Moved out (finally)
So, back home from dorm life.
NEVER ... AGAIN!
I know the dorms are supposed to be a good experience and all ... but ... no, just ... no. No, no, a million times no.
So, I've decided to come up with a list of what I will not miss about the dorms
I will not miss . . .
1. The dining hall with its shitty food
2. Having to have my eating schedule revolve around the dining hall with its shitty food
3. Having to find somewhere to eat at the dining hall with its shitty food
4. Dealing with living on an all-girls floor
5. Having to know where my damn keys are every time I need to go to the bathroom
6. Having to wake up to the smell of burnt hair in the bathroom every morning
7. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks being emo is"COOL!"
8. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks being emo is "unique"
9. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks that being suicidal is something to brag about
10. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks that cutting is also a brag-worthy subject
11. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks having a poster of Edward and Bella is the best thing ever
12. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks having said Twilight poster staring at me while I sleep is totally fine
13. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks that if she can't understand what is being said in music, it should make her mad
14. Having a total bitch roommate who goes through stages of binge eating and anorexia
15. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks that piercing herself should be a spectator sport
16. Having a total bitch roommate who wants me to check out the (fugly) tattoo on her boob constantly
17. Having a total bitch roommate who is soooo religious that she thinks she is simply superior to me
18. Having a total bitch roommate who constantly tells me I'm going to hell
19. Having a total bitch roommate who throws shit when she gets mad
20. Having a total bitch roommate who leaves death metal playing at 3 am
21. Having a total bitch roommate who has all sorts of art of blood and mutilated people on the walls and likes it
22. Having a total bitch roommate who brags about listening to "hardcore shit like screamo" to try and make herself look cool
23. Having said music actually end up being Brittany Spears, an assortment of 90s pop, Miley Cyrus and anything related to Twilight
24. Having a former cheerleader as my roommate
25. Having said former cheerleader also be a total nympho
26. Finding vodka bottles in the middle of my room that aren't mine the first time my mother comes up to see my room
27. Finding beer cans shoved into the backs of desk drawers after my roommate leaves
28. Finding various bottles of other alcoholic drinks shoved up on top of closets
29. Tripping over zebra striped luggage
30. Having to deal with my roommate's stalker ex
31. Having to deal with my roommate harassing me about my Halloween plans
32. Being woken up at 2 am ... every single day by the same two Chinese chicks goofing around while washing their faces in the bathroom
33. Public showers
34. BROKEN public showers
35. Being kept up every. single. weekend by party people. (I get that you're freshmen and the whole college party experience is just ... amazing but little lame dorks like me need to be able to study and sleep)
36. Having people run down the halls and knock on every door while running as fast as they can at 2 am
37. Having drunk groups of people just sort of wander into my room and ask to sleep on my bed
38. Having people go around in nothing but their boxers offering to serenade you while playing the bongos
39. Having the Chinese chicks freak out when a guy is in the bathroom (he frequents our floor and knows almost everyone. He was drunk off his ass and puking. Would they rather he pukes in the sink in the kitchenette? Or on the floors in the hallways which are carpeted? My vote is for letting little Dallas go and puke his brains out in a toilet)
40. Broken elevators (not usually an issue but ... seriously? When I live on 8th floor, it's nice to be able to not have to take the stairs all the time)
41. POINTLESS "MANDATORY" HOUSE MEETINGS!
42. Constantly being told I'm odd because I don't wear makeup
43. Constantly being told I'm odd because I DON'T WANT TO HAVE KIDS
44. Constantly being told I'm odd because I don't have any interest taking the elevator by 5th floor to see if the half-naked guy is still tied to a chair there with a sign on his chest that says "FOR RENT (please be gentle, I break easily)"
45. Constantly being told that I need to worry more about what I eat (I'll eat what I damn well please ... carbs, fat, calories? Pssshhhh, I'm gonna die soon enough, might as well eat what I want)
46. Having girls use the outlet in the hallway outside my room to charge their phone while they sob and talk on the phone until 3 am (I do have sympathy but it's awkward for me and they're not in their room because they don't want to disturb their roommate ... how about me?!)
