What, I'm actually posting something serious?
So, hey everyone. I had a whole shpiel on metafiction and writing techniques planned out for today, but something came up and I sort of want to talk about it. It's sort of depressing, so if you don't feel like reading that's totally fine.
Anyways, what I want to talk about is domestic abuse. I'm not sure if I've metioned my family in this journal before, but in case I haven't here's the low-down. Basically, my mom is verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive to anyone who gets close to her. She calls me names, screams at my sister, the whole shebang. But it's nothing like what my dad has to deal with. They have, unfortunately, gotten into physical fights, but that only happened once or twice, and it was never very bad. My dad got arrested once for knocking into my mom while he was trying to leave so she wouldn't scream at him anymore. It's terrible, because my dad is the most patient, kind person I have ever known. He grew up with a neurotic mother and a father who suffered from PTSD after serving in the airforce during WWII. He is an amazing person to have gone through what he has, and still come home with a smie on his face almost every day.
So it should be no surprise that I'm closer to my dad than to my mom, right? It's pretty obvious once you get to know me that, while I love my mother, I try to stay away from her as much as possible. If you ever had to deal with someone so controlling, and dominating, you wouldn't like them, either. She starts fights with anyone she can, and when you try to defend yourself, or tell her what you think or feel, she starts playing the victim. She conveniently forgets past events, such as calling her daughters selfish bitches and yelling at their friends for stupid reasons. And if you like her any less for anything she's done, she claims that you're abusive and mean.
The reason I'm talking about this is because of a certain thing she does. I don't make friends very easily, but when I do, I love them with my whole heart. I do everything I can to be a good friend to them. Luckily, my best friend, Sierra, knows what my mom is like, and doesn't think any less of me for it. But the thing is, my mom scares my friends off. Sierra goes home early because she gets nervous of my mom, and I don't blame her. I wish I could. But Sierra has stuck by me no matter what my family is like, and I am extremely grateful to her. She has put up with my mom blaming bad events on her, talking about her behind her back, snapping at her to help around since she's over so much. She is an amazing friend, and I wish she could feel more comfortable in our home.
But I have had friends who stopped talking to me because of my mom. I used to have a friend that I had known since I was 3, named Amy. She was fun, and we clicked really well. One day, when I was about 6 or so, her and her family came over to have dinner with us. Somehow, the subject of Harry Potter came up, since Amy was a big fan of the books. Now, my mom has never been the type to listen to religious rumors, but for some reason, she decided that she thought the Harry Potter books advocated devil worship. I highly doubt she believed that, because that's the kind of thing she laughs at when she hears it, but for some reason she believed it that day. Anyway, Amy's mom tried defending the books, saying that they were full of good morals and plenty of imagination. My mom remarked that she didn't want her children being around anything like that, that she would never let it influence me and my sister.
So then Amy's mom said fine, and she left. We only rarely got together after that.
I read the Harry Potter books last year, and I loved them. I had completely forgotten the incident, but I remembered my mom thinking that the books were anti-Christian, so I brought it up to her. That was a bad idea if I ever had one. She immediately denied it and accused me of trying to make her look bad. The other day, though, I told my dad that I had gotten into Pottermore, and he brought up the incident with Amy's mom. She has cost me my friends, my dad's happiness, a home where I feel safe and secure, and yet she denied anything of the sort.
I remember a few years back, when my parents were fighting pretty bad, adn I talked to my school counselor about how my mom made me feel. She suggested that we act ut what happened in our arguments, so she started off by being me. She said 'Mom, when you bring up my dad's faults, it really hurts my feelings.' I snapped back, 'Well, it's not my fault he's a bastard who doesn't know how to treat his wife right.' My counselor thought for a moment, then said 'Well, I understand you and him have disagreements, but I'd prefer if you didn't bring them up to me.' I responded with something my mom had said the day before; 'Well, you know what Lauren? You haven't been so nice to me, either! You and your father are always being horrible to me, and so I don't see why I should be nice to you.'
My counselor was speechless. That was when I first realized that my mom would never get better, and I would just have to wait until I was old enough to leave the house to get away. Up until then, I had some hope that someone could possibly make my mother see sense. But seeing an adult I looked up to so much, someone I trusted to help me with every problem, without anything to say, mad eme realize that there wsn't any way to change her.
Anyways, I brought this up because the other day, my family was watching Dr. Phil, and some neurotic girl was being interviewed, and she said that she hated her mom. My mom was offended at the thought of anyone ever hating their mom, even a little. I have been struggling with how I feel about my mom for a while now, and that really made me think. How could I hate my mom? She had brought me into this world, given me food, water, shelter, everything and anything I ever wanted. I know I am extremely blessed with this life. But Is it really so bad to despise someone who has done so many bad things to you and your loved ones? Even if she is your mother? I figured that, no, it wasn't a crime to hate someone for that. Anyone would. But instead of hating her, I'm going to pity her for all she's been through, and continue to shoosh-pap my way through life until I can get away from her.
