MST: Frighteningly Predictable
Title: Frighteningly Predictable
Author: Nemesis (Nems) -- well, of the MST, anyway. Fic was written by benjimmy. MST done with his permission
Pairing: FIC: House/Wilson. MST: House/Wilson.
Rating: FIC: NC-17. MST: R
Warnings: MST. Duh. Oh, the fic includes: "Biting, alcohol, shagging, slight dub-con, a bit of smacking around, slight AU."
Disclaimer: Okay. *munches some popcorn*. I'm watching the credits now... Wouldja look at that! They don't say "Nemesis" anywhere near there. Not even in the random tech stuffs. Guess it's not mine then!
Summary: Of the fic: PWP, set in a college dorm.
Of the MST: House/Wilson, Wilson without any kinks.
A/N: THIS IS DONE WITH PERMISSION. My wonderful husband has given my permission to MST this fic, provided that I link his story.
Link to Bitten: HERE
This is slightly odd. The gloves definitely came off with this MST. Oh. And not only was I given permission, but I have final approval too. w00t.
Dedicated to Ben for letting me MST his work.
Dr. House is being forced would like to take this time and space to remind you that "puppies shouldn't be kicked, Chase is a whore, and reviews are love. Can I have a week off Clinic duty now?" Dr. Wilson would like to add, "Favorite lines are much appreciated, I'm told. Ditto for concrit."
HOUSE: Wilson! I come bearing fic!
WILSON: House, I can’t stand another bad!fic. Tomorrow.
HOUSE: *drops papers on Wilson’s desk* It’s not bad!fic. It’s just slightly odd.
WILSON: The grammar is okay?
HOUSE: I thought Foreman was the one who seized at the bad grammar.
WILSON: Just because Foreman’s the one who seizes doesn’t mean I like it.
HOUSE: Fair point. No, the grammar’s fine.
WILSON: *sighs* Okay. No fellows?
HOUSE: *grin* I don’t think so. It’s NC-17. They’re too young for this.
WILSON: *rolls eyes* *hides grin*
Title: Bitten
WILSON: Is this another vampire fic?
HOUSE: I don’t know.
Rating: NC-17
WILSON: What about the author?
HOUSE: *checks site* Someone named benjimmy.
WILSON: I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about them by name…
MST-er: *randomly appears* My husband. Said you could talk about him. Just read the damn fic. *disappears in a cloud of rainbow smoke (yes, it’s gay. So’s having a husband)*
Word Count: 2629
Disclaimer: All models represented in this story are over the age of eighteen. The following is not a paid advertisement, nor does it reflect the opinions of FOX or its affiliates. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. As evidenced by this disclaimer, I watch far too much television.
HOUSE: I like him.
WILSON: You’d like anyone who’d watch TV with you.
HOUSE: Well, he’d have to be silent. Which, by the way, you’re not.
WILSON: You like my moans of pleasure.
HOUSE: *leer*
Summary: PWP, set in a college dorm.
HOUSE: … College dorm? Cool. I have two functional legs in this.
WILSON: *grouse* I hated college dorms. Parties, drinking, no silence for studying.
HOUSE: *gives Wilson an odd look* I’m so glad I didn’t know you in college… although, maybe I could’ve saved you from your nerdiness.
Warnings: Biting, alcohol, shagging, slight dub-con, a bit of smacking around, slight AU. I'm feeling kinky these days.
BOTH: O.o.
HOUSE: Um… who’s doing what?
WILSON: *defensively* I’m not kinky.
HOUSE: I know. *sounds disappointed*
A/N: Based on actual events (from the somewhat typical life of a Uni-aged poof), which negates part of my disclaimer.
HOUSE: Why does she…
MST-er: Didn’t I say husband? The author’s a he. And ‘poof’ should’ve tipped you off anyway. Carry on. *disappears again*
HOUSE: Fine. Why does he think that because it happened to him he should write about it?
WILSON: *pats House* There, there. I’m sure it’s not that bad.
Names have been changed to protect the guilty (me) and the violated (other party).
HOUSE: And because if he referred to them by their actual names, it wouldn’t be fic. It would be original fiction and we’d be reading stalker!Cameron again instead.
This is AU in the sense that in this story, both House and Wilson are approximately the age of your average undergraduate, and are roommates. Unbeta’d. Comments, criticisms, and feedback encouraged.
HOUSE: Do you see that?
WILSON: You told me this wasn’t bad!fic.
HOUSE: *shrugs* I hadn’t read it. Needed to say something to get you to read it with me. Unbetaed. Oh no.
WILSON: And an inappropriately placed comma after undergraduate. Oh no.
James Wilson was drunk. Name-forgettingly, truth-tellingly drunk.
HOUSE: If you’ve forgotten your name, how can you remember the truth?
Greg House, on the other hand, wasn’t. He was pleasantly buzzed. Normally, he’d be tripping over the sofa and completely missing the toilet like everyone else, but tonight, he had a Goal.
WILSON: Not a goal. A Goal. More important than a goal.
HOUSE: …
WILSON: Too much?
HOUSE: Yeah.
And that goal was to get one James Wilson naked.
WILSON: You can get me naked anytime.
HOUSE: *hopeful* Now?
WILSON: … Okay. Anytime outside of work.
The drunker Wilson got, the easier it was going to be, and now seemed to be the perfect time. One more drop of alcohol in Wilson
HOUSE: One drop. Note the exaggeration.
WILSON: House, I have work. It doesn’t merit commenting. Moving on.
and he’d be making vomit fountains
HOUSE: *strange look* I can’t decide if that’s an intriguing visual or a disgusting one.
WILSON: *strange look at House*
HOUSE: Wilson, we’re doctors. Bodily fluids spurting is a daily occurrence. Vomit fountains seem pretty cool.
WILSON: Ooo-kay. Moving on.
(in his head, House had a chart of all Wilson’s states of drunkenness, and exactly how much vodka it took him to reach all of those states- Wilson was frighteningly predictable sometimes).
HOUSE: *wince*
WILSON: *frowns* This bit’s fine. What’s with the wince?
HOUSE: My leg. It hurts.
WILSON: *immediately rubs it*
HOUSE: Spot-on, this author. Frighteningly predictable indeed.
In the state Wilson was in now, he’d be perfectly uninhibited and wake up with a nasty hangover. The downside was that Wilson would never be able to get it up, but then House didn’t really mind.
HOUSE: I mind.
WILSON: Really?
HOUSE: I like watching you come.
WILSON: *smiles*
HOUSE: You make the most rabbit-like noises out of anyone I’ve ever seen come. I’m just waiting for the perfect day to announce it all over the hospital.
WILSON: *pouts*
A sexually (or otherwise) frustrated Wilson was a hot Wilson.
HOUSE: Now that is true.
WILSON: *torn between outrage and amusement*
According to drunken, candid discussions, Wilson happened to like being bitten.
HOUSE: Wilson! You never told me!
WILSON: House. I hate being bitten.
HOUSE: *frowns* I bite you.
WILSON: House, you nip at my ear. I think author-person means bite like bite-until-the-skin-is-nearly-broken.
HOUSE: *nips Wilson’s ear*
WILSON: *moans*
HOUSE and WILSON: *kiss*
Unfortunately, those conversations had taken place when Wilson wasn’t quite uninhibited enough to put this knowledge into practise, so tonight House would put all of his stored information to good use.
The party had just wound down for the night, and Wilson was sprawled on the sofa, legs spread, head lolling about, and proclaiming with alarming frequency that he was ‘so fucking drunk! Oh, my God this is aaaaawesome.’
HOUSE: You’re never that… awkwardly talkative drunk. You just tell dirty jokes. And hit on me.
WILSON: I hit on you sober.
HOUSE: Good point. *kisses Wilson*
House flopped down next to Wilson on the couch.
‘You know what?’ Wilson slurred, ‘I like your voice. It’s deep. Rumbly.’
WILSON: Well, that’s true. I do like your voice.
HOUSE: *pouts* Why have you waited so long to tell me this? Oh, Jimmy, I feel so betrayed!
WILSON: *puts arm around House* *snuggles*
HOUSE: *snuggles* *muttered* Frighteningly predictable.
‘Really?’ House said, voice as low as possible and right up against Wilson’s ear. ‘That’s nice of you to say.’
HOUSE: Have I ever told you something is nice of you?
WILSON: Yes. Usually sarcastically. Unless you’re begging me to let you come.
Wilson giggled, bobbing his head around to look at House. ‘You’re not drunk. Are you drunk? I’m drunk.’
