This Isn't a Fairytale 2/3
Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2
Part 1: Beauty lies within
Once upon a time, in a land of the Morning Calm, an eighteen year old bachelor lives a life of gold. He has everything his heart desires, and will have everything his heart will require. Jung Daehyun may have been a superior precious stone that everyone wanted to have but not all jewels are perfect. Sometimes, because of the inherent beauty that can be seen by the naked eye, people fail to realize what’s wrong on the inside. Daehyun may have been given the perfect face, the flawless life - almost a prince in disguise -- but everything comes with a price. This near prince is selfish, spoiled and unkind. But what’s more alarming is that everyone around him treats him like a King, almost - all except for one.
But then, one regular day, all things start to change. When Jung Daehyun is walking towards the university because his limousine broke down (he mentally notes to himself he’ll have to fire his mechanic) a man grabs him by his arm and tries to rob him, but an old beggar man comes to his rescue, but instead of being grateful, Daehyun accuses the beggar of wanting to rob him, too.
Later that night, a person knocks on Daehyun’s abode; the beggar is asking for a piece of bread, but Daehyun warns his servants that no food shall be taken out of the house and no such beggar shall be within the vicinity of his house. It begins to rain, and the pitiful beggar cries for help in exchange for a precious necklace. Instead of warming up, Daehyun, repulsed by his haggard appearance, sneers at the gift, and asks his guards to throw the beggar away.
The beggar tries to free himself from the guards’ hold and before disappearing, he leaves a warning:
Appearances can deceive you, for Beauty is found within.
Appearance is just a façade and what’s within shall be the outer shell.
When the moon shines the brightest, you shall see, what’s inside you shall be revealed. You can only break the words when you learn to love another and earn a love in return
but if on your 21st birthday you shall not succeed
then the words will be permanent
and you’ll stay as ugly as a beast.
“He’s insane,” Daehyun declares and warns the guards to do their jobs properly. “I don’t want to see him anywhere near my house or eles you are all fired!”
Despite the warning, Daehyun refuses to believe, so he stayed as he is. And on the following night, the moon shines the brightest.
He wakes up and only to realize he lost everything.
He looks into the mirror and what he sees isn’t him.
With regret and sorrow, he decides to hide himself, conceal his horrible face. He’s more than persuaded that no one will love him. Two years has passed and still, he hasn’t changed.
And now, he only has a year. Will he be able to find someone?
>>>
It’s funny how fate decides to play with someone’s life. How it easily twists and turns someone’s destiny.
Youngjae has been living alone for the past year in their shabby old house with barely enough money to keep him alive. Lucky for him, he’s bright, or else he would have not won the college scholarship. His mother always said before she passed away when Youngjae was 10 that her son’s heart was big and kind. And it’s a problem because even though Youngjae has a golden heart, he is at a disadvantage because he let people manipulate him. And maybe, his kindness will be a contributing factor to his unhappiness. At a young age, little Youngjae couldn’t decipher what that meant but maybe he does now.
The letter has been delivered just today, a week before his birthday, but it was dated 2 years ago. It’s absurd how his father comes up with novel-like ideas expecting it’ll arrive exactly January 24th. Youngjae laughs at how pathetic the mailing service is but reads the letter anyways. Then, he wishes he didn’t because it is his dad’s last will, sort of. It’s his dad last - will, but not the typical last will. Youngjae’s family isn’t living luxuriously --they barely had enough to get by a day and Youngjae definitely knows his dad doesn’t have any hidden fortune.
Youngjae honestly struggles to read word per word and every word added to a sentence makes Youngjae’s heart sink. The memory of his father smiling to him before he bids his final goodbye is coming back to his mind.
But nonetheless, Youngjae continues to read it, his dad has told him through the letter words of forgiveness because he couldn’t give Youngjae the best thing in the world; words of gratitude, thanking Youngjae for being the best son; words of praise, wanting to let his son know how proud of a dad he is. Youngjae can’t help but cry. He misses his dad.
