[FIC] HAS TO BE YOU
aya_rheign; jun/sho, based on ne-yo's MAD
title: has to be you
fandom/pairing: je/shojun
rating: pg
word count: 1659
notes: yay for my brilliant titles oh god. uhm. the requester said not to kill sho but ugh i was tempted to try out character death anyway, because my heart adores the angst it will bring. but, i followed the request and i let sho live :D! this kinda got long because i got carried away again. no beta, i do not own arashi, or ne-yo's mad.
--
Jun and Sho rarely fought. When they were children they had petty arguments, but they were just that, petty. They made up soon after, laughing at themselves for fighting in the first place. As they grow older, their arguments mature as well. They were both open-minded and more understanding now. Though there were times when Jun deliberately teased Sho, for the hell of it.
For some inexplicable reason, both Sho and Jun seemed to have reached their limits now. Their recent conversations were snappy and more often than not they ended with a bitter note. It soon escalated into full-blown fights. There was voice-raising, yelling and lots of finger pointing. Sho thought it was getting stupid--when they were having yet another one of these fights--so he left right after his outburst. He still had his manners though and he said a clipped goodbye as he closed the door behind him.
Jun watched his door for a few moments, hoping that maybe Sho would come back and apologize--or at least offer to talk about things--but he didn't and Jun felt annoyed. He let out a sigh before deciding to drink on this.
--
"Sho-kun had an accident." was what Nino first said and Jun took his call the following morning. Jun's head was still buzzing faintly from all that alcohol, and he asked Nino to repeat what he said. "Sho got in a car accident and he's in the hospital."
The gravity of the situation still hasn't sunk in Jun's head, but he followed Nino's prompt and rushed to the hospital.
--
"Matsumoto. Ninomiya. Aiba. Ohno." Sho recited as the four stood before him. He attained a pretty severe head wound, and he was very lucky to have survived that. "Yes, I know you guys."
"That's right. Arashi, right?" Aiba offered with a smile.
"Arashi? We're in Johnny's together." Sho frowned, looking at Jun. Jun felt a pang, a lot of guilt and a realization. Something wasn't right here.
"No, no, Arashi." Aiba repeated, slower this time. "We're Arashi."
Sho pondered on this though for quite some time before he said, "I don't know what you're talking about."
Jun's eyes met Sho's again and Jun felt like he was looking at a stranger.
--
The doctor explained it as partial amnesia. A part of Sho's memory has become unaccessible for him. It was pegged on the impact his head received from the accident. There was no cure. All they can do is wait for Sho to regain his memories.
"A-ra-shi, a-ra-shi, for dream," Aiba dragged Nino to dance their song with him, and Nino relented. "How can you not remember that song?"
"I don't know," Sho looked apologetic on his part too, and Ohno placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I think that's enough for today. Let's give Sakurai-kun his rest," Jun told all of them. He didn't like meeting Sho's gaze so he avoided it. Jun could feel Sho looking at him though, and he wanted to punch himself for looking away and feigning indifference but even if he didn't resort to those cowardly tactics, there was nothing he could do.
--
"You fought with him, didn't you?"
Jun hated how perceptive Ohno was sometimes. He didn't reply to that. It sounded pretty much rhetorical to Jun anyway.
"Don't carry a burden that isn't yours. It's not your fault, what happened." Ohno said soothingly and Jun would love nothing more than to just believe that. But he couldn't. "Right now, Sho-kun needs you, focus on that."
Then Nino came over and asked them if they were all right with wearing the transparent clothes again. Nobody really wanted to, but it might jolt Sho's memory.
--
They marathoned all their PVs, a couple of concerts and several important clips--television shows, promotions and the like--but no response from Sho. At one point, Sho looked like he remembered something, but it turned out he didn't. Four disappointed faces turned to him, and he really wanted to make things right, but he had no idea what they wanted him to do.
They all bade Sho goodbye after that. Ninomiya told him that his parents were on their way to visit him and Sho could've sworn Matsumoto threw him a lingering glance, although he might have imagined that.
He had a dreamless sleep that night.
--
"Oh, you're awake."
Sho rubbed at his eyes to ease the grogginess. He found Matsumoto on the couch nearby when he opened his eyes the second time. There was something about this person that bothered Sho. He couldn't remember much about him--which was the same thing for the other three who were with him--but he was bothered by his presence the most. The frustrating part was, Sho had no idea why.