‘I’m... a little bit drunk,’ House said, lips very nearly brushing Wilson’s neck. ‘Can I bite you?’
HOUSE: Would I ever do something as stupid as ask permission?
WILSON: No. And you’re not biting me.
‘Why?’
‘Oral fixation. I want to chew on something, and they’re all out of pretzels.’
WILSON: O.o. o.O. Is this a… cannibalism fic?
HOUSE: Um… I hope not. Because that would definitely top that necrophilia fic we once read…
WILSON: Don’t ever mention that.
HOUSE: *agrees*
‘Okay.’
With only a swipe of his tongue as a warning, House settled his teeth comfortably over Wilson’s neck and bit down, tightening incrementally until Wilson whined and his eyes fluttered closed, then released his grip and laved his tongue over the wound. He suctioned his lips to the bite, pulling the skin as far into his mouth as it would go.
HOUSE: An extremely detailed how-to-give-a-hickey. Wilson, why don’t we have a kid?
WILSON: *lost at the nonsequiter* What?
HOUSE: Why don’t we have a kid? Because they have to do these how-to speeches in school, and this is perfect for that.
WILSON: See, this is why we don’t have a kid.
‘I like the sounds you’re making,’ Wilson announced, prompting House to chuckle to himself and slurp more loudly, humming low against Wilson’s skin as he did so. ‘I would kiss you,’ Wilson said suddenly, ‘If you kissed me first.’
WILSON: “I would kiss you. If you kissed me first.” Hm…
HOUSE: *kisses Wilson*
WILSON: *kisses back*
MANY MINUTES: *pass*
WILSON: Okay, I agree with that.
With a final lick, House dragged his mouth away from Wilson’s neck and attached it to his lips instead. After a matter of seconds, House found himself hoping Wilson was at least ten times better at this whole kissing thing when he was sober.
WILSON: Am I that bad at kissing drunk?
HOUSE: Depends on how drunk. Usually you pass out before you stop being able to kiss properly.
As it was, no matter how slowly and deliberately House moved his lips, Wilson just couldn’t manage to keep up. During a natural break in the kiss, Wilson admitted as much. ‘Sorry. I’m too drunk to kiss.’
‘I don’t mind,’ House said honestly.
HOUSE: I mind. Very, very much.
WILSON: *kisses House*
HOUSE: *kisses back* *gropes Wilson*
FIC: *is forgotten for a bit*
WILSON’S PANTS: *are opened*
HOUSE’S HAND: *has a reunion with Wilson’s cock*
WILSON’S COCK: *is happy*
WILSON: *is making rabbit-like noises*
HOUSE: *is smirking into the kiss*
WILSON: *comes*
FIC: *is suddenly remembered*
‘Why are you kissing me?’
WILSON: *sleepily* … Fic!me wins points for dumbest question asked.
‘Because you said I could.’
HOUSE: And fic!me wins points for the dumbest answer given to the dumbest question asked.
‘But why?’
WILSON: *waking up slightly* I’m really not that bright in this fic, am I?
HOUSE: Don’t worry. It must be because you’re drunk.
House shrugged. ‘Because you’re cute.’
‘No I’m not,’ Wilson insisted.
‘Well, I think you are,’ House replied, re-attaching his teeth and lips to Wilson’s neck, just south of his previous ministrations.
WILSON: Ew… it sounds like you’re a leech.
HOUSE: Cool!
‘I’m not in love with you, you know,’ Wilson said, his tone indicating that it was of utmost importance that House know this.
HOUSE and WILSON: *stare at screen*
HOUSE: Jimmy, you’re not in… you don’t love me?
WILSON: *hugs House* It’s fic!me, House, fic!me. Just remember that. *scrawls on memo pad* kill benjimmy ASAP.
‘I know. It’s okay,’ House said, sneaking a hand up the front of Wilson’s T-shirt. Wilson batted at his hands.
‘Tickles.’
‘Sorry,’ House mumbled, applying more pressure with his hand as he dragged his fingers up Wilson’s chest, finding a nipple and pinching it between his fingernails.
‘Mmm. I’m not in love with you,’ Wilson repeated.
‘It’s okay, Jimmy. I don’t mind.’
HOUSE: I mind. Lots. And lots. *is growing angry*
WILSON: *kisses him*
HOUSE: *kisses back*
WILSON: FIC!Me, House. And fic!you.
HOUSE: *still pouting*
WILSON: Fine. Here. *snuggle*
HOUSE: *snuggle* *not pouting*
‘I don’t want to hurt you.’
WILSON: But apparently, I want you to hurt me. In ridiculously kinky ways. House, I’m scared.
HOUSE: *snuggles more*
WILSON: *clutches at House’s shirt*
House chuckled. ‘You’re not going to hurt me. I’m doing this because I want to, not because I expect you to love me.’
HOUSE: *studies sentence* Does that sound like me?
WILSON: *studies sentence* Kinda?
HOUSE: I mean…
WILSON: … maybe with some alcohol in you…
HOUSE: Right. Maybe. *doubtful*
‘I love you. I’m not in love with you. I wouldn’t, like... be in a relationship with you,’ Wilson clarified.
WILSON: *facepalm* Thank God I’m not twenty-something any more.
HOUSE: I’m actually going to agree with that. Do you have any idea how pathetic that is?
‘You’re adorable when you’re drunk.’ House stood up for a moment to adjust himself, earning a glazed-over look from James as he climbed onto his lap, straddling his legs and dropping his lips back onto Wilson’s.
WILSON: Here, sir, you dropped your lips. Onto mine, actually. Kinda hurt.
HOUSE: Oh, thank you, my boyfriend/lover would be angry if I lost them.
The kissing didn’t go any smoother this time, so House contented himself by searching round the inside of James’ mouth with his tongue, and sucking Wilson’s lower lip into his mouth, biting down and dragging his top teeth across the tender inside. Feeling suddenly silly, he administered a series of playful nips to Wilson’s Adam’s apple, chin, ears, and nose
HOUSE: I beg to differ. That’s not silly.
WILSON: *hopeful* I don’t mind that kind of biting.
HOUSE: *nips at Wilson’s ear*
before launching a double-pronged attack: a sharp bite
WILSON: Ow! You cut me with your bite!
to the underside of his jaw with all ten fingernails digging into Wilson’s lower back. This got by far the best reaction. Wilson gasped and arched his back high into the air, inadvertently grinding his hip bone into House’s crotch.
House whimpered, rubbing himself unabashedly against Wilson, and dropped his hands onto Wilson’s groin, kneading. He frowned; he hadn’t been expecting Wilson to get hard, but James was as soft as pudding in a sandwich bag.
HOUSE: That is, I think, the most unerotic image to stick in the middle of a sex scene
WILSON: No, that would be the vomit fountains.
HOUSE: *considers* Okay, yes. But come on! Pudding in a sandwich bag? Who the hell does that anyway?
WILSON: I put it in Tupperware.
HOUSE: I eat the damn pudding.
Still, he moaned and arched his hips into House’s hands.
‘You could fuck me,’ Wilson said softly.
House stilled. ‘I... don’t want to take advantage of you.’
HOUSE: Bullshit I don’t wanna take advantage of you. Where the hell did fic!me develop this sense of morals?
WILSON: Apparently, biting me isn’t taking advantage of me.
HOUSE: Hey, it ain’t sex unless it’s penetration.
‘I think you are.’ He giggled, reaching up to pat House on the head. ‘I like it.’
WILSON: Drunk!fic!me’s not always stupid then, I see.
‘I wouldn’t do anything you don’t like,’ House assured him.
WILSON: *whines* You’re biting me!
HOUSE: Fic!me, Wilson. Fic!me. Just remember that. *holds Wilson securely*
‘I don’t like... you not fucking me.’ Wilson laughed again, pushing himself forward to give House a poorly-aimed, messy kiss. ‘I bumped our teeth. Sorry.’
‘Don’t worry about it.’
HOUSE: *facepalm* I’ve been replaced by a bloody pod-person.
WILSON: Hey, it’s okay, I understand. It’s hard work keeping up the sarcasm all the time.
‘Okay,’ Wilson said, grinning. ‘If... You have to wear a condom. I have one in my... I have one. You have to wear it. Put it on.’
‘Wilson... Are you completely sure?’
HOUSE: Why am I not just fucking you already? WHY?
WILSON: Author doesn’t want to get jailed for rape.
