more spam from the spam reaches
Also, argh, I must now gut out all the holiday icons. Well, all in due time, I suppose.
We start with "Easy E-CARD" (vllcbvksu@citysexlocal16.com) (and you can see my immediate problem with this one, right?):
Hey,
Um. Hey. Whomever you are.
This is hard for me because I have never done anything like this...
Somehow I doubt this statement.
but I have a huge crush on you.
I REALLY doubt this statement.
I have never been able to tell you for reasons which you would quickly identify as obvious if you
knew who this was.
You know what might help? TELLING ME WHO THIS WAS.
I'm really attracted to you
I don't care.
and I think you would be wanting to get with *Read FULL Card Here*
You're kidding. Not even printing the "FULL Card"?? Lame.
[URL redacted]
Blah. On reflection, this turned out to be simply dull. Onward!
From: Duke Gyan (Duke@mail.com)
Reply to: duke.gyan244@adinet.com.uy
I've never come across the "uy" extension. Anyone know where that might be?
Subject: "Compliment" from Duke, Please Reply Back
When "Compliment" is in quotes, I have dread.
Good-Day,
My name is Mr.Duke Gyan, a politician and a previous member of Ghana's executive committee on contract awards.
But of course you are. No, really.
My purpose of connecting you is to crave your indulgence to assist me in securing some funds abroad for safe keeping which I incidentally kept to help me finance my parliamentary elections campaign under the party umbrella of National Patriotic Party (NPP) last December 2012 which has just ended, Unfortunately for me I lost the seat to my opposition member under the party of National Democratic Congress (NDC).
Run-on sentence from hell. Also no. So not helping with this. Do not even care.
But with my immediate contact, I was able to deposit some kickback money that emanated from award of contracts to Chinese and Malaysia companies into a commercial bank here in Ghana pending when I will find a trustworthy person to move out the funds from Ghana to an oversea bank account for business investment.
So...wait. Let me make sure I understand. You're in Ghana, and you have engaged in dubious money-laundering practices throughout China and Malaysia to make the funds untraceable when returned to Ghana, and...now you want to send the funds on somewhere else to a total stranger?
Riiiiiight.
If you are intrested
I do not believe, unless I have suffered an extreme and debilitating brain injury, that I will ever be "intrested" in anything.
to assist and work with me,
No.
kindly contact me back with your full names,your direct telephone number and your contact mailing address
No.
so that I will give you full details on the way forward.Waiting for your favourable positive response.
Don't hold your breath.
From: Mr. Lee K. Wook (wooklee729@yahoo.com.hk)
Reply to: wooklee729@gmail.com
Subject: Private and Confidential Business Proposal For Your Kind Attention!
Yeah, this is another one I just know isn't going to go well.
Dear Friend,
You are not my friend.
Let me start by introducing myself, I am Mr. Lee K. Wook, from Bank of China, Malaysia. I have an obscured Business suggestion for you.
Let me stop right here and say how much I LOVE, really and truly ADORE, the thought of an "obscured business suggestion". That is absolutely brilliant and I am struck dumb with the beauty and hilarity in that phrase.
In 2006, a businessman and also was a Syrian Minister of Defense
Is there a bit missing from here? Like, something that might go, "a businessman named [something] who also was a Syrian Minister", perhaps?
with the Syria Government (Gen. Hasan Ali Turkmani) came to our bank and made a Fixed (Numbered) deposit of Seven Million Three Hundred Thousand United State Dollars (US$7,300,000.00)
Suuuuuure he did. But points to you for choosing a real guy.
Only in my branch for 12 calendar months, I personally supervise and manage this account being a high profile client. I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. A month later, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered that he died and this account remains anonymous to his family and relatives, it’s an account that cannot be trace back to him. I found out that he died without making a WILL.
So...you're absconding with the funds because you're a dirty, dirty thief?
Mid 2012 I was watching CNN July 18th 2012 to found tragedy news about his death in Damascus. After proper further investigations, it was also discovered that he did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit and he also confided in me the last time he was in my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank.
