Tip by Nemo Baker
Title: Tip
Summary: Jack reads an expense report.
Characters/Pairings: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper
Rating: G
Spoilers: Cyberwoman, Out of Time, Combat, The Empty Child
“You’re reading an expense report.”
Jack looked up from his desk to see Ianto regarding him curiously.
“Yeah,” he said. “What of it?”
“It’s just that you usually act as if administrative paperwork makes you break out in hives, sir.”
“You wound me.”
“Apologies.”
Jack chuckled, and Ianto bent slightly to retrieve the empty coffee mug from the coaster on Jack’s desk.
“Any reason for the sudden interest?" Ianto asked.
“Just noticed an anomaly, wanted to check it out.”
“An anomaly?”
“Yeah. For some reason for the last few months, our total expenses have been a bit lower than normal.”
“Again, to see that would require reading the reports regularly.”
“Hey, you may be the one that does all the actual work in putting these together, but I occasionally notice the number at the bottom of the page when I sign to approve them.”
“Of course. Would you like any help in finding the source of the disparity? Since I, as you say, did ‘all of the actual work’ on them?”
“It’s fine. I’ll figure it out.”
“Alright.”
“Can you order lunch?”
“Certainly.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“What stuff do you put under ‘Miscellaneous Personnel Expenses’?” Jack asked a week later.
“Anything that I need to buy for the team that doesn’t fall under the ‘Medical’ or ‘Technical’ categories,” Ianto provided.
“So…”
“Office supplies, necessities for the Weevils and Myfanwy, dry cleaning and the like. Why do you want to know?”
“Whatever it is that’s making our total expenses go down is in that category.”
“I see.” Ianto looked thoughtful. “I did switch to another butcher for Myfanwy’s meals a while ago. Their prices are a bit better.”
“I guess that could be it,” Jack conceded. “The gap seems a little wide for it to just be that, but maybe.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take another look?”
“Nah, don’t bother. For the next one, just pay special attention to that category and I’m sure we’ll catch it.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As it turned out, Jack was understandably distracted the next time a report from Ianto landed on his desk.
“Sign this before you head out?”
“Yeah,” Jack said absently, putting pen to paper without really noticing what was in Ianto’s hands.
“Would you like me to drive you to the hospital?”
“No, thank you.”
“Let us know how he is, then.”
“Sure.”
“Jack, are you alright?”
“One of my team members willingly stepped into a cage with a Weevil,” Jack snapped. “What do you think?”
Ianto paused, then strode behind Jack’s desk to retrieve the greatcoat. He came up behind Jack and slid it over his shoulders.
“It’s not your fault. He made that choice.”
Jack sighed. “I should have made sure he was alright. After Diane.”
“You didn’t know.”
“I didn’t notice. I never…” He trailed off.
Ianto came around to face him, and eventually Jack met the warm, yet calculating, eyes. “What, Jack?”
“I never seem to notice when you guys need me.”
Surprisingly, Ianto continued to hold his gaze, although Jack could sense a new tension.
“It’s because we don’t let you.” Ianto said simply.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“You’re right, it is a bit odd,” Tosh said, looking over Jack’s shoulder at the new figures.
They were standing in the Hub kitchen, leaning against the sink, while Owen rummaged for yesterday’s leftovers.
“I don’t get it,” Jack exclaimed. “We’re ordering everything in the same quantities, as far as I can tell. So it’s not that we’re using less of anything.”
“Wait, you’re looking over expense reports?” Owen interjected, pulling his head out of the fridge.
“Seriously why is it such a shock to everyone when I do my job?”
“Because ‘your job’ has been Teaboy’s since day one.”
“Well, maybe I just want to give him a hand with a few things,” Jack winked.
Owen scowled and took a large bite of cold pizza. “What’s the problem with ‘em, anyway?”
“For about six months now, we’ve been spending less money. I can’t figure out what’s changed.”
“Six months? Oh, well that’s it then.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’ve been down one cyber-girlfriend since then, haven’t we?”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what Ianto had been using the money for.
He’d assumed it was medical in nature at first, that Ianto had simply miscategorized a few painkillers for all of those months so that Jack wouldn’t think to look. Owen’s stock records proved him wrong.
Tanizaki’s transport and accommodations couldn’t have been evenly dispersed that easily and, besides, Ianto had already told him that he’d paid for both himself. With those options nixed, he was at a loss.
