Stars Go Blue: Chapter 9
Standard Disclaimer applies. Mature. Substance use in this chapter.
That night at supper, Draco joined Mara at the small table in the corner of the Great Hall.
"So, what do you honestly think of the school," he asked her, after she mocked a couple Ravenclaws who'd dropped their cups, spilling all over, upon Harry's entrance.
"Well, I know Gryffindor is brave, but they kind of have a power complex...Ravenclaw is very smart, but they don't really work at their gifts to improve them. Hufflepuff is extremely loyal, but they are also great at holding grudges. As far as Slytherin grows...they may be cunning...but they definitely also have a power complex... you especially," she grinned, looking at him slyly.
Draco laughed, knowing that it was true. "Very perceptive," he acknowledged, realizing that she had made him genuinely laugh more in one day than he could remember having done ever before.
Suddenly they were interrupted by none other than Harry Potter himself approaching them, a concerned look on his face.
"Draco, Mara, you are more than welcome to sit with us..."
The dorm-mates glanced at the Gryffindor table to see Ginny glaring at both of them.
"I'll pass thanks," Mara smiled sweetly, "but you're more than welcome to join us sometime...bringing Hermione and Ron, of course."
Harry smiled at the girl with whom he shared a special, yet unknown bond, nodding his agreement. Then, as Ginny glared on, Mara stood and welcomed Harry back with a hug.
"Look at her, trying to put the moves on Harry," Ginny hissed to Hermione, who was reading her Arithmancy textbook, already a week ahead, despite the work she'd missed.
"What? Oh, well," Hermione looked up at where Draco and Mara sat and shook her head, returning to her text, "they do have kind of a history, I suppose. I mean, Harry seemed quite intrigued by her this summer."
Hermione looked up again when Ron cleared his throat, and realized what she'd said, and to whom she'd said it. Anxiously she started back-pedalling, "What I mean to say is..."
"She does know him then! I have to apologize to her... I didn't realize..." Ginny stood and made her way over to Mara, leaving Hermione gaping like a fish.
"What is all that about," she questioned.
Ron shrugged, and shaking their heads, the two of them returned to their meal.
"Mara, I would like to speak to you, may I?" Ginny interrupted Draco and Mara's resumed conversation.
"Sure," Mara rose, knowing intuitively that Draco wasn't meant to hear whatever it was that Ginny had to say.
Together, the two girls left the Great Hall, leaving Draco wondering if this was the start of the end for him.
*~*~*
The two girls sat awkwardly across from each other in the kitchens. A couple house-elves had presented themselves upon the girl's arrival, one named Dobby asking to serve "Miss Ginny", and a sullen looking house-elf named Kreacher had chosen to offer service to Mara.
"Kreacher never offers to help anyone," Ginny mused aloud, breaking their silence.
"Really? Kreacher- why'd you choose to offer to serve me then?" Mara turned to the elf.
"Mistress is a Pureblood and not a traitor," Kreacher glared at Ginny as he spoke, "like the filthy Muggle-loving Weasley brat."
"Kreacher!" Mara's voice was indignant, "You will apologize to Ginny and treat her with the utmost of respect from now on."
Ginny's eyes widened as the surly elf did just that.
While Ginny was still amazed at Kreacher's obedience, Mara spoke again, "Ginny... What did you want to talk to me about?"
"I wanted to apologize... And explain. I'm sorry for insinuating that you and Draco... And for assuming that you didn't know Harry. That said... I need to warn you about Draco. He's the reason Dumbledore is dead, and my brother Bill so scarred. More than that, he is on the run from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He begged Harry for refuge - and Harry brought him to my family. Because after all, who would expect Draco Malfoy, Pureblood Prince, Snob of Slytherin, to associate with the Weasley family... Blood Traitors to the highest degree?"
Kreacher interjected his opinion here, "The Malfoy boy is a good boy, he knows how to carry himself with dignity..."
"Alright Kreacher, stop extolling Draco's virtues, I grow weary of it," Mara snapped, intrigued by Ginny's admission.
The elf, pleased with the regal dismissiveness in Mara's tone, nodded.
