How To Slash Better
"But I think one of the factors is that, while everyone acknowledges that lesbian porn for straight men is objectifying, homophobic and sexist, few want to acknowledge the same with regards to slash. Worse still, a lot of slash writers fancy themselves Big Bad Activists and seem to believe that by churning out m/m romance by women for women they are doing their part to fight homophobia. No. Really, no."
-Winterfox
It's no secret that I've been most outspoken on slash and m/m fiction and the rampant destructive heterosexism and homophobia that quite frankly runs unchecked in fandom and fiction thanks primarily to cis straight white women; who when it comes to this issue often range from clueless but well-meaning to hypocritical, heterosexist, homophobic misandronists.
Interestingly enough, I've been asked by more than a few of my loyal readers and even strangers to give advice and tips to avoid common tropes and to represent queer men with more respect.
I could teach you, but then I'd have to charge. At least that would be my flippant response because if I'm going to waste my time sharing my wisdom, truth, and experiences as a marginalized person, only to be dismissed and denigrated for not knowing my place (and how many times have we seen that play out), then I should be entitled to some form of pecuniary recompense.
But then it dawned on me. If there's the slightest chance that at least one person will take their head out their ass, shut the fuck up, listen, and actually make a good faith effort to actually try to learn, then maybe it'll be worth it. Maybe?
All right then.
Okay, strap in kids. Probably won't be safe for work. I move fast and this will be unapolagetically brutally honest......moreso than usual. Unicorns will be slain, privileges will be checked, white women tears will flow, asses will be kicked. So if you're not ready for some brutal harsh realities, NOW would be the time to turn away. No seriously. Because more than a few of you will be doing this here:
Still here? Fine. Don't say you weren't warned. Okay, allow me to lay down a few ground rules. My assessment is not open for debate, AT ALL. Because quite frankly I'm sick and tired of my orientation and a part of my identity being exploited and everytime I speak out about it, I get attacked or talked down to. So no backtalk from you, especially if you're not a queer male. So if you don't like what this queer male has to say about portrayals of queer males, kiss my ass. You were warned. Secondly, obviously no group is a hivemind and the next person's mileage may vary. And while I'll be speaking in generals for the sake of discussion, obviously not everything applies to everybody. Also I'll be providing visuals as we go along.
So before we continue, I suppose it's only fair that I share my credentials: I'm a man. A proud alpha male in fact. I date men, I've slept with countless men. I'm friends with men. And I've published a number of m/m pieces in pro publications under a pseudonym.
Okay so the following are a few glaring fuckups that I constantly notice m/m fiction written by women. While this by no means covers every facet, this will at least get you off to a good start.
Gay Men Are Not Your Avatars
The problem with a lot of female m/m writers is that they think queer men are some mythical creatures whose sole reason for existence is to be their fashion accessory.
"I just love gay menz. They're just soooooooooo speshul. They're sensitive, they express their emotions, they love shopping, they watch the Notebook, getting their nails done.They're sooooo perfect. They're like womynz, only their menz. Not real menz but psuedo menz. I hope my son is gay so I can teach them all about the butt sex and give them my fanfics."
And then you all wonder why gay men are running back to the closet.
If you're already coming in with this fucked up mindset, you're already failing something fierce.
Too often straight women want to make male homosexuality all about *them* and their titillation.
We Don't Need A Reason For Sex, Just An Opportunity
Another tell for female writers when they're penning pieces about gay men is that they will have gay men need to make some deep emotional connection and fall passionately in love because sex has to be intimate and magical and special because sex is a such a precious virtue that gay men has to defend and they can't give that special essence of themselves to anyone.
Um......no.
Generally speaking, the sexual dynamics between two women and for that matter a man and a woman are completely different from two men. When it comes to two men, it's about the sex. All bets are off. We fuck. Don't need to know your name. We don't even have to like you. In fact angry sex, kinda hot. We're horny, in the mood, and think a guy is hot (or isn't too repulsive), we're willing to play. Depends on how things play out, we may call the hookup again if we're in the mood again. That's men, for better or worse. That's how many of us operate with each other. And no, gay men aren't promiscuous because we're gay. We're promiscuous because we're men. Straight men do the same shit. They just don't get called on it.
There's No Crying In Sex: Neither Before Nor After
One of the most common and annoying things to read is after a scene of passionate sex, the guy will cry because it was so intimate and magical and special and his partner will hold him in bed.
