Fic: The Last Step
Title: The Last Step
Author: nerdfightergirl /librarynerd
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: T
Summary: Post-reconciliation post-9x24, Callie has a request for Arizona
Disclaimer: I am very glad to say that I don't own Grey's Anatomy or these characters. This is purely for enjoyment and I am not making any money from it.
Author’s Note: I don’t really do these that much, but this is my own little PSA. In this fic, they use the term STI, which is a newer, more accurate, less stigmatized initialism that is replacing STD. Disease suggests you have some visible manifestation of the infection and not all infected parties do or will. But being symptom-free doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t pass the infection on to any other partners, so please, please if you are sexually active, GET TESTED for you and for your partners. Use condoms and/or dental dams. Don’t share toys.
“I want you to get tested for STIs.”
Arizona had been almost asleep, completely on her own side of the bed because they were still taking baby steps back to each other, so hearing Callie talk was a little jarring. “What?” Arizona questioned as she sat up and flicked the light on. It was clear that Callie had been working up the courage to ask that for quite some time.
“I was … I was just reading online on these message boards for people in … our situation and one of the things that kept coming up was STI testing before you … reconnect.” It had been months. Months of therapy and apologies and reassurances and painful, hard work. They had only resumed living together a month before and they hadn’t yet had sex. “And I don’t know what kind of infections that woman could have that she passed on to you. So I’d like you to get tested. For me. For us. Before we … you know.”
A tumultuous mix of emotions erupted from Arizona: shame that Callie even had to question it, embarassment at the thought of anyone from work finding out through gossipy lab techs, hope that Callie seemed almost ready to take that step, the last step, with her.
“You don’t have to get it done at the hospital.” Callie interrupted her thoughts with a solution to one of the problems. “I know this isn’t something you’ll -- we’ll -- want getting out. You can get it done somewhere else. There’s a walk-in clinic a few blocks from here. It opens at 8. I just -- I want to know one way or another.”
“Yeah. Of course. I’ll push back my schedule tomorrow and go in the morning,” Arizona agreed easily. “Can you take Sofia into daycare when you go in? I don’t really want to take her with me for this.” Since Callie was scheduled to go in earlier, Sofia would normally have stayed with Arizona until Arizona was ready to go in. But Sofia didn’t need to witness Mama getting tested for STIs, even if, at only three, she’d have no actual understanding of what was going on. She didn’t really want Sofia there for the physical exam anyway.
“Yeah. I’ll take her. That’s fine.” Callie was silent for a few more minutes and Arizona settled in to sleep. “Do I … do I need to go, too?” It killed Callie to have to wonder if this was Arizona’s first time cheating or simply the first time she got caught. “I just … I need to know if I have anything to worry about." Arizona’s eyes quickly snapped open.
“No! I mean, that’s up to you if you want to go, but … not because of this. It was just the one time. I promise.”
“Okay.”
It had been an awkward conversation, but after months of awkward conversations, they were both old pros.
Arizona settled back into bed and flipped off the lights as she settled in. Callie unexpectedly rolled over and settled in just behind her wife with a hand high on her hip. This was simultaneously an exciting new development and like coming home after a long trip. Before she could over think and talk herself out of it, Arizona pushed her butt back to nestle it into the front of Callie’s pelvis. She silently grinned as the hand on her hip dropped down to pull her in tighter and those magical lips pressed against the back of her neck.
-----
Arizona never in her life expected to end up in a position like this. She had checked in at the desk and been given paperwork to fill out as she waited for her number to be called. She glanced around and saw a spattering of other patients in the waiting room. They, like she, all looked like they’d rather be anywhere else. She felt like everyone in there knew exactly why she was there, what she had done. While the rational part of her brain knew that the clinic provided many services and STI screening was only a small portion, that part was drowned out by the panic. When asked at the desk about insurance, she didn’t hesitate to say she’d pay out of pocket for the tests. With a sigh, she set to work writing out all her information. The sexual history was the hardest part. Having to write out that she’d slept with Lauren still stung, but she powered on.
When she finished, she handed the paperwork back to the woman sitting at the desk before returning to her seat. A benefit of having come in within 10 minutes of them opening was that she wasn’t waiting long before her number was called. She recognized the nurse who stepped out with a clipboard, but she silently begged the nurse not to remember her. The nurse caught her eye and recognition lit up through her face. “Dr. Rob-,” she started, but Arizona’s glare stopped her mid-word and she called Arizona’s number instead. Arizona quickly glanced around to see if anyone had noticed the mishap. She was relieved to see that not a single head had so much as glanced in their direction, but that didn’t stop all the hairs on her neck from standing up.