"So Draco's running from Tom Riddle?" Mara mused aloud, "I can't imagine that's going over well with..." She stopped abruptly, then asked Ginny, "Why did you take up with Malfoy then?"
"To be honest...I was angry with Harry...and Draco and I had a lot of pent up passion. It used to express itself in insults and great dislike, the odd hex, but one night we came together... And I must give Draco that... He's a great bedfellow."
"Better than Harry?" Mara asked, unable to resist at the red-head's sheepish admission.
The red-head lost her smile then, "I've never been with Harry."
An awkward silence settled uneasily over the kitchen, except for the bustle of house elves preparing dinner. Mara looked at Dobby and Kreacher...Dobby looking heartbroken that Harry Potter had been betrayed, and Kreacher looking positively delighted.
"Neither of you is to tell Harry of this in anyway... it would break his heart Dobby... and Kreacher...it might mean he would give you clothes." Mara looked at the two elves, kindly at Dobby and sternly at Kreacher.
Both elves vigorously agreed not to breathe a word to anyone, and Ginny looked at Mara gratefully.
"So Ginny," Mara resumed the serious conversation, "are you saying that it would be especially dangerous to be with Draco?"
"Yes," Ginny sighed, leaning forward to emphasize her point, "He's not like Harry, Mara. When it comes to saving his skin or someone else's, I can guarantee, he would always choose his own."
~*~*~
Draco didn't know what had transpired between the two girls, but the result was devastating for him...Mara now had new friends, and spent no time with him...leaving him utterly alone.
His emotions grew more and more linked to her, his happiness relying on her more and more. Finally, realizing that his attitude was destructive, he succumbed to his favorite way of working through problems.
When he finally came up on the psilocybin, a dialogue entered his mind, exposing more of his self than he would have liked.
You can't blame her Draco, nor anyone else. After all, you're the one who spent six years making everyone else miserable... Yours is a reasonable loneliness. You have made your bed, and now you must lie in it. Besides, talking to you is anathema, from both sides. No one trusts you, and I suppose that's rightfully so. Just because you thought that you and she had connected doesn't mean she's obligated to do anything. And how much of this is true connection? You fell for Ginny Weasley, and you fell hard. You let yourself be vulnerable, and she stomped on your heart... Leaving only one person talking to you... Mara. All this connection you feel is just your desperation for another soul to be connected to! And yet, she has a beautiful mysteriousness... A beautiful soul. Perhaps she is too good for you... Indeed, you could never mar her innocence. You should stop harbouring these feelings for her that are so unhealthy...she cannot fill the gap in your life! It isn't fair to either of you to place so much of your hope in her... She may fail you... After all, she already seems to love Potter.
Draco's loneliness led him to seek solace in the only place he knew how - with Moaning Myrtle.
"I just...don't know how to deal with all of this loneliness...how did you do it Myrtle?" He asked the question with a sigh one night as he sat in the abandoned girl's lavatory.
"I don't really know Draco...there was one place that I made my own though, and that's where I would go when I was lonely. I filled it up with good memories, and it became my comfort."
"That's a great idea Myrtle... and I know exactly where I'll have my place...Once it's ready, you can visit sometimes... if you want."
"I'd love to Draco, I really would... but where will it be?"
"I should think it would be obvious...we'll go dancing where the stars go blue."
~*~*~
While Draco assumed Mara had made new friends, her time was actually spent tutoring Harry to catch him up. Hermione was overloaded with helping Ron and trying to help Harry, so she'd asked Mara for help.
Ginny had decided to come clean to Harry, revealing to him that she and Draco had had a fling, and to avoid his rejection, announced that she'd since started dating Neville Longbottom, who had filled out nicely and was now seen as quite a catch.
Harry, lonely and hurting, found solace in Mara's quiet unassuming character. Finally, a week after giving her Kreacher as payment for the tutoring, he worked up the courage to ask her on a date...assuming that he was ready to move on from Ginny.
"Oh! Harry, I..." Mara's thoughts flew to Draco, and a wave of guilt swept over her for his loneliness that she could see writ in his brow, yet she knew that she couldn't be his source of healing.
