Upholding My Promise
No joke. I'm seriously thinking of putting this journal to rest. I always thought I would be one to keep and hold onto it forever... but, it's dragging me down. I don't enjoy updating it anymore. *shrug*
It's accumulated too much bad karma over the past few years. Almost all the really great friends that were with me throughout the years have gone to myspace and/or facebook left the internet altogether got addicted to WoW moved on to greener pastures. (No pointing of fingers here. Nooo~) e_e No biggie. Seriously. Life happens. I understand. If this were the only problem, then I could remedy it.
Along the way I picked up a few people that just don't fit well with me. I don't feel I can be myself around some of you on my flist. Some days I'd like to make a post where every other word out of my mouth is a string of eloquently put together curse words... But alas!!! I can not! I have some very nice polite people on my flist... not to mention some really young people. It makes me feel guilty to do that. There's a few of you that are religious and I like to curse the gods a lot. But once again, I don't want to offend. I'm also a big pervert and like to talk smut.. but for the same reasons as the last two above, I can't. Sure I could but even though I'm vulgar, Mean and rude is something I'm not. *sigh* If my problem was solved with doing a friends cut and making my entries flocked, I would... but, that's not all of it either.
Another problem is that in my avoidance of LJ, I feel that I have neglected the few good friends I have left... and that is really shameful of me. It adds to my guilt and I avoid it even more...
patient: Doctor, when I bend my arm it hurts.
doctor: Then don't bend it!
Yeah, I know. If it bothers me then don't do it... but, I just can't get over the multitude of reasons that have piled up.
Originally, I didn't have time to update. Especially right as things were getting good. I had so much time on my hands I could stay online all day. I even had time to play a game that basically proved to show who could actively stay online the longest. (hell, that's how i met naa) Right after that, the real world decided that it needed me and I had no time for the internet or my online friends. (it made me sad. you online friends are my only friends. I'm lame like that. please don't think I'm guilting you into being my friend. i don't want that.)
When I did get time I came back to LJ it was different. Half the people were gone. The people that remained treated me differently. *hurt* I felt like an outsider. I would comment on people's journals like I used to and the comments wouldn't be responded to. Online shunning? I know it's not so but, it did make me feel weird. I felt that maybe I was overstepping my boundaries. I felt like I was begging people to be my friend... and that left me feeling like the only reason why people hadn't removed me from their flist was because they didn't want to come across as 'mean' to me. I know people like that. They don't want to offend anyone.
People also don't share my interests anymore. I know 75% of my flist would probably disown me if I ever updated again about anime or manga. *slaps self* I can't help it. I love anime!!
I know I'm jumping around but I can't help that either. My thoughts are rather scattered. Sorry.
There's no fixing what's broken with my journal. Sad as it may be.
So here's what I'm going to do about it. I'm getting a new journal.
So if you are thinking to yourself "Oh noes!! You can't leave!! I loves you crazy lady!!!, then you're in luck! :D I'm not leaving livejournal. I'm just getting a new journal and here's how it will go.
I will create a new livejournal. I will announce when it is done and I will give a link to it in this journal. At that time, you can friend my new LJ.
My fear of people being nice so as not to offend will haunt me. So, I'm not adding anyone as a friend first. I know that sounds like a cheap cop out, but trust me, it's not. I like everyone on my current friends list and the ones that want to follow me to my new journal will be welcomed whole heartedly. So fear not. :)
TAKE NOTE: If you friend my new journal then you are agreeing that all my cursing, talk of sex, drugs & rock'n'roll, razing the gods, and all round being myself doesn't offend you. Now, don't worry. Not all my posts will be vulgar and blasphemous. I'm not some dirty mouthed whore without a lick of decency. Well, at least not all the time. But! I do not want to feel like I have to hold my tongue and be someone I'm not. Essentially this means you agree to not be offended by me and all my faults.
When I no longer feel I have to put on a veil and be someone I'm not; when I no longer have to remember all the unfortunate things of this journal; when I can have a clean slate; I will be comfortable.
Hey, it's also a great time for my lj stalkers to come out of the dark, get an account and add me!! ^_~
Is all this a little too much and somewhat crazy? Well, maybe just a little bit. But in the last 3 and a half years I've not done anything drastic and remained right here regardless of how bad things are so, I feel justified.
I'm not being drastic. I've thought about this for a long time. I'm not being destructive. I'm not even deleting this journal. I have lots of good things in here. It's the only proof I have of past friendships. It's just time for me to move on. :)
I'll be updating soon with a link to my new lj. Hopefully I'll see you there. If not, I understand.
Last music upload:
Rihanna - Question Existed
All music files will be deactivated and deleted within the week,