She was led back to a room, where she was given a gown and instructions to remove everything below the waist and put on the gown so they could perform the physical exam. It was spiel she’d heard 100 times and given even more often. Before the nurse could leave, she said, “Uhh, I’m an amputee, so I’ll need additional time to get undressed. So, uh, no rush.” The nurse nodded in acknowledgement and closed the door.
Arizona checked out the room for a minute before she began undressing. It was smaller than the exam rooms at the hospital and at her regular doctor’s office. There was an exam table with stirrups, two chairs, and a counter with a sink and various medical paraphernalia. When she was ready, she sat down to wait, alone again with her thoughts. After five minutes of waiting, she cursed the constant delay in medicine, knowing she was guilty of making patients wait for her.
Finally, a woman who looked far too young to be qualified for the process entered the room with Arizona’s paperwork and a smile on her face. Did she not get the memo as to why we’re in here? Arizona wondered.
“Hi! I’m Chelsea. And I see that your name is Arizona! What a unique name! I’m a PA and I’ll be performing your physical exam today! Do you have any questions for me before we get started?”
“No.”
“Okay. Well, it says here that you’re married. Does your partner need to be tested as well?”
“Wife,” she said insistently. “We’re married, not running a business together. And no, uh, we haven’t, but I did … and it was just one time and she and I haven’t … yeah.”
“Okay. So this one time? I’m going to assume it was unprotected?”
“Well, yeah. I’ve been married for three years and monogamous for five. I don’t exactly carry around dental dams in my lab coat,” Arizona snapped. Chelsea flinched and Arizona knew that she should apologize, but she wasn’t really sorry, so she kept her mouth shut. And Chelsea curved her lips right back up into a smile. She kept that smile plastered on her face as Arizona continued, “I was tested before becoming intimate with my wife and then again after a brief breakup.”
Arizona’s thoughts drifted back to the last time they’d discussed STI testing.
----
They continued kissing as they made their way, now topless, over to the couch. Arizona’s hand went immediately back to Callie’s abdomen, caressing the delicate skin there. When that hand inched its way down into Callie’s panties, Callie’s eyes opened wide in realization, “Wait!”
Arizona instantly froze in terror. “Do you, uh, do you not want this?”
“No! I want this. You have no idea how much I want this.”
“Then what’s wrong?” Arizona still hadn’t pulled her hand back out, so it was slightly distracting both of them.
“I had sex with Mark.”
“Are you trying to turn me on?” Arizona questioned, finally pulling back her hand. “I know you had sex with Mark.” She brought her hand back up to cup Callie’s belly.
“No. I had unprotected sex with Mark. As much as I want to believe that he’s clean, we both know how he is. We should stop this before we can’t and we can pick up again when the results are in.”
“Right,” Arizona agreed, pushing herself up and off Callie and flopping back against the couch. “I’ll, um, I’ll get myself tested, too.”
“You, um … no, never mind. I don’t want to know,” Callie quickly backpedaled before throwing a stone at a glass house.
“No, I didn’t. Just … solidarity or whatever.”
----
“Well, that’s good, then!” Chelsea’s voice broke Arizona out of her thoughts. “Why don’t we just get started? Can you hop up onto the exam table for me?” Arizona found herself annoyed that this woman got to be so happy when she was so humiliated.
The moment of truth. Chelsea stood off to the side as Arizona lifted herself up and hauled her weight up onto the exam table. Grateful that she didn’t add to the horror by falling on her ass, Arizona settled in. Chelsea quickly completed the first part of the physical exam before having Arizona lean back and put her legs up on the stirrups for the remainder of the exam. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it would have to do. Chelsea talked through the whole process, both explaining what she was doing and chit-chatting, probably to distract Arizona and pass the time. She normally had a high tolerance for chit-chat, but she just couldn’t do it today, so after the first few minutes, Arizona called out, “Look. I’m a doctor, so I know exactly what you’re doing. You don’t need to explain any of it to me. And I know you read my chart, so you know why I’m here and I’d appreciate it if we could just … not talk while we do this.” Arizona was glad she couldn’t see Chelsea’s face, because she knew she’d been harsh. And maybe that wasn’t fair. Chelsea hadn’t done anything wrong.
The rest of the exam passed quickly and silently. Chelsea, now much more subdued, told Arizona she could get dressed. “You know we have dental dams and condoms in the lobby. Feel free to take some on your way out.”
“Oh, no. If I ever get to have sex again, which isn’t a sure thing at this point, it will be with my wife. You can keep your dental dams.”
