Ficlet: And I Will Never Be Sorry For Knowing What You Taste Like (Jared/Jensen RPS)
I know, I should be finishing the padildo!verse, but this was something that popped up in my head and wouldn't let me go. :P It's a stand-alone and I'm just pleased I was able to finish something for once. *lol*
Title: And I Will Never Be Sorry For Knowing What You Taste Like
Author: nemo_88, but you can call me Nemo
Fandom: SPN RPS
Pairing/Character: Jared/Jensen
Word Count: ~4000
Rating: R for sexual situations and cursing.
Warnings: RPS (Real person slash), if that’s not your thing. A little angst, a little schmoop...
Disclaimer: I do not know Jensen or Jared. I certainly don’t own them. This is a complete work of fiction: it never happened.
Summary: When Jensen and Jared get caught in the act, the set of Supernatural will never be the same and the boys need to figure out what they’re doing and if they’re worth fighting for.
Author's Note: If by any chance you’ve read my padildo!verse and think this is another cracky fic of mine (and with this premise, I know it could be) I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you. This is something like angst. Another verse completely.
I should also add that I know absolutely nothing about how producing TV works, so please excuse all of what my implausible imagination has cooked up while I describe the CW as the evil empire. I have no connection there, this is a pure work of fiction. This is not necessarily what I think would happen if this occurred, more of a way of exploring j2 in a larger perspective. Enjoy!
Dedicated to my fabulous beta boheme06 for being the awesome person that she is. Thank you, sweetie!
EDIT: A huge thank you to jewels667 for the backwards beta. She deserves a medal for helping out a non-native speaker like me. Those errors some of you noticed eariler should be fixed now. :)
And I Will Never Be Sorry For Knowing What You Taste Like
It happens so suddenly it would have been funny if it hadn't been so goddamn embarrassing.
Before, there is just feeling overpowering him: his head is heavy with lust, every sensation feels larger, and every need feels stronger. Jensen’s mouth on his cock. Jensen’s hand is on his thigh. Jensen’s hair is brushing against his stomach, Jensen’s everything is everywhere. It makes Jared's head spin and he would have fallen over if it wasn't for the edge of the table he's squeezing so hard, making his knuckles turn as white as the snow outside.
One second later (because it doesn’t seem to take longer than that to throw the trailer door open) everything just stops. Jared’s eyes go big as realization hits him. Everything stops, except Jensen’s head bobbing down Jared’s shaft - it takes him two seconds more to feel the presence of the intruder and go still. They’ve been caught.
Jared’s dick fall out of Jensen’s mouth with a quiet little pop that seems louder than a gunshot in the crackling silence. Jared wants to laugh at the absurdity of it all, wants to brush it off like it’s no big deal. It’s just sex, right? Everybody’s been caught in the act once or twice. Nothing to see, move along. Except his mouth has stopped working and Jensen’s not doing anything helpful either, hasn’t even turned around, or gotten up from where he’s kneeling on the floor, hasn’t even seen who the intruder is.
The man in the doorway might as well have been his momma, because Jared has never felt so small and exposed and fucking terrified in his whole life.
That’s what happens the day their director walks in on Jensen and Jared trading blow-jobs in the trailer in between takes. It was safe to say, that after that, nothing would ever be the same.
* * *
Later, Jared wonders what he wanted, rushing into Jensen’s trailer like that, but all he has are memories of doors slamming shut and cold instructions afterwards.
That thing - in lack of a better term - with Jensen had been going on for so long they forgot to be cautious, forgot about locking doors, being stealthy. It was just one endless need that never seemed to be sated and never gave them time to care about other, practical things.
They didn’t talk about it. They didn’t talk much at all, truth be told. Not about important stuff. Jared was still his usual cheery self, but there were times he felt very much like a fraud. They still laughed, still went for beers, still watched their games, but much of what earlier had been essentially them had been replaced by something neither could explain. A silent agreement eating at them both. An unspoken way of co-existing that only pleased the body, not the soul.
Jared can’t even remember how it started. Their first time. He remembers nights of drinking, bodies coming together in the dark. Doesn’t remember who initiated it, who made the first move. Doesn’t remember dates for anniversaries or the way Jensen looked the first time he pushed inside of him. Jared’s pretty sure he closed his eyes and turned away, anyway.
They’ve fucked themselves up. Screwed themselves over.
They’ve fucked.
It’s been weighing him down and in one way, ironic as it is, having his boss discover them puts an end to a vicious circle that never would have stopped on its own.
* * *
Attending the meeting that follows, Jared feels like he’s woke up in Bizzaro world, because as far as he knows, there‘s no law against fucking your co-worker. Especially not in their business. But here he is, placed in front of a bunch of suits who are acting like his personal life is any of they’re fucking business, talking in fancy lawyer-speak and Jared feels very much like he’s on trial. He wants to scream in frustration. But it’s worse than that too because his body is betraying him, aching all over for Jensen, sitting only inches away in the chair next to him.
“…it’ important for the audience-“
“Teens.”
“-an image to uphold.”
“It is not appropriate for a network like the CW to-”
“… contribute to-“
“A show like Supernatural relies on, is built upon-“
“it would be unfortunate-“
“two brothers. Family.”
