like she was hiding something, but not sure what... lately. Yesterday the Wellness Support people showed up for a home visit that she forgot about. They called me after they left to report that not only was her little home a TOTAL MESS, but they also found alcohol in her house. She told them it belonged to the younger brother of the rancher (Anthony, age 26) who was "hiding" it there. Yeah, right. I immediately called Tiffany and she was up at the rancher's house (instead of working or in her place) alone with Anthony. TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE. I asked her about the alcohol and she said it was Anthony's. I told her to put him on the phone and he said it was his. I was too angry to say much more other than he's old enough to know better, so I got off the phone. I called the rancher's wife Katie and told her what was going on. She was furious with Anthony, although she said she wasn't sure why he would feel the need to hide alcohol. I suspect that Tiffany charmed him into buying it for her and he was trying to cover for her. Either way - he broke the law and I told Katie that someone needs to be sure he understands that, even though I wasn't trying to put anyone in jail. After talking to Tiffany and Anthony and finally her husband, the rancher, they decided that it would be best for Tiffany to leave. They were very upset and hated to do it, because they really love her (and I believe that) but they are afraid that she is just too immature to be out there without constant supervision. I don't blame them at all. So I had to go and get her last night. Of course, as usual, she turned on me and tried to blame everyone else. I kept my cool, though, and told her it wasn't the end of the world, but she has to acknowledge her role in the whole thing and learn from her mistakes. So by the time we got home, she seemed OK and I felt good about the way I was handling it all. She decided she wanted to "take a nap" which she never does and my alarm bells went off. She went to her room, left her puppy in the livingroom (where there's no carpet) and I went to my room. Not ten minutes later, the puppy started sobbing loudly and she didn't come out of her room. I went to investigate and she had put pillows under her covers to look like she was in bed, and the windown had been opened. Yep, she ran off into the dark night all along. I called her cell phone and she claimed she was going to the store. We had just stopped at the store before coming home, but she needed "something personal." She wouldn't say what (even though there's nothing personal at the drug store she couldn't tell me about - even condoms). She finally came up with some lame story about getting a pregnancy test for her friend. I know she was lying. I told her to get home NOW. I went and got in the car and drove the route to the store. No Tiffany. On the way back, I saw her coming from the opposite direction. I pulled up and told her to get in the car. She immediately called me a bitch and started screaming at me. I told her to GET OUT of the car. She got out and slammed the door so hard she almost broke the window. I told her get home in 5 minutes (we were close to home now) or I'd call the police. She didn't come so I called the police. He drove up shortly thereafter and basically talked her into staying put. By then, I was so hoping he would just take her to detention, but they won't do that unless she had committed a crime. It's just ridiculous to have absolutely no control over a child and no way to confine them when they insist on doing things that put them in danger. I saw at least 4 men walking along the road in the dark that she would have encountered out there alone. Anyway, by then I told the officer to just tell her that I was going to my room, to leave me alone, and to just go to bed. I went to my room and cried and finally fell asleep. I have not spoken to her today and really have no desire to. What do I say? What do you do for someone who fights you every step of the way? I did make an emergency therapy appt for her tomorrow. I wish I knew how to help her, but I think it will just take time and maturity. Pray for us, OK? Tonight I'm going to dinner and to see Chicago with my dear friends. Last time I went through all this, I cut myself off from everyone. I refuse to do that this time.
I've been dating quite a lot. I continue to be surprised at the number of men who want to go out with me. Granted, it is often men that just want sex (which is still flattering in a primal sort of way. At least I'm not so old and repulsive that I don't attract attention.) But lately I've met several guys who genuinely seem to like me and want to spend quality time with me. I still have the "second date cold feet syndrome", but I think I'm going to break that this weekend and have a third date with two different guys. I also have two other first dates in the making, and well, I'm having fun!
I haven't been to any SCA stuff in a while and really miss it. I had planned on going to the Buckston meeting last night, but couldn't make it (see Tiffany above). I am going to Unevent on Saturday and I've already reserved my room for Twelfth Night. Had a very pleasant time sewing with Kat, Marianna, Charlotte, and Sarah last Sunday. Marianna made AWESOME turkey stew and Kat had DELICIOUS homemade bread to go with it. You guys rock!! I got most of the bodice done for my brown silk skirt. I hope to finish it on Friday so I can wear it to Unevent. Is anyone else going and are you wearing garb? I can't remember if I wore garb last year or not.
I am constantly amazed at how God gives me what I need to be the mother to my children and get through all of life's storms. He sends me birds all the time in the strangest places to make me smile. Last week Joshua and I were at the Chinese restaurant. I reached for a fortune cookie and Joshua grabbed it out of my hand. So I took the other one. Know what it said? "God looks after you especially." And I know that's true. He has gifted me with SO MANY FRIENDS. Something I never had before in my life. I have wonderful family that loves and supports me. Jared called me last night at 1:30 in the morning (he didn't think I'd answer and was going to leave a message). He said, "I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time with Tiffany." It was so wonderful to hear him say that. Both of my sons are just wonderful men and they make me so proud. They remind me that I AM a good mother. With Tiffany I'm just having to battle all the terrible things that happened to her before she came to me. Two people just today affirmed what I have done for Tiffany and immediately reminded me, "This is just a bump. You'll make it through with no problem. You are an OVERCOMER." And I am - thanks to Him.
