Hallelujah: Chapter 3
Standard Disclaimer
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
I awake in a cold sweat, remembering what it was like those nights after I had first failed the Dark Lord. Snape was all that had kept him from killing me. You were all that stopped that terror... Once.
And now, now that I have fallen from his grace, to be picked up in shatters by the other side... I have found myself even deeper into life.
I move from my cold bed to the kitchen, where I brew myself a cup of tea, a vain attempt to warm the chill that has invaded my very bones. As the kettle whistles, I allow my thoughts to wander back to those first nights when I felt... Safe.
Do you remember when I first showed up on the doorstep of your parents' house?
Your face shone with anger, and I had never seen an angel so beautiful.
It was Snape who sent me there; but you know that. You know how I was to help Potter save the world. And yet, where did it get me?
Once I was known as the Slytherin Prince. Once I had power and prestige. Once, I was glorious. Once...
But it changed because of you.
After I saw you, iridescent and glorious, my heart could no longer seek after the darkness.
I could no longer follow through with the task set before me.
I tried to avoid it altogether... Sending cursed necklaces... Poisoned mead... I was desperate to do it. I was desperate to avoid it. If I did it... I was less than human. If I didn't... My throne was discarded.
You destroyed me... The me that had come to be comfortable as the Slytherin Prince. You destroyed my throne. You took all that I had.
My strength was sapped from the passionate exclamations I'd already uttered due to you, when I stood before you on the doorstep of your parents' home... Head bowed.
You let me in. And Potter let me redeem myself.
And you... You let me learn to love.
Night after terrorized night, wherein my demons plagued and taunted me, you sat by my bed, and comforted me. You held my hand, and stroked my hair, and soothed me to sleep with soft lullabies such I had never heard since a child.
Yes, I learned to love. I fell deeply, madly, irreversibly in love with you, and it was what I clung to, though I knew nothing would come of it.
But then the night that the world was to end came.
And Potter left you, off to face the faceless and nameless enemy that is fear. For that is what the Dark Lord truly was... Fear.
And in desperation, fear, and longing, you turned to me.
And I learned Hallelujah that night; heard it resounding as trumpets and drums. As the world waited with bated breath, I was joyous. As the ground tremored with anticipation of both death and new life, I was exuberant. As the sky poured forth rain, befitting the mood of the night to the rest of the earth... I was reverent and prayerful... The prayer of Hallelujah breathed upon my lips, and whispered across the eons to yours.
But like Samson... You were were my Delilah, you were my downfall. You sapped my strength away when you left me. I am still scarred, and my nightmares have returned with a vengeance.
I don't hold it against you, you know. You did what anyone would have. It was expected... You loved him, he you... And I... I loved you, too. There is nothing to be done for that. He is the better man, and I concede to his victory. It is the least one can do for the saviour of the realm.
But must I live to be tortured? Is it not enough that I have no reason but memory to sing the fabled song?
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelu...jah
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
I awake in a cold sweat, remembering what it was like those nights after I had first failed the Dark Lord. Snape was all that had kept him from killing me. You were all that stopped that terror... Once.
And now, now that I have fallen from his grace, to be picked up in shatters by the other side... I have found myself even deeper into life.
I move from my cold bed to the kitchen, where I brew myself a cup of tea, a vain attempt to warm the chill that has invaded my very bones. As the kettle whistles, I allow my thoughts to wander back to those first nights when I felt... Safe.
Do you remember when I first showed up on the doorstep of your parents' house?
Your face shone with anger, and I had never seen an angel so beautiful.
It was Snape who sent me there; but you know that. You know how I was to help Potter save the world. And yet, where did it get me?
Once I was known as the Slytherin Prince. Once I had power and prestige. Once, I was glorious. Once...
But it changed because of you.
After I saw you, iridescent and glorious, my heart could no longer seek after the darkness.
I could no longer follow through with the task set before me.
I tried to avoid it altogether... Sending cursed necklaces... Poisoned mead... I was desperate to do it. I was desperate to avoid it. If I did it... I was less than human. If I didn't... My throne was discarded.
You destroyed me... The me that had come to be comfortable as the Slytherin Prince. You destroyed my throne. You took all that I had.
My strength was sapped from the passionate exclamations I'd already uttered due to you, when I stood before you on the doorstep of your parents' home... Head bowed.
You let me in. And Potter let me redeem myself.
And you... You let me learn to love.
Night after terrorized night, wherein my demons plagued and taunted me, you sat by my bed, and comforted me. You held my hand, and stroked my hair, and soothed me to sleep with soft lullabies such I had never heard since a child.
Yes, I learned to love. I fell deeply, madly, irreversibly in love with you, and it was what I clung to, though I knew nothing would come of it.
But then the night that the world was to end came.
And Potter left you, off to face the faceless and nameless enemy that is fear. For that is what the Dark Lord truly was... Fear.
And in desperation, fear, and longing, you turned to me.
And I learned Hallelujah that night; heard it resounding as trumpets and drums. As the world waited with bated breath, I was joyous. As the ground tremored with anticipation of both death and new life, I was exuberant. As the sky poured forth rain, befitting the mood of the night to the rest of the earth... I was reverent and prayerful... The prayer of Hallelujah breathed upon my lips, and whispered across the eons to yours.
But like Samson... You were were my Delilah, you were my downfall. You sapped my strength away when you left me. I am still scarred, and my nightmares have returned with a vengeance.
I don't hold it against you, you know. You did what anyone would have. It was expected... You loved him, he you... And I... I loved you, too. There is nothing to be done for that. He is the better man, and I concede to his victory. It is the least one can do for the saviour of the realm.
But must I live to be tortured? Is it not enough that I have no reason but memory to sing the fabled song?
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelu...jah