“the undertones that accidentally can-”
“some concerns have been raised about-“
“might shine through-“
Only bits and pieces form any kind of sense in Jared's brain. But he gets the picture. It’s spoken loud and clear and he wishes someone would just say it. Out loud.
Do. Not. Fuck. Your. Co-star.
He would have been out with a ‘No ma’am, thank you, sir’ before they even had a chance to say ‘blow-job’.
Instead, Jensen mumbles, “Half the fans think Dean’s hot for Sammy anyway,” under his breath and although it’s more than a little inappropriate, Jared lets out a snorting laugh at that.
And all of a sudden it feels like they’re two kids at the principal’s office after causing trouble. The disapproving looks they receive make Jared feel patronized, but whatever, he's always felt like the baby on set anyway.
When they’re finally out of there, to the suits’ dismay, neither solving nor fully discussing the ‘incident’, Jensen stalks off without a word. Apart from Jen’s answer (“I would never lie”) to Jared’s question (“What do we do?”) right before the meeting began, they haven’t talked at all.
Jared’s pissed to see Jensen fleeing, and he calls him back, his name echoing loudly in the empty halls. Jensen’s annoyed - scratch that - ticking with anger when he turns around, and Jared knows exactly what that feels like, because he’s feeling a bit of it himself.
“Where you going?” he asks, coldly and just as accusingly as he intends to.
“What does it look like? I’m walking away.”
“What? We need to be together on this.” The voice of reason. Jared’s tired of always being the Sam of the two, but the words slips out so easily.
“Damnit, Jay!” Jensen looks like he’s about to say something more but then shuts his mouth, clenches his teeth before leaning in, almost whispering when he continues. “There’s no ‘we.’” He grits out. “Never was.”
Jared laughs bitterly at that, because hell, he knew that already. He knew it from the moment he shoved his tongue down Jensen’s throat, even if he can’t remember exactly when that first time was.
“I’m saying together, like before. Friends.” It comes out almost sarcastically. “Think you can do that?” And Jensen looks a little hurt as if he expected Jared to disagree, fight back.
“Fuck.” Jared curses just because it seems appropriate and he knows Jensen won’t mind because he’s as worked up about everything as Jared is.
Without them having any say about it, their secret is out and all of a sudden they have to worry about things like their jobs, their careers, the press, their families.
“This is not getting out,” Jensen’s says like he’s made up his mind and he’ll keep it from happening with just his willpower if he has to.
“I’m not gonna rat us out to the tabloids if that’s what you’re thinking!”
“I just- “ Jensen stops, purses his lips together and Jared sees vulnerability there that wrinkles his forehead in concern. “If the press finds out about this-”
“They won’t,” Jared says immediately to reassure Jen, although he knows that’s as likely as the network wishing them happily ever afters any time soon.
Jensen points at Jared, his eyes holding him transfixed as he grits out. “If this comes out-” He takes a small pause but never loses Jared’s concentration. ”-You’ll be the one telling my momma she ain’t getting any grandchildren.”
Jared’s heart breaks a little at that statement and he watches Jensen walk off. Because he knows the importance of family. His momma back home might know about his so-called sexual orientation, but it’s nothing she’s mentioned since she found out. It’s a well-kept family secret, only the closest know and Jared has no intention of letting his cousins find out through the tabloids.
Jared runs a hand through his hair, sighing, and he thinks all of this shit has just gotten too big.
* * *
It takes one day before everyone on the set knows. Even the extras who are only there for one day, to get killed off or read one or two lines, seem to know.
Jared feels like he’s back in high school. The looks. The shit-talking.
Usually stuff like this rolls off him like water. He has never worried about what anyone thinks of him. He always walks around with a grin on his face, open to new people, welcoming them. Except this is far too personal. They were never supposed to be lunch break gossip material. It was a fucking thing between the two of them and although it was screwed up, it was something they shared. Them Now all these folks, with their inability to deal, have turned it into something wrong and dirty.
Jared’s unfocused while shooting, feeling too much like himself on camera and Sam is far away, out of his reach. He reads his lines, but they sound hollow to his ears and to Jensen’s too if that irritated look is an indicator.
Jensen however, has never acted so well in his life.
He gets the praise he deserves from everyone watching and in the end it’s because of Jensen they pull the scenes off at all.
Jared knows the reason for this. This is Jensen’s way of fighting back. Showing that he’s a damn good actor, that he can play Dean even if he fucked Jared in the ass minutes earlier or weeks before. The whispers only egg him on, makes him sharper, and he’s there to prove that he’s the man for this job, he is Dean and there’s no fucking replacement.
Jared wishes he had a little of that conviction, but they’re different he and Jensen. Jen doesn’t listen when the crew workers are talking bullshit because he didn’t know them to begin with. Jared did. Jared knows everyone who works there regularly by first name. He’s gone out for beers with these people, he’s laughed and joked and played pranks on them. He’s always showed his appreciation for the hard work they’re doing.
That’s why it hurts like a bitch when John, one of the sound technicians, mutters ‘fag’ under his breath when Jared walks past. Jared’s too baffled to even do anything about it, confront him and after all it’s such a high school thing to do, Jared feels like laughing. All he can think is I know the names of your children for fuck sake.
