Creepy behavior in social media

[nayad]

I had a situation in Facebook that ended badly the other day

Comments

[colubra]

I recently had someone go from 'hey, you crossed a line there' to 'you're really an asshole' in response to me agreeing with her point, once she'd made it. I'm still blissfully happy to have encouraged her to never comment on my LJ again by way of banning her from doing so.

I think one of the problems here is that people are used to the audio / bodylanguage cues that mean 'ok, stop now'- and have trouble grasping that there's a point they should stfu on their own.

[nayad]

Yes. It's hard to know how people are reacting to what we post, so some self-monitoring is important.

[ex_maehymn]

Dude, I feel ya! I had a similar situation happen on Lj a few years ago and it was awkward and weird and creepy. I'm glad you stood up to this person, and honored your bad feeling. Shit like that is NOT what this is all about.

Also, I'm pretty sure that if someone is truly joking and truly cares, they would apologize for offending. I think the fact that he didn't confirms your gut feeling that he was up to something distasteful.

Somehow I missed all this on your FB! I hope you have better experiences in the future.

[nayad]

I agree--the way he unfriended me, as if I'd been offensive to HIM, made me feel like I'd done the right thing by saying something.

[aenodia]

I applaud you stating your boundaries. It sounds like you handled this well.

[nayad]

Thank you!

[jongibbs]

Some people have a problem understanding the principle of personal boundaries and what is (or is not) acceptable to do and say.

Such folks don't even notice the subtle hints to back off a little (like the one you described).

I wouldn't worry about it. Chances are, he'll realize what a twit he was (though he'll be embarrassed at being told off in public). If and when you see him in person again, he'll apologize and you'll probably tell him not to worry. If he doesn't, then he probably is a jerk, in which case you did the right thing.

Hope that helps :)

[nayad]

Yes. I hope that he realizes, and behaves well when I see him--which I probably will sometime, but I doubt it'll be until at least next year. If he behaves badly, I'll have plenty of other people around to talk to instead.

[brdgt]

Sounds like a "nice" guy.

[nayad]

Maybe. I don't know him even well enough to know that!