Well, Tiffany's story finally aired and it has been great to see how it has inspired folks everywhere. What an honor to be a part of such a wonderful experience! However, Tiffany had a HUGE setback yesterday and I fear we are kind of back to square one. She has been living and working on the horse ranch for several weeks now and I thought she was doing OK. She has seemed a little ... well, like she was hiding something, but not sure what... lately. Yesterday the Wellness Support people showed up for a home visit that she forgot about. They called me after they left to report that not only was her little home a TOTAL MESS, but they also found alcohol in her house. She told them it belonged to the younger brother of the rancher (Anthony, age 26) who was "hiding" it there. Yeah, right. I immediately called Tiffany and she was up at the rancher's house (instead of working or in her place) alone with Anthony. TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE. I asked her about the alcohol and she said it was Anthony's. I told her to put him on the phone and he said it was his. I was too angry to say much more other than he's old enough to know better, so I got off the phone. I called the rancher's wife Katie and told her what was going on. She was furious with Anthony, although she said she wasn't sure why he would feel the need to hide alcohol. I suspect that Tiffany charmed him into buying it for her and he was trying to cover for her. Either way - he broke the law and I told Katie that someone needs to be sure he understands that, even though I wasn't trying to put anyone in jail. After talking to Tiffany and Anthony and finally her husband, the rancher, they decided that it would be best for Tiffany to leave. They were very upset and hated to do it, because they really love her (and I believe that) but they are afraid that she is just too immature to be out there without constant supervision. I don't blame them at all. So I had to go and get her last night. Of course, as usual, she turned on me and tried to blame everyone else. I kept my cool, though, and told her it wasn't the end of the world, but she has to acknowledge her role in the whole thing and learn from her mistakes. So by the time we got home, she seemed OK and I felt good about the way I was handling it all. She decided she wanted to "take a nap" which she never does and my alarm bells went off. She went to her room, left her puppy in the livingroom (where there's no carpet) and I went to my room. Not ten minutes later, the puppy started sobbing loudly and she didn't come out of her room. I went to investigate and she had put pillows under her covers to look like she was in bed, and the windown had been opened. Yep, she ran off into the dark night all along. I called her cell phone and she claimed she was going to the store. We had just stopped at the store before coming home, but she needed "something personal." She wouldn't say what (even though there's nothing personal at the drug store she couldn't tell me about - even condoms). She finally came up with some lame story about getting a pregnancy test for her friend. I know she was lying. I told her to get home NOW. I went and got in the car and drove the route to the store. No Tiffany. On the way back, I saw her coming from the opposite direction. I pulled up and told her to get in the car. She immediately called me a bitch and started screaming at me. I told her to GET OUT of the car. She got out and slammed the door so hard she almost broke the window. I told her get home in 5 minutes (we were close to home now) or I'd call the police. She didn't come so I called the police. He drove up shortly thereafter and basically talked her into staying put. By then, I was so hoping he would just take her to detention, but they won't do that unless she had committed a crime. It's just ridiculous to have absolutely no control over a child and no way to confine them when they insist on doing things that put them in danger. I saw at least 4 men walking along the road in the dark that she would have encountered out there alone. Anyway, by then I told the officer to just tell her that I was going to my room, to leave me alone, and to just go to bed. I went to my room and cried and finally fell asleep. I have not spoken to her today and really have no desire to. What do I say? What do you do for someone who fights you every step of the way? I did make an emergency therapy appt for her tomorrow. I wish I knew how to help her, but I think it will just take time and maturity. Pray for us, OK? Tonight I'm going to dinner and to see Chicago with my dear friends. Last time I went through all this, I cut myself off from everyone. I refuse to do that this time.
I've been dating quite a lot. I continue to be surprised at the number of men who want to go out with me. Granted, it is often men that just want sex (which is still flattering in a primal sort of way. At least I'm not so old and repulsive that I don't attract attention.) But lately I've met several guys who genuinely seem to like me and want to spend quality time with me. I still have the "second date cold feet syndrome", but I think I'm going to break that this weekend and have a third date with two different guys. I also have two other first dates in the making, and well, I'm having fun!
I haven't been to any SCA stuff in a while and really miss it. I had planned on going to the Buckston meeting last night, but couldn't make it (see Tiffany above). I am going to Unevent on Saturday and I've already reserved my room for Twelfth Night. Had a very pleasant time sewing with Kat, Marianna, Charlotte, and Sarah last Sunday. Marianna made AWESOME turkey stew and Kat had DELICIOUS homemade bread to go with it. You guys rock!! I got most of the bodice done for my brown silk skirt. I hope to finish it on Friday so I can wear it to Unevent. Is anyone else going and are you wearing garb? I can't remember if I wore garb last year or not.
I am constantly amazed at how God gives me what I need to be the mother to my children and get through all of life's storms. He sends me birds all the time in the strangest places to make me smile. Last week Joshua and I were at the Chinese restaurant. I reached for a fortune cookie and Joshua grabbed it out of my hand. So I took the other one. Know what it said? "God looks after you especially." And I know that's true. He has gifted me with SO MANY FRIENDS. Something I never had before in my life. I have wonderful family that loves and supports me. Jared called me last night at 1:30 in the morning (he didn't think I'd answer and was going to leave a message). He said, "I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time with Tiffany." It was so wonderful to hear him say that. Both of my sons are just wonderful men and they make me so proud. They remind me that I AM a good mother. With Tiffany I'm just having to battle all the terrible things that happened to her before she came to me. Two people just today affirmed what I have done for Tiffany and immediately reminded me, "This is just a bump. You'll make it through with no problem. You are an OVERCOMER." And I am - thanks to Him.