47. STAINED MATTRESSES! (I fucking kid you not)
48. STUPID SKINNY PUERTO RICAN CHICK WHO ONLY GOES TO MY ROOM TO GET NOTES, SODA, OR BITCH AT 1 AM ABOUT HOW SHE FEELS SOMEONE HATES HER (no, sweetie, omg. One guy hasn't fallen for you. There is one guy who doesn't want to jump your bones. He doesn't hate you ....)
49. Not being able to get into the building because your ID doesn't have the right info in it ... yet
50. Noisy little geek children in the laundry rooms who claim to know everything about Japanese and yet don't realize that you've been insulting him in Japanese for the last .... half hour? Hour? (Good times!)
51. Girls with no friends trying to pressure me into going to frat parties with them because they don't want to go alone (I am NOT! not not NOT! going to something called the "honky-tonk stomp." You really just aren't getting me to go)
52. Beer all over the elevator floors
53. Piss on the elevator floors
54. Girls telling me I'm fat
55. People automatically assuming I'm lesbian because I have short hair and don't dress up very girly
56. Irritating chick with no friends starting up food fights constantly in the dining hall
57. Heaters that break so that it gets so hot in your room in the middle of winter that you leave your windows open all the way and you're still wearing as little as you can and sweating like crazy
58. HORRID WIRELESS INTERNET (yay ethernet!)
59. Not being able to visit friends without there being rumors of you being skanky or cheating (so what if one of my few friends was a guy who lived on an all guys floor? I can still go to his room and visit with it just being that we're friends. Seriously? Grow the fuck up people)
60. GIRL DRAMA (cannot emphasize this enough)
61. Having sucky walls that no posters will stick to, no matter what you put the posters up with
62. Tiny rooms (I hate small spaces)
63. CRAPPY LIGHTING SET UP! (seriously? The only lights from the room come from inside the closet area and behind a board above the drawers .... or the desk lamps)
64. The mold (it grew on your walls, no matter what you did ... it was really really REALLY gross!)
65. Fake closets. (No, seriously. I want a legit closet, not a little box that comes out of the wall with useless bars and weird shelves at odd intervals with a curtain over the front of it. CLOSET PLEASE!)
66. Find other people's underwear under the drawers in your dresser
67. Cleaning up after drunk roommates
68. Having to hear about the status of my roommate's nuva-ring ("I can't find it ... I think it fell out somewhere. Maybe it's in the room." "I got my new nuva-ring today" "I get to change my nuva-ring today" "You can have anything in my fridge except the little packet- that's my new nuva-ring")
69. Having to watch the oddest shit on TV because of my roommate (I didn't know I was pregnant, various MTV reality shows, Toddlers in Tiaras, etc)
70. Having to watch Hannah Montanna on TV because my roommate was addicted to the Disney Channel
71. Having to watch the Jonas Brothers TV show ... again because my roommate was addicted to the Disney Channel
72. Having to go down multiple flights of stairs wearing pajamas and waiting outside while it's snowing because someone caught something on fire in the microwave
73. Having to go down and up the stairs from 8th floor down to main floor and then ground floor .... 3 times in a row because it's great fun for someone to pull the fire alarm
74. Listening to the beer cans rolling around in the parking lot everyday I have my window open
75. Listening to the trains go by ... every single night regardless of whether or not the windows are open or closed
76. The chairs that came with the room ... old and crappy .... and uncomfortable (and complete with hairballs attached from previous owners of the room!)