"Just one date, just to see...please Mara?" Harry's voice entreated her.
"Alright," she conceded, pushing Draco's lonely face from her mind, and desperately stilling her racing heart, which warned her strongly of the consequences if Harry should learn the truth which she hid so fluently.
After all, if anyone knew... and as far as Draco...he's a Malfoy. If he wanted you at all, he would have said something. Besides, he is on the run from Voldemort...not exactly the safest guy, and he's not the type who would protect you...and who is to say you wouldn't be a rebound girl for him? You deserve to have some happiness, so go ahead and have some fun.
The fact that Harry, too, could be rebounding remained blissfully absent from her mind.
~*~*~
Mara twirled in front of her enchanted mirror, which told her, "You look gorgeous dear...the wooden shoes are a nice touch."
She had decided to show some of her Dutch heritage.
"Thanks," she grinned, looking out her window. To her surprise she could see Draco Malfoy, sitting beneath the willow where the stars would go blue, reading a book. With an hour to spare before her date, she grabbed a cloak and went to him...wondering what it was that took him to her Granddad's spot.
As she silently approached, she could hear him talking to someone, though all she saw was a misty cover over him. Drawing closer yet, she realized that the mist was actually a female ghost.
"Hey Myrtle, do you suppose I'll ever be free of how these emotions haunt me? Oops, sorry, bad choice of words...but you know what I mean. I desperately want to be genuine, but I don't know how to be."
"Draco...I understand your need to make sure you're not just using her, but I think that maybe...just maybe, your conscious effort to not use her is proving just how much you already are genuine in how you care for Mara."
Mara stopped, shocked to hear her name float out of the ghost's mouth. (Of course, if she'd known Myrtle, she might have been shocked at the lack of hysteria as well, but she didn't know Myrtle, so the sane ghost didn't shock her.)
"Myrtle, look!" Draco exclaimed, "The stars are going blue..."
And as Mara turned to leave for her date with Harry, she too looked up - and - noting that a feeling of loneliness had overtaken her, the stars indeed went blue.
That night at supper, Draco joined Mara at the small table in the corner of the Great Hall.
"So, what do you honestly think of the school," he asked her, after she mocked a couple Ravenclaws who'd dropped their cups, spilling all over, upon Harry's entrance.
"Well, I know Gryffindor is brave, but they kind of have a power complex...Ravenclaw is very smart, but they don't really work at their gifts to improve them. Hufflepuff is extremely loyal, but they are also great at holding grudges. As far as Slytherin grows...they may be cunning...but they definitely also have a power complex... you especially," she grinned, looking at him slyly.
Draco laughed, knowing that it was true. "Very perceptive," he acknowledged, realizing that she had made him genuinely laugh more in one day than he could remember having done ever before.
Suddenly they were interrupted by none other than Harry Potter himself approaching them, a concerned look on his face.
"Draco, Mara, you are more than welcome to sit with us..."
The dorm-mates glanced at the Gryffindor table to see Ginny glaring at both of them.
"I'll pass thanks," Mara smiled sweetly, "but you're more than welcome to join us sometime...bringing Hermione and Ron, of course."
Harry smiled at the girl with whom he shared a special, yet unknown bond, nodding his agreement. Then, as Ginny glared on, Mara stood and welcomed Harry back with a hug.
"Look at her, trying to put the moves on Harry," Ginny hissed to Hermione, who was reading her Arithmancy textbook, already a week ahead, despite the work she'd missed.
"What? Oh, well," Hermione looked up at where Draco and Mara sat and shook her head, returning to her text, "they do have kind of a history, I suppose. I mean, Harry seemed quite intrigued by her this summer."
Hermione looked up again when Ron cleared his throat, and realized what she'd said, and to whom she'd said it. Anxiously she started back-pedalling, "What I mean to say is..."
"She does know him then! I have to apologize to her... I didn't realize..." Ginny stood and made her way over to Mara, leaving Hermione gaping like a fish.
"What is all that about," she questioned.