‘I don’t not want you to not, not fuck me,’ Wilson insisted. ‘You can always fuck me. I think... Sometimes I like to jack off and I think about you fucking me. In my anus.’ Another giggle, this time followed by a snort. ‘I know you... you want to cos one time I went pee while you were in the shower and... you said "Jimmy" and I peeked through the curtain and you, um... you came all over my... puff-thing. That you put the soap on, you know? It’s not a sponge, but it’s--’
HOUSE: Me biting you all this time hasn’t clued you into me wanting to fuck you.
WILSON: No, I need to watch you come all over my loofah.
HOUSE: I can’t believe you actually know what the hell that is.
WILSON: It’s great for exfoliation.
HOUSE: *facepalm* Wilson. You’re a man. Act like one, please.
WILSON: *eager to distract House from this train of thought* Shame Foreman isn’t here, though. He’d have a ton of fun with the ‘cos’.
HOUSE: *chants* There’s no ‘o’ in because. Why is ‘cause so hard to write? Something like that.
WILSON: You know, I’m starting to think you have too many bad!fic sessions. *hastily* Not that this is one or anything.
‘James.’
‘No. Jimmy. Or Wilson. I like when you call me Jimmy or Wilson. I used the puff-thing after that. I didn’t wash it off first.’
HOUSE and WILSON: Oh, ew! That’s so unhygienic.
‘Jimmy.’
‘Gregory.’
HOUSE: Right. This benjimmy is dying. Not even my mom gets to call me ‘Gregory’.
‘Shut up and let me fuck you.’ House kissed him again, unzipping his jeans and shoving his hand inside to palm himself roughly.
‘You taste like carrots,’ Wilson said. ‘Did you eat any carrots?’
HOUSE: *starts muttering numbers*
WILSON: What are you doing?
HOUSE: *waves his hand at Wilson to shush him* 27, 28, 29. I haven’t eaten carrots in 29 years. Unless they were part of something and it was too much trouble to pick them out.
House laughed, ‘no. I haven’t eaten carrots in quite awhile, Jimmy.’
‘Mmmm. I’m a Jimmy. Jimmy’s going to be fucked by a Greg.’
‘Yes, he is,’ House purred, standing up and pulling off his t-shirt. He helped Wilson off with his before shoving him over, face-first onto the couch.
WILSON: I’m worried about this shoving me down, face-first onto the couch thing. It sounds so… so…
HOUSE: Non-con?
WILSON: Exactly. *shudder* Not one of my kinks.
HOUSE: Wilson, what are your kinks?
WILSON: *deadpan* Men with canes, scruffy beards, and Vicodin addictions.
He pulled off Wilson’s shoes and yanked down his pants, underwear immediately following, grabbing the condom out of his wallet before tossing the jeans carelessly onto the floor.
‘I’m going to get some lube. I’ll be right back,’ House informed him, running as quickly as he could to his bedroom.
‘Okay,’ Wilson said, grinding himself against the couch cushions.
WILSON: Given my pudding in a sandwich bag state, I doubt it’s doing me any good.
House stripped off his jeans in his room, nearly tripping over himself on his way back to the living room as he slipped the condom on.
HOUSE: Are there two of me that I’m tripping over myself?
WILSON: House, be nice.
Upon returning, he re-adjusted Wilson and knelt between his legs, drizzling some lube onto his fingers.
‘Ready?’ he asked.
‘Yip!’ Wilson said, wiggling his ass around.
HOUSE: Oh God. That is one hot mental image.
‘Have you ever, erm, done this before?’
HOUSE: Fuck. We’re actually young enough for the whole “are you a virgin” conversation.
WILSON: Were you really a virgin in University?
HOUSE: Of course not. You?
WILSON: No.
HOUSE: Good. Not as straight-laced as I thought.
‘I’ve got dildos,’ Wilson said, almost proudly.
HOUSE: Fucking yourself with a dildo isn’t the same as being fucked in the ass by a guy.
WILSON: Be glad I’m not a virgin. A drunk virgin you have to sweetly deflower.
HOUSE: /shudder.
House nodded, reaching down to run a lubed finger down Wilson’s crack, rubbing it around his anus before slipping it in fairly easily.
‘You should do more,’ Wilson instructed House.
House complied immediately, sliding another finger in, twisting his hand round and slowly spreading his fingers apart.
‘S’good,’ Wilson sighed, letting one leg slip down off the couch.
‘You want me to fuck you now?’
‘Yessssss.’
‘Slut.’
HOUSE: Author seems to have one thing right.
WILSON: *pouts*
HOUSE: *kisses Wilson*
WILSON: *kisses back*
HOUSE: *is hard*
‘I’m not a slut. You’re a slut.’
House rolled his eyes, retracting his fingers and positioning himself properly. He slathered his dick in lube and pressed in slowly, moaning softly. ‘God you feel good.’
‘Yeah. You should bite me.’
WILSON: *wails* No, you shouldn’t!
HOUSE: There, there, it’s just a fic. *is worried*
House leaned down, dragging his tongue up Wilson’s spine, then bit him hard on the shoulder. Wilson whined, prompting House to begin thrusting smoothly.
‘How do you want it?’ he asked, breath stuttering.
‘Hard. I like when it hurts.’
WILSON: *whimper* *buries face in House’s neck*
House drew in a breath sharply, a wave of arousal shooting through his body so fast he was sure he’d have whiplash. His hips jerked forward and Wilson grunted, shifting his waist. Gripping Wilson firmly on the lower back, he began thrusting in long, slow strokes, shoving forward so hard that Wilson’s head bumped the armrest on every thrust. He didn’t seem to mind though, eyes closed and a blissed-out expression plastered to his face.
‘Faster,’ he whispered.
‘I’ll come too soon.’
‘Do it anyway.’
House happily sped up, shoving forward and dropping one foot to the floor for more leverage. He curled his fingers, nails digging into Wilson’s abdomen for a moment before he lay flush against James’ back, wrapping his arms round his chest and biting down hard. A tremor ran through Wilson’s body and he clenched his buttocks tight. House gasped as his orgasm snuck up on him lightning-quick. He spurted hard several times, semen completely coating the inside of the condom and threatening to ooze out the bottom. ‘Jesus, Jimmy,’ he moaned against the back of Wilson’s neck. ‘I think you’ve killed me.’
HOUSE: Except for the whole biting thing, that was hot.
WILSON: *outraged* You find that hot? I’m being abused here!
HOUSE: You’re being fucked and bitten, Wilson. And I’m hard. I didn’t come yet.
WILSON: Oh, right, sorry. *gets down on knees*
HOUSE’S COCK: *goes spelunking*
FIC: *is again forgotten for a bit*
HOUSE: *comes*
WILSON: *stands up again* *snuggle*
HOUSE: *snuggle*
FIC: *is remembered by House*
WILSON: *curses House*
Wilson whined, wiggling his hips into the couch cushions, causing House to yelp and withdraw himself, peeling off the condom and letting it fall to the floor.
‘I wanna come.’
‘Well that’s too bad. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy seeing you flailing around in the throes of orgasm, but you had four-point-two-five ounces of vodka too many for that.’
HOUSE: *sleepy* You know, this is mainly technically correct, but every so often, there’s a missing comma or an extra comma.
WILSON: Like the one missing after ‘well’?
HOUSE: Exactly.
James sat up, staring down at himself. ‘Nothing.’ He poked at his dick, chewing on his lip. ‘Will you at least sleep with me tonight?’
HOUSE: I thought I already did.
‘Sure, Jimmy.’
House yanked Wilson off the sofa, practically dragging him to his bedroom before shoving him unceremoniously onto the bed. He climbed in, himself, and Wilson tangled himself around House’s chest and legs, humming to himself as he nuzzled his jaw against House’s sternum.
HOUSE and WILSON: Awww…. *snuggle*
The next thing House knew, he was being awakened by a shrill scream and Wilson stomping, still naked, into the bedroom.
HOUSE: I hate those mornings.
WILSON: We’ve only two…
HOUSE: *gives Wilson a look*
WILSON: Fine, three. If you count the time with the…
HOUSE: … and the… Yes, I do.
‘Did you do this?’ he yelled, pointing at his neck.
House rubbed his eyes and sat up, fighting off a smirk as he saw Wilson’s neck, and the enormous hickey he’d given him. It was almost the size of the palm of his hand.
HOUSE: *holds up hand* That would be… large.
WILSON: *shudder*
‘Seriously. What the fuck?’
‘Me? No, dude. No, nah, I didn’t do that.’
HOUSE: Why am I denying it? I seemed pretty proud of it last night.
WILSON: *hopeful* Maybe you know, in your heart of hearts, that it was very wrong of you and you regret it.
HOUSE: *considers* Doubt it.