So yeah. Sorry about ranting about such personal things. I'll be better next week. See you guys!
Anyways, what I want to talk about is domestic abuse. I'm not sure if I've metioned my family in this journal before, but in case I haven't here's the low-down. Basically, my mom is verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive to anyone who gets close to her. She calls me names, screams at my sister, the whole shebang. But it's nothing like what my dad has to deal with. They have, unfortunately, gotten into physical fights, but that only happened once or twice, and it was never very bad. My dad got arrested once for knocking into my mom while he was trying to leave so she wouldn't scream at him anymore. It's terrible, because my dad is the most patient, kind person I have ever known. He grew up with a neurotic mother and a father who suffered from PTSD after serving in the airforce during WWII. He is an amazing person to have gone through what he has, and still come home with a smie on his face almost every day.
So it should be no surprise that I'm closer to my dad than to my mom, right? It's pretty obvious once you get to know me that, while I love my mother, I try to stay away from her as much as possible. If you ever had to deal with someone so controlling, and dominating, you wouldn't like them, either. She starts fights with anyone she can, and when you try to defend yourself, or tell her what you think or feel, she starts playing the victim. She conveniently forgets past events, such as calling her daughters selfish bitches and yelling at their friends for stupid reasons. And if you like her any less for anything she's done, she claims that you're abusive and mean.
The reason I'm talking about this is because of a certain thing she does. I don't make friends very easily, but when I do, I love them with my whole heart. I do everything I can to be a good friend to them. Luckily, my best friend, Sierra, knows what my mom is like, and doesn't think any less of me for it. But the thing is, my mom scares my friends off. Sierra goes home early because she gets nervous of my mom, and I don't blame her. I wish I could. But Sierra has stuck by me no matter what my family is like, and I am extremely grateful to her. She has put up with my mom blaming bad events on her, talking about her behind her back, snapping at her to help around since she's over so much. She is an amazing friend, and I wish she could feel more comfortable in our home.
But I have had friends who stopped talking to me because of my mom. I used to have a friend that I had known since I was 3, named Amy. She was fun, and we clicked really well. One day, when I was about 6 or so, her and her family came over to have dinner with us. Somehow, the subject of Harry Potter came up, since Amy was a big fan of the books. Now, my mom has never been the type to listen to religious rumors, but for some reason, she decided that she thought the Harry Potter books advocated devil worship. I highly doubt she believed that, because that's the kind of thing she laughs at when she hears it, but for some reason she believed it that day. Anyway, Amy's mom tried defending the books, saying that they were full of good morals and plenty of imagination. My mom remarked that she didn't want her children being around anything like that, that she would never let it influence me and my sister.
So then Amy's mom said fine, and she left. We only rarely got together after that.
I read the Harry Potter books last year, and I loved them. I had completely forgotten the incident, but I remembered my mom thinking that the books were anti-Christian, so I brought it up to her. That was a bad idea if I ever had one. She immediately denied it and accused me of trying to make her look bad. The other day, though, I told my dad that I had gotten into Pottermore, and he brought up the incident with Amy's mom. She has cost me my friends, my dad's happiness, a home where I feel safe and secure, and yet she denied anything of the sort.
I remember a few years back, when my parents were fighting pretty bad, adn I talked to my school counselor about how my mom made me feel. She suggested that we act ut what happened in our arguments, so she started off by being me. She said 'Mom, when you bring up my dad's faults, it really hurts my feelings.' I snapped back, 'Well, it's not my fault he's a bastard who doesn't know how to treat his wife right.' My counselor thought for a moment, then said 'Well, I understand you and him have disagreements, but I'd prefer if you didn't bring them up to me.' I responded with something my mom had said the day before; 'Well, you know what Lauren? You haven't been so nice to me, either! You and your father are always being horrible to me, and so I don't see why I should be nice to you.'
My counselor was speechless. That was when I first realized that my mom would never get better, and I would just have to wait until I was old enough to leave the house to get away. Up until then, I had some hope that someone could possibly make my mother see sense. But seeing an adult I looked up to so much, someone I trusted to help me with every problem, without anything to say, mad eme realize that there wsn't any way to change her.
Anyways, I brought this up because the other day, my family was watching Dr. Phil, and some neurotic girl was being interviewed, and she said that she hated her mom. My mom was offended at the thought of anyone ever hating their mom, even a little. I have been struggling with how I feel about my mom for a while now, and that really made me think. How could I hate my mom? She had brought me into this world, given me food, water, shelter, everything and anything I ever wanted. I know I am extremely blessed with this life. But Is it really so bad to despise someone who has done so many bad things to you and your loved ones? Even if she is your mother? I figured that, no, it wasn't a crime to hate someone for that. Anyone would. But instead of hating her, I'm going to pity her for all she's been through, and continue to shoosh-pap my way through life until I can get away from her.
So yeah. Sorry about ranting about such personal things. I'll be better next week. See you guys!