Phosphorescent Lights: Chapter 10 [1]
Every secret has a price…
Title: Phosphorescent Lights
Summary: A photographer with no memories whose goal in life is to seek out what he has lost; a businessman who swore revenge for the death of his lover while desperately trying to escape his fixated reality. Two entirely different men with entirely different lives bound together by the threads of destiny. But little do the two know that they are bounded together by more than just simple destiny…
Genre: Romance/Drama
Pairings: Akame (primary), Ryoda (secondary) mentions of Jinda, Pin, Ryopi, Kokame, Kamaki
Other Characters: Jin, Kame, Ueda, Yamashita, Ryo, Koki, slight appearances from Taguchi, Nakamaru, Shige, Ayase, Tegoshi
Content: Romance, drama, AU [Alternate Universe]
Author: Nerd-san
Disclaimer: I am not in any way affiliated with Johnny Entertainment
…are they willing to pay it?
Phosphorescent Lights: Chapter 10 [1]
It was a wretched day. Rain graced the uncanny muck-filled ground and a single man stood among the dark atmosphere clad in white. He took a deep breath. He looked down dolefully. He wasn’t used to this sort of height. He took another intake of air.
It was now or never.
At the same time on that fateful day, another man, younger in both size and form began his daily advancement towards the familiar Okinawa cliff regions he had always visited.
It was a deserted area that no one had really bothered to give much notice. But he walked towards it nonetheless. It was just something about those colorless lights that intrigued him. The late night rays of the setting sun.
The intrigued man looked up and to his surprise another man stood at the edge of the cliff. Panic overtook the intrigued man as his legs took off towards the stranger.
“Don’t jump!” His voice was caught in his throat and he knew it. He tried to fight past the fact and continue on his way to the now-surprised man. “Don’t jump!”
He took the jumping man into his arms by force, grabbing him roughly by the waist and hauled him backwards. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”
He hailed an intake of breath as he fell backwards, stranger atop him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing trying to kill yourself?!”The intrigued man shouted again, voice raspy, shaking, stunned, scared…
“He found out!”The stranger shouted, trying to free himself from the intrigued man’s grasp. “He found out!”
“Ah, sir no wait…please, calm down.”
“He found out. H-He’s going to hurt him!”
“Stop!” The stranger was struggling against him and the intrigued man could feel his grip leaving him. “Please don’t do anything rash!”He shouted as the stranger broke free and headed for the tip of the cliff again.
“It’s all my fault! It’s my fault he’s going to die!” They sniffed, looking down at the eerily scary cliff side. “If I die first…then…then he’ll be able to live.”
“I’ll listen to what you have to say,” the intrigued man stood up, knees trembling as he made his way over. He was cautious with his movements; he didn’t want to do anything that would alarm the man.
“H-He found out.” The stranger said again, his tone was quieter and far more distinct. “We’re…going…out.” He turned back to the intrigued man. His face was soft-spoken and his eyes dull. “He found…out.”
“He’ll hurt him for it! We’re…not…we’re not allowed to see each other! That’s what he said!”
“He’ll hurt him…he’ll hurt him…”it was a broken mantra of words, repeating themselves. “I can’t live anymore!”The stranger cried out again, dangerously looming closer to the cliff’s edge.
The intrigued man’s heart stopped for a minute. Here he was, out to get some fresh air as he always did but now, instead, there was a man ready to suicide. He did the only thing he could do. “Stop!”He didn’t dare come closer; any distant instinct and who knew what the stranger would do.
“If you kill yourself now…everything’s over.” The intrigued man said - it was something his father had told him all the time.
“Everything you worked for! It’ll all be gone!”Gaining momentum with his speech, he continued. “What would your lover say?! Think of them, damn it! If you kill yourself now you’re just as bad as whomever it is that’s separating you!”
Cautiously he took two steps, then two more until finally he was beside the stranger. “Use your brain damn it!” He grabbed a hold of the man’s left hand, the ring festooned to his index finger burning into the intrigued man’s flesh.