“Okay. Then I’ll just leave you here to get dressed and then you can go wait in the waiting room to be called back for the blood work.” It was all downhill from there. Arizona got her blood drawn and scheduled her follow-up to get the results before leaving the clinic to get to work.
-----
“I have an appointment next week to get the results,” Arizona whispered as she stepped up beside Callie.
“What?” Callie questioned as she looked up from the chart she was reviewing.
“At the clinic,” Arizona clarified, keeping her voice low. “I’m going back next week. A week from today.” She glanced around, making sure no one was within hearing range. “They did a cheek swab for HIV. It was negative. I have the signed results at home for you, but I didn’t want to bring it into work.” She wanted to believe Callie would just take her at her word, but when you’re rebuilding trust, you can’t take anything for granted.
“Okay. Thank you.” Callie looked back down at her chart. Arizona was about to step away when Callie’s voice stopped her. “Do you want to go out on a date with me? A week from tomorrow?” she asked tentatively. Arizona smiled and was about to assent when Callie continued, “I’m not saying we’ll … but we can go to dinner, have a little kid-free time. Talk.”
Arizona knew that talk would include the results, no matter which way they went, but she’d never turn down a date night with her wife. “I’m in.”
“Great!”
“I have to go. I, uh, I have a patient. But we’ll talk later. At home.” Arizona was suddenly wishing that Callie had taken sex off the agenda entirely, because the not knowing what would happen was already killing her.
“Arizona,” Callie called out, causing Arizona to face toward her. She lowered her voice again before speaking, “Whatever the tests say … whatever happens, we’ll be okay. We’ll work through it.”
“Thank you.” Arizona smiled gratefully. It was nice to have that reassurance. “You’re done at four, right? So you’ll pick up Sofia?”
“Yep. I got her.”
Before leaving, Arizona took a chance and leaned forward to press her lips to Callie’s. She smiled as she walked away because Callie hadn’t hesitated before returning the kiss.
-----
“Arrrrgggggghhhh.” Arizona screamed at the sudden pain that ripped through her when she started to pee. She instinctively clenched to stop the flow of the urine. Only a few seconds later, Callie pushed through the door with panic written across her face.
“What’s wrong?”
Arizona struggled to speak through the pain. “It hurts … when I pee. It feels like a thousand tiny daggers are fighting their way out of my body all at once.” Callie knelt down beside the toilet and took Arizona’s hand. “Oh, god. I have gonorrhea. Callie, I am so, so sorry. Oh, god. It was a stupid mistake and this is just bad karma coming back around to bite me in the ass.”
“It is not. It’s been a while since I studied STIs, but I don’t think gonorrhea causes so much pain that you would scream like you just did. And it doesn’t cause an odor like this.” Callie was trying to keep the grimace off her face, but the smell was overpowering. She knew she probably looked as bad as Arizona felt. “It’s probably an infection. You remember when you went swimming for PT and got paged with an emergency, so you spent 8 hours in the OR with a wet bathing suit under your scrubs?”
“I think it’s gonorrhea.”
“Arizona. I love you. I’m telling you that it’s not gonorrhea. And even if it is, that’s treatable. We’ll get you some antibiotics and you’ll be good as new. We can go to the after hours clinic right now if you want.”
“I’m already going back to the clinic tomorrow morning. I don’t want to wake Sofia for this. And I might as well get one more night at home with you before you leave me.”
“Arizona!” Callie scolded.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. This just really hurts.”
“May I help you get back to bed?” Callie asked.
“I, uh, I haven’t finished. It hurt too badly, so I stopped. I don’t think I can start again.” She was looking down at the floor when she said this, but Callie knew that if she looked up, a full-on puppy dog pout, rivaling their three-year-old’s, would be adorning that face.
“Okay. Squeeze my hand as tightly as you can. I’ll be right here.”
Arizona squeezed and tried again. She made some progress, but almost as quickly as she started, she had to stop again. Callie rubbed her back, kissed her forehead, and whispered soothing words in her ear. The process repeated several times until Arizona had a headache from the exertion and tears covered her face. Finally, several stops and starts later, Arizona’s bladder was empty. She slumped against Callie in relief. She was so exhausted and in so much pain that she didn’t even try to stop Callie from helping her get cleaned up. She was covered in a light sheen of sweat as Callie helped her back to their bed. She sat down on the edge and half-heartedly helped as Callie removed her leg before settling into the bed. Callie propped up her leg where it could be easily reached in the morning and walked around to her side of the bed. She instantly snuggled up behind Arizona, pulling their bodies against each other.
“Let’s just go to sleep,” she suggested.