77. Having to pull long hairs off my clothes from inside my drawers ... (ummmm .... my hair is short .... ewww much?)
78. Useless house meetings that come to a complete halt because there are 30 screaming girls in a single room standing on the furniture paralyzed with fear because there is a small cockroach on the carpet (I was just there laughing and bitch that I am ... I didn't offer to just kill it or remove it, I waited to see what idiot stunts they would come up with to remove it)
79. Not being able to have any pets other than fish
80. Pigeons flying up to my window and scaring the shit out of me
81. Having a broken screen on my window so wasps got into my room all the time
82. Maintenance people who start letting themselves into my room while I'm still sleeping
83. People who help themselves to my room while I'm sleeping, change the lock and leave the door unlocked without telling me where I can get my new keys so I can lock my door ... (apparently I was supposed to get an email telling me I'd be having a lock change?)
84. People starting out conversations, "So ... you like the colour black?"
85. Having to wear sandals in the showers
86. Having moldy shower ceilings
87. Toilets not being cleaned for a week at a time when there are over 30 girls using 3 toilets regularly
88. Having no kitchen
89. Having to listen to other people's country music being blasted at any given point in time
90. People deciding to hit every floor button on the elevator ...
91. People drawing a dick and balls on every message board in the hallways
92. People getting shit stolen from their rooms on a regular basis
93. Irritating chick with no friends constantly mooching food off of me
94. The constant "my room is better than yours" contests ... (no one ever officially said anything but you heard about it ... and it got old)
95. Having the hall director bother me whenever my grades weren't high enough
96. The stupid "Willow Olympics" that everyone cared about but didn't give a shit about at the same time
97. All the stupid papers about recycling posted everywhere in the bathrooms and in the hallways
98. All the stupid papers about dieting posted everywhere in the hallways, bathrooms, the den, the bulletin board ... EVERYWHERE
99. Having a community adviser who takes it upon herself to make sure you have more of a social life and get to know more people and make more friends ... usually with her friends
100. Drunken yelling idiots in the parking lots everyday as soon as the bars close .... they not only sound stupid as hell but wake me up .... all the time
101. People bothering me for my notes at midnight the night of the exam
....
I could go on, but I think you get the picture
DORM LIFE WAS A MAJOR DISLIKE
NEVER ... AGAIN!
I know the dorms are supposed to be a good experience and all ... but ... no, just ... no. No, no, a million times no.
So, I've decided to come up with a list of what I will not miss about the dorms
I will not miss . . .
1. The dining hall with its shitty food
2. Having to have my eating schedule revolve around the dining hall with its shitty food
3. Having to find somewhere to eat at the dining hall with its shitty food
4. Dealing with living on an all-girls floor
5. Having to know where my damn keys are every time I need to go to the bathroom
6. Having to wake up to the smell of burnt hair in the bathroom every morning
7. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks being emo is"COOL!"
8. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks being emo is "unique"
9. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks that being suicidal is something to brag about
10. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks that cutting is also a brag-worthy subject
11. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks having a poster of Edward and Bella is the best thing ever
12. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks having said Twilight poster staring at me while I sleep is totally fine
13. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks that if she can't understand what is being said in music, it should make her mad
14. Having a total bitch roommate who goes through stages of binge eating and anorexia
15. Having a total bitch roommate who thinks that piercing herself should be a spectator sport
16. Having a total bitch roommate who wants me to check out the (fugly) tattoo on her boob constantly
17. Having a total bitch roommate who is soooo religious that she thinks she is simply superior to me
18. Having a total bitch roommate who constantly tells me I'm going to hell
19. Having a total bitch roommate who throws shit when she gets mad
20. Having a total bitch roommate who leaves death metal playing at 3 am
21. Having a total bitch roommate who has all sorts of art of blood and mutilated people on the walls and likes it
22. Having a total bitch roommate who brags about listening to "hardcore shit like screamo" to try and make herself look cool