“Do you…do you know how precious a life is?” He grabbed the balled fist and uncurled it. “It’s not something you toy with. So please…don’t jump. Doing this to yourself…you’ll just be running away from your problems. I’m sure there are a lot of things people regret…but they should be able to look past that and to the future.”
“You have a future. Please don’t ruin it.”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to work things through. He’ll come to an understanding.” He laughed a little as the stranger stepped down and gave the man an awkward stare.
The intrigued man fidgeted under the gaze and rubbed an embarrassed hand against his sleeve. “Love just works like that. That’s why I’m sure he’ll understand.”
“…thank you.” The stranger croaked as he looked down at his opened palm. “I don’t have much and yet I owe you everything I could possibly-”
“No, no!” The man quickly shook his head and fanned his arms across his face.
“It’s alright, honestly. I just come here all the time to think. This meeting…it was coincidental, really. I’m glad I was able to do something though.” He grinned as he seated himself on the grass. “I’m pretty useless, you know.”
The stranger plopped himself down next to the man. He played with his trembling fingers and looked down at the colorless ring on his finger. Friendship; perhaps that was what he could give this man. He coaxed the ring from himself and held it out to the latter.
“It’s not worth anything money-wise, but…”he forced it into the intrigued man’s hand once he didn’t make any sudden movement. “…it’s all I have left.”
“No, really I-”
“I have two friends who have the same rings,” the stranger smiled, “I hope you can meet them one day so they can thank you too.”
“Seriously I-”
“I should be getting back,” he stranger frowned at his watch as he lightly traced his now-bare finger. “I have a flight I should book.”
He stood up and the intrigued man only looked up at him from his seat. Under the evening light, he was actually a rather good-looking male. “I’m going to face my problem - I’m not going to let them win.”
“F-For the ring,” the man on the grass mumbled quietly as he looked down at it in his hands. “Thank you.” Perhaps that was going to be the start of their friendship.
But, as the intrigued man realized, that was the last time he had seen the man.
“Wait!” Kame wheezed heavily as he looked around the room. He was in his living room. He groaned fitfully and placed a weary hand across his sweaty forehead. When had been the last time he had a dream like that?
The doctors had told him it was because he was remembering fragments of his past while he was subconscious that he would wake up with searing headaches. Kame groaned painfully as he curled himself against the couch again.
What was worse was that when he had opened his eyes, the vivid images in his dreams would slowly fade, and by the time he had completely regained consciousness, he would - once again - remember nothing.
Somehow his fingers unconsciously traced the ring festooned to his pinky as he shut his eyes tightly, trying to force back the images from his sleep. He couldn’t do it.
It was painful, too painful; he couldn’t remember the last time he had had a dream so clear. Usually when he dreamt of his old life, there would only be short fragments, unfinished pieces of what was once whole.
His doctors had told him to take it easy, not to try and force all the memories back at once. Kame gritted his teeth in ache and at the remembrance of the doctor’s words. They made it sound like it was Kame who had intentionally forgot about everything.
But that was clearly what they had said - that he was suppressing everything.
He would eventually remember, according to their information. Eventually, but the timeline wasn’t guaranteed. How much he would remember wasn’t either. Kame had forgotten everything twice. Once from the shock of his mother’s death, one from his father’s.
He whimpered a little at the searing headache as he curled himself further into the couch. Jin was right. Sleeping on the couch was hell.
“Kame?!” At the pained moans, Jin ran out of Kame’s room and hurried to the curled-up ball on the couch. He felt his stomach give away in a sort of anger at himself as he ran up to the man. “Kame what’s wrong?!”
Jin was never good in these types of situations; panic overtook him as Kame remained silent except for the occasional wounded grunt. “Doctor…”
Jin placed the man in his hands in an attempt to uncurl his body, but Kame remained instant. “Call…the doctor.” He numbly whisked away Jin’s concerned hands.
“Ah! Right, right…doctor, doctor…” Jin reluctantly let go of Kame as he hurried to the kitchen and towards the phone. He fished through the clean-kept cupboards in search for a phone number.
