What would life be right now if that dagger would have pierced my flesh deep 6 years ago? Would I have been dead? Why did the thoughts of her stop me than? Why did she care? Why did she have to leave? Is she accomplishing her goals ( Read more... )

God it hurts. The thoughts of her keep coming back. It makes me furious. Makes me sad. Makes me glad. I'm happy for her new found life and joys but I always must ask the many questions. Why did she do it? Why did she leave me this way? Where did it all go wrong? I sometimes than wonder if I should just be single forever. I wonder if I was ( Read more... )

Nothing worse than people who can't be honest with themselves. Argh!!! Stop getting the softer, marshmellow like stories. Having someone tell you that or even telling yourself that is just a big joke. Take it and grow from it. Don't hide from it or else you can't even be honest to yourself and if you can't be honest to yourself, who will? Gah ( Read more... )

It haunts me every where I go. Inevitably someone mentions about it. Or some reminder about it. Just every time...it re-awakens. My arms freeze up, my hurt gets heavy, and I just crumble. Whatever mood I was in goes to sadness. I can't forget. No matter how much I want to. I was used. It was the first time ever I was used in such a manner ( Read more... )

This impure mind. I'm killing myself from the inside out. Tis horrible at the moment. This collar is making me egotistical and arrogant. I'm turning intot he one thing I promised myself not to become. My pride is turning all the darkness in me and is making me into this. I need to stop gloating. I need to stop prancing on about this. I need ( Read more... )

Nothing more gets my blood boiling than people who dislike how the masonic orders are. If you dislike it than change. Argh. If there is anything I am passionate about it is the simple fact that these are our groups. I don't care what anyone else thinks or says, I'm not gonna sit on my ass and let it fall into something I dislike. I won't go ( Read more... )

Well Convention is over. It was a long weekend but it was much fun. Much different than the past. I hardly got much time with my chapter but hey, those guys understand. I did get plenty of time with many new people and people I hardly get to see which was quite entertaining. I enjoyed many minutes of that. Overall well ( Read more... )

So this song goes out to the one whom I don't talk to anymore. None of you will ever guess it but I will know. The one who had my heart and had it all but it just didn't work. I often times wish it did to a sense. Or at least better than that. Ah well. Thus is love and thus is life. Live long but hardly prosper. Heh. I often thought of her ( Read more... )

I swear to god on my honour, as one who is as good as his word, promise from here on out that I will not let down or fail anyone in their expectation of me and what work they expect to be done on Jurisdiction. I will not fail anyone, I will not back down, and I will do as I told everyone I would do. I will visit all chapters and be there for all ( Read more... )

No matter how hard I try and no matter how hard I hope I'm inevitably alone since there is none who understand me. Am I just that difficult? Do I do something to make it so? I dunno ( Read more... )