Arizona scooted her body out of Callie’s embrace. Callie, not buying it, just pushed herself right up behind her wife. “Don’t pull away from me. Not after all the work we’ve done. Not because of this. I told you that whatever happens, we are in this together. Please trust that. Trust me. Once you’ve held someone’s hand while she peed screaming bloody murder, there’s really no going back from that. It’s a forever kind of thing. We are going to be okay. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. Couples who have STIs can still be intimate. We’d just have to be a little more careful about things. But this is not a dealbreaker. ” She continued whispering sweetly into Arizona’s ear and pressing occasional kisses to the back of Arizona’s head until Arizona relaxed and her breathing evened out.
------
“I’m here for a follow-up. And I may need another thing checked depending on the results.” After a second experience having to get Callie’s help to pee (interrupted by Sofia waking up and coming to find them, resulting in a panicked, “Don’t let her see me like this.”), she had definitely not forgotten about her little problem.
She was soon called back to an exam room, where she quickly plopped down and found herself lost in thought. Callie had said she’d stay, but what if Arizona had something else, something not curable, like herpes? There was some intense itching to go along with the burning pain. Surely Callie wouldn’t want to expose herself to something like that. She dropped her head down into her hands, not for the first time wondering how her life had become such a mess. Well, she knew how. A plane had fallen out of the sky and drastically changed her course. She could even trace it back further than that. Nick had waited six years to get treatment and one of the few men in Seattle Arizona trusted had said he was leaving her the same day she found out Nick was dying.
Her musing was interrupted by a knock on the door before it started to open. She looked up sharply and cringed when she saw the face peeking around the door. Chelsea was back. Arizona rolled her eyes and prepared for another speech she didn’t want to hear.
“Hi! I’ve got your results here and I’m just going to go over them with you. And you mentioned needing me to check something else out?”
“Look, I can read a lab report, so why don’t you just hand the results over and we’ll both get out of here a lot faster.”
Chelsea looked a little shell-shocked. “I don’t think I’m allowed to …”
“You’re going to give it to me at the end anyway, right?”
“Right, but …”
“Look, I went to medical school. I can read the labs at least as well as you can. Please give me my damn results.”
Chelsea handed them over and watched, still a little shocked, as Arizona found the information she was looking for. “Okay,” Arizona said matter of factly, seeing no positive results. “So now I need to be checked for a bacterial infection. There’s a discharge with a fishy odor and it hurts so bad that I had to have my wife’s help to pee last night and this morning.”
“Okay. We can get that checked for you. I’ll just get a swap of the secretions and we’ll send it to the lab for testing.”
“Great.” Arizona took the offered cover-up and waited until Chelsea had left the room before she buckled in relief. She quickly whipped out her phone to call Callie while also trying to get undressed.
Callie picked up on the the third ring, just as Arizona was tugging her pant leg off the bottom of her prosthetic. She struggled to maintain her balance as she heard that beautiful voice come on the line, finally able to enjoy it and share in the delight. “Hello?”
“All negative. They’re going to do a swab to check for bacterial infection and I should be home soon, hopefully with a tentative diagnosis and some antibiotics.”
“Arizona, that’s great. I told you it wasn’t gonorrhea, but someone just wasn’t willing to trust her brilliant wife’s expert analysis. Do you have anything scheduled for this afternoon? I think we should stay home at least until the fire urine passes, so that I can be there to help you.”
“Nope. I moved my PT session because I didn’t want to be any extra sore for date night, so I’m clear for today. What about you? Don’t you have a surgery scheduled this afternoon?”
“I did, but I rescheduled it. I wanted to be here available for you when you were done.”
“Great. I’ll call you when I leave. Do you want me to pick up food on the way back?”
“That sounds good. Maybe we should cancel our date night. I think it’s better if you’re home as much as possible until your symptoms start to lessen. I want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I don’t want to cancel.”
“Your well-being is important, Arizona.”
“So is our marriage. I think we need a date night, even if I smell like fish and cry when I pee. How about we just move the date to home? We can still let Derek and Meredith take Sofia for a playdate, but we’ll be at home when I have to pee again.”
“If you’re sure you’re up for it, I’m okay with that.”
“Definitely.” Arizona heard the rattling outside the door. “Oh, hey. Someone’s coming, so I have to go. I’ll see you soon.”
“Arizona, before you go ... I love you.” Callie wanted to make certain she heard her.
“I love you, too.” She went to hang up, but heard the pause on Callie’s end.
“No, I need you to really know, I love you.” She reinforced the words again. “I do.”
Arizona smiled feeling a bit, more at ease and more confident to move forward. “I love you too, Callie,” she whispered as Chelsea popped back into the room.