To be fair, everyone isn’t sharing that same animosity. No, most of the people Jared works with either doesn’t mention it at all, try to act ‘normal’ (whatever that is) only Jared can see how they twitch under his gaze and nervously try to address him as usual.
Some are just wide-eyed and can’t keep their mouth’s shut (’did you really fuck Ackles over the impala? Really? Did you?’). Like Jared would share the gory details with them if they only asked one more time. Like it’s a joke.
Some mean well, but it only leads to awkward silences. If Jared hears one more ‘you know, my cousin/sister/friend/[insert distant relative/friend of friend’s friend here] is gay’ he might have to slap someone. And Jared’s not a violent person. But dude, what the fuck does it matter? What is he supposed to answer? ‘Yeah, okay, that’s uh… fun for your cousin.’ Or better: ‘Cool, can I have his number?’ Fuck it.
Soon, the jokes start to come.
“I knew there was a reason for all that pink you wear.” Laugh. Or not.
The atmosphere on the set is strained to say the least, but Jared knows it will blow over in just a few days. Has to. Those days can’t come soon enough.
* * *
Two days later and some new network suit they haven’t seen before is walking around the set and Jared knows immediately he’s sent there from L.A. to inspect things. Like a fucking scary baby-sitter making sure they’re keeping their hands above the covers. He never knew the CW could feel so much like the mafia.
Jared thinks he resembles Agent Smith in The Matrix, that same perfectionism surrounds him, that same chilliness, and from that moment on it’s the nickname for the guy that sticks in Jared’s head.
* * *
Jared knows he was right the next morning when he sees Agent Smith introduce Jensen to some blonde chick he hasn’t seen before. The guy is evil and there’s his proof.
And Jared hates how Jensen smiles and takes her hand like he’s pleased to meet her. He hates how Jensen suddenly becomes shy and looks from Matrix guy to blonde chick while nervously scratching his neck.
Jared doesn’t have to hear what they’re saying to know what’s suggested. A fucking cover-up before anything’s even leaked out yet. He can feel himself boiling with anger. That chick doesn’t even know Jensen, hasn’t even seen him before, only wants the attention she’ll get. Hell, maybe they’re even paying her.
Fucking whore.
Jared catches Jensen first chance he gets, which happens to be only minutes later.
“You gonna go through with it? Huh?”
Jensen frowns, annoyed. “What are you talking about?”
“That girl. I saw her. You gonna be her “boyfriend” now?” It’s all said sarcastically, complete with air quotes.
“You’re stupider than you look, you know that Padalecki?” He’s angry now, Jared can tell. ”No, I’m not gonna-“ Jensen cuts himself off, shaking his head. “Just forget it.”
Jensen walks off and although Jared feels a bit calmer, he also feels a lot stupider realizing it was jealousy washing over him at the sight of that girl.
“Jensen.”
Jensen stops and turns around. This time he sighs, calm all of a sudden and there’s a small smirk on his lips. “No, I’m not going to do it.”
Jared nods in response, feeling a smile coming on.
* * *
In the end, it’s Jensen who finally stands up for them.
“It’s advisable to look at this as-“
“Advisable my ass.”
“Mr. Ackles, if you would-“ Matrix guy is speaking slowly and calmly as if to a child and it only annoys them both so much more.
“You’re trying to tell me we have to end it? You’re trying to tell me who I can and can’t fuck?”
Agent Smith flinches at the f-word, but goes on calmly. “The network is only suggesting that it would be in your own best interest -“
Jensen shakes his head in disgust. “Fuck this shit.”
Jared has never heard Jensen curse at any of the directors or producers before and when he walks off, practically fuming, Jared knows this is serious. He quickly excuses himself and follows, finding Jensen just outside, back turned to him.
Jared’s not sure how to approach him and Jensen doesn’t acknowledge his presence. Jared walks up to him slowly, mumbles a “hey” before tracing his fingers over Jen’s upper arm. He doesn’t react and it’s not until Jared lightly rests his head on Jensen’s shoulder that he turns his head a little to the side and Jared can feel his fingers brushing over his own.
It’s the first physical contact since that morning in the trailer - acting excluded - and Jared feels himself relax and lets out a shuddering breath of relief. They were only about sex before, about filling a need that was stronger than themselves, never shared light touches like these just to reassure themselves that the other was there. It feels better than Jared had expected.
He smiles into Jensen’s plaid shirt, let’s out a small chuckle before mumbling, “Thanks. I guess.”
“Didn’t do it for you,” Jensen mutters and although Jared can’t see his face, standing behind his back, he knows he’s lying. Jensen knew how much all if it got to him, saw it. Because when you’re not speaking to someone you sooner or later become good at reading each other. “It’s a matter of principle. They ain’t telling me who I can or can’t be with.” Jensen continues.
They share a look at that and Jared has to purse his lips together to keep from smiling. Then Jensen turns his head away again, clears his throat and the moment is gone just like that. Jared puts a little distance between their bodies and mumbles a “yeah” to Jensen before someone calls for him and they have to get back to work.
* * *
It takes one more day before the press finds out, but when they do, all hell breaks loose in Vancouver or at least that’s how it feels for Jared. Reporters have flew in from God knows where, his phone is ringing off the hook and he has no idea how his number got out in the first place.
