[one shot] Habits

Mar 29, 2015 02:58

Title: Habits
Pairing: broken!Jackson/JB
Rating: PG-15
Length: ~ 2.8k
Summary: Jaebum develops some bad habits as he tries to forget about Jackson.
Warning: Drug and alcohol abuse



A loud rattling noise drags Jaebum out of his sleepy haze. He's lying facedown on the living room floor, his shoes half off his feet. Sitting up, he wipes flakes if dry saliva off the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. He picks up his phone right when it stops vibrating and sees that there are four missed calls-three from Jinyoung, one from Youngjae-and one voice mail message (probably from Jinyoung). Jaebum pockets his phone.

Easing himself to his feet, Jaebum does a few stretches to work out the kinks in his neck and back from sleeping on the floor, then he trudges off to the bathroom to wash the taste of death out of his mouth. His left hand monotonously moves up and down and side to side while his right hand massages his temple. The man in the mirror has lines and wrinkles on his face that didn't exist six months ago, his dull, bloodshot eyes framed by dark circles. The movement of his left hand gradually slows to a halt as Jaebum's eyes lose focus.

"JB, did you fall asleep on your feet again? You're so useless in the morning," Jackson giggles, his big brown eyes sparkling and his nose scrunching up cutely as he rests his head on Jaebum's shoulder.

Jaebum shakes his head, blinking hard; he's alone when he opens his eyes. As his head is spinning, he inadvertently shoves his toothbrush too far into the back of his mouth. A wave of nausea is his only warning before clear liquid and partially digested food force their way up his throat.

"Ahhh, you drank too much, Jeff. You're still drunk right now, aren't you?"

"Shut up," Jaebum coughs, tears prickling the corners of his eyes as he clenches them shut. "You're not even here."

When he's finished heaving, Jaebum turns on the tap, washing his sick down the sink, rinsing his mouth and splashing his face. Back in his bedroom, he strips off his coat and hangs it up in his walk in closet. Beams of red orange light stream into the room through his large, West-facing window; Jaebum steps up to it and rests his forehead on the cool glass. The throbbing in his head ebbs slightly, so Jaebum shifts to press his temple to the glass.

"I gotta smile whenever I see a sunset," Jackson's face stares back at him from the glass. "That was when we first kissed. Do you remember that? How could you not, it was like something out of a drama -"

Jaebum steps back and yanks the curtain over the window, plunging the room in darkness. Stalking into the kitchen, he opens the refrigerator and grabs a can of beer, ignoring the half eaten box of takeaway food (that's probably gone bad anyway). The beer is exactly what he needed. His eyes slip shut and a low moan escapes his throat as he drains the can. His phone vibrates in his pocket when he's started on the second can; Jaebum ignores it. He finally fishes it out of his pocket when he's lounging in his leather armchair and sipping on his third beer. There's a missed call from Bambam, his junior from university.

"Yo, JB, what's up? It's been a minute since we last hung out. Yugyeom and I are calling around, checking to see who's up for a night of epic partying now that our exams are over and we're FREE! Call or text if you're interested. Laters."

Jaebum can't help but chuckle at the younger man's exuberance, even if he is a bit annoyed that that stupid nickname has spread from-

"Oh, come off it. ‘JB’ is a cool name and I'm glad it's caught on. I know you secretly like it. Just remember that I'm the only one who can call you ‘Jeff’," Jackson's face appears in the screen of his phone. "That's my special name for you," he winks.

Jaebum dials Bambam's number.  "I'm in."

"Holy shit, what did you put in those drinks?!" Jaebum cackles, his head thrown back. "I can, I can hear the lights and see the music!"

The blinding flash of the strobe and the pounding beats all swirl together in Jaebum's mind, forming a whirlwind of stimuli. "This is fucking amazing!"

God only knows who he's talking to, he can't see well enough to make out anything but blobs of colour on an inky black backdrop.

"It's so hot though, it's too hot. I thought-I'm pretty sure I had a coat before, but why would I wear a coat when it's so hot?" Jaebum mumbles to himself as he stumbles around, catching hands and elbows as he goes. "Woah, this is...really different. I don't know how I feel about it."

"Heeeey, JB!" Jaebum blinks in surprise as a hand grabs him by the shoulder and turns him around. "The munchkins really cast a wide net tonight." Jaebum tilts his head, narrowing his eyes until the man in front of him sharpens into focus. "Don't tell me you've forgotten me already?" Jaebum's eyes widen. The man's voice is deeper than he remembered and he's gotten taller, but there's no mistaking him.

"No, no, of course not!" Jaebum lunges forward and grabs the other man in a hug. "I couldn't forget you if I tried," he closes his eyes, burying his face in the other man's neck. He's also changed his cologne of choice, but he still favours that earthy, masculine scent that Jaebum loves.