“I know,” Callie said before the line went dead.
Author: nerdfightergirl /librarynerd
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: T
Summary: Post-reconciliation post-9x24, Callie has a request for Arizona
Disclaimer: I am very glad to say that I don't own Grey's Anatomy or these characters. This is purely for enjoyment and I am not making any money from it.
Author’s Note: I don’t really do these that much, but this is my own little PSA. In this fic, they use the term STI, which is a newer, more accurate, less stigmatized initialism that is replacing STD. Disease suggests you have some visible manifestation of the infection and not all infected parties do or will. But being symptom-free doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t pass the infection on to any other partners, so please, please if you are sexually active, GET TESTED for you and for your partners. Use condoms and/or dental dams. Don’t share toys.
“I want you to get tested for STIs.”
Arizona had been almost asleep, completely on her own side of the bed because they were still taking baby steps back to each other, so hearing Callie talk was a little jarring. “What?” Arizona questioned as she sat up and flicked the light on. It was clear that Callie had been working up the courage to ask that for quite some time.
“I was … I was just reading online on these message boards for people in … our situation and one of the things that kept coming up was STI testing before you … reconnect.” It had been months. Months of therapy and apologies and reassurances and painful, hard work. They had only resumed living together a month before and they hadn’t yet had sex. “And I don’t know what kind of infections that woman could have that she passed on to you. So I’d like you to get tested. For me. For us. Before we … you know.”
A tumultuous mix of emotions erupted from Arizona: shame that Callie even had to question it, embarassment at the thought of anyone from work finding out through gossipy lab techs, hope that Callie seemed almost ready to take that step, the last step, with her.
“You don’t have to get it done at the hospital.” Callie interrupted her thoughts with a solution to one of the problems. “I know this isn’t something you’ll -- we’ll -- want getting out. You can get it done somewhere else. There’s a walk-in clinic a few blocks from here. It opens at 8. I just -- I want to know one way or another.”
“Yeah. Of course. I’ll push back my schedule tomorrow and go in the morning,” Arizona agreed easily. “Can you take Sofia into daycare when you go in? I don’t really want to take her with me for this.” Since Callie was scheduled to go in earlier, Sofia would normally have stayed with Arizona until Arizona was ready to go in. But Sofia didn’t need to witness Mama getting tested for STIs, even if, at only three, she’d have no actual understanding of what was going on. She didn’t really want Sofia there for the physical exam anyway.
“Yeah. I’ll take her. That’s fine.” Callie was silent for a few more minutes and Arizona settled in to sleep. “Do I … do I need to go, too?” It killed Callie to have to wonder if this was Arizona’s first time cheating or simply the first time she got caught. “I just … I need to know if I have anything to worry about." Arizona’s eyes quickly snapped open.
“No! I mean, that’s up to you if you want to go, but … not because of this. It was just the one time. I promise.”
“Okay.”
It had been an awkward conversation, but after months of awkward conversations, they were both old pros.
Arizona settled back into bed and flipped off the lights as she settled in. Callie unexpectedly rolled over and settled in just behind her wife with a hand high on her hip. This was simultaneously an exciting new development and like coming home after a long trip. Before she could over think and talk herself out of it, Arizona pushed her butt back to nestle it into the front of Callie’s pelvis. She silently grinned as the hand on her hip dropped down to pull her in tighter and those magical lips pressed against the back of her neck.
-----
Arizona never in her life expected to end up in a position like this. She had checked in at the desk and been given paperwork to fill out as she waited for her number to be called. She glanced around and saw a spattering of other patients in the waiting room. They, like she, all looked like they’d rather be anywhere else. She felt like everyone in there knew exactly why she was there, what she had done. While the rational part of her brain knew that the clinic provided many services and STI screening was only a small portion, that part was drowned out by the panic. When asked at the desk about insurance, she didn’t hesitate to say she’d pay out of pocket for the tests. With a sigh, she set to work writing out all her information. The sexual history was the hardest part. Having to write out that she’d slept with Lauren still stung, but she powered on.
When she finished, she handed the paperwork back to the woman sitting at the desk before returning to her seat. A benefit of having come in within 10 minutes of them opening was that she wasn’t waiting long before her number was called. She recognized the nurse who stepped out with a clipboard, but she silently begged the nurse not to remember her. The nurse caught her eye and recognition lit up through her face. “Dr. Rob-,” she started, but Arizona’s glare stopped her mid-word and she called Arizona’s number instead. Arizona quickly glanced around to see if anyone had noticed the mishap. She was relieved to see that not a single head had so much as glanced in their direction, but that didn’t stop all the hairs on her neck from standing up.