At this point, either I'm ROFLMAO or I'm about to hurl. Because that shit is the ultimate in hardon killers. The only time a guy should have any tears coming from his eyes is if there's a 10 inch cock lodged up there, then and only then might we allow for a tear or two. I've been with many men: relationships and hookups alikie and none of them would pull that shit. If a guy cried afterwards because the sex was so intimate and special there's a good probability that A) he would get laughed at B) get kicked out of bed C) asked to leave D) his phone number would be deleted E) all of the above. Cuddling and spooning after sex is one thing, crying and shedding tears, I'm gonna need you to get the fuck out of here with that bullshit.
Masculinity Is Not Exclusive To Cis Straight Men
Men come in all types: Black, white, gay, straight, cis, trans, femme, butch, nerd, jock, we run the whole gamut. Many of us, if not most of us, can appreciate masculinity.
Whether it's straight men admiring sports heroes that they want to emulate or queer men appreciating the Abercrombie Frat Boy types. We love all icons of masculinity: policemen, firefighters, doctors, soldiers, and we are all those things. We love the male physique, we love being men. And the things many women hate about cis straight men, we love about them. Hell, that stuff applies to us as well. Like cis straight men, queer men come in all ranges and believe it or not many of us are masculine, many of us don't like shopping or techno music, and we would rather be friends with other men than some creepy fetishizing female.
Being gay or queer does not negate our masculinity. Any previous assertions to the contrary, fuck what you heard.
Sex Is With Men Is About Domination
Speaking as a man, there are things I would never ask of a woman sexually because I'm a man and because of the patriarchal dynamics and because of male privilege, I wouldn't feel comfortable engaging in certain activities sexually with a woman. She would probably be fine with it and in fact insist on it, but I still wouldn't feel comfortable.
Another man on the other hand where we're on equal footing...all bets are off.
Whether it's a one night stand or a comitted loving relationship, the sex between two men is a battle. It's about dominating and being dominated. Men love to dominate and conquer another male and men love being dominated and submitting to a more powerful man. We love to flip roles. We fuck. And degrade one another. We get off on being degraded and degrading another. I get off on the power of making a beautiful muscular man my conquest and having him quiver and moan under my prowess. I get off on being dominated by another man and being forced to be his conquest because his fucking technique is without peer and it's more addictive than any narcotic.
The Hurt/Comfort, STOP THAT SHIT!!!!!!
That whole pain/comfort crap or sickness/comfort trope, that's women's fantasy. And if that's your thing, that's your business. But that's not ours. There's a difference between S/M, the leather scene. We can play and we can play hard. But there's a disconnect that allows us to enjoy without the emotional baggage. This is usually another giveaway that this story about gay men written by women for women.
Your Research, DO YOU SOME!!!!!!
The problem with a lot of non-queer male writers is that they keep getting misinformation from other non-queer males who don't know what the fuck they're talking about. And I can't tell you how many times I've been gracious enough share insight in the hopes of them doing better only to be dismissed and talked down to like a fucking dog.
I'm blessed to have many incredible female friends in my life from all walks of life. When we discuss relationships or sex, they have a unique insight and a woman's perspective that I'll never have. Not saying that they or any group is a hivemind but because of the fact that they are women, they know more about being a woman than I ever will.
So when I'm writing female characters and trying to tell a story from the female perspective, I use them as a resource to get said insight so my characters are handled and portrayed with respect. Doesn't mean that I'm going to always get it right, doesn't mean I know all there is to know. BUT! I learn and improve and the work is richer for it.
Gay fiction by gay men is usually VASTLY different from gay fiction written by (straight) women. In order to capture the male voice, this is where research comes in.
A few suggestions:
Queer As Folk- A great series but more than that, you'll see an interesting range of men and see that while many of them are different, they're a lot alike in many respects. How they handle relationships and sex is pretty honest in regards to men in general.
OZ- Yes that show is both brilliant and fucked up but you'll see how male dynamic relationships play out.
Spartacus: Blood and Sand- Barca and Auctus, take notes on how that dynamic works out.
Need to make your sex scenes more realistic, watch actual gay porn that is actually watched by gay men: Sean Cody, Falcon, Titan, Brent Corrigan, Mason Wyler just to name a few. The point is, do your research.
With that in mind....