“Stupid Kame,” Jin felt his eyes tearing up as he rummaged around for the piece of paper. Kame had told him to sleep in his room - like they had been doing together for the past couple of weeks. The only difference was that this time Kame refused to get into the same bed as Jin.
Jin knew this was because Kame hadn’t wanted to hurt him. Regarding last week’s incident - Jin didn’t talk about it. Kame didn’t bring it up, either. He would give Jin a concerned look every now and then when he was convinced Jin wasn’t looking, and their bodily contact had greatly decreased.
There was no more teasing punches or flicks of the head. More or less, Kame avoided body contact with Jin like plague.
It wasn’t that Kame hadn’t tried to bring it up - he did - it was simply because every time he had tried, there would be an unconscious lump in his throat that grew even larger when he had to face Jin.
They were supposed to be lovey-dovey now; they had practically confessed to each other…well, just about.
When he was alone, which was more often than not for that past week, Kame would wonder to himself how on earth he and Jin had been drawn to each other.
In the early days of fall he and Jin had found some sort of awkward happiness with each other. He wondered if wind ever made contact with water and even if it did, wouldn’t the water eventually evaporate?
Ironic, really. The tears they held were soaked by a rain that had always started. And even after it’s finishing, all that was left was a puddle that separated the two. And it was noticeable now.
Jin frantically found the number and quickly punched it into the phone, waiting anxiously for the voice on the other line to respond.
Help arrived much quicker than he anticipated it would.
The doctor made his way through the door as Jin stepped aside and allowed him to examine the orb on the couch that was once Kame. “Kamenashi-kun…” he called out, crouching next to the sofa. “Kamenashi-kun, look at me.” He instructed rather forcefully.
Grudgingly, Kame obeyed, turning his head for his doctor to see. His naturally brown hair was mattered to his forehead from the beads of sweat that trickled down his head and he had a hard time keeping his eyes open.
The doctor performed a few procedures that Jin had never seen but Kame seemed quite familiar with. When they were finished, Jin, who had been nervous to begin with, felt his insides shudder.
“Where does it hurt Kamenashi-kun?” The doctor asked and before Kame even had a chance to answer, he had already taken a hand to Kame’s forehead. “Head again?” Kame nodded, worn-out and drowsy.
“How long did it last this time?”
Jin didn’t know what the doctor was referring to - he felt useless, standing there without a clue in the world. He had always thought Kame to be an annoying and infuriating man; then he thought of Kame as rather kind and lighthearted. Picturing Kame the way his was now was difficult, even if Jin was seeing it with his own eyes.
Kame was a lively person, always ready to argue head-on with Jin’s stupidity, always having a spiteful comment in the back of his mind ready to throw at Jin. But he was also willing to allow Jin to stay with him; allowing Jin to sleep in his bed. Bittersweet Kame, Jin thought, powerlessly looking down at the man.
“I don’t know…ten minutes?” Kame groaned as the doctor grinned wholeheartedly at the mention.
“This is good progress,” he smiled and stood up. “Very good progress!”
“It hurts like hell-shit! How can this be good progress?!”
Jin scratched his head. “Hell-shit…?”
“You should really come for your weekly check-ups more often Kamenashi-kun - to avoid incidents like this in the future.” The doctor prescribed a few painkillers that he had given to Jin and then handed Kame a pill.
Kame was reluctant to take it, but eventually he plopped the thing in his mouth. “I hashe hosrpitafs.” He allowed the pill to invade his throat, causing it to feel quite itchy, impairing his right of speech.
“Regardless, we still need you to come in.” The doctor nodded at Jin, who only looked puzzled at the sudden acknowledgement.
The doctor began to walk off as he scratched under his chin with a worn-out hand. “Your father wouldn’t have liked this-”
“You think I can remember my father?!” Kame interrupted heatedly. “I-I want to remember him…I want…to remember.” Kame felt his eyes closing without permission as he soon fell into a gentle lull.
Jin looked confused at the man’s sudden slumber as the doctor smiled as he took the neglected glass Jin brought for Kame to take the tablet with in his hands. “To help him sleep,” he informed the nodding Jin.