"Nino just went to get you some breakfast. He'll be back soon."
"Oh, I see."
"Sorry if we pushed you too hard yesterday," he said, out of the blue. "We kind of panicked, I guess."
"I honestly don't remember anything and I apologize."
"It's not your fault," he reassured with a small smile--Sho decided he liked Matsumoto better when he was smiling.
--
"You see, here's that picture of you and there's me and there's Matsujun." Aiba pointed at the three people smiling in the photo.
"Matsumoto-kun... He's a good guy, isn't he?" Sho was surprised when Aiba laughed and smacked him lightly on his arm.
"Of course he is!" Aiba said, beaming. "He really is."
"Did we go well together? I mean, before?" He couldn't help himself, he had to know. There was a nagging at the back of his head and he had to satisfy it.
"You two were great together." Aiba reassured, and the soft smile on his lips told Sho that there was more to that story. But then Ohno entered with his lunch.
--
They told him not to push himself, but everytime he was alone, Sho found himself doing so anyway. It might be easy for them to say, because they know what they have. For Sho, he lost something he didn't know. And if the glimpses of the four's smiles were any hint, Sho bet that he lost a lot.
He just wanted it back again.
--
Jun didn't like visiting Sho. It became awkward for them, like they were getting to know each other all over again. Then again, the situation was exactly that. Though Jun knew that the Sho he knew was still somewhere in the post-accident Sho, for Sho, Jun was a complete stranger. He's given Sho much things to worry about, even before, and he doesn't want to add this to the list.
He wouldn't lie though, he's attempted to visit Sho every chance he got. But he stopped himself just in time.
--
"What are you scared of?"
"Why the sudden interest?" Jun just finished talking to their manager concerning what would happen to Arashi. They reached the conclusion that Arashi's group activities would resume without Sho for the meantime. Sho would be given a week's rest, but he was expected to return to work right after.
"Why don't you approach Sho?"
"Do I need to approach him?" Jun hated it that these people can read him so easily.
"You're being childish. Can't you at least exert more effort?" Nino's heated glare met Jun's cool gaze, and neither of them wanted to break eye contact then. "He's still Sho. No matter what he does or doesn't do, he's still the Sho you know."
But he isn't, Jun told himself sadly. He's not the Sho he knew.
--
The day of Sho's release from the hospital, Jun was the only one available to accompany him. He took Sho and his things back to Sho's place. There was almost a comfortable air about them, though that didn't stop Jun from having doubts.
"Is this mine?" Sho held up a novel that was on his bed. "It looks familiar."
"That." Jun paused thoughtfully. "That's mine."
"Oh. Did I borrow it from you or something?"
Jun didn't like where this was going. They were in the bedroom and Sho was sitting on his bed. And now he was asking too many questions.
"I left it here."
"In my bedroom?"
"N-no," Jun replied, a bit too quickly and defensively. "No. Maybe you took it here to read it?"
"Well, even if you say so, I can't remember." Sho smiled, trying to make light of the suddenly heavy atmosphere. Jun didn't reciprocate the gesture though and Sho was disappointed.
"What..." Jun began, and Sho peered at him. "What do you remember about me?"
Sho chucked, and Jun waited.
"Don't take this the wrong way--because I can't explain it myself either--but I know you used to make my heart beat just a little bit faster." Jun looked shocked, but he gave a small smile. This might've been what encouraged to Sho to say, "You still do, actually."
--
Suddenly, nothing mattered anymore. Jun didn't know why he fought with Sho in the first place, and he didn't care about it now. All the reasons that he'd given himself to stay away from Sho, those were easily thrown away. This was Sho. Right here, in front of him. And he'd been given something akin to a fresh start. Jun didn't care whether Sho remembered all those times they spent together. He can wait for that to happen, but he'd rather seize the moment now. He can do it--getting to know Sho, falling for Sho, and everything else in between--all over again anyway.
"I want to remember." Sho said. Jun nodded and let Sho elaborate. "I want to remember how we were or what we did. Who we are--"
"Sho," this immediately caught Sho's attention as this was the first time Jun called him something other than Sakurai-kun. "Let's make much better memories, to replace the ones you lost."
Sho felt his heart beat faster at that.
--end
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