Read Works Fiction By Men For Men, Including Straight Men
Believe it or not, cis straight men generally have a better insight on queer men than women do, even if many of them don't realize it. We all share the experience of being men. Yes there are dynamics such as race and orientation but as men, a straight white guy is more likely to have a better insight on how I think and operate as a man than a woman will.
Queer men and straight men, really not different. We're really not that hard to figure out.
Your Gay Rape Fantasies Are Quite Telling
Having been on the internet, I've read more than a few stories about queer women, written by cis straight men that engages in sexist, misogynistic and homophobic tropes. One of the worse is the proud confident lesbian character who hates all men until she gets "put in her place" because a "real man" tamed her and now she magically enjoys cock.
For me, it's most telling. I'm usually seeing red and I'm giving the author the side-eye because it's immensely telling on his end. It's been well documented that gay men are regularly assaulted in fiction. Given the fact that many of these stories are written by women and depict women raping gay men (not that being raped by gay men makes it any better obviously), I can’t help but wonder how much this is their personal fantasy/author insert.
And as someone else pointed, out, writers attack gay men in this manner instead of female characters because you can get away for doing a lot of bullshit that just wouldn’t stand if you started doing it to a female character. Not saying that female characters aren't ever attacked, but I believe in many cases where even the most heartless bigot might at least think twice before degrading a female character in this manner, it's open season on all queer males.
Keep Your Characters Consistent
One of the biggest pitfalls of fanfics is the inconsistency of characterizations. Actually there is no characterization as it simply goes right out the window. Look I certainly don't begrudge some Dean Winchester/Castiel man on man action, at all. Hell I'm a sucker for cute nerd angels. That said, Dean Winchester should not be acting and sounding like Edward Cullen. Sammy, maybe. Dean is not the guy who is built to whine about his feelings, that's just not his character. He's a brutal stoic hardass and getting him to open up is not unlike pulling teeth, as over five seasons of Supernatural have kindly illustrated. Again, not saying you can't have hot m/m romance/sex but the characters have to be consistent.
Male Pseudonyms And the Problems Thereof
Male pseudonyms or not, I can usually tell within a few pages whether a piece was penned by a man or a woman. Because it’s easy to distinguish an outsider’s perception of queer males as opposed to someone who has our insight. And really, is the male voice that hard to figure out? We’re not that complex?
So why is cis straight women writing m/m fiction under male pseudonyms potentially dangerous? sparkindarkness covers it best in his post in regards to female authors who want to sound more authentic:
"Why is this not seen as wrong? Why is this not seen as a gross appropriation? With this deception she is claiming a gay life experience she does not have. She claims our identity with no experience and no life history of it - she claims it for profit yet avoids all the pit falls of prejudice and homophobia. This shows us zero respect and it’s shocking that it was passed by with so little comment....Women - write m/m fiction by all means - but do not lie to us. Do not claim to be one of us. Do not claim to understand what it is to be a gay man. Do not claim gay male identity. Do not imply it, do not try to assume it, do not appropriate our experiences and our lives as toys for your enjoyment or tools for your profit. It’s dishonest and grossly disrespectful."
As Spark pointed out, imagine gay youth who are desperately seeking to connect with stories about their identity and their struggles and only find this tripe.
What's also disturbing to me is that the market of queer male stories is inundated cis straight women. This is the problem when our voices are drowned out completely.
Why We Need Our Own Spaces
Has anyone ever stopped and asked themselves why they don't find too many queer men in m/m slash spaces, even though the stories are "supposed" to be about us? It's because every time we speak out about identities and point out how our "allies" can do better, we're on the receiving end of bullshit like this. We get attacked. We get insulted. We get denigrated and get attacked worse than we do by conservative homophobes. At least they aren't infiltrating our spaces, causing harm, propping themselves up as allies and not acting shocked because we don't throw ourselves at their feet.
Make no mistake, visibility =/= progress. So if you meet a queer male in fandom and you're wondering why he doesn't trust you or would sooner have nothing to do with you, then hopefully now you understand why.
We need our own spaces where we can be free to explore and celebrate being queer and men without outside interference. We need safe spaces too.
For further reading, I highly recommend these posts here.
http://arsmarginal.wordpress.com/2011/06/27/queer-tropes-redux/
http://www.sparkindarkness.com/search/label/m%2Fm%20fiction