“Thank you for calling me. It’s really hard to get him to come in for his check-ups,” the doctor sighed fitfully. He then picked up his shoes and headed for the door but before doing so, he placed a hand on Jin’s broad shoulder. “Kamenashi-kun must be lucky to have a friend like you.”
“F-Friend?” Jin asked, confused.
“You and Kamenashi-kun are friends, aren’t you?”
“Yeah…” Jin thought back to the past weeks unwilling actions, avoided stares. “…I guess we are.”
The doctor looked back at the sleeping form on the couch before heading to the door, “It’s a sad life…” he placed a ready hand on the doorknob, “Kamenashi-kun’s, I mean.”
Jin didn’t understand. “How so?” He asked.
The doctor stopped for a minute, thinking of how to explain Kame’s condition to Jin. “Imagine not being able to remember everything…your name, where you live, your friends, your lover…and not only once.” He settled on saying.
“Again and again; sometimes it makes me wonder as a doctor what good we are if we can’t stop something like this,” he sighed.
“Don’t blame yourself, sensei.” Jin frowned.
“Take good care of him when that time comes.”
“I will. Thank you, sensei.”
Jin watched the door close behind him. He sighed and allowed his footsteps to carry him back to the living room. He watched Kame’s sleeping figure with interest; the way he flicked away the hair from his face subconsciously, the way he would tighten his grip on his blanket - Jin took in everything.
When Jin had begun high school, he somehow got into the same one as Ryo; he remembered that he, Yamashita and Ryo had all gone out star-gazing. To this day, he remembered the constellation the three found and then argued over.
But Kame, he crouched down to where the doctor had been a while ago, running his fingers evenly through Kame’s hair. But Kame can’t remember something like that. Friends he may have had, the life he once lived, they were all gone from his recollections.
“I’ll make you happy,” Jin whispered, more to himself than anyone else. “I promise to make you the happiest person ever. You won’t need your old memories because I’ll fill your life with twice as many.”
Hesitantly, he traced his finger across Kame’s lips, biting his own as he leaned in and kissed the sleeping man. It was gentle and straightforward. “I like you Kame.”
“No…I love you.” Jin laughed at the absurdity.
Three and a half weeks ago, he would have killed himself before admitting it so gamely. “Nervous chatter, excited feelings, extreme heartbeats - these are the feelings that belong only to us.” And without knowing it, Jin felt his eyes too, closing.
Jin yawned.
For a split second he expected to wake up in his vast office with his personal security asking him to do his work. But he didn’t; instead, he looked around to see Kame’s familiar living room. He smiled.
“Morning, sleepyhead.” Kame laughed as he made his way into the room, camera slung from his neck as he snapped away pictures of Jin. The latter groaned and pushed himself deeper into the blankets.
“I have to go out and work again but…” Kame fidgeted with his words and turned his back to Jin in hopes of the latter not seeing his nervous face. “I-If you want you can come. I mean it’s not like we’ve been doing stuff together for the past week so…”
Jin’s grin widened and he threw himself out of the couch. “Really?!” He exclaimed gleefully - Kame never asked to go out and take pictures with him. But this time, the younger man only nodded.
“Hurry up and get ready,” he called as he walked out of the door, “I’m only giving you five minutes! If you’re not outside by that time I’m leaving you, Akanishi!”
“Five minutes?! Are you nuts?!” Jin cried, running into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. “I can’t even fix my hair in fives minutes!”
“Too bad!” Kame slammed the front door as he made his way out of the apartment, locking it behind him as he did.
Forty-seven minutes.
Jin took a total of forty-seven minutes.
And Kame was ready to kill.
By the time Jin made his way out of the apartment and to the front of the building, he had half-expected Kame to have already gone. But he hadn’t. Instead, the man was sitting angrily on the bench in the lobby, back hunched, outlining his fingers over his camera. Jin saw him re-reading the inscription.
“Miss me already?” He called out, and surprised Kame who had jumped from his seat at the sudden voice. Jin grinned in victory as Kame clenched his teeth together in annoyance.