She was led back to a room, where she was given a gown and instructions to remove everything below the waist and put on the gown so they could perform the physical exam. It was spiel she’d heard 100 times and given even more often. Before the nurse could leave, she said, “Uhh, I’m an amputee, so I’ll need additional time to get undressed. So, uh, no rush.” The nurse nodded in acknowledgement and closed the door.
Arizona checked out the room for a minute before she began undressing. It was smaller than the exam rooms at the hospital and at her regular doctor’s office. There was an exam table with stirrups, two chairs, and a counter with a sink and various medical paraphernalia. When she was ready, she sat down to wait, alone again with her thoughts. After five minutes of waiting, she cursed the constant delay in medicine, knowing she was guilty of making patients wait for her.
Finally, a woman who looked far too young to be qualified for the process entered the room with Arizona’s paperwork and a smile on her face. Did she not get the memo as to why we’re in here? Arizona wondered.
“Hi! I’m Chelsea. And I see that your name is Arizona! What a unique name! I’m a PA and I’ll be performing your physical exam today! Do you have any questions for me before we get started?”
“No.”
“Okay. Well, it says here that you’re married. Does your partner need to be tested as well?”
“Wife,” she said insistently. “We’re married, not running a business together. And no, uh, we haven’t, but I did … and it was just one time and she and I haven’t … yeah.”
“Okay. So this one time? I’m going to assume it was unprotected?”
“Well, yeah. I’ve been married for three years and monogamous for five. I don’t exactly carry around dental dams in my lab coat,” Arizona snapped. Chelsea flinched and Arizona knew that she should apologize, but she wasn’t really sorry, so she kept her mouth shut. And Chelsea curved her lips right back up into a smile. She kept that smile plastered on her face as Arizona continued, “I was tested before becoming intimate with my wife and then again after a brief breakup.”
Arizona’s thoughts drifted back to the last time they’d discussed STI testing.
----
They continued kissing as they made their way, now topless, over to the couch. Arizona’s hand went immediately back to Callie’s abdomen, caressing the delicate skin there. When that hand inched its way down into Callie’s panties, Callie’s eyes opened wide in realization, “Wait!”
Arizona instantly froze in terror. “Do you, uh, do you not want this?”
“No! I want this. You have no idea how much I want this.”
“Then what’s wrong?” Arizona still hadn’t pulled her hand back out, so it was slightly distracting both of them.
“I had sex with Mark.”
“Are you trying to turn me on?” Arizona questioned, finally pulling back her hand. “I know you had sex with Mark.” She brought her hand back up to cup Callie’s belly.
“No. I had unprotected sex with Mark. As much as I want to believe that he’s clean, we both know how he is. We should stop this before we can’t and we can pick up again when the results are in.”
“Right,” Arizona agreed, pushing herself up and off Callie and flopping back against the couch. “I’ll, um, I’ll get myself tested, too.”
“You, um … no, never mind. I don’t want to know,” Callie quickly backpedaled before throwing a stone at a glass house.
“No, I didn’t. Just … solidarity or whatever.”
----
“Well, that’s good, then!” Chelsea’s voice broke Arizona out of her thoughts. “Why don’t we just get started? Can you hop up onto the exam table for me?” Arizona found herself annoyed that this woman got to be so happy when she was so humiliated.
The moment of truth. Chelsea stood off to the side as Arizona lifted herself up and hauled her weight up onto the exam table. Grateful that she didn’t add to the horror by falling on her ass, Arizona settled in. Chelsea quickly completed the first part of the physical exam before having Arizona lean back and put her legs up on the stirrups for the remainder of the exam. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it would have to do. Chelsea talked through the whole process, both explaining what she was doing and chit-chatting, probably to distract Arizona and pass the time. She normally had a high tolerance for chit-chat, but she just couldn’t do it today, so after the first few minutes, Arizona called out, “Look. I’m a doctor, so I know exactly what you’re doing. You don’t need to explain any of it to me. And I know you read my chart, so you know why I’m here and I’d appreciate it if we could just … not talk while we do this.” Arizona was glad she couldn’t see Chelsea’s face, because she knew she’d been harsh. And maybe that wasn’t fair. Chelsea hadn’t done anything wrong.
The rest of the exam passed quickly and silently. Chelsea, now much more subdued, told Arizona she could get dressed. “You know we have dental dams and condoms in the lobby. Feel free to take some on your way out.”
“Oh, no. If I ever get to have sex again, which isn’t a sure thing at this point, it will be with my wife. You can keep your dental dams.”