"Look, I know this is kind of awkward, and it might be the liquor talking, but do you wanna get out of here, maybe?"

It's hard to hear over the music, but he sounds hesitant. Jaebum could laugh at the idea of turning him down. He pulls away just enough to devour the other man's lips.

"I'd love to," Jaebum breathes into his mouth.

Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's the racing of his blood or maybe it's just a short trip to the other man's place, but to Jaebum it feels like he simply had to turn around three times before he's falling backward onto a bed. The other man is on him before he even stops bouncing, their lips melding together in a sloppy kiss. Jaebum buries his hands in the other man's thick, dark hair, moving them around to ruin the styled quiff.

"Oh, shit, we need to get naked. I don't think I can hold out much longer," he groans.

Jaebum complies, chuckling to himself as he fumbles with the buttons on his shirt and wiggles out of his trousers. If he felt hot before then he's practically on fire when the bare skin of their bodies finally make contact. It's clumsy and frantic and he'll probably have bruises on his thigh from the zipper digging into it with each thrust of the other man's hips, but a wide grin stretches Jaebum's face as his eyes roll in the back of his head.

"Oh, oh, oh, JB, I-Ah!"

Streams of hot, viscous liquid splash onto Jaebum's torso. It only takes a few more thrusts to send him over the edge as well, white spots appearing in his vision as he calls out the other man's name.

"Ah, fuck, that was...wow," Jaebum pants, his heartbeat pounding in his ears.

The other man's warm, heavy weight settles on top of his chest. Jaebum loosely wraps his right arm around his wide shoulders while his left hand gently cards through the other's hair. "I'm so glad you came back," Jaebum murmurs, his eyes slipping shut.

Jaebum blinks his eyes open, immediately squinting at the bright light burning his retinas. He throws an arm over his face and rolls onto his side, his back facing the uncovered window. He's not the only one who's unhappy with the sun, judging by the way his bed mate has his face covered under sheets. Jaebum smiles fondly at the tufts of dark hair sticking out from under the sheets.

"Hey, you," Jaebum says softly, hooking a finger and gently pulling away the sheet; he freezes.

The hair and the jaw line are eerily similar, but the nose is too pointed, the cheeks not full enough, the lips not pouty enough, the skin a touch too dark. Jaebum doesn't need to see the other man's eyes to know that they won't be the wide, warm chocolate brown ones that stopped him in his tracks the first time they met.

"Fuck," Jaebum scrambles off the bed, hastily buttoning his shirt and jumping into his trousers. The other man-Song something from International Business Relations-stirs in bed, but Jaebum doesn't stick around long enough to find out if he wakes up.

Jaebum is hit with the bracing February air the second he steps out of the lobby of the building. He wraps his arms around himself as he hurries to the nearest bus stop. He didn't see his coat lying on Song's floor with the rest of his clothes and he didn't have the presence of mind to borrow one before he left, so Jaebum is stuck in shivering in his silk shirt. A quick check of his pockets tells him that he still has his keys and his phone, no luck with his wallet.

"Fuck, I'll have to cancel all my cards and get a replacement licence," Jaebum groans, running a hand through his hair. "God only knows if my car is still parked hy the club," he sighs. "Whatever, I'll deal with that later."

Vibrations ripple down his left leg as his phone buzzes in his pocket. It's a text from Bambam.

'u alright? where'd u go last night?'

'Im fine, just had too much to drink'

'did u finally get some? ;)'

Jaebum shoves his phone back in his pocket, resisting the urge to vomit. It's not that he had a one night stand-unusual as that is for him-that makes him sick. No, it's the extent of his desperation to try to forget about Jackson, how quick he jumped to believe that Jackson came back despite the evidence against him. Jinyoung has been nagging at him for his drinking for weeks, and now even Youngjae has graduated from shooting him sad, sympathetic looks to offering his ear and shoulder. Jaebum didn't think that he needed to talk-or cry-about anything, but now he has to wonder. Look at him now, ambling down the street after an all night binge, looking like he just got jumped. What would his mother think if she could see him? What would Jackson-

Jaebum stops. In his pockets, his hands curl into fists, the metal of his keys biting the skin of his palm. Looking around, he spots a McDonald's on the other side of the street. Jaebum crosses the road and ducks inside it, heading towards the toilet and locking himself in the first empty stall he finds. He pulls out his phone and quickly dials a number that he hasn't rang in about six months. It rings without answer and goes to voice mail, but Jaebum expected that.