23. Having said music actually end up being Brittany Spears, an assortment of 90s pop, Miley Cyrus and anything related to Twilight
24. Having a former cheerleader as my roommate
25. Having said former cheerleader also be a total nympho
26. Finding vodka bottles in the middle of my room that aren't mine the first time my mother comes up to see my room
27. Finding beer cans shoved into the backs of desk drawers after my roommate leaves
28. Finding various bottles of other alcoholic drinks shoved up on top of closets
29. Tripping over zebra striped luggage
30. Having to deal with my roommate's stalker ex
31. Having to deal with my roommate harassing me about my Halloween plans
32. Being woken up at 2 am ... every single day by the same two Chinese chicks goofing around while washing their faces in the bathroom
33. Public showers
34. BROKEN public showers
35. Being kept up every. single. weekend by party people. (I get that you're freshmen and the whole college party experience is just ... amazing but little lame dorks like me need to be able to study and sleep)
36. Having people run down the halls and knock on every door while running as fast as they can at 2 am
37. Having drunk groups of people just sort of wander into my room and ask to sleep on my bed
38. Having people go around in nothing but their boxers offering to serenade you while playing the bongos
39. Having the Chinese chicks freak out when a guy is in the bathroom (he frequents our floor and knows almost everyone. He was drunk off his ass and puking. Would they rather he pukes in the sink in the kitchenette? Or on the floors in the hallways which are carpeted? My vote is for letting little Dallas go and puke his brains out in a toilet)
40. Broken elevators (not usually an issue but ... seriously? When I live on 8th floor, it's nice to be able to not have to take the stairs all the time)
41. POINTLESS "MANDATORY" HOUSE MEETINGS!
42. Constantly being told I'm odd because I don't wear makeup
43. Constantly being told I'm odd because I DON'T WANT TO HAVE KIDS
44. Constantly being told I'm odd because I don't have any interest taking the elevator by 5th floor to see if the half-naked guy is still tied to a chair there with a sign on his chest that says "FOR RENT (please be gentle, I break easily)"
45. Constantly being told that I need to worry more about what I eat (I'll eat what I damn well please ... carbs, fat, calories? Pssshhhh, I'm gonna die soon enough, might as well eat what I want)
46. Having girls use the outlet in the hallway outside my room to charge their phone while they sob and talk on the phone until 3 am (I do have sympathy but it's awkward for me and they're not in their room because they don't want to disturb their roommate ... how about me?!)
47. STAINED MATTRESSES! (I fucking kid you not)
48. STUPID SKINNY PUERTO RICAN CHICK WHO ONLY GOES TO MY ROOM TO GET NOTES, SODA, OR BITCH AT 1 AM ABOUT HOW SHE FEELS SOMEONE HATES HER (no, sweetie, omg. One guy hasn't fallen for you. There is one guy who doesn't want to jump your bones. He doesn't hate you ....)
49. Not being able to get into the building because your ID doesn't have the right info in it ... yet
50. Noisy little geek children in the laundry rooms who claim to know everything about Japanese and yet don't realize that you've been insulting him in Japanese for the last .... half hour? Hour? (Good times!)
51. Girls with no friends trying to pressure me into going to frat parties with them because they don't want to go alone (I am NOT! not not NOT! going to something called the "honky-tonk stomp." You really just aren't getting me to go)
52. Beer all over the elevator floors
53. Piss on the elevator floors
54. Girls telling me I'm fat
55. People automatically assuming I'm lesbian because I have short hair and don't dress up very girly
56. Irritating chick with no friends starting up food fights constantly in the dining hall
57. Heaters that break so that it gets so hot in your room in the middle of winter that you leave your windows open all the way and you're still wearing as little as you can and sweating like crazy
58. HORRID WIRELESS INTERNET (yay ethernet!)
59. Not being able to visit friends without there being rumors of you being skanky or cheating (so what if one of my few friends was a guy who lived on an all guys floor? I can still go to his room and visit with it just being that we're friends. Seriously? Grow the fuck up people)
60. GIRL DRAMA (cannot emphasize this enough)
61. Having sucky walls that no posters will stick to, no matter what you put the posters up with
62. Tiny rooms (I hate small spaces)
63. CRAPPY LIGHTING SET UP! (seriously? The only lights from the room come from inside the closet area and behind a board above the drawers .... or the desk lamps)
64. The mold (it grew on your walls, no matter what you did ... it was really really REALLY gross!)
65. Fake closets. (No, seriously. I want a legit closet, not a little box that comes out of the wall with useless bars and weird shelves at odd intervals with a curtain over the front of it. CLOSET PLEASE!)