“Okay. Then I’ll just leave you here to get dressed and then you can go wait in the waiting room to be called back for the blood work.” It was all downhill from there. Arizona got her blood drawn and scheduled her follow-up to get the results before leaving the clinic to get to work.
-----
“I have an appointment next week to get the results,” Arizona whispered as she stepped up beside Callie.
“What?” Callie questioned as she looked up from the chart she was reviewing.
“At the clinic,” Arizona clarified, keeping her voice low. “I’m going back next week. A week from today.” She glanced around, making sure no one was within hearing range. “They did a cheek swab for HIV. It was negative. I have the signed results at home for you, but I didn’t want to bring it into work.” She wanted to believe Callie would just take her at her word, but when you’re rebuilding trust, you can’t take anything for granted.
“Okay. Thank you.” Callie looked back down at her chart. Arizona was about to step away when Callie’s voice stopped her. “Do you want to go out on a date with me? A week from tomorrow?” she asked tentatively. Arizona smiled and was about to assent when Callie continued, “I’m not saying we’ll … but we can go to dinner, have a little kid-free time. Talk.”
Arizona knew that talk would include the results, no matter which way they went, but she’d never turn down a date night with her wife. “I’m in.”
“Great!”
“I have to go. I, uh, I have a patient. But we’ll talk later. At home.” Arizona was suddenly wishing that Callie had taken sex off the agenda entirely, because the not knowing what would happen was already killing her.
“Arizona,” Callie called out, causing Arizona to face toward her. She lowered her voice again before speaking, “Whatever the tests say … whatever happens, we’ll be okay. We’ll work through it.”
“Thank you.” Arizona smiled gratefully. It was nice to have that reassurance. “You’re done at four, right? So you’ll pick up Sofia?”
“Yep. I got her.”
Before leaving, Arizona took a chance and leaned forward to press her lips to Callie’s. She smiled as she walked away because Callie hadn’t hesitated before returning the kiss.
-----
“Arrrrgggggghhhh.” Arizona screamed at the sudden pain that ripped through her when she started to pee. She instinctively clenched to stop the flow of the urine. Only a few seconds later, Callie pushed through the door with panic written across her face.
“What’s wrong?”
Arizona struggled to speak through the pain. “It hurts … when I pee. It feels like a thousand tiny daggers are fighting their way out of my body all at once.” Callie knelt down beside the toilet and took Arizona’s hand. “Oh, god. I have gonorrhea. Callie, I am so, so sorry. Oh, god. It was a stupid mistake and this is just bad karma coming back around to bite me in the ass.”
“It is not. It’s been a while since I studied STIs, but I don’t think gonorrhea causes so much pain that you would scream like you just did. And it doesn’t cause an odor like this.” Callie was trying to keep the grimace off her face, but the smell was overpowering. She knew she probably looked as bad as Arizona felt. “It’s probably an infection. You remember when you went swimming for PT and got paged with an emergency, so you spent 8 hours in the OR with a wet bathing suit under your scrubs?”
“I think it’s gonorrhea.”
“Arizona. I love you. I’m telling you that it’s not gonorrhea. And even if it is, that’s treatable. We’ll get you some antibiotics and you’ll be good as new. We can go to the after hours clinic right now if you want.”
“I’m already going back to the clinic tomorrow morning. I don’t want to wake Sofia for this. And I might as well get one more night at home with you before you leave me.”
“Arizona!” Callie scolded.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. This just really hurts.”
“May I help you get back to bed?” Callie asked.
“I, uh, I haven’t finished. It hurt too badly, so I stopped. I don’t think I can start again.” She was looking down at the floor when she said this, but Callie knew that if she looked up, a full-on puppy dog pout, rivaling their three-year-old’s, would be adorning that face.
“Okay. Squeeze my hand as tightly as you can. I’ll be right here.”
Arizona squeezed and tried again. She made some progress, but almost as quickly as she started, she had to stop again. Callie rubbed her back, kissed her forehead, and whispered soothing words in her ear. The process repeated several times until Arizona had a headache from the exertion and tears covered her face. Finally, several stops and starts later, Arizona’s bladder was empty. She slumped against Callie in relief. She was so exhausted and in so much pain that she didn’t even try to stop Callie from helping her get cleaned up. She was covered in a light sheen of sweat as Callie helped her back to their bed. She sat down on the edge and half-heartedly helped as Callie removed her leg before settling into the bed. Callie propped up her leg where it could be easily reached in the morning and walked around to her side of the bed. She instantly snuggled up behind Arizona, pulling their bodies against each other.
“Let’s just go to sleep,” she suggested.