It takes some time before Youngjae continues to read and once again his heart sinks. The last words are vague but Youngjae is sure these words are his dad’s last message. The mourning ends too soon when the door swings open, startling him.
The funniest thing about fate is it doesn’t give you any warning when it wants something from you. All you have to do is to accept it as is.
“Are you Yoo’s son?”
“Yes?” Youngjae hesitantly says. The look on the stranger’s face isn’t all that reassuring, ike he knows something he's about to deliver a horrible message.
The words are terrifyingly simple, as if they are placed perfectly together to reach a common goal, “Your father left a huge debt.”
Youngjae isn’t the one to be afraid; they’ve got nothing. “Take whatever you want,” he thoughtlessly replies. All the men can do is to take what -- clothes? Feel free.
The man laughs in retort, mocking Youngjae. “We don’t want anything. We want you.”
Should he call the police? Can he dash all the way to the back door?
“According to the contract he signed, if he won’t be able to pay the debt. He’ll be working for it but he won’t be able to now, won’t he?”
Youngjae’s eyes widen because he clearly knows what they’re implying and --
“So you’re going to pay your father’s debt.”
The next thing Youngjae knows is that he is in unfamiliar place in the outskirts of Seoul.
“All you need to do is to clean the house, make breakfast, lunch and dinner. Feel free to use the rooms.”
The panicking would have ended a long time ago if the very first thing this old guy said was that Youngjae would just be a house helper. It would have saved them a lot of time and all the running and punching would have not happened. But all that is in the past and though a normal person needs to worry about his life, Youngjae thinks otherwise-- his mind is already calculating the distance from this place to his school. Based on Youngjae’s calculations, travel time will be an hour. He is thankful, more than thankful, because despite all things that are happening, he still has a place to live in and he can still continue to study. Right? Education is an important thing. He needs the scholarship. His parents wanted him to be a doctor so he’ll be one.
“Call me Mr. Kang. If you'll follow me, I'll show you to your room. Welcome to your new home.”
It isn’t all that welcoming.
“I assume you know how to drive? The car keys are hanging just beside the fridge. If there’s an emergency, use the car. I’ll be the one doing the grocery shopping. I left some cash in your drawer, in cases of emergency.”
Youngjae takes it all in, one by one, somewaht confused. He wonders how his dad is indebted to the man because as far as he remembers, his dad never wanted to live a life of gold. He is brought out of his trance when Mr. Kang speaks again.
"Here is the deal,” Mr. Kang says with a soft sigh at the end. “To be honest, no one wanted this job. Everybody is declining. We’ve already asked people outside Korea but they all quit without even getting their first paycheck.” Mr. Kang sighs heavily and Youngjae notices the hint of exhaustion.
Youngjae wonders just why? Is he going to take care of some criminal? An animal? A person with a terrifying desease?
“Just do what he says and if he is in a bad mood, be extra understanding because he needs it. All you have to do is to do the chores. You can still study while working, and we’ll give you an allowance, but make sure you come back. If you don’t -- well, we’ll hunt you down.”
Youngjae wants to laugh because he has given no other option. Of course, he needs to be in this place, he needs to settle his father's debt or else his life won't be peaceful and he cannot hide. What can little Youngjae do? Hide? That's funny.
“Here’s a phone. Daehyun will call you if he needs anything. The schedule is posted on your room. Make sure you abide by it.”
So his name is Daehyun. Youngjae knows he hears the name before but cannot pin point as to when and where, he decides he'll just try to remember later.
Youngjae tries to see the better things, the slightest positive moments in all the negativity. It’s one of his best assets that makes him qualified to be put to so many life changing tests. Sometimes, Youngjae thinks his best qualities are also the worst.
“I’ll visit every once in a while. He -- Daehyun -- isn’t a people person,” Mr. Kang adds, and then he bids goodbye.
