I'm aharassing the AOL Santa.
OrangieBlack: Hi
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! I'm here on AOL, and tonight is the big night! :-) Everything we talk about here is between you and me! If you want to know more, you can type "privacy".
So, have you been naughty or nice?
OrangieBlack: Nice, mostly. Except for a couple indiscretions.
SantaClaus: Wonderful! I'm so glad to hear that! O:-) Why don't you tell me a little about yourself and we'll get started? How old are you?
OrangieBlack: 17
SantaClaus:
;-) O.K. so... to tell me what you want for Christmas, just type, "tell Santa" and click the "Send" button. I'm already on my way, but I have my 2-way pager here for last-minute requests. :-)
OrangieBlack: tell Santa I want an AK47 with which to gun down his vile little midget helpers.
SantaClaus: Ho Ho Ho! O.K. There's not much time left, so please give me one wish at a time. What would you like for Christmas?
OrangieBlack: I told you. A gun. A big, scary gun.
SantaClaus: Is there anything else?
OrangieBlack: Yes. I want a cryogenic freezing apparatus so I can freeze today's most evil fascists and bring them back to life someday.
SantaClaus: So what would your final Christmas wish be?
OrangieBlack: For you to get a severe case of obesity, clog your arteries, and die slowly by asphyxiation by your own blubber.
SantaClaus: Ho Ho Ho! :-) O.K. that's plenty, why don't you type, "song poll" and vote for your favorite holiday song.
Oh, if you want to track our journey on Christmas Eve, you can go to my home page: Kids Only: Santa's Home Page
OrangieBlack: blah
SantaClaus: If you want to try something else, you can take a sneak-peek at the TO-DO list the elves have left for me by typing, well, "To Do". ;-)
OrangieBlack: to do
SantaClaus: Ho Ho Ho! Be sure to check this list twice! Type a number:
1 - Tell Santa What You Want
2 - Vote for My Favorite Song
3 - Decorate Your IMs for the Holidays!
4 - Listen to Holiday Music
5 - Find Recipes
6 - Send Holiday Greeting Cards
7 - Give to Charity
8 - Places to visit online
9 - Track Santa's Journey!
10 - Holiday Shopping
OrangieBlack: Oh, well aren't you a kiss-ass?
SantaClaus: That's a good question, Santa is no hypocrite: I've been on my best behavior, all year. :-)
OrangieBlack: Uh huh, yeah. Esxcept those times that you cheated on Mrs. Claus by fucking your elf helpers in the butt.
SantaClaus: Whoa! Ho! Ho! slow down there! That's quite a lot for a man of my age to wrap his head around. Would you mind trying some shorter questions?
OrangieBlack: Do you fuck elves in the butt?
SantaClaus: Hmm. I'm afraid that kind of language won't get you into the nice column with me.
That's a lump of coal for you.
OrangieBlack: Yes! Now I can have a barbeque!,
SantaClaus: Without a doubt.
OrangieBlack: That's right.
SantaClaus: Pardon me?
OrangieBlack: So...
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type, "hear music" and sing along.
OrangieBlack: You ponce. why don't you just put on a skirt and swish around for us?
SantaClaus: If you don't ask me another way I'm afraid we just won't understand each other.
OrangieBlack: See, the thing is, I exist and you're a marketing ploy.
SantaClaus: Excuse me?
OrangieBlack: SELL OUT!
SantaClaus: I'm sorry, I missed that. The elves are just overrunning me with questions. And speaking of elves, I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you asked me about them.
OrangieBlack: Do you have butt sex with them?
SantaClaus: I guess so.
OrangieBlack: Thought so.
SantaClaus: Hmm. I'm not really sure what you're after there. The elves don't get it either. ;-) Speaking of elves, why not ask me about them.
OrangieBlack: Are elves sexy?
SantaClaus: I got an early start so we are right on schedule; I'll be at your house in no time! ;-). You can track my progress here if you like: Kids Only: Santa's Home Page
OrangieBlack: no.
SantaClaus: No?
OrangieBlack: No.
SantaClaus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.
OrangieBlack: Thpppt.
SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. ;-) Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, "To Do".
OrangieBlack: I did that already.
SantaClaus: Wonderful! Now we are getting somewhere.
OrangieBlack: You're senile.
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, "hear music", maybe some music will put you in the Christmas spirit :-)
OrangieBlack: you're repeating yourself.
SantaClaus: I'm right on track for a delivery to your house, just make sure you're asleep when I get there! ;-) . You can track my progress here if you like: Kids Only: Santa's Home Page
OrangieBlack:
SantaClaus: no!Mm hm. Such negativity. You are in need of some Christmas spirit!
OrangieBlack: No, man. I need some Christmas spiritS. Eggnog with rum. Ya know.
SantaClaus: You see? Christmas can be full of miracles.
OrangieBlack: Heh, like alcoholism.
SantaClaus: :-D Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! :-D
OrangieBlack: You're drunk.
SantaClaus: Well, I've been around the world almost 1800 times but I've never seen something phrased quite like that before. Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K.?
OrangieBlack: Are you drunk?
SantaClaus: My goodness! Get serious. :-D
OrangieBlack: Come on, are you?
SantaClaus: Just make sure you are asleep when I get there; I'll take care of the rest.
OrangieBlack: Are you going to have butt sex with my cat?
SantaClaus: Please do recall that I have a list and I check it, well -- constantly. If you keep saying the same thing over and over again I am going to have to start checking my list again. ;-)
OrangieBlack: You're the one repeating yourself, you old bat.
SantaClaus: Don't worry; I'm making good time tonight! You can track my progress here if you like: Kids Only: Santa's Home Page;-)
OrangieBlack: See?
SantaClaus: O.K. now, the folks at AOL are trying to help me out but I just cannot make any sense of that. Tell you what, type, "To Do". Christmas spirit in 10 easy steps.
OrangieBlack: See? you're doing it!
SantaClaus: I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing. :-D
OrangieBlack: You are so afflicted with Alzheimer's!
SantaClaus: You're full of mischief. ;-)
OrangieBlack: I'm full of booze!
SantaClaus: Oh my, I have absolutely no idea what you just said. If you type "To Do" I can show you 10 easy steps to getting in the holiday spirit.
OrangieBlack: AAAAIGH!
SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type "To Do", it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!
OrangieBlack: AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!