But Jack started watching the way Ianto’s eyes went blank at any mention of the expenditures debacle. He began to note how Ianto offered, every time, to take the mystery off of his hands. He witnessed the sag in the man’s shoulders when the offer was refused, and the subtle traces of guilt in his face.
So he knew Owen’s words rang true.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“What a day,” Gwen sighed, collapsing into a chair in the conference room.
What a day, indeed.
That morning, something that had looked like an ornate ostrich egg had come through the Rift. It then proceeded to ‘hatch,’ and a small swarm of Unidentified Alien Insects had been set loose on Cardiff. Initially Jack had been a bit tempted to call it the inevitable integration of species and call it a day.
Until they’d caught one of the fuzzy buggers and discovered they exhaled toxic chlorine gas.
Luckily for their endeavors to capture them, the swarm had stuck mostly together. However, that also meant they’d had to break out full protective gear in order to avoid being poisoned by the cloud the bugs produced.
For Jack, the temptation to turn to one of his gas mask-clad teammates and ask “are you my mummy?” had been almost too great to bear.
Jack fell into the chair beside Gwen, while Tosh and Owen sat across from them.
“I never thought I’d get to hunt aliens using a butterfly net,” Tosh mused.
“I never want to do it again,” Owen countered.
“I just want dinner.” Jack was at least a bit ashamed of how whiny that sounded.
“Taken care of.”
They all turned to see Ianto entering the room, pizza boxes in hand. “Had it delivered a moment ago. I got Meat Feast and plain cheese.”
“Ianto Jones, you are a saint,” Jack said, smiling.
“I think you and I both could refute that statement, sir.”
“Oi! Could you two not be nauseating for two minutes?”
“Sorry, Owen,” Jack said cheekily. He took the boxes from Ianto’s hands and set them in the middle of the table.
“Come sit down with us, Ianto!” Gwen encouraged. “You got plenty.”
“Let me get my wallet, first. I think I left it in the Tourist Center.”
Ianto exited the room, and the rest of the team attacked the offerings he’d left them.
“Isn’t this like... the third time this week we’ve gotten Jubilee?” Gwen asked, licking sauce from her fingers.
“And the sixth time we’ve gotten takeaway,” replied Tosh. “It’s a good thing we do all of that running, is all I can say.”
“God, I bet this adds up to a pretty penny every week,” Gwen continued. “I guess being outside the government, and being left alone to do whatever, really does have it’s advantages. Imagine Ianto having to justify just how much a secret, alien-fighting organization spends on fast food.”
Jack reflected that he should have known Ianto left something off of that list of Miscellaneous Personnel Expenses.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Four hours and many crumpled receipts later, Jack sat back in his office chair. His head ached, and every single food purchase made in the name of feeding Torchwood in the past two years was accounted for.
The diminished expenses? Not so much.
No fewer purchases had been made on his card, and no prices had been changed at any of their frequented establishments. Yet the totals added up to a lower number than the ones from over six months ago.
“What the hell, Ianto?” he murmured, running a hand down his face.
He rifled through the papers on his desk again, tempted to just give up on this endless game of ‘spot the difference’, when his eyes lit upon one of the newer Jubilee receipts.
Subtotal: £11.34
Tax: £0.68
Delivery Charge: £1.00
Tip: Upon delivery
Total: £13.02
He blinked, then picked up another. And another.
Tip: Upon delivery
He searched a bit, then came up with an older one.
Tip: £2.27
Six months ago, Ianto had started tipping in cash.
Not just in cash, he realized, recalling Ianto’s earlier comment about leaving his wallet upstairs. He’d started tipping out of his own pocket. But why?
And that was when Jack remembered the cyberwoman’s second victim.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two days later, the team ordered Chinese. Jack found a reason to be in the Tourist Office when Ianto went to get it. He saw the takeaway containers exchange hands, and the wide smile that lit the delivery girl’s face when Ianto passed her a tenner.
“Wow. Thanks, mate.”
“It’s no trouble. Safe drive back.”
He closed the door, and Jack stepped into the room from behind the beaded curtain.
“That was almost a one hundred percent tip,” Jack observed.
Ianto turned towards him. “I suppose now you know why we always get our food in such a timely fashion.”
“Ianto-”
“Don’t,” Ianto said softly. “Please, just… Don’t.”
Jack studied him for moment, and noted that the other man’s expression was neither annoyed, nor guarded.
Instead, he simply looked heartbroken.
Jack stepped forward and took the bags from Ianto before putting a hand gently on his shoulder.
“I won’t. But…let me cover it next time. Okay?”
There was hesitation in Ianto’s nod, but not in his voice. “Just the once.”