‘House! I’m going home tonight. Where my parents are. It’s my mom’s birthday. How the hell am I going to explain this?’
‘... Uh... Tell them you got hit during softball practise?’
‘I don’t play softball,’ Wilson hissed. ‘My mom is gonna freak!’
HOUSE: Why? Presumably she knows you’re an adult and therefore might just have sex.
WILSON: It’s still not something I necessarily want my mother knowing. Especially the whole biting-me part of it.
‘You were practically begging for it. It’s your own fault.’
‘I was drunk!’
WILSON: I guess you didn’t attend those classes in high school when they tell you that if someone’s drunk, ‘yes’ can mean ‘no.’
HOUSE: Attended them, slept through them…
WILSON: And have gone to jail for rape. I see how this works.
HOUSE: Wait a minute. The author said that this was based off real life events and that he was the guilty party.
WILSON:… You think he’s in jail now?
‘Yeah.’
‘Well?’
‘I’m thinking, since you’re all bruised up anyway, and you’re not drunk and impotent anymore...’
WILSON: *whimper* Bruised.
HOUSE: *protective* I. Am. Killing. That. Idiot. Author.
‘No.’
House sat up, grabbing Wilson by the dick.
HOUSE: I don’t suppose he could just say ‘grabbing Wilson’s dick’?
‘I know you’re always horny in the mornings.
HOUSE: At least that part’s true.
I don’t even set my alarm clock anymore; your orgasmic squeals work much better. See? Jimmy, Jr seems to agree.’
WILSON: Why are you calling my penis Jimmy, Jr.?
HOUSE: I don’t know.
He stroked Wilson roughly a few times, grinning as he hardened. Wilson grabbed House by the wrist.
‘Stop it.’
WILSON: *sulky* Not like you will. You didn’t the night before, either.
‘Relax, Jimmy. I know a theatre major who owes me a favour. She can cover anything. No worries.’
HOUSE: Theatre? Favour? Am I British?
WILSON: Is the author British?
‘You sure?’
‘Yip. Hell, I could cover your whole body in hickeys and your mom’d never be the wiser.’
WILSON: Unless she strip-searches me.
Wilson narrowed his eyes, sussing House out.
HOUSE: Sussing? You know what, I don’t wanna know.
After he’d determined House was being serious, he shrugged.
‘Suck my cock.’
WILSON: *perks up slightly* That sounds like a good idea.
‘Mmm. Gladly. Get that perfect little ass over here and show me what you can do when you’re not too drunk to move your lips.’
‘Was I that bad?’ Wilson moved onto the bed, straddling House’s chest.
HOUSE: Your lips are a little further up. Not gonna be able to kiss you this way. *ponders* That’s a sexy image, though.
WILSON: Especially if I’m about to get blown.
House laughed. ‘Terrible. S’okay, though. Apparently I taste like carrots.’
‘Oh. Yeah, I had some carrots with my dinner last night.’
‘Yeah? Well. I think I’ll have... sausage for breakfast.’ He winked, craning his head forward to suck Wilson’s cock into his mouth before he had a chance to complain about the cheesy porn dialogue.
HOUSE: I was about to say.
Wilson threw his head back, gripping the bed’s headboard. House wrapped a fist round the base of Wilson’s dick, and his other arm went around Wilson’s ass, encouraging him to thrust as hard as he wanted. Wilson curled his forearms around the back of House’s head and began humping his face, grunting with each stroke. House’s teeth grazed his dick and Wilson gasped, tightening his fingers in Greg’s hair.
WILSON: Eep! Teeth! *whimpers*
‘God, keep doing that.’
HOUSE: You’ve learned how to address me. Wonderful.
WILSON: *playful punch* Shut up.
HOUSE: *raises eyebrow* Gonna make me?
WILSON: *kisses House*
HOUSE: *kisses Wilson*
House raised an eyebrow, but slackened his jaw a bit, allowing his teeth to scrape the sensitive skin. He brought his arm back around and stuck two fingers into his mouth, slickening them and slipping them into Wilson’s ass.
‘Up a little,’ Wilson groaned, and House complied, crooking his fingers and stroking his prostate. ‘Yeah. Harder.’
HOUSE: Oh, whew. I’m not finding your prostate miraculously because I’m a doctor.
WILSON: One of the worst cliches in bad!fic porn.
Wilson, feeling charitable, finally reached back and wrapped a hand around House’s cock, pulling and squeezing. House whimpered, hips jerking up and nearly knocking Wilson off-balance. With a nearly evil grin, Wilson pulled himself free of House and sat himself down on Greg’s dick, his ass resting flush against House’s pelvis.
HOUSE and WILSON: *carefully study previous bit* Blowjob, teeth, fingers in mouth, ass, spit…
HOUSE: Nope, can’t see any lube.
WILSON: Me neither. *whimper* *buries face in House’s chest* I’m getting more or less dry-fucked. It’s gonna hurt like a bitch.
HOUSE: Apparently, you’re going to like it.
WILSON: *yelps*
HOUSE: *tightens arm around Wilson* *narrows eyes* Dead author-person.
After a quick breather, he began riding House hard, nearly lifting himself completely off House’s cock on each upstroke. House clenched his jaw and gripped Wilson’s ass, digging in his fingernails as James stroked himself roughly, one hand pressing into House’s chest for leverage.
‘I might... change my mind about being in a relationship with you,’ Wilson panted, ‘If I can get fucked like this every morning.’
WILSON: Me too. If I’m being dry-fucked every morning.
HOUSE: Fic!me. Wilson… James, this is fic!me. *makes note on sticky to stock up on lube*
‘I think that would be more than satisfactory. Oh, God. Fuck, Jimmy.’
‘Shit, I’m gonna come.’
‘Do it.’
‘Fuck... Hit me.’
WILSON: *wails* HOUSE! Save me from the fic!
HOUSE: *hugs Wilson closer, rocks him slightly*
‘What? Seriously?’
Wilson groaned. ‘Yeah. Do it.’
House cocked his hand, not quite sure what to do.
HOUSE: Oh, thank God. I might not hit you. Wilson, I might not hit you.
‘Fuck, come on. Hit me. Hard. Just fucking...’
Biting his lip, House let fly, smacking James hard across the face.
WILSON: EEP!
HOUSE: SHIT!
Wilson let out a gutteral scream, semen spurting across House’s chest, cock twitching for nearly a full minute as Wilson squeezed his glutes, bouncing himself against House.
‘Guh,’ he managed, collapsing onto House’s chest.
‘Oh, don’t you dare fucking stop, James.’
‘Serves you right,’ Wilson said, rolling off of House (and nearly off the bed).
HOUSE: Hey, look, you suddenly grew a backbone here.
WILSON: *quietly sobbing into House’s shirt*
HOUSE: *gently rubs Wilson’s back* *is very, very worried*
‘Hey, fuck you. You’re gonna fucking finish me.’
‘No.’
House stared at him, incredulously, and climbed onto Wilson, taking his shoulders in a death-grip and shoving back in, hard.
HOUSE: Oh, shit.
WILSON: *sobs growing more pronounced*
‘You... fucking... cunt,’ he spat, sinking his teeth hard into Wilson’s collar bone as he came, panting.
He climbed off of Wilson, shooting him a glare as he stormed out of the bedroom toward the bathroom.
‘Greg,’ Wilson called. ‘Hey, Greg.’
Wilson chased after him, grabbing his elbow and spinning him round in the bathroom doorway.
‘I... like angry sex. That’s all. Just wanted to piss you off. It was good though, right?’
WILSON: *screams*
HOUSE: *hugs him tighter* Wilson, it’s just a fic. Just a fic, Wilson, calm down.
House stared dumbly at him. ‘Seriously?’
Wilson grabbed him by the back of the head and kissed him, hard.
‘Mmm. Okay, you’re much better at that when you’re sober.’
‘I know. Now, why don’t you call that theatre major?’
HOUSE: Wilson, it’s over. Wilson?
WILSON: *still sobbing*
HOUSE: Oh shit. I never thought this would happen from a not bad!fic. Wilson?
WILSON: *sniffles*
HOUSE: Okay. We’re going home and watching some comedy.
WILSON: Nothing violent.
HOUSE: *thinks for a while* I think I can find something with no violence in it.
WILSON: *quietly* Okay.
HOUSE: *emails fic and note to Cuddy*
CUDDY: *reads email* Kill the author. Wilson had breakdown from fic. House. PS. I took Wilson home to recover.