Now Youngjae is alone, and has to take care of someone who lives by the name of Daehyun. But he doesn’t mull over how pathetic his life has become -- suddenly being indebted for the decisions he didn’t make while having no one to support him, living as an an orphan. Youngjae sees the positives in all the negativity surrounding him because now he gets to live in a big house with a continuous flow of food and maybe there’s free wifi and cable too. That doesn’t sound too bad, does it?
What then welcomes him as he unlocks his bedroom door is a haven; the room he has been given is spacious, definitely bigger than what he has back home. It isn’t a surprise. The house is humongous, and it’s twice, no thrice or even four - five times bigger than Youngjae’s, but he can’t helped but be at awe. How lucky the person who owns this house must be. He sees a sturdy desk and there’s even a bookshelf too, and excitement begins to replace his apprehension.. It’s definitely not that bad.
>>>
But it’s silent.
It’s all hushed.
Youngjae once argued that silence cannot in any manner be deafening, but his best friend, Himchan, insists silence is a very scary occurrence. He doesn’t want to admit it but for the first time, Himchan is right because today Youngjae has proof of it; utter silence is really deafening.
So Youngjae starts to unpack to bring some noise into the house. It’s a simple task, a matter of folding and arranging his clothes in his drawers and putting away his toiletries in the bathroom. It is done in just a couple of minutes, no sweat wasted. He places the only framed photo of his family on top of his desk, but he has no time to travel to memory lane as the schedule posted captures his attention.
He reads it and is quite impressed but he’s weirded out a little bit because of how it specifically lays out the time Youngjae must be out of the house and how meticulous and strict it seems but he is sure he can abide by it. Is there some kind of monster in this house that is unleashed during the hours after dark?
Youngjae shrugs and continues to read the rest of the notes. They’re just about food, on what to and what not to cook. It’s pretty simple and easy to deal with. Not much of a hassle. He slowly makes his way out of the room to inspect the rest of the place. It’s big and modern and the furniture is all well-made, maybe some are imported from other countries. But the house has a different feel too. There’s an aura of sadness, and Youngjae wonders why.
Cook a meal for three, do the laundry regularly, always serve dessert.
It's a fairly easy task.
There’s a library and a game room. Boy, the owner of this house is surely a hell of a rich man. And Youngjae wonders why the past helpers decided to leave; this is a peaceful and cozy house to live in.
After tourning the some of the rooms, Youngjae decides to spend his first hours sprawled on his bed. There aren’t any dirty clothes to wash, nor spots in the house to be cleaned. Seriously, if this will be a regular thing, it isn’t paying a debt, it’s living a bum life.
So he lies on his bed and promises not to fall asleep.
He falls asleep.
But then there’s something so noisy that interrupts Youngjae’s slumber. He is sure it isn’t an alarm because he didn’t set one up. It’s a Sunday, so he doesn’t have to be up for some lectures or quizzes.
“What the fuck is that noise?” Youngjae grumbles while he tries to lift himself up to locate the nonstop noise.
With half lidded eyes, and half awake brain, Youngjae manages to realize it’s a phone that’s ringing, he answers, “Hello, why the fu..”
“Where is the food?”
“Huh?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be making the food?”
“Food?” Youngjae asks, unsure why the hell he needs to be preparing food, he could have just bought something in the nearby store. And why the hell is this man yelling at him through the phone?
“It’s your first day and you’re slacking off. Go and make some food.”
“What the hell is wrong with..” Oh my God. Youngjae realizes. Oh my God.
And Youngjae makes the most delicious food he can come up with in 15 minutes. Luckily he was a fan of Rachel Ray's 15 minute meal before. He sets aside the first degree burns his skin suffers from all his cramming and the small cut on his left pointy finger due to his panicking. At last, it's finished.
He dials in the number.
“Uhm, hello?” he tries.
“What?”
“Dinner is served.”
There’s a laugh on the other end of line.
