I love you man
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge isforbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present foranother man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday isstrictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar ofthe birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, youmay ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who'splaying.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you havebrought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for thepurpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only whenyou're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a toplessmodel and then only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos…EVER. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem - you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated asspies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability todrink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, as that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while liftingweights: a) Yeah, Baby, Push it ! b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder !c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equalfooting: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all othersituations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation youneed.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go onlonger than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by thephone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just afriend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feelingweird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other againbefore the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want forChristmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets anXbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
30: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do youreally know the difference between them? In an effort to keep youinformed, the definition of each is listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,"are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guyssmelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping yourwife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion, The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.