“What the hell took you so-”
Jin didn’t hesitate; he walked up to the man and grabbed his smaller torso, crushing his body into his and taking his lips with his own. Kame was a little taken aback at the sudden contact at first, but found himself melting into the embrace.
“Arsh…hole…” he muttered between kisses.
Jin smiled as he pulled back, much to Kame’s disappointment. “Come on, let’s go.” He held out his hand for Kame, and willingly, Kame took it.
“Did it revolt you?” Kame asked once they made their way out into the open, holding hands. Some people stared, some didn’t care, but most whispered things to the others next to them as they walked past.
“Did what revolt me?” Jin asked curiously, tempering with Kame’s tiny fingers.
“The doctor…my memory surge…everything.”
“Memory surge?” Jin asked again as they neared an open field. Kame didn’t repent the hold as he normally would when the two had reached their destination, this time he only gripped Jin’s finger tighter as he dragged along the latter.
“I have dreams,” Kame said, “sometimes they’re about the past. When I open my eyes I can’t remember anything about it. It’s frustrating, really. And they hurt my head too - almost like it’s splitting itself apart in a desperate attempt to remember.”
“Oh…so last night…”
“Yeah.” Kame laughed wearily as he sat down and dragged Jin down with him. He placed his camera in front of his eyes before taking a photo. “Pictures may help me remember. Who knows?” He took a few more of the scenery before turning the lens to Jin.
“You don’t have to take picture of me,” Jin laughed. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’re just a test subject,” Kame snorted, spontaneously clicking away at the button a couple more times as Jin made silly faces, “don’t flatter yourself.”
A steady silence passed before Jin spoke again. “How much?” He asked, lying down against the lush grass. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of Kame’s camera shutter. He smiled ruefully, understanding Jin’s question.
“Everything.” Kame answered easily. It was the truth, after all.
“Everything?!” Jin sat up in alarm.
Kame put down his camera and gave Jin a long, hard stare. Jin’s uncharacteristically serious face pained his heart.
“Mmhm. And I’m going to forget again after that.” Kame sighed wistfully as he turned on his back, allowing Jin’s figure pushing him closer. “That’s my life - a never-ending cycle of lost memories, forgotten feelings. It’s like I’m being reborn, again and again…”
Kame sighed. “Akanishi…can you promise me something?”
“I told you, you can call me Jin.” Jin whined at the formalities Kame had been so instant on.
Kame nodded. “J-Jin, then.” He cursed himself for stuttering. When thinking of the man, he had always thought of him as Jin but when addressing him, he made sure to keep it distant, formal.
He wasn’t about to get attached to the man - although, Kame realized that it was already too late for that. “Can you p-promise me one thing?”
Jin didn’t make any attempt to answer the question. “What is it?”
“I don’t know when it’ll be…tomorrow, maybe even ten years from now. But when it comes time that I forget again…can you be there with me?” Jin looked perplexed. Kame immediately blushed. “I-Is it too bad?”
Jin shook his head. “No…I just didn’t think you’d…talk about it so freely. Forgetting again, I mean.”
“It’s bound to happen again.”
“Ah…” It took a great deal of reception and courage for Jin to convince his traumatized mind that Kame meant no harm, but finally Jin pushed Kame on top of him, nuzzling the man close as he kissed the tip of his fingers.
“Well whenever it does; yes I’ll be here for you to remind you of your old self.”
Kame smiled. Acceptance. For the first time; he felt accepted for who he was, truly accepted. “Thank you.” With an equally raw passion, he returned Jin’s kiss. It was inevitable. It was the love that handcuffed them together at an extreme speed.
They didn’t pull back for a time, taking in absolutely everything the moment had to offer. No matter how hard it was to find, surely even a river had its start point.
“Oh, my manager called me this morning.” Kame shot Jin an accusing stare when they finally pulled apart, “while I was waiting for you downstairs.”
“What did he say?” The words surprised Kame, the Jin he was used to would follow the question up with a snide remark. But there was none. Kame smiled a little and opened his mouth to explain when Jin cut him off.
“Was he just telling you that you had the sexiest boyfriend in the world? Because I already knew that-” On second thought, Jin was still Jin.