Ron shrugged, and shaking their heads, the two of them returned to their meal.
"Mara, I would like to speak to you, may I?" Ginny interrupted Draco and Mara's resumed conversation.
"Sure," Mara rose, knowing intuitively that Draco wasn't meant to hear whatever it was that Ginny had to say.
Together, the two girls left the Great Hall, leaving Draco wondering if this was the start of the end for him.
*~*~*
The two girls sat awkwardly across from each other in the kitchens. A couple house-elves had presented themselves upon the girl's arrival, one named Dobby asking to serve "Miss Ginny", and a sullen looking house-elf named Kreacher had chosen to offer service to Mara.
"Kreacher never offers to help anyone," Ginny mused aloud, breaking their silence.
"Really? Kreacher- why'd you choose to offer to serve me then?" Mara turned to the elf.
"Mistress is a Pureblood and not a traitor," Kreacher glared at Ginny as he spoke, "like the filthy Muggle-loving Weasley brat."
"Kreacher!" Mara's voice was indignant, "You will apologize to Ginny and treat her with the utmost of respect from now on."
Ginny's eyes widened as the surly elf did just that.
While Ginny was still amazed at Kreacher's obedience, Mara spoke again, "Ginny... What did you want to talk to me about?"
"I wanted to apologize... And explain. I'm sorry for insinuating that you and Draco... And for assuming that you didn't know Harry. That said... I need to warn you about Draco. He's the reason Dumbledore is dead, and my brother Bill so scarred. More than that, he is on the run from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He begged Harry for refuge - and Harry brought him to my family. Because after all, who would expect Draco Malfoy, Pureblood Prince, Snob of Slytherin, to associate with the Weasley family... Blood Traitors to the highest degree?"
Kreacher interjected his opinion here, "The Malfoy boy is a good boy, he knows how to carry himself with dignity..."
"Alright Kreacher, stop extolling Draco's virtues, I grow weary of it," Mara snapped, intrigued by Ginny's admission.
The elf, pleased with the regal dismissiveness in Mara's tone, nodded.
"So Draco's running from Tom Riddle?" Mara mused aloud, "I can't imagine that's going over well with..." She stopped abruptly, then asked Ginny, "Why did you take up with Malfoy then?"
"To be honest...I was angry with Harry...and Draco and I had a lot of pent up passion. It used to express itself in insults and great dislike, the odd hex, but one night we came together... And I must give Draco that... He's a great bedfellow."
"Better than Harry?" Mara asked, unable to resist at the red-head's sheepish admission.
The red-head lost her smile then, "I've never been with Harry."
An awkward silence settled uneasily over the kitchen, except for the bustle of house elves preparing dinner. Mara looked at Dobby and Kreacher...Dobby looking heartbroken that Harry Potter had been betrayed, and Kreacher looking positively delighted.
"Neither of you is to tell Harry of this in anyway... it would break his heart Dobby... and Kreacher...it might mean he would give you clothes." Mara looked at the two elves, kindly at Dobby and sternly at Kreacher.
Both elves vigorously agreed not to breathe a word to anyone, and Ginny looked at Mara gratefully.
"So Ginny," Mara resumed the serious conversation, "are you saying that it would be especially dangerous to be with Draco?"
"Yes," Ginny sighed, leaning forward to emphasize her point, "He's not like Harry, Mara. When it comes to saving his skin or someone else's, I can guarantee, he would always choose his own."
~*~*~
Draco didn't know what had transpired between the two girls, but the result was devastating for him...Mara now had new friends, and spent no time with him...leaving him utterly alone.
His emotions grew more and more linked to her, his happiness relying on her more and more. Finally, realizing that his attitude was destructive, he succumbed to his favorite way of working through problems.
When he finally came up on the psilocybin, a dialogue entered his mind, exposing more of his self than he would have liked.