“I’m not hungry anymore. Throw it in the trash.”
"Wha--"
And the line goes beep beep beep.
>>>
The second day, Youngjae luckily remembers he has a job and his day starts off perfectly well. He prepares breakfast for an hour, but in the end what he serves are plainly bacon and eggs -- what took a lot of his time was him contemplating whether to make the meal edible or not.
Sadly, he chose the first one.
According to the schedule, he needs to leave before the clock hits seven in the morning. Is he some kind of Cinderella? It’s 6:45 and his classes start at 9, and that’s pretty long time but he doesn’t complain. Rules are rules so adios Mr. Rude Boy.
But well, Youngjae has a big heart. When Daehyun wakes up, rude boy sees the food perfectly plated with a note:
Since it was a written that I can’t return home until 5pm,
your lunch is in the fridge, just use the microwave. You know how to use it, right?
-Youngjae
“He knows how to use the microwave, right?” Youngjae asks suddenly over their lunch break.
“What?” Himchan asks, stunned. He isn’t aware that Youngjae works for someone and he’s pretty sure Youngjae is an orphan and that Youngjae doesn’t date anyone.
“What if he doesn’t know how to microwave?” Youngjae asks again and Himchan looks at him worriedly.
“Yoo Youngjae, are you on drugs?”
“Oh my god, what if he doesn’t know how to freaking use the microwave?”
“I’m taking you to the doctor.”
Youngjae excuses himself and goes to the nearest bathroom, he dials in the number. He needs to make sure. Upon a couple of rings, finally, the line picks up. “Uhm, hello?” Youngjae asks.
“What?”
“Have you seen the food in the fridge?” He asks.
“Yeah.”
“Do you know, uhm, well, perhaps, how to microwave?”
“I’m not an idiot. Of course I know.”
“Because, I’m just---”
And the line goes beep beep beep beep beep again.
Youngjae has been accustomed to his schedule and the beep beep beep sound. He leaves after he serves breakfast and goes home before dinner. He always leaves something so his boss can just microwave his food for lunch. He doesn’t forget to write small notes on the side.
I’ll clean everything once I’m back.
I hope you have a good day.
Just call when you need something.
I’ll buy a chocolate cake later.
>>>
It has been a week and Youngjae has been alternating his study and work. And who would have thought that Youngjae lives better now than in those past two years that he's alone. At least now, he has someone with him. Who he hasnt seen ever since but that is beside the point. Youngjae is feeling happy.
He has heard his boss’s voice when he’s rudely demanding something, as always, over the phone. Sometimes he sees him on his peripheral view but not for more than 2 seconds. He still doesn’t have an idea to what his boss looks like, not that it truly mattered, but it is a little troubling not knowing the face of the one you’re serving. Curiosity is killing him.
Mr. Kang visits him again this week and the old guy looks genuinely happy to see Youngjae still living in the house. It’s a Saturday and that means it’s Youngjaes time to clean, do the laundry and pretty much anything else he wants inside the house. Youngjae calls it free time. Mr. Kang joins Youngjae for lunch after they both stacked the cabinets for the newly bought groceries.
“Why won’t Daehyun join us?”
“He’s not a people person.” Mr. Kang replies strictly and Youngjae notices it’s the end of the topic.
He doesn’t tell much about their boss and the questions raised by Youngjae are always answered vaguely. He thanks Youngjae after he finishes his lunch, and he also hands him an envelope too.
Today, Mr. Kang visits Daehyun inside his bedroom. And to Youngjae’s delight, he sees a stash of cash in the envelope and he wonders again, if this jobs pays this much, why would people just leave? To celebrate, he tries something new as he takes out the cookbook Himchan has brought for him a couple of days ago, reminding him it's not healthy to microwave food. He checks the cupboard to see if they have enough ingredients and to his delight, there’s more than enough.
And Youngjae spends his time making a new menu.
“Let’s make some blueberry cheesecake.”