CUDDY: *begins reading* Oooh…. Ouch. Hm… Hot. *retracts death order on author*
Author: Nemesis (Nems) -- well, of the MST, anyway. Fic was written by benjimmy. MST done with his permission
Pairing: FIC: House/Wilson. MST: House/Wilson.
Rating: FIC: NC-17. MST: R
Warnings: MST. Duh. Oh, the fic includes: "Biting, alcohol, shagging, slight dub-con, a bit of smacking around, slight AU."
Disclaimer: Okay. *munches some popcorn*. I'm watching the credits now... Wouldja look at that! They don't say "Nemesis" anywhere near there. Not even in the random tech stuffs. Guess it's not mine then!
Summary: Of the fic: PWP, set in a college dorm.
Of the MST: House/Wilson, Wilson without any kinks.
A/N: THIS IS DONE WITH PERMISSION. My wonderful husband has given my permission to MST this fic, provided that I link his story.
Link to Bitten: HERE
This is slightly odd. The gloves definitely came off with this MST. Oh. And not only was I given permission, but I have final approval too. w00t.
Dedicated to Ben for letting me MST his work.
Dr. House is being forced would like to take this time and space to remind you that "puppies shouldn't be kicked, Chase is a whore, and reviews are love. Can I have a week off Clinic duty now?" Dr. Wilson would like to add, "Favorite lines are much appreciated, I'm told. Ditto for concrit."
HOUSE: Wilson! I come bearing fic!
WILSON: House, I can’t stand another bad!fic. Tomorrow.
HOUSE: *drops papers on Wilson’s desk* It’s not bad!fic. It’s just slightly odd.
WILSON: The grammar is okay?
HOUSE: I thought Foreman was the one who seized at the bad grammar.
WILSON: Just because Foreman’s the one who seizes doesn’t mean I like it.
HOUSE: Fair point. No, the grammar’s fine.
WILSON: *sighs* Okay. No fellows?
HOUSE: *grin* I don’t think so. It’s NC-17. They’re too young for this.
WILSON: *rolls eyes* *hides grin*
Title: Bitten
WILSON: Is this another vampire fic?
HOUSE: I don’t know.
Rating: NC-17
WILSON: What about the author?
HOUSE: *checks site* Someone named benjimmy.
WILSON: I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about them by name…
MST-er: *randomly appears* My husband. Said you could talk about him. Just read the damn fic. *disappears in a cloud of rainbow smoke (yes, it’s gay. So’s having a husband)*
Word Count: 2629
Disclaimer: All models represented in this story are over the age of eighteen. The following is not a paid advertisement, nor does it reflect the opinions of FOX or its affiliates. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. As evidenced by this disclaimer, I watch far too much television.
HOUSE: I like him.
WILSON: You’d like anyone who’d watch TV with you.
HOUSE: Well, he’d have to be silent. Which, by the way, you’re not.
WILSON: You like my moans of pleasure.
HOUSE: *leer*
Summary: PWP, set in a college dorm.
HOUSE: … College dorm? Cool. I have two functional legs in this.
WILSON: *grouse* I hated college dorms. Parties, drinking, no silence for studying.
HOUSE: *gives Wilson an odd look* I’m so glad I didn’t know you in college… although, maybe I could’ve saved you from your nerdiness.
Warnings: Biting, alcohol, shagging, slight dub-con, a bit of smacking around, slight AU. I'm feeling kinky these days.
BOTH: O.o.
HOUSE: Um… who’s doing what?
WILSON: *defensively* I’m not kinky.
HOUSE: I know. *sounds disappointed*
A/N: Based on actual events (from the somewhat typical life of a Uni-aged poof), which negates part of my disclaimer.
HOUSE: Why does she…
MST-er: Didn’t I say husband? The author’s a he. And ‘poof’ should’ve tipped you off anyway. Carry on. *disappears again*
HOUSE: Fine. Why does he think that because it happened to him he should write about it?
WILSON: *pats House* There, there. I’m sure it’s not that bad.
Names have been changed to protect the guilty (me) and the violated (other party).
HOUSE: And because if he referred to them by their actual names, it wouldn’t be fic. It would be original fiction and we’d be reading stalker!Cameron again instead.
This is AU in the sense that in this story, both House and Wilson are approximately the age of your average undergraduate, and are roommates. Unbeta’d. Comments, criticisms, and feedback encouraged.
HOUSE: Do you see that?
WILSON: You told me this wasn’t bad!fic.
HOUSE: *shrugs* I hadn’t read it. Needed to say something to get you to read it with me. Unbetaed. Oh no.
WILSON: And an inappropriately placed comma after undergraduate. Oh no.
James Wilson was drunk. Name-forgettingly, truth-tellingly drunk.
HOUSE: If you’ve forgotten your name, how can you remember the truth?
Greg House, on the other hand, wasn’t. He was pleasantly buzzed. Normally, he’d be tripping over the sofa and completely missing the toilet like everyone else, but tonight, he had a Goal.
WILSON: Not a goal. A Goal. More important than a goal.
HOUSE: …
WILSON: Too much?
HOUSE: Yeah.
And that goal was to get one James Wilson naked.
WILSON: You can get me naked anytime.
HOUSE: *hopeful* Now?
WILSON: … Okay. Anytime outside of work.
The drunker Wilson got, the easier it was going to be, and now seemed to be the perfect time. One more drop of alcohol in Wilson
HOUSE: One drop. Note the exaggeration.
WILSON: House, I have work. It doesn’t merit commenting. Moving on.
and he’d be making vomit fountains
HOUSE: *strange look* I can’t decide if that’s an intriguing visual or a disgusting one.
WILSON: *strange look at House*
HOUSE: Wilson, we’re doctors. Bodily fluids spurting is a daily occurrence. Vomit fountains seem pretty cool.
WILSON: Ooo-kay. Moving on.
(in his head, House had a chart of all Wilson’s states of drunkenness, and exactly how much vodka it took him to reach all of those states- Wilson was frighteningly predictable sometimes).
HOUSE: *wince*
WILSON: *frowns* This bit’s fine. What’s with the wince?
HOUSE: My leg. It hurts.
WILSON: *immediately rubs it*
HOUSE: Spot-on, this author. Frighteningly predictable indeed.
In the state Wilson was in now, he’d be perfectly uninhibited and wake up with a nasty hangover. The downside was that Wilson would never be able to get it up, but then House didn’t really mind.
HOUSE: I mind.
WILSON: Really?
HOUSE: I like watching you come.
WILSON: *smiles*
HOUSE: You make the most rabbit-like noises out of anyone I’ve ever seen come. I’m just waiting for the perfect day to announce it all over the hospital.
WILSON: *pouts*
A sexually (or otherwise) frustrated Wilson was a hot Wilson.
HOUSE: Now that is true.
WILSON: *torn between outrage and amusement*
According to drunken, candid discussions, Wilson happened to like being bitten.
HOUSE: Wilson! You never told me!
WILSON: House. I hate being bitten.
HOUSE: *frowns* I bite you.
WILSON: House, you nip at my ear. I think author-person means bite like bite-until-the-skin-is-nearly-broken.
HOUSE: *nips Wilson’s ear*
WILSON: *moans*
HOUSE and WILSON: *kiss*
Unfortunately, those conversations had taken place when Wilson wasn’t quite uninhibited enough to put this knowledge into practise, so tonight House would put all of his stored information to good use.
The party had just wound down for the night, and Wilson was sprawled on the sofa, legs spread, head lolling about, and proclaiming with alarming frequency that he was ‘so fucking drunk! Oh, my God this is aaaaawesome.’
HOUSE: You’re never that… awkwardly talkative drunk. You just tell dirty jokes. And hit on me.
WILSON: I hit on you sober.
HOUSE: Good point. *kisses Wilson*
House flopped down next to Wilson on the couch.
‘You know what?’ Wilson slurred, ‘I like your voice. It’s deep. Rumbly.’
WILSON: Well, that’s true. I do like your voice.
HOUSE: *pouts* Why have you waited so long to tell me this? Oh, Jimmy, I feel so betrayed!
WILSON: *puts arm around House* *snuggles*
HOUSE: *snuggles* *muttered* Frighteningly predictable.
‘Really?’ House said, voice as low as possible and right up against Wilson’s ear. ‘That’s nice of you to say.’
HOUSE: Have I ever told you something is nice of you?
WILSON: Yes. Usually sarcastically. Unless you’re begging me to let you come.
Wilson giggled, bobbing his head around to look at House. ‘You’re not drunk. Are you drunk? I’m drunk.’