Summary: Jack reads an expense report.
Characters/Pairings: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper
Rating: G
Spoilers: Cyberwoman, Out of Time, Combat, The Empty Child
“You’re reading an expense report.”
Jack looked up from his desk to see Ianto regarding him curiously.
“Yeah,” he said. “What of it?”
“It’s just that you usually act as if administrative paperwork makes you break out in hives, sir.”
“You wound me.”
“Apologies.”
Jack chuckled, and Ianto bent slightly to retrieve the empty coffee mug from the coaster on Jack’s desk.
“Any reason for the sudden interest?" Ianto asked.
“Just noticed an anomaly, wanted to check it out.”
“An anomaly?”
“Yeah. For some reason for the last few months, our total expenses have been a bit lower than normal.”
“Again, to see that would require reading the reports regularly.”
“Hey, you may be the one that does all the actual work in putting these together, but I occasionally notice the number at the bottom of the page when I sign to approve them.”
“Of course. Would you like any help in finding the source of the disparity? Since I, as you say, did ‘all of the actual work’ on them?”
“It’s fine. I’ll figure it out.”
“Alright.”
“Can you order lunch?”
“Certainly.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“What stuff do you put under ‘Miscellaneous Personnel Expenses’?” Jack asked a week later.
“Anything that I need to buy for the team that doesn’t fall under the ‘Medical’ or ‘Technical’ categories,” Ianto provided.
“So…”
“Office supplies, necessities for the Weevils and Myfanwy, dry cleaning and the like. Why do you want to know?”
“Whatever it is that’s making our total expenses go down is in that category.”
“I see.” Ianto looked thoughtful. “I did switch to another butcher for Myfanwy’s meals a while ago. Their prices are a bit better.”
“I guess that could be it,” Jack conceded. “The gap seems a little wide for it to just be that, but maybe.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take another look?”
“Nah, don’t bother. For the next one, just pay special attention to that category and I’m sure we’ll catch it.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As it turned out, Jack was understandably distracted the next time a report from Ianto landed on his desk.
“Sign this before you head out?”
“Yeah,” Jack said absently, putting pen to paper without really noticing what was in Ianto’s hands.
“Would you like me to drive you to the hospital?”
“No, thank you.”
“Let us know how he is, then.”
“Sure.”
“Jack, are you alright?”
“One of my team members willingly stepped into a cage with a Weevil,” Jack snapped. “What do you think?”
Ianto paused, then strode behind Jack’s desk to retrieve the greatcoat. He came up behind Jack and slid it over his shoulders.
“It’s not your fault. He made that choice.”
Jack sighed. “I should have made sure he was alright. After Diane.”
“You didn’t know.”
“I didn’t notice. I never…” He trailed off.
Ianto came around to face him, and eventually Jack met the warm, yet calculating, eyes. “What, Jack?”
“I never seem to notice when you guys need me.”
Surprisingly, Ianto continued to hold his gaze, although Jack could sense a new tension.
“It’s because we don’t let you.” Ianto said simply.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“You’re right, it is a bit odd,” Tosh said, looking over Jack’s shoulder at the new figures.
They were standing in the Hub kitchen, leaning against the sink, while Owen rummaged for yesterday’s leftovers.
“I don’t get it,” Jack exclaimed. “We’re ordering everything in the same quantities, as far as I can tell. So it’s not that we’re using less of anything.”
“Wait, you’re looking over expense reports?” Owen interjected, pulling his head out of the fridge.
“Seriously why is it such a shock to everyone when I do my job?”
“Because ‘your job’ has been Teaboy’s since day one.”
“Well, maybe I just want to give him a hand with a few things,” Jack winked.
Owen scowled and took a large bite of cold pizza. “What’s the problem with ‘em, anyway?”
“For about six months now, we’ve been spending less money. I can’t figure out what’s changed.”
“Six months? Oh, well that’s it then.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’ve been down one cyber-girlfriend since then, haven’t we?”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what Ianto had been using the money for.
He’d assumed it was medical in nature at first, that Ianto had simply miscategorized a few painkillers for all of those months so that Jack wouldn’t think to look. Owen’s stock records proved him wrong.
Tanizaki’s transport and accommodations couldn’t have been evenly dispersed that easily and, besides, Ianto had already told him that he’d paid for both himself. With those options nixed, he was at a loss.
But Jack started watching the way Ianto’s eyes went blank at any mention of the expenditures debacle. He began to note how Ianto offered, every time, to take the mystery off of his hands. He witnessed the sag in the man’s shoulders when the offer was refused, and the subtle traces of guilt in his face.