"Hey, it's me. I know you might delete this message without even listening to it, but this is honestly more for me than you anyway," Jaebum pauses, taking a deep breath. "...I just wanted to say that, that I miss you-so fucking much. You're all that's on my mind, even when I'm completely out of it-especially then," Jaebum's voice cracks, his chest heaving with restrained sobs. "I still love you, I can't stop," he whispers, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm sorry I ever gave you a reason to doubt that; I should never have taken you for granted.  I'm shit without you and I just-"

His phone beeps, the time limit for the voice message reached. Jaebum wipes the tears off his face and blows his nose before he exits the stall and steps outside the store. Either it's gotten slightly warmer in the ten minutes he's been inside or he's too numb to fully feel the cold.

"Did you see the way he looked at me when he said that we could always come to him for help? He was flirting with me," Jackson gushes, his brown eyes shining beautifully in the red orange light of the setting sun.

Jaebum can't help but smile at his friend's adorable antics, even as he rolls his eyes at his words. "Jackson, he's seven years older than you. And a teacher," he says plainly.

"So?" Jackson scoffs.

His misplaced nonchalance finally tips the scale of Jaebum's mood. "Look, I know you've got your weird ahjusshi fetish, but your fantasies need to stay fantasies. First of all, you don't even know if he likes guys. Secondly, I doubt a man who graduated university three years ago would be interested in a boy who hasn't even finished high school. Thirdly, even if he was interested, that would make him a fucking pervert," Jaebum snaps, counting his points off on his fingers.

Jackson pouts, his cheeks puffing out. Jaebum gets the impulsive urge to poke them with his fingers. "Oh, don't be such a killjoy, Jeff," Jackson sulks, turning his face away. "You never let me have any fun."

Irritation spikes in Jaebum's blood. He grabs Jackson by the shoulders and spins him around on the spot.  "I'm looking out for you! I know you like to think the best of everyone-that's one of your charms-and Taecyeon seems like an alright guy, but there are people out there in the world who will take advantage of your kind and trusting nature," his fingers tighten their grip and Jackson blinks owlishly. "I don't want you to become cold and cynical-that's my job-but you have to be more careful, okay?" Jaebum pants, feeling as shocked with himself as Jackson looks.

An odd silence stretches between the two of them as they both stare at other. Belatedly, Jaebum realises that he's well inside Jackson's personal space (which isn't usually a thing of note, but right now it feels so much different). He straightens up and takes a step back, coughing slightly. Jackson just stares at him, uncharacteristically silent. Jaebum desperately wills him to say something, anything.

"Hyung," he says softly, "do you like me?" Jaebum swallows hard.

Several responses immediately pop into his head-"Of course, you're my best friend", "Yeah, though God only knows why I put up with your crap", "What are you saying? Don't make things weird"-but Jaebum finds that he doesn't want to say any of them. He doesn't say anything at all, just closes his eyes and leans forward.

"Ow!" Jackson's hand flies up to cradle his nose.

"Oh, shit, sorry," Jaebum gasps, idly tonguing the small cut on the inside of his lip. His assumption that his embarrassment couldn't possibly worsen is proved false when Jackson's shoulders start to shake with laughter; his stomach churns.

"Come here," Jackson cups Jaebum's cheeks and tilts his head down.

Jaebum blinks and then Jackson's soft lips are pressing against his. Jaebum closes his eyes and wraps his arms around Jackson's waist, the churning in his stomach morphing into fluttering, his legs trembling like they're bursting with static electricity.

"Wow," he gasps as he pulls away for air a few minutes later.

"Yeah," Jackson grins radiantly. "But don't think it's skipped my mind that you haven't given an answer to my question," he says indignantly, poking Jaebum on the nose.

"What? Oh," Jaebum rolls his eyes, half fond, half exasperated.

"I wanna hear it," Jackson insists, his cheek twitching in that way it does when Jackson is trying not to smile.

Jaebum pulls him in an embrace and whispers into his ear, "I really, really like you."

Jackson squeezes him back, dropping a kiss on his neck before he rests his head on Jaebum's shoulder.

"Wha?" Jaebum grunts, his arm flailing out to grab his phone as it rattles noisily on the bedside table.

He's got one new text message. Jaebum mistypes his own password three times before he's able to unlock his phone and check the message. It's from Jackson. Jaebum shoots up, fully awake. He clutches his phone in his hand for a long moment, too anxious-good and bad-to actually open the message. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he taps the screen.

'I got your message'

Jaebum stares, his breath stuck in his throat, simultaneously relieved and strung out. Jackson not outright deleting the message once he saw who it from, listening to it and sending a response are all good signs, but what is Jaebum meant to say to that? Is Jackson even expecting a reply? Worrying his lower lip, Jaebum types out a response. His thumb hovers over the send button for so long the back light timer runs out and the screen dims. Jaebum presses the power button and taps the screen.

'Can we talk?'

p: jackson/jb, *one shot, *fill

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