In the evening when he’s going home, there are cameras waiting and when he comes back to work in the morning they’re there too. Jared starts to wonder if they’ll ever leave.
Jared never thought he or Jensen were big enough to become first page material. They’re stuck on a TV show on a new network, with the worst time slot in the history of television and most of the time, their interviews end up somewhere in the back of the magazines while some Hollywood a-lister parades on the cover.
That’s why it surprises him when the goofiest picture of he and Jensen from the CW’s Winter Press tour ends up on the cover of some tabloid he’d rather not touch, much less read, with some fucking cracked up headline about their ‘forbidden and passionate, gay love’.
Everybody loves a scandal, right?
* * *
When Jared joins Jensen in make-up just a short while later he’s greeted by the same headlines having a field day with the scandal they’ve been given. Jared feels like he’s back at his mother’s hairdressers home in San Antonio all of a sudden, because since when are they keeping tabloids in the hair and make-up trailer?
“What’s wrong with these people?” Jared mutters as he throws the magazine out of his sight.
“Just people, man. Just people doing their job,” Jensen answers tiredly. And it’s exactly the thing Jared used to say when some reporter is asking the same questions they have gotten a thousand times or when the press is just being a pain in general. Jensen’s usually the one who complains, flees the fans and the attention and Jared looks at him strangely now that their roles seem to be reversed.
“I just don’t see-“ Jared says, tiredness and frustration lacing his voice making him sound angrier than he is “-what the big deal is.”
“It is a big deal.” Jensen answers and Jared can see him losing his patience too.
“I mean, half the people in Hollywood are gay. Come on!”
This is when Jensen raises his voice and Jared realizes they’re arguing about something else entirely. “But you don’t see them bragging about it, do you?”
Jared sighs, wants to put his hand over his eyes and rub at them as if it would make anything better, but his make-up artist isn’t letting him and pushes his hand away.
“Sorry man, you’re right,” Jared says and leans back with a sigh to let the make-up artist finish his face.
Jensen looks at him with a frown and keeps it that. They spend the rest of their time before shooting begins in silence.
* * *
All of a sudden everyone wants interviews and press conferences, offers to come to talk shows are coming out of nowhere and there’s just no end to it all. It’s a media circus spinning out of control and all Jared can do is stand, mouth dropped at the sidelines. Everybody acts like they watched Supernatural from the pilot while the ratings go sky high. Never has the show had so many viewers as that first week after the scandal is revealed. Jared gets voted sexiest guy of the year in some gay magazine and the CW is showered with fan mail they can’t see an end to.
Jared doesn’t know what to make of it all. He never thought he and Jensen could stir up so much drama. But they decline all of the offers, haven’t said a word to the press since the madness began. Agent Smith probably wants them to deny the whole thing, but Jared understands as well as the next person there’s no point in lying now.
Jensen’s pissed, easily irritated, barely speaks to anyone but still acts Dean on camera like he was born to do it. And it’s a pleasure for Jared to just watch him.
* * *
It’s close to 3:30 a.m. when someone bangs on Jared’s front door and he has to drag his ass out of bed. Making sure it’s no crazy reporter or stalking fan, he’s surprised to see Jensen pacing nervously outside his door.
When the door opens, Jensen stops. And just looks. Right at Jared and Jared doesn’t need him to speak because his eyes are doing all the talking. It’s clear to him: Jensen’s family has found out. And there’s nothing he needs to say to that either.
Jared reaches out to show him into the apartment, but Jensen grabs his wrist before he has a chance to, cold fingers gripping tightly on skin and pulling closer. Jensen’s ragged breath is all Jared hears as he watches Jen’s hand travel upward over his forearm, then elbow, only to grip tightly at his bicep. It’s leaving goose-bumps in its wake, earning a soft shudder from Jared. The higher Jen goes, the closer they seem to get and Jared realizes he’s taken small steps closer. He closes his eyes, loses his breath when Jensen’s fingers make their way underneath the short sleeve of his t-shirt and Jensen’s other hand finds more skin on his hip, right above his sweatpants.
They’re standing in the middle of the doorway, neither coming in or going out and Jared can’t help but note how fitting it is when he opens his eyes and finds Jensen’s staring back at him.
“She knows,” Jensen says suddenly, breaking the silence and Jared knows immediately he’s talking about his mother.
Jared nods, silently, his own hand coming up to grab Jensen’s shoulder, mimicking the other man’s position.
This time, he knows who makes the first move, who initiates it. It’s Jensen who leans in to catch his lips. This time, he memorizes every look, every sound he makes. How Jensen’s skin seems to hum underneath his fingertips.
And when they stumble into his apartment, grabbing at the other’s clothes, Jared hopes Jen sees and remembers the smile on his face.
* * *
The flashes from the cameras are blinding him that morning, but Jared barely notices as he pushes through the small, but intense, crowd.
He throws his arm over Jensen’s shoulder, like old times, proudly announcing, “Everyone, this dork right here, is Jensen, my boyfriend.”
He’s grinning like a fool and Jensen ruffles his hair in return and neither hears the loud chatter nor the shouted questions the announcement has brought. Jensen’s laugh is playful, and his eyes glitter in the sharp light.