So he knew Owen’s words rang true.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“What a day,” Gwen sighed, collapsing into a chair in the conference room.
What a day, indeed.
That morning, something that had looked like an ornate ostrich egg had come through the Rift. It then proceeded to ‘hatch,’ and a small swarm of Unidentified Alien Insects had been set loose on Cardiff. Initially Jack had been a bit tempted to call it the inevitable integration of species and call it a day.
Until they’d caught one of the fuzzy buggers and discovered they exhaled toxic chlorine gas.
Luckily for their endeavors to capture them, the swarm had stuck mostly together. However, that also meant they’d had to break out full protective gear in order to avoid being poisoned by the cloud the bugs produced.
For Jack, the temptation to turn to one of his gas mask-clad teammates and ask “are you my mummy?” had been almost too great to bear.
Jack fell into the chair beside Gwen, while Tosh and Owen sat across from them.
“I never thought I’d get to hunt aliens using a butterfly net,” Tosh mused.
“I never want to do it again,” Owen countered.
“I just want dinner.” Jack was at least a bit ashamed of how whiny that sounded.
“Taken care of.”
They all turned to see Ianto entering the room, pizza boxes in hand. “Had it delivered a moment ago. I got Meat Feast and plain cheese.”
“Ianto Jones, you are a saint,” Jack said, smiling.
“I think you and I both could refute that statement, sir.”
“Oi! Could you two not be nauseating for two minutes?”
“Sorry, Owen,” Jack said cheekily. He took the boxes from Ianto’s hands and set them in the middle of the table.
“Come sit down with us, Ianto!” Gwen encouraged. “You got plenty.”
“Let me get my wallet, first. I think I left it in the Tourist Center.”
Ianto exited the room, and the rest of the team attacked the offerings he’d left them.
“Isn’t this like... the third time this week we’ve gotten Jubilee?” Gwen asked, licking sauce from her fingers.
“And the sixth time we’ve gotten takeaway,” replied Tosh. “It’s a good thing we do all of that running, is all I can say.”
“God, I bet this adds up to a pretty penny every week,” Gwen continued. “I guess being outside the government, and being left alone to do whatever, really does have it’s advantages. Imagine Ianto having to justify just how much a secret, alien-fighting organization spends on fast food.”
Jack reflected that he should have known Ianto left something off of that list of Miscellaneous Personnel Expenses.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Four hours and many crumpled receipts later, Jack sat back in his office chair. His head ached, and every single food purchase made in the name of feeding Torchwood in the past two years was accounted for.
The diminished expenses? Not so much.
No fewer purchases had been made on his card, and no prices had been changed at any of their frequented establishments. Yet the totals added up to a lower number than the ones from over six months ago.
“What the hell, Ianto?” he murmured, running a hand down his face.
He rifled through the papers on his desk again, tempted to just give up on this endless game of ‘spot the difference’, when his eyes lit upon one of the newer Jubilee receipts.
Subtotal: £11.34
Tax: £0.68
Delivery Charge: £1.00
Tip: Upon delivery
Total: £13.02
He blinked, then picked up another. And another.
Tip: Upon delivery
He searched a bit, then came up with an older one.
Tip: £2.27
Six months ago, Ianto had started tipping in cash.
Not just in cash, he realized, recalling Ianto’s earlier comment about leaving his wallet upstairs. He’d started tipping out of his own pocket. But why?
And that was when Jack remembered the cyberwoman’s second victim.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two days later, the team ordered Chinese. Jack found a reason to be in the Tourist Office when Ianto went to get it. He saw the takeaway containers exchange hands, and the wide smile that lit the delivery girl’s face when Ianto passed her a tenner.
“Wow. Thanks, mate.”
“It’s no trouble. Safe drive back.”
He closed the door, and Jack stepped into the room from behind the beaded curtain.
“That was almost a one hundred percent tip,” Jack observed.
Ianto turned towards him. “I suppose now you know why we always get our food in such a timely fashion.”
“Ianto-”
“Don’t,” Ianto said softly. “Please, just… Don’t.”
Jack studied him for moment, and noted that the other man’s expression was neither annoyed, nor guarded.
Instead, he simply looked heartbroken.
Jack stepped forward and took the bags from Ianto before putting a hand gently on his shoulder.
“I won’t. But…let me cover it next time. Okay?”
There was hesitation in Ianto’s nod, but not in his voice. “Just the once.”