“No, you conceited ass, he wants me to…” Kame rolled his eyes while trying to hide his smile, taking out a piece of paper from his pockets and unfolded its contents to flaunt in Jin’s face.
“There’s this photography competition coming up. They hold it once every couple of years here in Okinawa.” Jin took the paper from Kame’s hands and inspected the note for himself. Surely enough, there it was in large bold letters in the middle of the invitation.
“He wants you to enter?” Jin asked without looking up.
He heard Kame sigh as he threw his head back against the grass. He made a noise of unwillingness and Jin couldn’t help but to laugh. “Why not?” he asked, placing his head next to Kame’s. “It’ll be fun. Hell, even I’ll enter! No wait - better yet! Can I be your subject?”
Kame groaned further, turning himself away from Jin. “The theme’s love. I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
Taking pictures of Jin hadn’t been hard before - they never have been. It wasn’t that the pictures didn’t end up looking rather good, too. How couldn’t they with Jin’s looks? But taking a picture of Jin and having it hung up for display meant more people would want Jin. And more people wanting Jin would mean…
Kame widened his eyes in horror as he abruptly sat up.
Jin rested his head against a flat hand whilst his elbow remained rooted to the ground, looking at Kame in curiosity. Oh god damn it…since when have I become this possessive?!
Jin’s “you okay?” never reached Kame’s ears as he shook his head furiously. “No, no, no! I’m not entering. Not with that theme!” I am not sharing Jin with anyone else.
Jin frowned, obviously overenthusiastic about the whole idea. “Why not?” He whined royally, sitting up straight now and folding his hands across his chest defiantly. “Even if you don’t, I will.”
“What?!” Kame shouted, appalled by the idea.
The same Jin who couldn’t tell the difference between a darkroom and well…a not-darkroom taking photos? Award-winning photos? Kame laughed at the ridiculousness of the notion.
His poor efforts to wipe away the beads of hot tears in his eyes remained useless. “Jin, warn me…warn me before you’re going to say something so nonsensical!” Kame continued on with his fits of laughter and Jin frowned heavily.
It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy making Kame happy; he did - it was just that Kame had no faith in him, apparently. Well, thinking rationally, he had every right not to. But still. “I could take an award-winning photo if I tried!” Jin shot back, determination flooding from his words.
“Sure, Jin.”
“Really!”
“And where are you going to get a camera?” Kame challenged, holding his closer to himself. “You’re not using this one you know, I still have work.”
Jin shrugged carelessly. “I’ll buy another one.”
“You still owe me ¥60,000 and you’re just going to go buy another camera?! What kind of jobs are you working?!” Kame’s eyes widened at the possibilities. “O-Oh my god! You’re not pros-”
“KAME!” Jin cut him off, aghast at the thought of Kame even thinking that. “I am not!” He stood up to prove his point. “I’m not, I’m not, I’m not!”
Kame stood his ground. “Then how?”
Jin smiled, “I just told them my name and they hired me instantly.” He laughed at Kame’s unenthusiastic expression. “Cool, huh?”
“Whatever. If you don’t want to tell me the truth…” Kame sighed and rested his head back against the grass again, staring nowhere in particular as he continued to take meaningless photos.
“Kame!” Jin stomped his foot much like a first-grader would when losing a childish argument before plopping himself next to Kame again. “I’m serious! Believe me.”
“I believe you.” Kame replied synthetically, drawing the camera lens back to his eyes.
“Kame!” Out of frustration, Jin jumped on Kame and slowly, Kame allowed the camera to drop from his hands. Kame didn’t squirm under the additional weight; instead he threw his embarrassed hands around Jin’s reddening neck.
He fidgeted a little under Jin, trying to slowly make his way out. “H-H-Hey no need to get so close.”
“If I don’t get this close how can I kiss you?” Jin replied in his usually crafty manner. Kame laughed and shrugged, pushing himself up and towards Jin’s waiting lips. Moments like these, meetings like theirs, the genuine abnormality of their love - these were the reasons they lived for.
Even though the two agreed that they never needed love - they needed each other. And that was more than enough.