And when he puts a hand safely on Jared’s chest like he’s done a million times before, Jared’s sure Jen stole his heart right from beneath his fingertips in just that one little caress.
~The End~
Title: And I Will Never Be Sorry For Knowing What You Taste Like
Author: nemo_88, but you can call me Nemo
Fandom: SPN RPS
Pairing/Character: Jared/Jensen
Word Count: ~4000
Rating: R for sexual situations and cursing.
Warnings: RPS (Real person slash), if that’s not your thing. A little angst, a little schmoop...
Disclaimer: I do not know Jensen or Jared. I certainly don’t own them. This is a complete work of fiction: it never happened.
Summary: When Jensen and Jared get caught in the act, the set of Supernatural will never be the same and the boys need to figure out what they’re doing and if they’re worth fighting for.
Author's Note: If by any chance you’ve read my padildo!verse and think this is another cracky fic of mine (and with this premise, I know it could be) I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you. This is something like angst. Another verse completely.
I should also add that I know absolutely nothing about how producing TV works, so please excuse all of what my implausible imagination has cooked up while I describe the CW as the evil empire. I have no connection there, this is a pure work of fiction. This is not necessarily what I think would happen if this occurred, more of a way of exploring j2 in a larger perspective. Enjoy!
Dedicated to my fabulous beta boheme06 for being the awesome person that she is. Thank you, sweetie!
EDIT: A huge thank you to jewels667 for the backwards beta. She deserves a medal for helping out a non-native speaker like me. Those errors some of you noticed eariler should be fixed now. :)
And I Will Never Be Sorry For Knowing What You Taste Like
It happens so suddenly it would have been funny if it hadn't been so goddamn embarrassing.
Before, there is just feeling overpowering him: his head is heavy with lust, every sensation feels larger, and every need feels stronger. Jensen’s mouth on his cock. Jensen’s hand is on his thigh. Jensen’s hair is brushing against his stomach, Jensen’s everything is everywhere. It makes Jared's head spin and he would have fallen over if it wasn't for the edge of the table he's squeezing so hard, making his knuckles turn as white as the snow outside.
One second later (because it doesn’t seem to take longer than that to throw the trailer door open) everything just stops. Jared’s eyes go big as realization hits him. Everything stops, except Jensen’s head bobbing down Jared’s shaft - it takes him two seconds more to feel the presence of the intruder and go still. They’ve been caught.
Jared’s dick fall out of Jensen’s mouth with a quiet little pop that seems louder than a gunshot in the crackling silence. Jared wants to laugh at the absurdity of it all, wants to brush it off like it’s no big deal. It’s just sex, right? Everybody’s been caught in the act once or twice. Nothing to see, move along. Except his mouth has stopped working and Jensen’s not doing anything helpful either, hasn’t even turned around, or gotten up from where he’s kneeling on the floor, hasn’t even seen who the intruder is.
The man in the doorway might as well have been his momma, because Jared has never felt so small and exposed and fucking terrified in his whole life.
That’s what happens the day their director walks in on Jensen and Jared trading blow-jobs in the trailer in between takes. It was safe to say, that after that, nothing would ever be the same.
* * *
Later, Jared wonders what he wanted, rushing into Jensen’s trailer like that, but all he has are memories of doors slamming shut and cold instructions afterwards.
That thing - in lack of a better term - with Jensen had been going on for so long they forgot to be cautious, forgot about locking doors, being stealthy. It was just one endless need that never seemed to be sated and never gave them time to care about other, practical things.
They didn’t talk about it. They didn’t talk much at all, truth be told. Not about important stuff. Jared was still his usual cheery self, but there were times he felt very much like a fraud. They still laughed, still went for beers, still watched their games, but much of what earlier had been essentially them had been replaced by something neither could explain. A silent agreement eating at them both. An unspoken way of co-existing that only pleased the body, not the soul.
Jared can’t even remember how it started. Their first time. He remembers nights of drinking, bodies coming together in the dark. Doesn’t remember who initiated it, who made the first move. Doesn’t remember dates for anniversaries or the way Jensen looked the first time he pushed inside of him. Jared’s pretty sure he closed his eyes and turned away, anyway.
They’ve fucked themselves up. Screwed themselves over.
They’ve fucked.
It’s been weighing him down and in one way, ironic as it is, having his boss discover them puts an end to a vicious circle that never would have stopped on its own.
* * *
Attending the meeting that follows, Jared feels like he’s woke up in Bizzaro world, because as far as he knows, there‘s no law against fucking your co-worker. Especially not in their business. But here he is, placed in front of a bunch of suits who are acting like his personal life is any of they’re fucking business, talking in fancy lawyer-speak and Jared feels very much like he’s on trial. He wants to scream in frustration. But it’s worse than that too because his body is betraying him, aching all over for Jensen, sitting only inches away in the chair next to him.
“…it’ important for the audience-“
“Teens.”
“-an image to uphold.”
“It is not appropriate for a network like the CW to-”
“… contribute to-“
“A show like Supernatural relies on, is built upon-“
“it would be unfortunate-“
“two brothers. Family.”
“the undertones that accidentally can-”
“some concerns have been raised about-“
“might shine through-“
Only bits and pieces form any kind of sense in Jared's brain. But he gets the picture. It’s spoken loud and clear and he wishes someone would just say it. Out loud.