‘I’m... a little bit drunk,’ House said, lips very nearly brushing Wilson’s neck. ‘Can I bite you?’
HOUSE: Would I ever do something as stupid as ask permission?
WILSON: No. And you’re not biting me.
‘Why?’
‘Oral fixation. I want to chew on something, and they’re all out of pretzels.’
WILSON: O.o. o.O. Is this a… cannibalism fic?
HOUSE: Um… I hope not. Because that would definitely top that necrophilia fic we once read…
WILSON: Don’t ever mention that.
HOUSE: *agrees*
‘Okay.’
With only a swipe of his tongue as a warning, House settled his teeth comfortably over Wilson’s neck and bit down, tightening incrementally until Wilson whined and his eyes fluttered closed, then released his grip and laved his tongue over the wound. He suctioned his lips to the bite, pulling the skin as far into his mouth as it would go.
HOUSE: An extremely detailed how-to-give-a-hickey. Wilson, why don’t we have a kid?
WILSON: *lost at the nonsequiter* What?
HOUSE: Why don’t we have a kid? Because they have to do these how-to speeches in school, and this is perfect for that.
WILSON: See, this is why we don’t have a kid.
‘I like the sounds you’re making,’ Wilson announced, prompting House to chuckle to himself and slurp more loudly, humming low against Wilson’s skin as he did so. ‘I would kiss you,’ Wilson said suddenly, ‘If you kissed me first.’
WILSON: “I would kiss you. If you kissed me first.” Hm…
HOUSE: *kisses Wilson*
WILSON: *kisses back*
MANY MINUTES: *pass*
WILSON: Okay, I agree with that.
With a final lick, House dragged his mouth away from Wilson’s neck and attached it to his lips instead. After a matter of seconds, House found himself hoping Wilson was at least ten times better at this whole kissing thing when he was sober.
WILSON: Am I that bad at kissing drunk?
HOUSE: Depends on how drunk. Usually you pass out before you stop being able to kiss properly.
As it was, no matter how slowly and deliberately House moved his lips, Wilson just couldn’t manage to keep up. During a natural break in the kiss, Wilson admitted as much. ‘Sorry. I’m too drunk to kiss.’
‘I don’t mind,’ House said honestly.
HOUSE: I mind. Very, very much.
WILSON: *kisses House*
HOUSE: *kisses back* *gropes Wilson*
FIC: *is forgotten for a bit*
WILSON’S PANTS: *are opened*
HOUSE’S HAND: *has a reunion with Wilson’s cock*
WILSON’S COCK: *is happy*
WILSON: *is making rabbit-like noises*
HOUSE: *is smirking into the kiss*
WILSON: *comes*
FIC: *is suddenly remembered*
‘Why are you kissing me?’
WILSON: *sleepily* … Fic!me wins points for dumbest question asked.
‘Because you said I could.’
HOUSE: And fic!me wins points for the dumbest answer given to the dumbest question asked.
‘But why?’
WILSON: *waking up slightly* I’m really not that bright in this fic, am I?
HOUSE: Don’t worry. It must be because you’re drunk.
House shrugged. ‘Because you’re cute.’
‘No I’m not,’ Wilson insisted.
‘Well, I think you are,’ House replied, re-attaching his teeth and lips to Wilson’s neck, just south of his previous ministrations.
WILSON: Ew… it sounds like you’re a leech.
HOUSE: Cool!
‘I’m not in love with you, you know,’ Wilson said, his tone indicating that it was of utmost importance that House know this.
HOUSE and WILSON: *stare at screen*
HOUSE: Jimmy, you’re not in… you don’t love me?
WILSON: *hugs House* It’s fic!me, House, fic!me. Just remember that. *scrawls on memo pad* kill benjimmy ASAP.
‘I know. It’s okay,’ House said, sneaking a hand up the front of Wilson’s T-shirt. Wilson batted at his hands.
‘Tickles.’
‘Sorry,’ House mumbled, applying more pressure with his hand as he dragged his fingers up Wilson’s chest, finding a nipple and pinching it between his fingernails.
‘Mmm. I’m not in love with you,’ Wilson repeated.
‘It’s okay, Jimmy. I don’t mind.’
HOUSE: I mind. Lots. And lots. *is growing angry*
WILSON: *kisses him*
HOUSE: *kisses back*
WILSON: FIC!Me, House. And fic!you.
HOUSE: *still pouting*
WILSON: Fine. Here. *snuggle*
HOUSE: *snuggle* *not pouting*
‘I don’t want to hurt you.’
WILSON: But apparently, I want you to hurt me. In ridiculously kinky ways. House, I’m scared.
HOUSE: *snuggles more*
WILSON: *clutches at House’s shirt*
House chuckled. ‘You’re not going to hurt me. I’m doing this because I want to, not because I expect you to love me.’
HOUSE: *studies sentence* Does that sound like me?
WILSON: *studies sentence* Kinda?
HOUSE: I mean…
WILSON: … maybe with some alcohol in you…
HOUSE: Right. Maybe. *doubtful*
‘I love you. I’m not in love with you. I wouldn’t, like... be in a relationship with you,’ Wilson clarified.
WILSON: *facepalm* Thank God I’m not twenty-something any more.
HOUSE: I’m actually going to agree with that. Do you have any idea how pathetic that is?
‘You’re adorable when you’re drunk.’ House stood up for a moment to adjust himself, earning a glazed-over look from James as he climbed onto his lap, straddling his legs and dropping his lips back onto Wilson’s.
WILSON: Here, sir, you dropped your lips. Onto mine, actually. Kinda hurt.
HOUSE: Oh, thank you, my boyfriend/lover would be angry if I lost them.
The kissing didn’t go any smoother this time, so House contented himself by searching round the inside of James’ mouth with his tongue, and sucking Wilson’s lower lip into his mouth, biting down and dragging his top teeth across the tender inside. Feeling suddenly silly, he administered a series of playful nips to Wilson’s Adam’s apple, chin, ears, and nose
HOUSE: I beg to differ. That’s not silly.
WILSON: *hopeful* I don’t mind that kind of biting.
HOUSE: *nips at Wilson’s ear*
before launching a double-pronged attack: a sharp bite
WILSON: Ow! You cut me with your bite!
to the underside of his jaw with all ten fingernails digging into Wilson’s lower back. This got by far the best reaction. Wilson gasped and arched his back high into the air, inadvertently grinding his hip bone into House’s crotch.
House whimpered, rubbing himself unabashedly against Wilson, and dropped his hands onto Wilson’s groin, kneading. He frowned; he hadn’t been expecting Wilson to get hard, but James was as soft as pudding in a sandwich bag.
HOUSE: That is, I think, the most unerotic image to stick in the middle of a sex scene
WILSON: No, that would be the vomit fountains.
HOUSE: *considers* Okay, yes. But come on! Pudding in a sandwich bag? Who the hell does that anyway?
WILSON: I put it in Tupperware.
HOUSE: I eat the damn pudding.
Still, he moaned and arched his hips into House’s hands.
‘You could fuck me,’ Wilson said softly.
House stilled. ‘I... don’t want to take advantage of you.’
HOUSE: Bullshit I don’t wanna take advantage of you. Where the hell did fic!me develop this sense of morals?
WILSON: Apparently, biting me isn’t taking advantage of me.
HOUSE: Hey, it ain’t sex unless it’s penetration.
‘I think you are.’ He giggled, reaching up to pat House on the head. ‘I like it.’
WILSON: Drunk!fic!me’s not always stupid then, I see.
‘I wouldn’t do anything you don’t like,’ House assured him.
WILSON: *whines* You’re biting me!
HOUSE: Fic!me, Wilson. Fic!me. Just remember that. *holds Wilson securely*
‘I don’t like... you not fucking me.’ Wilson laughed again, pushing himself forward to give House a poorly-aimed, messy kiss. ‘I bumped our teeth. Sorry.’
‘Don’t worry about it.’
HOUSE: *facepalm* I’ve been replaced by a bloody pod-person.
WILSON: Hey, it’s okay, I understand. It’s hard work keeping up the sarcasm all the time.
‘Okay,’ Wilson said, grinning. ‘If... You have to wear a condom. I have one in my... I have one. You have to wear it. Put it on.’
‘Wilson... Are you completely sure?’
HOUSE: Why am I not just fucking you already? WHY?
WILSON: Author doesn’t want to get jailed for rape.
