[original] Breathing
Breathing
Original
no warnings
Breathing.
That's what he has to keep doing, what he has to remind himself to do, what the sensations creeping through his heart won't let him do. Breathing.
Complicated.
That's what their relationship is. That's what these feelings are. That's what the sensation creeping through his heart is. Complicated.
And then there was the desperation, and the clawing to something that would never happen, never ever work because that's not how life worked. It wasn't pretty like in the storybooks; it was complicated, and breathing and smiling weren't enough to get a happy ending. Nothing was. Not eight years of friendship. Not eight years of growing up along side one another. Not eight years of crying and fighting and laughing and smiling. Of confusion. And hate. And love.
Love.
Is this what love is supposed to be like? The helpless, tearing feeling, the moon watching the sun set, knowing it can't chase it over the horizon, because that's just not how the universe works.
Is this love? Watching him walk away, and not being able to do anything to stop him? Watching him walk out of their life and knowing that it won't ever be quite as sunny as it was that first summer when they met?
Because if this is what love is like, he's not quite he wants any of it. But then again, he never really had a choice in the matter, did he?
And now all he knows is to keep breathing.
But he hasn't known how to do that on his own since eight years ago.