one last cry.
everyone's been asking me whether i'm ok or not,
cos apparently i look sick and weak and pale.
yes, people i'm fine.
i do not have an eating disorder.
i just do not have an appetite.
but other than that, i'm healthy.
i admit, i'm hurt and angry and all those ugly feelings that a person may have.
i feel betrayed and used.
but i'm fine.
i can deal with this.
and it may surprise many that i haven't bawled my eyes out in days.
for once in my life, i am dealing with it.
because i know i did the best i could.
i probably pampered you more than anyone else ever has and probably ever will.
i loved you wholeheartedly even though i had my doubts at first.
i just wonder why you would take everything back.
i can't help but question everything we went through.
the night we fought and you rushed to vivocity to buy me belts and a chocolate cake and then rushed to my place to surprise me.
the night you surprised me with a note and a flower made of your cigarette butt.
our virgin trip together to desaru.
our jason mraz concert trip.
everything you did for me.
how could it all be nothing but lies?
even your friends hoped this would finally work, because they finally saw you having the upper hand in a relationship.
i'm fine because i know that i did give it my all for the person that i believed i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
and after you left, when you resurfaced,
our relationship took on a whole new level.
i truly saw you as my best friend.
because you proved to me you were a friend worth keeping.
i trusted you. and loved every inch of your being.
not because it came naturally. trust me, it didn't.
but because you made me want to be a better person than i am.
everyone probably knows that i'm ace at blaming myself for everything when it comes to love.
and feeling utterly unworthy after being left behind.
but for the first time,
i know i am worth something.
and i no longer fear not being able to find someone to replace you.
the fact is, no one will replace the person you are.
but i know someone will eventually take the place of the person you meant to me.
mummy always told me that we should be with someone who loves us more than we do them.
you had that, and you threw it away.
and that is your loss.
i have nothing to be ashamed of, because i loved the way i knew how, with my hundredandten.
so tonight, as i lay down to sleep, i'll say a prayer and hope you're happy, and probably have that long overdued last cry over you.
because i forgive you.
and trust me, you were worth it.
or maybe this is just the alcohol talking.
cos apparently i look sick and weak and pale.
yes, people i'm fine.
i do not have an eating disorder.
i just do not have an appetite.
but other than that, i'm healthy.
i admit, i'm hurt and angry and all those ugly feelings that a person may have.
i feel betrayed and used.
but i'm fine.
i can deal with this.
and it may surprise many that i haven't bawled my eyes out in days.
for once in my life, i am dealing with it.
because i know i did the best i could.
i probably pampered you more than anyone else ever has and probably ever will.
i loved you wholeheartedly even though i had my doubts at first.
i just wonder why you would take everything back.
i can't help but question everything we went through.
the night we fought and you rushed to vivocity to buy me belts and a chocolate cake and then rushed to my place to surprise me.
the night you surprised me with a note and a flower made of your cigarette butt.
our virgin trip together to desaru.
our jason mraz concert trip.
everything you did for me.
how could it all be nothing but lies?
even your friends hoped this would finally work, because they finally saw you having the upper hand in a relationship.
i'm fine because i know that i did give it my all for the person that i believed i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
and after you left, when you resurfaced,
our relationship took on a whole new level.
i truly saw you as my best friend.
because you proved to me you were a friend worth keeping.
i trusted you. and loved every inch of your being.
not because it came naturally. trust me, it didn't.
but because you made me want to be a better person than i am.
everyone probably knows that i'm ace at blaming myself for everything when it comes to love.
and feeling utterly unworthy after being left behind.
but for the first time,
i know i am worth something.
and i no longer fear not being able to find someone to replace you.
the fact is, no one will replace the person you are.
but i know someone will eventually take the place of the person you meant to me.
mummy always told me that we should be with someone who loves us more than we do them.
you had that, and you threw it away.
and that is your loss.
i have nothing to be ashamed of, because i loved the way i knew how, with my hundredandten.
so tonight, as i lay down to sleep, i'll say a prayer and hope you're happy, and probably have that long overdued last cry over you.
because i forgive you.
and trust me, you were worth it.
or maybe this is just the alcohol talking.