You can't blame her Draco, nor anyone else. After all, you're the one who spent six years making everyone else miserable... Yours is a reasonable loneliness. You have made your bed, and now you must lie in it. Besides, talking to you is anathema, from both sides. No one trusts you, and I suppose that's rightfully so. Just because you thought that you and she had connected doesn't mean she's obligated to do anything. And how much of this is true connection? You fell for Ginny Weasley, and you fell hard. You let yourself be vulnerable, and she stomped on your heart... Leaving only one person talking to you... Mara. All this connection you feel is just your desperation for another soul to be connected to! And yet, she has a beautiful mysteriousness... A beautiful soul. Perhaps she is too good for you... Indeed, you could never mar her innocence. You should stop harbouring these feelings for her that are so unhealthy...she cannot fill the gap in your life! It isn't fair to either of you to place so much of your hope in her... She may fail you... After all, she already seems to love Potter.
Draco's loneliness led him to seek solace in the only place he knew how - with Moaning Myrtle.
"I just...don't know how to deal with all of this loneliness...how did you do it Myrtle?" He asked the question with a sigh one night as he sat in the abandoned girl's lavatory.
"I don't really know Draco...there was one place that I made my own though, and that's where I would go when I was lonely. I filled it up with good memories, and it became my comfort."
"That's a great idea Myrtle... and I know exactly where I'll have my place...Once it's ready, you can visit sometimes... if you want."
"I'd love to Draco, I really would... but where will it be?"
"I should think it would be obvious...we'll go dancing where the stars go blue."
~*~*~
While Draco assumed Mara had made new friends, her time was actually spent tutoring Harry to catch him up. Hermione was overloaded with helping Ron and trying to help Harry, so she'd asked Mara for help.
Ginny had decided to come clean to Harry, revealing to him that she and Draco had had a fling, and to avoid his rejection, announced that she'd since started dating Neville Longbottom, who had filled out nicely and was now seen as quite a catch.
Harry, lonely and hurting, found solace in Mara's quiet unassuming character. Finally, a week after giving her Kreacher as payment for the tutoring, he worked up the courage to ask her on a date...assuming that he was ready to move on from Ginny.
"Oh! Harry, I..." Mara's thoughts flew to Draco, and a wave of guilt swept over her for his loneliness that she could see writ in his brow, yet she knew that she couldn't be his source of healing.
"Just one date, just to see...please Mara?" Harry's voice entreated her.
"Alright," she conceded, pushing Draco's lonely face from her mind, and desperately stilling her racing heart, which warned her strongly of the consequences if Harry should learn the truth which she hid so fluently.
After all, if anyone knew... and as far as Draco...he's a Malfoy. If he wanted you at all, he would have said something. Besides, he is on the run from Voldemort...not exactly the safest guy, and he's not the type who would protect you...and who is to say you wouldn't be a rebound girl for him? You deserve to have some happiness, so go ahead and have some fun.
The fact that Harry, too, could be rebounding remained blissfully absent from her mind.
~*~*~
Mara twirled in front of her enchanted mirror, which told her, "You look gorgeous dear...the wooden shoes are a nice touch."
She had decided to show some of her Dutch heritage.
"Thanks," she grinned, looking out her window. To her surprise she could see Draco Malfoy, sitting beneath the willow where the stars would go blue, reading a book. With an hour to spare before her date, she grabbed a cloak and went to him...wondering what it was that took him to her Granddad's spot.
As she silently approached, she could hear him talking to someone, though all she saw was a misty cover over him. Drawing closer yet, she realized that the mist was actually a female ghost.
"Hey Myrtle, do you suppose I'll ever be free of how these emotions haunt me? Oops, sorry, bad choice of words...but you know what I mean. I desperately want to be genuine, but I don't know how to be."
"Draco...I understand your need to make sure you're not just using her, but I think that maybe...just maybe, your conscious effort to not use her is proving just how much you already are genuine in how you care for Mara."
Mara stopped, shocked to hear her name float out of the ghost's mouth. (Of course, if she'd known Myrtle, she might have been shocked at the lack of hysteria as well, but she didn't know Myrtle, so the sane ghost didn't shock her.)
"Myrtle, look!" Draco exclaimed, "The stars are going blue..."
And as Mara turned to leave for her date with Harry, she too looked up - and - noting that a feeling of loneliness had overtaken her, the stars indeed went blue.