hmm, so much to say, so little to mean.
"butterflies are random thoughts people have
they live, they die, they are pointless." - Jonathan watson
who is jonathan watson? I saw that quote on anime music video... the video wasnt all to my liking but that was a neat quote, id also like to see if there was more to it, or im curious to know if there is i suppose...
hmm, yeah...
"a long little speach to hopefully prove i know what im doing by joining the military"
so, in a way id like to say sometimes i think about joining the military and get scared, but not really scared about joining. I suppose Im afraid of people not knowing fully why, or knowing how deeply i care about them, things like that. I worry that someone might not know how i feel... I also worry about people worrying about me, but in a way im glad they do, it proves to me that i have something to go on for, something to want to return to when i can.
but yeah, id also like to something point out, even though i doubt any one who feels the way that the people who i want to hear this read this (does that makes sense, im just saying i dont think it really matters to any one who reads this). Technically no matter what im doing im in a way fighting. Im at least helping those who are fighting and so that makes me respondsible for everything that happens, technically any one that pays taxes is doing the same but they will bitch and moan about it but whatever floats your boat... any way on topic. I will technically be fighting, and now where as directly it may be fighting for the wrong causes, and you might disagree if i was broad, but i am fighting for the better for quite a few people althoug not all i know. I wont be fighting for our country or freedom maybe, like how many people point out that the war in iraq was for the wrong reasons, but I would still be fighting for myself, and the people i care about, ill be fighting to make sure i can come home to these people, so that i can live on and come back and releive their worries. Although it is the military, i suppose i might not live as sad is that is, but i will still have succeeded in at least making sure i was there to protect other sons, daughters, husbands, wives, moms and dads. Sure if i didnt join someone else would, but how do i know that person would do better then me? and if that person took my place and died it would in a way my fault, although really not at all, but I mean my life isnt more important then any one elses life so im not going to risk theirs instead of my own... you know?
all im saying is i understand what could happen and what not. I know maybe the generalized idea of what i would be "fighting" for might not be a good reason, but there are a lot more things involved. we all die, its part of life, if my choices shorten my life, i guess that was my choice, i will not die without fighting it if i dont beleive it to be my time, but i wouldnt hide from danger to just accept that someone else will do it for me, someone finally has to take a stand somewhere, and so Ill do it for someone before me who didnt find the idea of it all for them... I dont feel any better then them for deciding this, nor if i get myself in trouble would i feel any worse. Sometimes things just need to be done, and by whom isn't the most important thing as long as it's done the best as it can be done.
i think im done
its weird watching old music videos... now cameras, receivers, recorders are all so much better, although it doesnt make the videos any worse, but its just kinda weird in a way.
im tired and debating about whether or not to eat right now...
but i had a lot of fun today, its not now my skin is all dry and im achey and tired, heh... but i think i just kinda need to build some energy... heh, yeah...
blag, i now have... 45 dollars to last me the week, i think i can do it but with a girlfriend that costs me like 3 dollars in gas to see i gotta be kinda careful... i already put 10 more dollars on my credit card and didnt want to... in my tcf account there might be like 15 bucks... but i get paid in 6 days so i can send them another 10 bucks and be a lot more careful with the cash that i get, no like, stuff buying...
i miss when i used to wear makeup and stuff...
im sick of writing this, heh.
they live, they die, they are pointless." - Jonathan watson
who is jonathan watson? I saw that quote on anime music video... the video wasnt all to my liking but that was a neat quote, id also like to see if there was more to it, or im curious to know if there is i suppose...
hmm, yeah...
"a long little speach to hopefully prove i know what im doing by joining the military"
so, in a way id like to say sometimes i think about joining the military and get scared, but not really scared about joining. I suppose Im afraid of people not knowing fully why, or knowing how deeply i care about them, things like that. I worry that someone might not know how i feel... I also worry about people worrying about me, but in a way im glad they do, it proves to me that i have something to go on for, something to want to return to when i can.
but yeah, id also like to something point out, even though i doubt any one who feels the way that the people who i want to hear this read this (does that makes sense, im just saying i dont think it really matters to any one who reads this). Technically no matter what im doing im in a way fighting. Im at least helping those who are fighting and so that makes me respondsible for everything that happens, technically any one that pays taxes is doing the same but they will bitch and moan about it but whatever floats your boat... any way on topic. I will technically be fighting, and now where as directly it may be fighting for the wrong causes, and you might disagree if i was broad, but i am fighting for the better for quite a few people althoug not all i know. I wont be fighting for our country or freedom maybe, like how many people point out that the war in iraq was for the wrong reasons, but I would still be fighting for myself, and the people i care about, ill be fighting to make sure i can come home to these people, so that i can live on and come back and releive their worries. Although it is the military, i suppose i might not live as sad is that is, but i will still have succeeded in at least making sure i was there to protect other sons, daughters, husbands, wives, moms and dads. Sure if i didnt join someone else would, but how do i know that person would do better then me? and if that person took my place and died it would in a way my fault, although really not at all, but I mean my life isnt more important then any one elses life so im not going to risk theirs instead of my own... you know?
all im saying is i understand what could happen and what not. I know maybe the generalized idea of what i would be "fighting" for might not be a good reason, but there are a lot more things involved. we all die, its part of life, if my choices shorten my life, i guess that was my choice, i will not die without fighting it if i dont beleive it to be my time, but i wouldnt hide from danger to just accept that someone else will do it for me, someone finally has to take a stand somewhere, and so Ill do it for someone before me who didnt find the idea of it all for them... I dont feel any better then them for deciding this, nor if i get myself in trouble would i feel any worse. Sometimes things just need to be done, and by whom isn't the most important thing as long as it's done the best as it can be done.
i think im done
its weird watching old music videos... now cameras, receivers, recorders are all so much better, although it doesnt make the videos any worse, but its just kinda weird in a way.
im tired and debating about whether or not to eat right now...
but i had a lot of fun today, its not now my skin is all dry and im achey and tired, heh... but i think i just kinda need to build some energy... heh, yeah...
blag, i now have... 45 dollars to last me the week, i think i can do it but with a girlfriend that costs me like 3 dollars in gas to see i gotta be kinda careful... i already put 10 more dollars on my credit card and didnt want to... in my tcf account there might be like 15 bucks... but i get paid in 6 days so i can send them another 10 bucks and be a lot more careful with the cash that i get, no like, stuff buying...
i miss when i used to wear makeup and stuff...
im sick of writing this, heh.