[FIC] Bare
Title: BARE
Fandom/Pairing: KAT-TUN/JinKame
Rating: PG-13
Akanishi did not like touching Kamenashi. He fights the urge to flinch when their hands brush against each other’s-mainly for the camera; he would get scolded should that happen. He shows distaste-sometimes openly-for the activities on set that would involve physical contact. He would put some distance between him and Kame whenever possible. He just didn’t like the whole idea of Kame’s skin against his. But he’s professional enough not to let that show too much.
Maybe years back, he enjoyed it openly. No, that was taking it too far. Akanishi didn’t mind it. After all, they were together a lot of times and it didn’t seem wrong or awkward or illogical if they touched each other now and then. No, back then he didn’t mind the contact. In fact there were times when he admitted to himself that he enjoyed it. Back then, when they brush against each other and they turn to look at each other, Kame always smiles at him and Jin always smiles back.
People didn’t meddle in their affairs because firstly, they were Jin and Kame, and they were not people to mess around with; secondly, it was none of their damn business. Even Nakamaru didn’t bother his pacifying technique which involved locking them in a room. Maybe he realized that this was a completely different thing. Jin came to realize that sometime too.
It’s not as if they hate each other. Well hate was probably involved but on Jin’s side, it had nothing to do with hate and everything to do with growing up. He can pin this extreme dislike to touch Kame back when he was about twenty and Kame was somewhere behind him. They were a bunch of hormones, always arguing, always yelling, always fighting. Back then, the only thing they knew was to fight. Punch, retract and punch again. That was how they operate and this was no exception. They forget what they’re fighting about though. But they just need to cool off and then they’re on good terms again.
It was at that point that Jin felt unsatisfied. Maybe that’s what started those fights.
After that, Jin was a mess. He was snappy at Kame and in the same way, at everyone else. Frustration was focused more on Kame though and Kame didn’t take everything sitting down either. After that, Jin was off to America. He didn’t feel any less angry at Kame but he couldn’t understand why. Like before, it seemed that all Jin needed was time to think. That’s when he found out the reason why.
He told Nakamaru not because he wanted something to happen but rather, because he had no idea what should come next after this realization. It was a big thing after all, and Nakamaru was old and mature enough to understand this-more mature than Jin will ever be. Jin called Nakamaru one night, after he emptied three beer bottles alone in his apartment.
“Akanishi, not that I don’t like hearing from you, but I’m working right now,” Nakamaru hissed on the phone.
“Nakamaru. I think I know why.”
“What are you talking about?” Jin could hear lots of noise from Nakamaru’s end and he can almost remember how life went for an idol.
“Kame. I know why I’m acting that way with Kame,” the younger man said flatly.
“Can this wait, Jin? I really-”
“I want something more.”
There was a long pause and Jin only heard the undecipherable noises from Nakamaru’s end of the line.
“I’ll call you back later.”
--
Nakamaru did call back later and they talked. They were on the phone for about three hours and it was horrible because Nakamaru had work in a few hours and Jin had classes tomorrow (he did go to them, after all) but they talked. They argued a lot but in the end, Jin felt better. He wasn’t wrong in thinking that he’d understand. Jin asked Nakamaru what he should do next and Jin heard him sigh.
“What do you want to happen?” Nakamaru asked.
“I don’t know,” came Jin’s anguished reply. And it was true. He wanted more from Kame but what was it? He wasn’t sure. One thing he was sure about was that he wasn’t contented with just friendship. “I don’t even know why I’m feeling this way, damn it.”
“Maybe you and Kame can work it out-”
“Absolutely not. Do not involve him in this. This is my problem and I don’t want to drag Kame in such a thing. He can’t do much anyway.”
“Stop being stupid. Talk to Kame, will you? He-he misses you. We miss you.”
“I’ll be going now,”
“Akanishi! Act more grown up about this!”
“’Bye, Nakamaru.”
--
Jin dials Kame’s number in his room that night. He wasn’t planning to call him, just checking if he still remembers Kame’s number. He does remember and now he’s staring at his cellphone’s screen, just staring at the number, his finger hovering over the call button. Jin frowns and throws his cellphone on his bed. He curses some more before he calms down.
He wasn’t able to sleep that night.
--
When Jin came back, Kame was part of his welcoming party. Jin still hasn’t decided what he wanted to happen with him and Kame but he had a clearer idea of what he wanted from the younger man. Though he isn’t fully admitting it to himself yet. Jin got hugged by Koki, who was grinning all teary-eyed and by Nakamaru, who was starting to fight back tears. Junno gave him an awkward hug because he wanted to hug Jin but wasn’t sure if he should. Jin went ahead and pressed his tall frame against his. Ueda smiled at him and Jin smiled back. Kame was last in line of the hugging committee (which just consisted of KAT-TUN who had to get ready for a press conference in a few hours) and they just looked at each other for a while.
“Welcome home, Akanishi.” Kame said with a careful smile.
“I’m home, Kamenashi.” Jin smiled back.
They didn’t exchange body contact at all but Kame’s brilliant smile-“He hasn’t smiled like that since you went away,” Ueda told him-made Jin feel really good.
--
From then on, Jin didn’t like touching Kame. Kame’s touch felt warm and comforting. Jin didn’t like feeling those-especially when it’s Kame. Just feeling Kame’s warmth even remotely close to him is a grim reminder of the things that Jin can touch but can’t have. Nakamaru, who was the only one who understands, shoots Jin with looks of encouragement. But Jin opts to sit back with this one.
For once, he knows what he can’t have.