66. Find other people's underwear under the drawers in your dresser
67. Cleaning up after drunk roommates
68. Having to hear about the status of my roommate's nuva-ring ("I can't find it ... I think it fell out somewhere. Maybe it's in the room." "I got my new nuva-ring today" "I get to change my nuva-ring today" "You can have anything in my fridge except the little packet- that's my new nuva-ring")
69. Having to watch the oddest shit on TV because of my roommate (I didn't know I was pregnant, various MTV reality shows, Toddlers in Tiaras, etc)
70. Having to watch Hannah Montanna on TV because my roommate was addicted to the Disney Channel
71. Having to watch the Jonas Brothers TV show ... again because my roommate was addicted to the Disney Channel
72. Having to go down multiple flights of stairs wearing pajamas and waiting outside while it's snowing because someone caught something on fire in the microwave
73. Having to go down and up the stairs from 8th floor down to main floor and then ground floor .... 3 times in a row because it's great fun for someone to pull the fire alarm
74. Listening to the beer cans rolling around in the parking lot everyday I have my window open
75. Listening to the trains go by ... every single night regardless of whether or not the windows are open or closed
76. The chairs that came with the room ... old and crappy .... and uncomfortable (and complete with hairballs attached from previous owners of the room!)
77. Having to pull long hairs off my clothes from inside my drawers ... (ummmm .... my hair is short .... ewww much?)
78. Useless house meetings that come to a complete halt because there are 30 screaming girls in a single room standing on the furniture paralyzed with fear because there is a small cockroach on the carpet (I was just there laughing and bitch that I am ... I didn't offer to just kill it or remove it, I waited to see what idiot stunts they would come up with to remove it)
79. Not being able to have any pets other than fish
80. Pigeons flying up to my window and scaring the shit out of me
81. Having a broken screen on my window so wasps got into my room all the time
82. Maintenance people who start letting themselves into my room while I'm still sleeping
83. People who help themselves to my room while I'm sleeping, change the lock and leave the door unlocked without telling me where I can get my new keys so I can lock my door ... (apparently I was supposed to get an email telling me I'd be having a lock change?)
84. People starting out conversations, "So ... you like the colour black?"
85. Having to wear sandals in the showers
86. Having moldy shower ceilings
87. Toilets not being cleaned for a week at a time when there are over 30 girls using 3 toilets regularly
88. Having no kitchen
89. Having to listen to other people's country music being blasted at any given point in time
90. People deciding to hit every floor button on the elevator ...
91. People drawing a dick and balls on every message board in the hallways
92. People getting shit stolen from their rooms on a regular basis
93. Irritating chick with no friends constantly mooching food off of me
94. The constant "my room is better than yours" contests ... (no one ever officially said anything but you heard about it ... and it got old)
95. Having the hall director bother me whenever my grades weren't high enough
96. The stupid "Willow Olympics" that everyone cared about but didn't give a shit about at the same time
97. All the stupid papers about recycling posted everywhere in the bathrooms and in the hallways
98. All the stupid papers about dieting posted everywhere in the hallways, bathrooms, the den, the bulletin board ... EVERYWHERE
99. Having a community adviser who takes it upon herself to make sure you have more of a social life and get to know more people and make more friends ... usually with her friends
100. Drunken yelling idiots in the parking lots everyday as soon as the bars close .... they not only sound stupid as hell but wake me up .... all the time
101. People bothering me for my notes at midnight the night of the exam
....
I could go on, but I think you get the picture
DORM LIFE WAS A MAJOR DISLIKE