loving how much i can hate
im sick of living this fake life ive constructed for myself. the blood that drips from the cuts on my arms dont help....it only reminds me of what im trying to escape from. one day, ill be happy, and i wont fuck things up, but that wont be for a while. a long while. and i feel so alone. theres these thoughts running through my head that wont stop, and no matter how much i want to make them, they keep going. they wont quit until im dead, or on so many drugs that im not me anymore. im starting to believe what was said, and whats screaming through my brain. i may have been right, and i may have been wrong, but im NOT sorry. i refuse to be sorry for it. at all. im more sorry that i let things turn out like this. but i dont know, maybe things will be better in the future. maybe things will get worse. all i know is that i cant take much more and still stay breathing. and i dont know how long i want to keep breathing. i love many things, but living is not one of them. i dont know if ill be back. i just dont know,