Do. Not. Fuck. Your. Co-star.
He would have been out with a ‘No ma’am, thank you, sir’ before they even had a chance to say ‘blow-job’.
Instead, Jensen mumbles, “Half the fans think Dean’s hot for Sammy anyway,” under his breath and although it’s more than a little inappropriate, Jared lets out a snorting laugh at that.
And all of a sudden it feels like they’re two kids at the principal’s office after causing trouble. The disapproving looks they receive make Jared feel patronized, but whatever, he's always felt like the baby on set anyway.
When they’re finally out of there, to the suits’ dismay, neither solving nor fully discussing the ‘incident’, Jensen stalks off without a word. Apart from Jen’s answer (“I would never lie”) to Jared’s question (“What do we do?”) right before the meeting began, they haven’t talked at all.
Jared’s pissed to see Jensen fleeing, and he calls him back, his name echoing loudly in the empty halls. Jensen’s annoyed - scratch that - ticking with anger when he turns around, and Jared knows exactly what that feels like, because he’s feeling a bit of it himself.
“Where you going?” he asks, coldly and just as accusingly as he intends to.
“What does it look like? I’m walking away.”
“What? We need to be together on this.” The voice of reason. Jared’s tired of always being the Sam of the two, but the words slips out so easily.
“Damnit, Jay!” Jensen looks like he’s about to say something more but then shuts his mouth, clenches his teeth before leaning in, almost whispering when he continues. “There’s no ‘we.’” He grits out. “Never was.”
Jared laughs bitterly at that, because hell, he knew that already. He knew it from the moment he shoved his tongue down Jensen’s throat, even if he can’t remember exactly when that first time was.
“I’m saying together, like before. Friends.” It comes out almost sarcastically. “Think you can do that?” And Jensen looks a little hurt as if he expected Jared to disagree, fight back.
“Fuck.” Jared curses just because it seems appropriate and he knows Jensen won’t mind because he’s as worked up about everything as Jared is.
Without them having any say about it, their secret is out and all of a sudden they have to worry about things like their jobs, their careers, the press, their families.
“This is not getting out,” Jensen’s says like he’s made up his mind and he’ll keep it from happening with just his willpower if he has to.
“I’m not gonna rat us out to the tabloids if that’s what you’re thinking!”
“I just- “ Jensen stops, purses his lips together and Jared sees vulnerability there that wrinkles his forehead in concern. “If the press finds out about this-”
“They won’t,” Jared says immediately to reassure Jen, although he knows that’s as likely as the network wishing them happily ever afters any time soon.
Jensen points at Jared, his eyes holding him transfixed as he grits out. “If this comes out-” He takes a small pause but never loses Jared’s concentration. ”-You’ll be the one telling my momma she ain’t getting any grandchildren.”
Jared’s heart breaks a little at that statement and he watches Jensen walk off. Because he knows the importance of family. His momma back home might know about his so-called sexual orientation, but it’s nothing she’s mentioned since she found out. It’s a well-kept family secret, only the closest know and Jared has no intention of letting his cousins find out through the tabloids.
Jared runs a hand through his hair, sighing, and he thinks all of this shit has just gotten too big.
* * *
It takes one day before everyone on the set knows. Even the extras who are only there for one day, to get killed off or read one or two lines, seem to know.
Jared feels like he’s back in high school. The looks. The shit-talking.
Usually stuff like this rolls off him like water. He has never worried about what anyone thinks of him. He always walks around with a grin on his face, open to new people, welcoming them. Except this is far too personal. They were never supposed to be lunch break gossip material. It was a fucking thing between the two of them and although it was screwed up, it was something they shared. Them Now all these folks, with their inability to deal, have turned it into something wrong and dirty.
Jared’s unfocused while shooting, feeling too much like himself on camera and Sam is far away, out of his reach. He reads his lines, but they sound hollow to his ears and to Jensen’s too if that irritated look is an indicator.
Jensen however, has never acted so well in his life.
He gets the praise he deserves from everyone watching and in the end it’s because of Jensen they pull the scenes off at all.
Jared knows the reason for this. This is Jensen’s way of fighting back. Showing that he’s a damn good actor, that he can play Dean even if he fucked Jared in the ass minutes earlier or weeks before. The whispers only egg him on, makes him sharper, and he’s there to prove that he’s the man for this job, he is Dean and there’s no fucking replacement.
Jared wishes he had a little of that conviction, but they’re different he and Jensen. Jen doesn’t listen when the crew workers are talking bullshit because he didn’t know them to begin with. Jared did. Jared knows everyone who works there regularly by first name. He’s gone out for beers with these people, he’s laughed and joked and played pranks on them. He’s always showed his appreciation for the hard work they’re doing.
That’s why it hurts like a bitch when John, one of the sound technicians, mutters ‘fag’ under his breath when Jared walks past. Jared’s too baffled to even do anything about it, confront him and after all it’s such a high school thing to do, Jared feels like laughing. All he can think is I know the names of your children for fuck sake.
To be fair, everyone isn’t sharing that same animosity. No, most of the people Jared works with either doesn’t mention it at all, try to act ‘normal’ (whatever that is) only Jared can see how they twitch under his gaze and nervously try to address him as usual.
