Day 24 | Whatever tickles your fancy
Had a sort of liberating notion the other day.
I was thinking about a woman that used to be in my life and isn't anymore, and something really great she did and how she's generally great, and how much it sucks that I don't see her and talk to her much these days.
And then thought about a more recent situation, where I walked away from a potential relationship because I felt slighted and disrespected by this new girl's actions.
I walked away, and it wasn't a big deal to me. A little sad, sure, but no tears were shed, and I'm not having second thoughts. In fact, I saw her at a social gathering about a week and a half after the fact, and she seemed more tore up than me about it. (Well, as much as I could gather without addressing the matter directly. She seemed bummed that I wasn't making an effort to pay special attention to her, let's put it that way.)
So now I'm like, "Well, if that's all dating is, why have I been sweating it so much?"
In other words, when I think of the handful of really amazing women who I've felt a connection to (regardless of whether or not that connection was realized romantically,) and then I think of all the women who are attractive and likable, and who I enjoy associating with but who I could kind of take or leave in the big picture...it's like, why sweat that at all? My life isn't going to be ruined for their loss, and my nerves aren't going to be wracked by the anxiety over the potential for losing them.
Now, the other side of that coin is, "So why even bother?" but there are obvious answers to that. Might as well enjoy the company of some potentially enriching people, whatever their idea of "company" might entail.
But! Following this thread, there's the place where the buck always stops with me, the Gordian Knot of hurt feelings. Because see, you're always going to take a chance on hurting people. And I hate hurting peoples' feelings.
But I think it's time to slice through that fucker and just say, "Well, you pay to play! If I stepped into a boxing gym, I'd expect to get hit in the face a little, so if someone steps into a boxing ring o'romance, they should expect their heart to go away changed."
tl;dr - fuck bitches, get money.
I was thinking about a woman that used to be in my life and isn't anymore, and something really great she did and how she's generally great, and how much it sucks that I don't see her and talk to her much these days.
And then thought about a more recent situation, where I walked away from a potential relationship because I felt slighted and disrespected by this new girl's actions.
I walked away, and it wasn't a big deal to me. A little sad, sure, but no tears were shed, and I'm not having second thoughts. In fact, I saw her at a social gathering about a week and a half after the fact, and she seemed more tore up than me about it. (Well, as much as I could gather without addressing the matter directly. She seemed bummed that I wasn't making an effort to pay special attention to her, let's put it that way.)
So now I'm like, "Well, if that's all dating is, why have I been sweating it so much?"
In other words, when I think of the handful of really amazing women who I've felt a connection to (regardless of whether or not that connection was realized romantically,) and then I think of all the women who are attractive and likable, and who I enjoy associating with but who I could kind of take or leave in the big picture...it's like, why sweat that at all? My life isn't going to be ruined for their loss, and my nerves aren't going to be wracked by the anxiety over the potential for losing them.
Now, the other side of that coin is, "So why even bother?" but there are obvious answers to that. Might as well enjoy the company of some potentially enriching people, whatever their idea of "company" might entail.
But! Following this thread, there's the place where the buck always stops with me, the Gordian Knot of hurt feelings. Because see, you're always going to take a chance on hurting people. And I hate hurting peoples' feelings.
But I think it's time to slice through that fucker and just say, "Well, you pay to play! If I stepped into a boxing gym, I'd expect to get hit in the face a little, so if someone steps into a boxing ring o'romance, they should expect their heart to go away changed."
tl;dr - fuck bitches, get money.