Feh.
Your mysterious..... Like you have a secret but,
everyone has secrets that they don't want
anyone to know. So don't be ashamed if you
think you weird but, your not. It's cool being
mysterious like you might have cool
techniques:)
What Type Of Girl Are You???(Amazing Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
3 people on my buddy list took this quiz and 3 people all got Angel. Am I just not angelic enough?
Anyway... This isn't much of an entry. I can't sleep. Yeah... everytime I lay down, I fantasize. What about, you ask? I fantasize about Ryan. About what our final meeting'll be like. I can't help but think about it... It's just there. I can't help but wonder what she'll be doing or saying... and what I'll be doing or saying. I wonder where it'll be, and whether it'll be quick and easy or long and dramatic. I wonder what I'll be wearing... because for some reason, in my fantasies, the entire mood of the dream sequence is dependant on what I'm wearing. Even though I didn't know her that long, and even though we didn't actually go out... I feel so connected to her. I mean, she was the only girl I've ever actually cuddled with. But I guess that doesn't mean anything to her. It was so fun being with her... but she gave up all that. Perhaps it's because I don't understand. I don't understand why it all happened... and I wonder if I ever will. Or maybe it's just because once again, I'm alone and I'm forced to "love myself," as one had put it, instead of caring for another. Truthfully, I don't really think it's that... I think my main reason for looking for companionship is hormonal. I'm a teenager still... and because I've grown at such a slow rate, both physically and sexually, I've come to a point where my pent up sexual energy is in need of placement. No, I'm not gonna have sex. Gotta stick to my morals ;3 But I think that to some extent, I need companionship. Perhaps that's why I can't stop thinking about her. Who knows?
That, plus a growing addiction to Gaia online is keeping me up. Remember the "anal cube" who I left the word games for? We're like fucking buddy-buddy now. It's unrealistic. I guess it'd make sense that we'd both get along... both of us being romantics, questing for greater knowledge and higher ambitions... but at the same time, constrained by our strict codes of morals. It's very surreal, anyway. Hell, I made a comment defending him earlier tonight and he PMed me, thanking me for being blunt and to the point. Considering that it was only months ago that we were having a silent war with eachother, competing to gain favoritism amongst our peers. How things fucking change. Tommy the cat also called for a truce. Though we don't joke around anymore, we're on the level it seems. Things may fall into the same way they used to be, with me and him always fucking around... and they might not. We may always have this silent barrier between us. It's hard to tell, anyway. All I know is that for the first time in awhile, I'm really comfortable in an internet community that isn't something that I had to start on my own or put together myself.
It's kinda funny... someone who I trusted and cared about has pushed me aside and someone who I despised and hated has accepted me and embraced me. What a cruel fucking world we live in. I just wish I could get some sleep.
-Vulgar