‘I don’t not want you to not, not fuck me,’ Wilson insisted. ‘You can always fuck me. I think... Sometimes I like to jack off and I think about you fucking me. In my anus.’ Another giggle, this time followed by a snort. ‘I know you... you want to cos one time I went pee while you were in the shower and... you said "Jimmy" and I peeked through the curtain and you, um... you came all over my... puff-thing. That you put the soap on, you know? It’s not a sponge, but it’s--’
HOUSE: Me biting you all this time hasn’t clued you into me wanting to fuck you.
WILSON: No, I need to watch you come all over my loofah.
HOUSE: I can’t believe you actually know what the hell that is.
WILSON: It’s great for exfoliation.
HOUSE: *facepalm* Wilson. You’re a man. Act like one, please.
WILSON: *eager to distract House from this train of thought* Shame Foreman isn’t here, though. He’d have a ton of fun with the ‘cos’.
HOUSE: *chants* There’s no ‘o’ in because. Why is ‘cause so hard to write? Something like that.
WILSON: You know, I’m starting to think you have too many bad!fic sessions. *hastily* Not that this is one or anything.
‘James.’
‘No. Jimmy. Or Wilson. I like when you call me Jimmy or Wilson. I used the puff-thing after that. I didn’t wash it off first.’
HOUSE and WILSON: Oh, ew! That’s so unhygienic.
‘Jimmy.’
‘Gregory.’
HOUSE: Right. This benjimmy is dying. Not even my mom gets to call me ‘Gregory’.
‘Shut up and let me fuck you.’ House kissed him again, unzipping his jeans and shoving his hand inside to palm himself roughly.
‘You taste like carrots,’ Wilson said. ‘Did you eat any carrots?’
HOUSE: *starts muttering numbers*
WILSON: What are you doing?
HOUSE: *waves his hand at Wilson to shush him* 27, 28, 29. I haven’t eaten carrots in 29 years. Unless they were part of something and it was too much trouble to pick them out.
House laughed, ‘no. I haven’t eaten carrots in quite awhile, Jimmy.’
‘Mmmm. I’m a Jimmy. Jimmy’s going to be fucked by a Greg.’
‘Yes, he is,’ House purred, standing up and pulling off his t-shirt. He helped Wilson off with his before shoving him over, face-first onto the couch.
WILSON: I’m worried about this shoving me down, face-first onto the couch thing. It sounds so… so…
HOUSE: Non-con?
WILSON: Exactly. *shudder* Not one of my kinks.
HOUSE: Wilson, what are your kinks?
WILSON: *deadpan* Men with canes, scruffy beards, and Vicodin addictions.
He pulled off Wilson’s shoes and yanked down his pants, underwear immediately following, grabbing the condom out of his wallet before tossing the jeans carelessly onto the floor.
‘I’m going to get some lube. I’ll be right back,’ House informed him, running as quickly as he could to his bedroom.
‘Okay,’ Wilson said, grinding himself against the couch cushions.
WILSON: Given my pudding in a sandwich bag state, I doubt it’s doing me any good.
House stripped off his jeans in his room, nearly tripping over himself on his way back to the living room as he slipped the condom on.
HOUSE: Are there two of me that I’m tripping over myself?
WILSON: House, be nice.
Upon returning, he re-adjusted Wilson and knelt between his legs, drizzling some lube onto his fingers.
‘Ready?’ he asked.
‘Yip!’ Wilson said, wiggling his ass around.
HOUSE: Oh God. That is one hot mental image.
‘Have you ever, erm, done this before?’
HOUSE: Fuck. We’re actually young enough for the whole “are you a virgin” conversation.
WILSON: Were you really a virgin in University?
HOUSE: Of course not. You?
WILSON: No.
HOUSE: Good. Not as straight-laced as I thought.
‘I’ve got dildos,’ Wilson said, almost proudly.
HOUSE: Fucking yourself with a dildo isn’t the same as being fucked in the ass by a guy.
WILSON: Be glad I’m not a virgin. A drunk virgin you have to sweetly deflower.
HOUSE: /shudder.
House nodded, reaching down to run a lubed finger down Wilson’s crack, rubbing it around his anus before slipping it in fairly easily.
‘You should do more,’ Wilson instructed House.
House complied immediately, sliding another finger in, twisting his hand round and slowly spreading his fingers apart.
‘S’good,’ Wilson sighed, letting one leg slip down off the couch.
‘You want me to fuck you now?’
‘Yessssss.’
‘Slut.’
HOUSE: Author seems to have one thing right.
WILSON: *pouts*
HOUSE: *kisses Wilson*
WILSON: *kisses back*
HOUSE: *is hard*
‘I’m not a slut. You’re a slut.’
House rolled his eyes, retracting his fingers and positioning himself properly. He slathered his dick in lube and pressed in slowly, moaning softly. ‘God you feel good.’
‘Yeah. You should bite me.’
WILSON: *wails* No, you shouldn’t!
HOUSE: There, there, it’s just a fic. *is worried*
House leaned down, dragging his tongue up Wilson’s spine, then bit him hard on the shoulder. Wilson whined, prompting House to begin thrusting smoothly.
‘How do you want it?’ he asked, breath stuttering.
‘Hard. I like when it hurts.’
WILSON: *whimper* *buries face in House’s neck*
House drew in a breath sharply, a wave of arousal shooting through his body so fast he was sure he’d have whiplash. His hips jerked forward and Wilson grunted, shifting his waist. Gripping Wilson firmly on the lower back, he began thrusting in long, slow strokes, shoving forward so hard that Wilson’s head bumped the armrest on every thrust. He didn’t seem to mind though, eyes closed and a blissed-out expression plastered to his face.
‘Faster,’ he whispered.
‘I’ll come too soon.’
‘Do it anyway.’
House happily sped up, shoving forward and dropping one foot to the floor for more leverage. He curled his fingers, nails digging into Wilson’s abdomen for a moment before he lay flush against James’ back, wrapping his arms round his chest and biting down hard. A tremor ran through Wilson’s body and he clenched his buttocks tight. House gasped as his orgasm snuck up on him lightning-quick. He spurted hard several times, semen completely coating the inside of the condom and threatening to ooze out the bottom. ‘Jesus, Jimmy,’ he moaned against the back of Wilson’s neck. ‘I think you’ve killed me.’
HOUSE: Except for the whole biting thing, that was hot.
WILSON: *outraged* You find that hot? I’m being abused here!
HOUSE: You’re being fucked and bitten, Wilson. And I’m hard. I didn’t come yet.
WILSON: Oh, right, sorry. *gets down on knees*
HOUSE’S COCK: *goes spelunking*
FIC: *is again forgotten for a bit*
HOUSE: *comes*
WILSON: *stands up again* *snuggle*
HOUSE: *snuggle*
FIC: *is remembered by House*
WILSON: *curses House*
Wilson whined, wiggling his hips into the couch cushions, causing House to yelp and withdraw himself, peeling off the condom and letting it fall to the floor.
‘I wanna come.’
‘Well that’s too bad. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy seeing you flailing around in the throes of orgasm, but you had four-point-two-five ounces of vodka too many for that.’
HOUSE: *sleepy* You know, this is mainly technically correct, but every so often, there’s a missing comma or an extra comma.
WILSON: Like the one missing after ‘well’?
HOUSE: Exactly.
James sat up, staring down at himself. ‘Nothing.’ He poked at his dick, chewing on his lip. ‘Will you at least sleep with me tonight?’
HOUSE: I thought I already did.
‘Sure, Jimmy.’
House yanked Wilson off the sofa, practically dragging him to his bedroom before shoving him unceremoniously onto the bed. He climbed in, himself, and Wilson tangled himself around House’s chest and legs, humming to himself as he nuzzled his jaw against House’s sternum.
HOUSE and WILSON: Awww…. *snuggle*
The next thing House knew, he was being awakened by a shrill scream and Wilson stomping, still naked, into the bedroom.
HOUSE: I hate those mornings.
WILSON: We’ve only two…
HOUSE: *gives Wilson a look*
WILSON: Fine, three. If you count the time with the…
HOUSE: … and the… Yes, I do.
‘Did you do this?’ he yelled, pointing at his neck.
House rubbed his eyes and sat up, fighting off a smirk as he saw Wilson’s neck, and the enormous hickey he’d given him. It was almost the size of the palm of his hand.
HOUSE: *holds up hand* That would be… large.
WILSON: *shudder*
‘Seriously. What the fuck?’
‘Me? No, dude. No, nah, I didn’t do that.’
HOUSE: Why am I denying it? I seemed pretty proud of it last night.
WILSON: *hopeful* Maybe you know, in your heart of hearts, that it was very wrong of you and you regret it.
HOUSE: *considers* Doubt it.
