(Untitled)

Dec 03, 2008 00:22

Ugh, I think I spoke too soon...see? I'm so not happy right now. I'm unhappy and I feel that heavy, nasty, feeling coming back over me. I've become super lazy over the past few months. Not that I'm lazy...it's more like I'm really, really not interested in doing a damn thing. I sleep most of the day or watch tv. No joke. That is all I do. I have to ( Read more... )

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sweet_tiff4prez December 3 2008, 16:30:11 UTC
Its most likely winter. sounds like straight up sad-seasonal affective disorder

I thought you already seen a therapist at akron university? did you stop going?

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nbjones December 3 2008, 18:20:27 UTC
SAD contributes most winters but this isn't what that is, i promise. i've dropped all my classes, i work like 1 or 2 days a week if i don't call off, and i stay inside my room but like maybe 1 time a week for months now. i've been through this over and over again for as long as i can remember that i can feel the difference between when its seasonal, depression, or i'm really just kinda "down" and i know what they feel like when they creep up. my friends probably throw in their 2 cents because they've seen me at my most suicidal and fucked up and i do things that most people with depression usually don't. its a lot of things beyond depression, really ( ... )

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sweet_tiff4prez December 3 2008, 22:14:38 UTC
yeah you are right. sad probably doesnt mean its all responsible for your depression.

I know for me ...I had depression that came and went year long but it was way worse during the winter time.

Sounds like you have major depression. Definately go see a doctor gets even worse and I know from what Im reading its already really bad for you right now.

I cant say ive been there because we are two different people but I do know what depression feels like and I have thoughts of suicide also. Its nothing to wish on anyone

wellbutrin doesnt make me feel sick but different drugs work on different people.

Its going to be exhausting trying to find the right med but at the end it most likely will be worth it.

And you are right about therapy. I hate saying this but I also found seeing a therapist pointless. It felt like she was saying the same thing over and over again. Idk. I guess you just have to find the right therapist..

Butin all actuality I stopped seeing my therapist over 4 weeks ago.

The med works better than seeing her

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nbjones December 3 2008, 23:04:40 UTC
lol that is what i've been trying to tell you. i'm seriously a veteran and i understand all of this very very well, from experience over more than half of my life. it sucks and you're right, its not something anyone should wish on anyone else.

yeah wellbutrin kicked my ass. i've also been on zoloft, prozac, effexor, paxil, trazodone, celexa blah blah blah blah and this is why i wasn't so cool about taking medication. i got sick of it. but its worth it to me now if all it does is get me through school.

uh huh therapy is kinda lame, for me anyway. i think it helped a little more when i was in middle school and early high school the most... but the older i get the more i can tell that a lot of them don't really give a shit. not that they have to but it feels weird. and to talk about the same things alllll the time. its a waste of time and money. anger management, now that's what's up!

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infinite_rage December 4 2008, 03:06:16 UTC
I don't know exactly what you're going through but I can definitely relate. I've had issues as long as I could remember. Though I've never been on medication nor seen a therapist. I think a big part of it is the way my parents dealt with it. It seems as if they thought it was weak to look for help in the form or medication or therapy. Even after my suicide attempt a few years ago they had me lie to the doctors to say it was an accident, then pretended like nothing ever happened. This is why I've pretty much dealt with my depression on my own. I can't say it's better or worse, but I know after all these years I'm still dealing with issues. I know that "lazy" feeling as well. If I'm not working or going to school I'm in my apartment doing nothing of importance. Only time I leave my apartment is for food if even that. I do feel stronger than I did years ago, but I wouldn't say I'm stable. Every person has their own way of dealing with their problems. What works for one may not work for another. A friend of mine took a few different ( ... )

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nbjones December 4 2008, 05:52:35 UTC
i understand about some people viewing it as a weakness. some people act as if its not a real problem...like you can cheer up and "feel better". it hurts me very much to hear that your parents had you lie and say that your suicide attempt was accidental. i didn't sleep at all that night... i know it was far from accidental and i'm so so happy you're ok today. but if nothing else made them understand how serious this is, i figured it would be something like that. i'm sorry ( ... )

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infinite_rage December 4 2008, 18:33:29 UTC
Yea that's basically what I meant. There was a month this year that I could say I was happy...er content. Nothing was different really. Things were just as bad as they always were, but I was able to put myself in a different mind state. Though looking back I think when I felt I was brushing off anything unimportant I was actually just "bottling" it up again. That month came from me trying to force myself to be happy so to speak. I was sick of everyone telling me life is what you make it and to be happy you have to want to be and things of that nature. I tried...failed...and realized once again some things work for some and some don't. I still try not to focus on the negative, but it's quite difficult sometimes when there is so much. I just try to get through life a day at a time lately. And at times I feel sort of like a robot or something. I go to school, go to work, handle whatever business needed to be done that day, and go to sleep. And the whole time I try not to let any negative shit get me down, but with little to nothing to ( ... )

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