Some are just wide-eyed and can’t keep their mouth’s shut (’did you really fuck Ackles over the impala? Really? Did you?’). Like Jared would share the gory details with them if they only asked one more time. Like it’s a joke.
Some mean well, but it only leads to awkward silences. If Jared hears one more ‘you know, my cousin/sister/friend/[insert distant relative/friend of friend’s friend here] is gay’ he might have to slap someone. And Jared’s not a violent person. But dude, what the fuck does it matter? What is he supposed to answer? ‘Yeah, okay, that’s uh… fun for your cousin.’ Or better: ‘Cool, can I have his number?’ Fuck it.
Soon, the jokes start to come.
“I knew there was a reason for all that pink you wear.” Laugh. Or not.
The atmosphere on the set is strained to say the least, but Jared knows it will blow over in just a few days. Has to. Those days can’t come soon enough.
* * *
Two days later and some new network suit they haven’t seen before is walking around the set and Jared knows immediately he’s sent there from L.A. to inspect things. Like a fucking scary baby-sitter making sure they’re keeping their hands above the covers. He never knew the CW could feel so much like the mafia.
Jared thinks he resembles Agent Smith in The Matrix, that same perfectionism surrounds him, that same chilliness, and from that moment on it’s the nickname for the guy that sticks in Jared’s head.
* * *
Jared knows he was right the next morning when he sees Agent Smith introduce Jensen to some blonde chick he hasn’t seen before. The guy is evil and there’s his proof.
And Jared hates how Jensen smiles and takes her hand like he’s pleased to meet her. He hates how Jensen suddenly becomes shy and looks from Matrix guy to blonde chick while nervously scratching his neck.
Jared doesn’t have to hear what they’re saying to know what’s suggested. A fucking cover-up before anything’s even leaked out yet. He can feel himself boiling with anger. That chick doesn’t even know Jensen, hasn’t even seen him before, only wants the attention she’ll get. Hell, maybe they’re even paying her.
Fucking whore.
Jared catches Jensen first chance he gets, which happens to be only minutes later.
“You gonna go through with it? Huh?”
Jensen frowns, annoyed. “What are you talking about?”
“That girl. I saw her. You gonna be her “boyfriend” now?” It’s all said sarcastically, complete with air quotes.
“You’re stupider than you look, you know that Padalecki?” He’s angry now, Jared can tell. ”No, I’m not gonna-“ Jensen cuts himself off, shaking his head. “Just forget it.”
Jensen walks off and although Jared feels a bit calmer, he also feels a lot stupider realizing it was jealousy washing over him at the sight of that girl.
“Jensen.”
Jensen stops and turns around. This time he sighs, calm all of a sudden and there’s a small smirk on his lips. “No, I’m not going to do it.”
Jared nods in response, feeling a smile coming on.
* * *
In the end, it’s Jensen who finally stands up for them.
“It’s advisable to look at this as-“
“Advisable my ass.”
“Mr. Ackles, if you would-“ Matrix guy is speaking slowly and calmly as if to a child and it only annoys them both so much more.
“You’re trying to tell me we have to end it? You’re trying to tell me who I can and can’t fuck?”
Agent Smith flinches at the f-word, but goes on calmly. “The network is only suggesting that it would be in your own best interest -“
Jensen shakes his head in disgust. “Fuck this shit.”
Jared has never heard Jensen curse at any of the directors or producers before and when he walks off, practically fuming, Jared knows this is serious. He quickly excuses himself and follows, finding Jensen just outside, back turned to him.
Jared’s not sure how to approach him and Jensen doesn’t acknowledge his presence. Jared walks up to him slowly, mumbles a “hey” before tracing his fingers over Jen’s upper arm. He doesn’t react and it’s not until Jared lightly rests his head on Jensen’s shoulder that he turns his head a little to the side and Jared can feel his fingers brushing over his own.
It’s the first physical contact since that morning in the trailer - acting excluded - and Jared feels himself relax and lets out a shuddering breath of relief. They were only about sex before, about filling a need that was stronger than themselves, never shared light touches like these just to reassure themselves that the other was there. It feels better than Jared had expected.
He smiles into Jensen’s plaid shirt, let’s out a small chuckle before mumbling, “Thanks. I guess.”
“Didn’t do it for you,” Jensen mutters and although Jared can’t see his face, standing behind his back, he knows he’s lying. Jensen knew how much all if it got to him, saw it. Because when you’re not speaking to someone you sooner or later become good at reading each other. “It’s a matter of principle. They ain’t telling me who I can or can’t be with.” Jensen continues.
They share a look at that and Jared has to purse his lips together to keep from smiling. Then Jensen turns his head away again, clears his throat and the moment is gone just like that. Jared puts a little distance between their bodies and mumbles a “yeah” to Jensen before someone calls for him and they have to get back to work.
* * *
It takes one more day before the press finds out, but when they do, all hell breaks loose in Vancouver or at least that’s how it feels for Jared. Reporters have flew in from God knows where, his phone is ringing off the hook and he has no idea how his number got out in the first place.
In the evening when he’s going home, there are cameras waiting and when he comes back to work in the morning they’re there too. Jared starts to wonder if they’ll ever leave.