Actually, this is a good question. What does happen to intestate bank accounts? If there's no family, does the bank just keep it? Does it revert? Does it evaporate? I really don't know.
So, Twenty Three Million United State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever came forward to claim it.
Which is where I assume I come in. Or something.
What bothers me most is that according to Laws of Malaysia, at the expiration of Seven (7) years the funds will revert to the ownership of the Chinese Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.
Ah, so at least in China, seven years and it's the government's funds. That actually makes a certain amount of sense--the government's most likely, really, to reinvest the funds.
Against this scenery,
I think you mean "scenario"...
I have all the information needed to claim these funds and I want you to act as the beneficiary of the deposit, there is no risk involved in this matter, as we are going to adopt a legitimate method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary documents.
Yeah, that's so not true, but seriously, even assuming this is a legitimate offer--which it's not--how does this even work? I say yes, you...what, send me a plane ticket? Highly doubtful.
I have evaluated the risks, and the only risk I have here is for you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank.
Or, y'know, just ignoring you entirely.
I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the centre of relevance in my life.
You have to be kidding me.
Please endeavour to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we shall share in the ratio of 50% for me, and 50% for you. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. Please observe this instruction religiously.
Not that religious, obviously.
All I require is your honest co-operation and I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please accept my apologies and keep my confidence.
Yeah, that so didn't work out for you either, not that you exist.
Considering the money involved, and due to the nature of this transaction, it is necessary for you to be sure of whom you are transacting with. I want to be sure that you are ready, to execute this transaction with me, What I expect from you is trust and commitment, I want this large sum of money transferred with your assistance and you should have nothing to worry about regarding legality AT ALL, because what affects you Shall also affects me too, considering the paper work we are about to sign together but, I will appreciate you to follow my directives amicably as everything shall be done in accordance passing through all international banking laws, and as a Banker I know that if we follow up this transaction diligently it would be completed within 9 working days.
Run-on sentence from hell again. Also, no.
Please get back to me only if you are interested so that my attorney can start the paper works and re profile the documents to your names. You can reach me on: wooklee729@yahoo.com.hk
No.
We start with "Easy E-CARD" (vllcbvksu@citysexlocal16.com) (and you can see my immediate problem with this one, right?):
Hey,
Um. Hey. Whomever you are.
This is hard for me because I have never done anything like this...
Somehow I doubt this statement.
but I have a huge crush on you.
I REALLY doubt this statement.
I have never been able to tell you for reasons which you would quickly identify as obvious if you
knew who this was.
You know what might help? TELLING ME WHO THIS WAS.
I'm really attracted to you
I don't care.
and I think you would be wanting to get with *Read FULL Card Here*
You're kidding. Not even printing the "FULL Card"?? Lame.
[URL redacted]
Blah. On reflection, this turned out to be simply dull. Onward!
From: Duke Gyan (Duke@mail.com)
Reply to: duke.gyan244@adinet.com.uy
I've never come across the "uy" extension. Anyone know where that might be?
Subject: "Compliment" from Duke, Please Reply Back
When "Compliment" is in quotes, I have dread.
Good-Day,
My name is Mr.Duke Gyan, a politician and a previous member of Ghana's executive committee on contract awards.
But of course you are. No, really.
My purpose of connecting you is to crave your indulgence to assist me in securing some funds abroad for safe keeping which I incidentally kept to help me finance my parliamentary elections campaign under the party umbrella of National Patriotic Party (NPP) last December 2012 which has just ended, Unfortunately for me I lost the seat to my opposition member under the party of National Democratic Congress (NDC).
Run-on sentence from hell. Also no. So not helping with this. Do not even care.
But with my immediate contact, I was able to deposit some kickback money that emanated from award of contracts to Chinese and Malaysia companies into a commercial bank here in Ghana pending when I will find a trustworthy person to move out the funds from Ghana to an oversea bank account for business investment.
So...wait. Let me make sure I understand. You're in Ghana, and you have engaged in dubious money-laundering practices throughout China and Malaysia to make the funds untraceable when returned to Ghana, and...now you want to send the funds on somewhere else to a total stranger?
