I just keep posting my dreams... well parts of them...
I had another dream about Nii-san last night. I was in my car by his house and he was with some people I didn't know. The walked away and he sat in my car with me. I started to cry and I told him we owed each other an apolgy. I told him I was sorry for all the bad things I said to him and he said he was sorry to. We hugged and I just couldn't stop crying. He told me to stop crying because he was okay and happy and he forgave me along time ago.
In reality we got into a huge fight over nothing several years ago. We became friends my sophomore year in high school. His mom had just passed away but you couldn't tell because he was such a hyper active guy. Not someone I would normally be friends with. He literally yelled in the hall way that he liked my shirt and tracked me down by the band hall after school and we talked. We got closer over the summer because we found out we lived wiith in walking distance from each other, He would walk to my house and I would walk to his house. His girlfriend was my best friend too. We became like brother and sister after awhile and were almost glued at the hip. My mum became his mom. He Introduced me deeper into Buddhism and I even went to some meetings with him. I loved going and they even remembered who I was when I saw them at his candle light vigil and funeral.
We got into a fight just before Christmas my our junior year. He was a bad boy and didn't like school so he repeated a year. We didn't talk untill just before school started again. but we were never as close. I don't even remember what the fight was about :( We did talk but he started to hang out with a different crowd and It was hard for me to talk to him because he was always with someone I didn't know and he never talked to me. Now I curse my stupidity and shyness. I wish I coulda talked to him and minded that tear between us...
We graduated together. when we took the group picture wearing our cap and gowns I stood by him. We talked then. and he even helped my when my freakin shoe got caught on the bleacher and made me feel like I almost fell. He was a nice guy no matter what his grades said. the principals and teachers agreed. the principals were even at his funeral.
I was so shocked when I heard he was shot and his dad was in the hospital. I heard It from my sister. she was on myspace and one of our friends had that as her status. we called my mum at work and she looked it up. The article didn't say his name but It did say where It happened. It was just outside his house. His neighbor shot him. Over a truck window that was broken. I sat in the bathroom and cried for at least an hour. I couldn't believe it. He was gone.
But I think after having this dream I feel better. Hopefully he was reborn into something better or reunited with the mother he loved so much.
I'll still miss him. He was the brother I never had...
"Forgive me if I possibly hurt your feelings today.
My immature self just said immature things.
If you possibly can't understand my feelings, it's fine.
No need for excuses, It's all my fault."
<3