Arizona scooted her body out of Callie’s embrace. Callie, not buying it, just pushed herself right up behind her wife. “Don’t pull away from me. Not after all the work we’ve done. Not because of this. I told you that whatever happens, we are in this together. Please trust that. Trust me. Once you’ve held someone’s hand while she peed screaming bloody murder, there’s really no going back from that. It’s a forever kind of thing. We are going to be okay. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. Couples who have STIs can still be intimate. We’d just have to be a little more careful about things. But this is not a dealbreaker. ” She continued whispering sweetly into Arizona’s ear and pressing occasional kisses to the back of Arizona’s head until Arizona relaxed and her breathing evened out.
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“I’m here for a follow-up. And I may need another thing checked depending on the results.” After a second experience having to get Callie’s help to pee (interrupted by Sofia waking up and coming to find them, resulting in a panicked, “Don’t let her see me like this.”), she had definitely not forgotten about her little problem.
She was soon called back to an exam room, where she quickly plopped down and found herself lost in thought. Callie had said she’d stay, but what if Arizona had something else, something not curable, like herpes? There was some intense itching to go along with the burning pain. Surely Callie wouldn’t want to expose herself to something like that. She dropped her head down into her hands, not for the first time wondering how her life had become such a mess. Well, she knew how. A plane had fallen out of the sky and drastically changed her course. She could even trace it back further than that. Nick had waited six years to get treatment and one of the few men in Seattle Arizona trusted had said he was leaving her the same day she found out Nick was dying.
Her musing was interrupted by a knock on the door before it started to open. She looked up sharply and cringed when she saw the face peeking around the door. Chelsea was back. Arizona rolled her eyes and prepared for another speech she didn’t want to hear.
“Hi! I’ve got your results here and I’m just going to go over them with you. And you mentioned needing me to check something else out?”
“Look, I can read a lab report, so why don’t you just hand the results over and we’ll both get out of here a lot faster.”
Chelsea looked a little shell-shocked. “I don’t think I’m allowed to …”
“You’re going to give it to me at the end anyway, right?”
“Right, but …”
“Look, I went to medical school. I can read the labs at least as well as you can. Please give me my damn results.”
Chelsea handed them over and watched, still a little shocked, as Arizona found the information she was looking for. “Okay,” Arizona said matter of factly, seeing no positive results. “So now I need to be checked for a bacterial infection. There’s a discharge with a fishy odor and it hurts so bad that I had to have my wife’s help to pee last night and this morning.”
“Okay. We can get that checked for you. I’ll just get a swap of the secretions and we’ll send it to the lab for testing.”
“Great.” Arizona took the offered cover-up and waited until Chelsea had left the room before she buckled in relief. She quickly whipped out her phone to call Callie while also trying to get undressed.
Callie picked up on the the third ring, just as Arizona was tugging her pant leg off the bottom of her prosthetic. She struggled to maintain her balance as she heard that beautiful voice come on the line, finally able to enjoy it and share in the delight. “Hello?”
“All negative. They’re going to do a swab to check for bacterial infection and I should be home soon, hopefully with a tentative diagnosis and some antibiotics.”
“Arizona, that’s great. I told you it wasn’t gonorrhea, but someone just wasn’t willing to trust her brilliant wife’s expert analysis. Do you have anything scheduled for this afternoon? I think we should stay home at least until the fire urine passes, so that I can be there to help you.”
“Nope. I moved my PT session because I didn’t want to be any extra sore for date night, so I’m clear for today. What about you? Don’t you have a surgery scheduled this afternoon?”
“I did, but I rescheduled it. I wanted to be here available for you when you were done.”
“Great. I’ll call you when I leave. Do you want me to pick up food on the way back?”
“That sounds good. Maybe we should cancel our date night. I think it’s better if you’re home as much as possible until your symptoms start to lessen. I want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I don’t want to cancel.”
“Your well-being is important, Arizona.”
“So is our marriage. I think we need a date night, even if I smell like fish and cry when I pee. How about we just move the date to home? We can still let Derek and Meredith take Sofia for a playdate, but we’ll be at home when I have to pee again.”
“If you’re sure you’re up for it, I’m okay with that.”
“Definitely.” Arizona heard the rattling outside the door. “Oh, hey. Someone’s coming, so I have to go. I’ll see you soon.”
“Arizona, before you go ... I love you.” Callie wanted to make certain she heard her.
“I love you, too.” She went to hang up, but heard the pause on Callie’s end.
“No, I need you to really know, I love you.” She reinforced the words again. “I do.”
Arizona smiled feeling a bit, more at ease and more confident to move forward. “I love you too, Callie,” she whispered as Chelsea popped back into the room.
“I know,” Callie said before the line went dead.