Lordy, lordy
Woo.
I'm in one of my wistful nostalgia moods. Damn. Nad it's really got nothing to do with anything, so I'll cut it.
For some reason, I've been thinking about Noah a lot. I've been thinking of how different him and Tom are. And, I guess how they are a like as well.
I think I can be a little more controled now when I think of everything. I can think things over rationally, and all that. But that's really nothing surprising. Life goes on. And, God, it's been half a year. That scares the fucking shit out of me. Yep. December 19 was 6 months. But the thing is, I'm not really dwelling on... whatever it was I was dwelling on. I really can't describe it at all. But it's a change. Like right now I'm asking myself a lot of "what if..."s. Like I wonder what he would be today if he hadn't done what he did. What if he had held on for a little while longer. Would that be enough...? But I realize, if he hadn't done what he had done, he would be a slightly different person, and even if it was a slight difference, he would still be a different person. That's jst how it happened. It was a fucking shame, but it happened. And if he had lived, would my relationship with Tom be where it is now. Obviously not, but still. Would I even be friends with Tom, since he would have moved to Germany. Tom is really different than Noah was. Our connection was made after Noah's death. He had takne it pon himself to comfort me, and still does. He's more collected, he has view of the bigger picture that Noah never had. Me and Tom get into a ton of little fights, where as me and Noah never dissagreed. Me and TOm always work it out though, because we understnad eachother's little outbursts. I always felt catious when talking to Noah about how I was feeling, with Tom I can tell him the truth, for the most part. We are still getting to know eachother, we're both very guarded people. But as I said, we understand eachother from that point of view. Me and Noah were the same on an outer level. But me and Tom have the same programming with how we deal with things and how we go about percieving them. But he's outgoing, and sometimes a bit impolite and impatient. I can be all those, but to a lesser extreme, basically.
What if... What if... What if... no one ever left another behind and all the pain could be fixed with time.
I'm in one of my wistful nostalgia moods. Damn. Nad it's really got nothing to do with anything, so I'll cut it.
For some reason, I've been thinking about Noah a lot. I've been thinking of how different him and Tom are. And, I guess how they are a like as well.
I think I can be a little more controled now when I think of everything. I can think things over rationally, and all that. But that's really nothing surprising. Life goes on. And, God, it's been half a year. That scares the fucking shit out of me. Yep. December 19 was 6 months. But the thing is, I'm not really dwelling on... whatever it was I was dwelling on. I really can't describe it at all. But it's a change. Like right now I'm asking myself a lot of "what if..."s. Like I wonder what he would be today if he hadn't done what he did. What if he had held on for a little while longer. Would that be enough...? But I realize, if he hadn't done what he had done, he would be a slightly different person, and even if it was a slight difference, he would still be a different person. That's jst how it happened. It was a fucking shame, but it happened. And if he had lived, would my relationship with Tom be where it is now. Obviously not, but still. Would I even be friends with Tom, since he would have moved to Germany. Tom is really different than Noah was. Our connection was made after Noah's death. He had takne it pon himself to comfort me, and still does. He's more collected, he has view of the bigger picture that Noah never had. Me and Tom get into a ton of little fights, where as me and Noah never dissagreed. Me and TOm always work it out though, because we understnad eachother's little outbursts. I always felt catious when talking to Noah about how I was feeling, with Tom I can tell him the truth, for the most part. We are still getting to know eachother, we're both very guarded people. But as I said, we understand eachother from that point of view. Me and Noah were the same on an outer level. But me and Tom have the same programming with how we deal with things and how we go about percieving them. But he's outgoing, and sometimes a bit impolite and impatient. I can be all those, but to a lesser extreme, basically.
What if... What if... What if... no one ever left another behind and all the pain could be fixed with time.