--fin
Fandom/Pairing: KAT-TUN/JinKame
Rating: PG-13
Akanishi did not like touching Kamenashi. He fights the urge to flinch when their hands brush against each other’s-mainly for the camera; he would get scolded should that happen. He shows distaste-sometimes openly-for the activities on set that would involve physical contact. He would put some distance between him and Kame whenever possible. He just didn’t like the whole idea of Kame’s skin against his. But he’s professional enough not to let that show too much.
Maybe years back, he enjoyed it openly. No, that was taking it too far. Akanishi didn’t mind it. After all, they were together a lot of times and it didn’t seem wrong or awkward or illogical if they touched each other now and then. No, back then he didn’t mind the contact. In fact there were times when he admitted to himself that he enjoyed it. Back then, when they brush against each other and they turn to look at each other, Kame always smiles at him and Jin always smiles back.
People didn’t meddle in their affairs because firstly, they were Jin and Kame, and they were not people to mess around with; secondly, it was none of their damn business. Even Nakamaru didn’t bother his pacifying technique which involved locking them in a room. Maybe he realized that this was a completely different thing. Jin came to realize that sometime too.
It’s not as if they hate each other. Well hate was probably involved but on Jin’s side, it had nothing to do with hate and everything to do with growing up. He can pin this extreme dislike to touch Kame back when he was about twenty and Kame was somewhere behind him. They were a bunch of hormones, always arguing, always yelling, always fighting. Back then, the only thing they knew was to fight. Punch, retract and punch again. That was how they operate and this was no exception. They forget what they’re fighting about though. But they just need to cool off and then they’re on good terms again.
It was at that point that Jin felt unsatisfied. Maybe that’s what started those fights.
After that, Jin was a mess. He was snappy at Kame and in the same way, at everyone else. Frustration was focused more on Kame though and Kame didn’t take everything sitting down either. After that, Jin was off to America. He didn’t feel any less angry at Kame but he couldn’t understand why. Like before, it seemed that all Jin needed was time to think. That’s when he found out the reason why.
He told Nakamaru not because he wanted something to happen but rather, because he had no idea what should come next after this realization. It was a big thing after all, and Nakamaru was old and mature enough to understand this-more mature than Jin will ever be. Jin called Nakamaru one night, after he emptied three beer bottles alone in his apartment.
“Akanishi, not that I don’t like hearing from you, but I’m working right now,” Nakamaru hissed on the phone.
“Nakamaru. I think I know why.”
“What are you talking about?” Jin could hear lots of noise from Nakamaru’s end and he can almost remember how life went for an idol.
“Kame. I know why I’m acting that way with Kame,” the younger man said flatly.
“Can this wait, Jin? I really-”
“I want something more.”
There was a long pause and Jin only heard the undecipherable noises from Nakamaru’s end of the line.
“I’ll call you back later.”
--
Nakamaru did call back later and they talked. They were on the phone for about three hours and it was horrible because Nakamaru had work in a few hours and Jin had classes tomorrow (he did go to them, after all) but they talked. They argued a lot but in the end, Jin felt better. He wasn’t wrong in thinking that he’d understand. Jin asked Nakamaru what he should do next and Jin heard him sigh.
“What do you want to happen?” Nakamaru asked.
“I don’t know,” came Jin’s anguished reply. And it was true. He wanted more from Kame but what was it? He wasn’t sure. One thing he was sure about was that he wasn’t contented with just friendship. “I don’t even know why I’m feeling this way, damn it.”
“Maybe you and Kame can work it out-”
“Absolutely not. Do not involve him in this. This is my problem and I don’t want to drag Kame in such a thing. He can’t do much anyway.”
“Stop being stupid. Talk to Kame, will you? He-he misses you. We miss you.”
“I’ll be going now,”
“Akanishi! Act more grown up about this!”
“’Bye, Nakamaru.”
--
Jin dials Kame’s number in his room that night. He wasn’t planning to call him, just checking if he still remembers Kame’s number. He does remember and now he’s staring at his cellphone’s screen, just staring at the number, his finger hovering over the call button. Jin frowns and throws his cellphone on his bed. He curses some more before he calms down.
He wasn’t able to sleep that night.
--
When Jin came back, Kame was part of his welcoming party. Jin still hasn’t decided what he wanted to happen with him and Kame but he had a clearer idea of what he wanted from the younger man. Though he isn’t fully admitting it to himself yet. Jin got hugged by Koki, who was grinning all teary-eyed and by Nakamaru, who was starting to fight back tears. Junno gave him an awkward hug because he wanted to hug Jin but wasn’t sure if he should. Jin went ahead and pressed his tall frame against his. Ueda smiled at him and Jin smiled back. Kame was last in line of the hugging committee (which just consisted of KAT-TUN who had to get ready for a press conference in a few hours) and they just looked at each other for a while.
“Welcome home, Akanishi.” Kame said with a careful smile.
“I’m home, Kamenashi.” Jin smiled back.
They didn’t exchange body contact at all but Kame’s brilliant smile-“He hasn’t smiled like that since you went away,” Ueda told him-made Jin feel really good.
--
From then on, Jin didn’t like touching Kame. Kame’s touch felt warm and comforting. Jin didn’t like feeling those-especially when it’s Kame. Just feeling Kame’s warmth even remotely close to him is a grim reminder of the things that Jin can touch but can’t have. Nakamaru, who was the only one who understands, shoots Jin with looks of encouragement. But Jin opts to sit back with this one.
For once, he knows what he can’t have.
--fin