Jared never thought he or Jensen were big enough to become first page material. They’re stuck on a TV show on a new network, with the worst time slot in the history of television and most of the time, their interviews end up somewhere in the back of the magazines while some Hollywood a-lister parades on the cover.
That’s why it surprises him when the goofiest picture of he and Jensen from the CW’s Winter Press tour ends up on the cover of some tabloid he’d rather not touch, much less read, with some fucking cracked up headline about their ‘forbidden and passionate, gay love’.
Everybody loves a scandal, right?
* * *
When Jared joins Jensen in make-up just a short while later he’s greeted by the same headlines having a field day with the scandal they’ve been given. Jared feels like he’s back at his mother’s hairdressers home in San Antonio all of a sudden, because since when are they keeping tabloids in the hair and make-up trailer?
“What’s wrong with these people?” Jared mutters as he throws the magazine out of his sight.
“Just people, man. Just people doing their job,” Jensen answers tiredly. And it’s exactly the thing Jared used to say when some reporter is asking the same questions they have gotten a thousand times or when the press is just being a pain in general. Jensen’s usually the one who complains, flees the fans and the attention and Jared looks at him strangely now that their roles seem to be reversed.
“I just don’t see-“ Jared says, tiredness and frustration lacing his voice making him sound angrier than he is “-what the big deal is.”
“It is a big deal.” Jensen answers and Jared can see him losing his patience too.
“I mean, half the people in Hollywood are gay. Come on!”
This is when Jensen raises his voice and Jared realizes they’re arguing about something else entirely. “But you don’t see them bragging about it, do you?”
Jared sighs, wants to put his hand over his eyes and rub at them as if it would make anything better, but his make-up artist isn’t letting him and pushes his hand away.
“Sorry man, you’re right,” Jared says and leans back with a sigh to let the make-up artist finish his face.
Jensen looks at him with a frown and keeps it that. They spend the rest of their time before shooting begins in silence.
* * *
All of a sudden everyone wants interviews and press conferences, offers to come to talk shows are coming out of nowhere and there’s just no end to it all. It’s a media circus spinning out of control and all Jared can do is stand, mouth dropped at the sidelines. Everybody acts like they watched Supernatural from the pilot while the ratings go sky high. Never has the show had so many viewers as that first week after the scandal is revealed. Jared gets voted sexiest guy of the year in some gay magazine and the CW is showered with fan mail they can’t see an end to.
Jared doesn’t know what to make of it all. He never thought he and Jensen could stir up so much drama. But they decline all of the offers, haven’t said a word to the press since the madness began. Agent Smith probably wants them to deny the whole thing, but Jared understands as well as the next person there’s no point in lying now.
Jensen’s pissed, easily irritated, barely speaks to anyone but still acts Dean on camera like he was born to do it. And it’s a pleasure for Jared to just watch him.
* * *
It’s close to 3:30 a.m. when someone bangs on Jared’s front door and he has to drag his ass out of bed. Making sure it’s no crazy reporter or stalking fan, he’s surprised to see Jensen pacing nervously outside his door.
When the door opens, Jensen stops. And just looks. Right at Jared and Jared doesn’t need him to speak because his eyes are doing all the talking. It’s clear to him: Jensen’s family has found out. And there’s nothing he needs to say to that either.
Jared reaches out to show him into the apartment, but Jensen grabs his wrist before he has a chance to, cold fingers gripping tightly on skin and pulling closer. Jensen’s ragged breath is all Jared hears as he watches Jen’s hand travel upward over his forearm, then elbow, only to grip tightly at his bicep. It’s leaving goose-bumps in its wake, earning a soft shudder from Jared. The higher Jen goes, the closer they seem to get and Jared realizes he’s taken small steps closer. He closes his eyes, loses his breath when Jensen’s fingers make their way underneath the short sleeve of his t-shirt and Jensen’s other hand finds more skin on his hip, right above his sweatpants.
They’re standing in the middle of the doorway, neither coming in or going out and Jared can’t help but note how fitting it is when he opens his eyes and finds Jensen’s staring back at him.
“She knows,” Jensen says suddenly, breaking the silence and Jared knows immediately he’s talking about his mother.
Jared nods, silently, his own hand coming up to grab Jensen’s shoulder, mimicking the other man’s position.
This time, he knows who makes the first move, who initiates it. It’s Jensen who leans in to catch his lips. This time, he memorizes every look, every sound he makes. How Jensen’s skin seems to hum underneath his fingertips.
And when they stumble into his apartment, grabbing at the other’s clothes, Jared hopes Jen sees and remembers the smile on his face.
* * *
The flashes from the cameras are blinding him that morning, but Jared barely notices as he pushes through the small, but intense, crowd.
He throws his arm over Jensen’s shoulder, like old times, proudly announcing, “Everyone, this dork right here, is Jensen, my boyfriend.”
He’s grinning like a fool and Jensen ruffles his hair in return and neither hears the loud chatter nor the shouted questions the announcement has brought. Jensen’s laugh is playful, and his eyes glitter in the sharp light.
And when he puts a hand safely on Jared’s chest like he’s done a million times before, Jared’s sure Jen stole his heart right from beneath his fingertips in just that one little caress.
~The End~