Riiiiiight.
If you are intrested
I do not believe, unless I have suffered an extreme and debilitating brain injury, that I will ever be "intrested" in anything.
to assist and work with me,
No.
kindly contact me back with your full names,your direct telephone number and your contact mailing address
No.
so that I will give you full details on the way forward.Waiting for your favourable positive response.
Don't hold your breath.
From: Mr. Lee K. Wook (wooklee729@yahoo.com.hk)
Reply to: wooklee729@gmail.com
Subject: Private and Confidential Business Proposal For Your Kind Attention!
Yeah, this is another one I just know isn't going to go well.
Dear Friend,
You are not my friend.
Let me start by introducing myself, I am Mr. Lee K. Wook, from Bank of China, Malaysia. I have an obscured Business suggestion for you.
Let me stop right here and say how much I LOVE, really and truly ADORE, the thought of an "obscured business suggestion". That is absolutely brilliant and I am struck dumb with the beauty and hilarity in that phrase.
In 2006, a businessman and also was a Syrian Minister of Defense
Is there a bit missing from here? Like, something that might go, "a businessman named [something] who also was a Syrian Minister", perhaps?
with the Syria Government (Gen. Hasan Ali Turkmani) came to our bank and made a Fixed (Numbered) deposit of Seven Million Three Hundred Thousand United State Dollars (US$7,300,000.00)
Suuuuuure he did. But points to you for choosing a real guy.
Only in my branch for 12 calendar months, I personally supervise and manage this account being a high profile client. I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. A month later, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered that he died and this account remains anonymous to his family and relatives, it’s an account that cannot be trace back to him. I found out that he died without making a WILL.
So...you're absconding with the funds because you're a dirty, dirty thief?
Mid 2012 I was watching CNN July 18th 2012 to found tragedy news about his death in Damascus. After proper further investigations, it was also discovered that he did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit and he also confided in me the last time he was in my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank.
Actually, this is a good question. What does happen to intestate bank accounts? If there's no family, does the bank just keep it? Does it revert? Does it evaporate? I really don't know.
So, Twenty Three Million United State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever came forward to claim it.
Which is where I assume I come in. Or something.
What bothers me most is that according to Laws of Malaysia, at the expiration of Seven (7) years the funds will revert to the ownership of the Chinese Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.
Ah, so at least in China, seven years and it's the government's funds. That actually makes a certain amount of sense--the government's most likely, really, to reinvest the funds.
Against this scenery,
I think you mean "scenario"...
I have all the information needed to claim these funds and I want you to act as the beneficiary of the deposit, there is no risk involved in this matter, as we are going to adopt a legitimate method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary documents.
Yeah, that's so not true, but seriously, even assuming this is a legitimate offer--which it's not--how does this even work? I say yes, you...what, send me a plane ticket? Highly doubtful.
I have evaluated the risks, and the only risk I have here is for you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank.
Or, y'know, just ignoring you entirely.
I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the centre of relevance in my life.
You have to be kidding me.
Please endeavour to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we shall share in the ratio of 50% for me, and 50% for you. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. Please observe this instruction religiously.
Not that religious, obviously.
All I require is your honest co-operation and I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please accept my apologies and keep my confidence.
Yeah, that so didn't work out for you either, not that you exist.
Considering the money involved, and due to the nature of this transaction, it is necessary for you to be sure of whom you are transacting with. I want to be sure that you are ready, to execute this transaction with me, What I expect from you is trust and commitment, I want this large sum of money transferred with your assistance and you should have nothing to worry about regarding legality AT ALL, because what affects you Shall also affects me too, considering the paper work we are about to sign together but, I will appreciate you to follow my directives amicably as everything shall be done in accordance passing through all international banking laws, and as a Banker I know that if we follow up this transaction diligently it would be completed within 9 working days.
Run-on sentence from hell again. Also, no.
Please get back to me only if you are interested so that my attorney can start the paper works and re profile the documents to your names. You can reach me on: wooklee729@yahoo.com.hk
No.