‘House! I’m going home tonight. Where my parents are. It’s my mom’s birthday. How the hell am I going to explain this?’
‘... Uh... Tell them you got hit during softball practise?’
‘I don’t play softball,’ Wilson hissed. ‘My mom is gonna freak!’
HOUSE: Why? Presumably she knows you’re an adult and therefore might just have sex.
WILSON: It’s still not something I necessarily want my mother knowing. Especially the whole biting-me part of it.
‘You were practically begging for it. It’s your own fault.’
‘I was drunk!’
WILSON: I guess you didn’t attend those classes in high school when they tell you that if someone’s drunk, ‘yes’ can mean ‘no.’
HOUSE: Attended them, slept through them…
WILSON: And have gone to jail for rape. I see how this works.
HOUSE: Wait a minute. The author said that this was based off real life events and that he was the guilty party.
WILSON:… You think he’s in jail now?
‘Yeah.’
‘Well?’
‘I’m thinking, since you’re all bruised up anyway, and you’re not drunk and impotent anymore...’
WILSON: *whimper* Bruised.
HOUSE: *protective* I. Am. Killing. That. Idiot. Author.
‘No.’
House sat up, grabbing Wilson by the dick.
HOUSE: I don’t suppose he could just say ‘grabbing Wilson’s dick’?
‘I know you’re always horny in the mornings.
HOUSE: At least that part’s true.
I don’t even set my alarm clock anymore; your orgasmic squeals work much better. See? Jimmy, Jr seems to agree.’
WILSON: Why are you calling my penis Jimmy, Jr.?
HOUSE: I don’t know.
He stroked Wilson roughly a few times, grinning as he hardened. Wilson grabbed House by the wrist.
‘Stop it.’
WILSON: *sulky* Not like you will. You didn’t the night before, either.
‘Relax, Jimmy. I know a theatre major who owes me a favour. She can cover anything. No worries.’
HOUSE: Theatre? Favour? Am I British?
WILSON: Is the author British?
‘You sure?’
‘Yip. Hell, I could cover your whole body in hickeys and your mom’d never be the wiser.’
WILSON: Unless she strip-searches me.
Wilson narrowed his eyes, sussing House out.
HOUSE: Sussing? You know what, I don’t wanna know.
After he’d determined House was being serious, he shrugged.
‘Suck my cock.’
WILSON: *perks up slightly* That sounds like a good idea.
‘Mmm. Gladly. Get that perfect little ass over here and show me what you can do when you’re not too drunk to move your lips.’
‘Was I that bad?’ Wilson moved onto the bed, straddling House’s chest.
HOUSE: Your lips are a little further up. Not gonna be able to kiss you this way. *ponders* That’s a sexy image, though.
WILSON: Especially if I’m about to get blown.
House laughed. ‘Terrible. S’okay, though. Apparently I taste like carrots.’
‘Oh. Yeah, I had some carrots with my dinner last night.’
‘Yeah? Well. I think I’ll have... sausage for breakfast.’ He winked, craning his head forward to suck Wilson’s cock into his mouth before he had a chance to complain about the cheesy porn dialogue.
HOUSE: I was about to say.
Wilson threw his head back, gripping the bed’s headboard. House wrapped a fist round the base of Wilson’s dick, and his other arm went around Wilson’s ass, encouraging him to thrust as hard as he wanted. Wilson curled his forearms around the back of House’s head and began humping his face, grunting with each stroke. House’s teeth grazed his dick and Wilson gasped, tightening his fingers in Greg’s hair.
WILSON: Eep! Teeth! *whimpers*
‘God, keep doing that.’
HOUSE: You’ve learned how to address me. Wonderful.
WILSON: *playful punch* Shut up.
HOUSE: *raises eyebrow* Gonna make me?
WILSON: *kisses House*
HOUSE: *kisses Wilson*
House raised an eyebrow, but slackened his jaw a bit, allowing his teeth to scrape the sensitive skin. He brought his arm back around and stuck two fingers into his mouth, slickening them and slipping them into Wilson’s ass.
‘Up a little,’ Wilson groaned, and House complied, crooking his fingers and stroking his prostate. ‘Yeah. Harder.’
HOUSE: Oh, whew. I’m not finding your prostate miraculously because I’m a doctor.
WILSON: One of the worst cliches in bad!fic porn.
Wilson, feeling charitable, finally reached back and wrapped a hand around House’s cock, pulling and squeezing. House whimpered, hips jerking up and nearly knocking Wilson off-balance. With a nearly evil grin, Wilson pulled himself free of House and sat himself down on Greg’s dick, his ass resting flush against House’s pelvis.
HOUSE and WILSON: *carefully study previous bit* Blowjob, teeth, fingers in mouth, ass, spit…
HOUSE: Nope, can’t see any lube.
WILSON: Me neither. *whimper* *buries face in House’s chest* I’m getting more or less dry-fucked. It’s gonna hurt like a bitch.
HOUSE: Apparently, you’re going to like it.
WILSON: *yelps*
HOUSE: *tightens arm around Wilson* *narrows eyes* Dead author-person.
After a quick breather, he began riding House hard, nearly lifting himself completely off House’s cock on each upstroke. House clenched his jaw and gripped Wilson’s ass, digging in his fingernails as James stroked himself roughly, one hand pressing into House’s chest for leverage.
‘I might... change my mind about being in a relationship with you,’ Wilson panted, ‘If I can get fucked like this every morning.’
WILSON: Me too. If I’m being dry-fucked every morning.
HOUSE: Fic!me. Wilson… James, this is fic!me. *makes note on sticky to stock up on lube*
‘I think that would be more than satisfactory. Oh, God. Fuck, Jimmy.’
‘Shit, I’m gonna come.’
‘Do it.’
‘Fuck... Hit me.’
WILSON: *wails* HOUSE! Save me from the fic!
HOUSE: *hugs Wilson closer, rocks him slightly*
‘What? Seriously?’
Wilson groaned. ‘Yeah. Do it.’
House cocked his hand, not quite sure what to do.
HOUSE: Oh, thank God. I might not hit you. Wilson, I might not hit you.
‘Fuck, come on. Hit me. Hard. Just fucking...’
Biting his lip, House let fly, smacking James hard across the face.
WILSON: EEP!
HOUSE: SHIT!
Wilson let out a gutteral scream, semen spurting across House’s chest, cock twitching for nearly a full minute as Wilson squeezed his glutes, bouncing himself against House.
‘Guh,’ he managed, collapsing onto House’s chest.
‘Oh, don’t you dare fucking stop, James.’
‘Serves you right,’ Wilson said, rolling off of House (and nearly off the bed).
HOUSE: Hey, look, you suddenly grew a backbone here.
WILSON: *quietly sobbing into House’s shirt*
HOUSE: *gently rubs Wilson’s back* *is very, very worried*
‘Hey, fuck you. You’re gonna fucking finish me.’
‘No.’
House stared at him, incredulously, and climbed onto Wilson, taking his shoulders in a death-grip and shoving back in, hard.
HOUSE: Oh, shit.
WILSON: *sobs growing more pronounced*
‘You... fucking... cunt,’ he spat, sinking his teeth hard into Wilson’s collar bone as he came, panting.
He climbed off of Wilson, shooting him a glare as he stormed out of the bedroom toward the bathroom.
‘Greg,’ Wilson called. ‘Hey, Greg.’
Wilson chased after him, grabbing his elbow and spinning him round in the bathroom doorway.
‘I... like angry sex. That’s all. Just wanted to piss you off. It was good though, right?’
WILSON: *screams*
HOUSE: *hugs him tighter* Wilson, it’s just a fic. Just a fic, Wilson, calm down.
House stared dumbly at him. ‘Seriously?’
Wilson grabbed him by the back of the head and kissed him, hard.
‘Mmm. Okay, you’re much better at that when you’re sober.’
‘I know. Now, why don’t you call that theatre major?’
HOUSE: Wilson, it’s over. Wilson?
WILSON: *still sobbing*
HOUSE: Oh shit. I never thought this would happen from a not bad!fic. Wilson?
WILSON: *sniffles*
HOUSE: Okay. We’re going home and watching some comedy.
WILSON: Nothing violent.
HOUSE: *thinks for a while* I think I can find something with no violence in it.
WILSON: *quietly* Okay.
HOUSE: *emails fic and note to Cuddy*
CUDDY: *reads email* Kill the author. Wilson had breakdown from fic. House. PS. I took Wilson home to recover.
CUDDY: *begins reading* Oooh…. Ouch. Hm… Hot. *retracts death order on author*