>>>
It’s not all very reassuring when someone with a normal face and a normal life tells you everything will be alright.
Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay.
“Daehyun. You need to go out of this house.”
Daehyun feels as if Mr. Kang is telling a joke that involves him. Go out? Who is he kidding?
“You need to find the one who will love you.”
The words are uttered in a simple manner as if the goal is easy to achieve. Daehyun wants to laugh his anger out and at the same time punch Mr. Kang for his silliness. Love? That’s bullshit.
Everything was fine, was perfect, everything was Jung Daehyun. The boys wanted to be like him, the girls swooned over him. He was perfect, he was flawless. Jung Daehyun was the Jung Daehyun but everything disappeared in just one night.
Everything now is gone, ripped from him only to leave scars, burned marks, black disgusting spots marring his once perfect face. He has tried everything, even plastic surgery but the same scars would come back after every operation so he stopped or they get worse.
Friends won’t be able to recognize him. His family left him; he only has his uncle who continues to help him but he’s sure Mr. Kang is also horror-struck with him. If he weren’t, he would be the one taking care of him not some helper he hired.
Daehyun pities himself. When he looks into the mirror, he doesn’t even recognize himself.
He is a monster.
He is a beast.
How long has it been since he was cursed? 6 months 1 year? He refuses to remember, he refuses to believe, but every time he sees himself in front of the mirror, he always remembers.
On your 21st birthday…
What are the odds? He only has a year. But he doesn’t care now though because who would dare to love someone who is uglier than a beast?
“Daehyun, let me help you. It’s your birthday soon, if you want to return back to your old self, you need to find someone Daehyun, please.”
Daehyun laughs.
“Get out,” he says, but Mr. Kang refuses to stand up from his spot. “I said, get out now.”
And Mr. Kang does but before he closes the door, he says, “Daehyun, I know, someone is out there for you, the one that will truly love you.”
And the door closes with a loud thud.
Love? Me?
“No one will love me.” Daehyun’s voice is muffled by his pillow while tears stream down from his eyes. “Why me?”
Youngjae hears the loud bang of the door and he almost drops the tray he is holding. A little over a minute later, Mr. Kang is bidding him goodbye, telling him that he’ll be back again next week.
“Is that cheesecake?” Mr. Kang asks before leaving the dining room. Youngjae nods in affirmation.
“He loves cheesecake. Serve him 3 slices.”
>>>
It’s almost 9 pm and Youngjae hasn’t heard Daehyun’s voice yet. He is sure that the guy hasn’t eaten anything since lunch. And this isn’t the typical Daehyun. The guy should have devoured the food before 7pm -- it’s in the schedule -- but the food Youngjae prepared has gone the way of a neglected bouquet of flowers, been like the flowers, slowly withering.
Youngjae paces back and forth, his mind debating whether to leave what he prepared outside the bedroom door or to check on Daehyun. Would he be crossing a line? But Daehyun needs to eat. Will Daehyun eat the food if leaves it on the dinner table?
“What to do?”
He walks back to his bedroom leaving the food on the dinner table because he has a test on Monday. He should be studying.
“Ugh.” He curses multiple times as he goes back to the kitchen. The food is staring at him with all its gloriousness, and the cheesecake is begging to be eaten. Damn it, dont look at me like that!
After much battling with himself, resisting a couple of times and giving in after, Youngjae curses again. “Fuck, this is harder than my Anatomy test.”
Youngjae, with an effort to make it as quiet as possible, knocks softly on Daehyun’s bedroom door. But though he makes sure it’ll be soft as a tap, the sound bangs in his ears and he cringes. He can’t take it back, it’s now or never.
>>>
“Daehyun, the food is ready, you can eat now, I’ll be at my room.”
Daehyun has the urge to scream at his employee but can’t find the energy to do so. He doesn’t have the appetite so he ignores it. Well, his helper will have the glory to throw them out tomorrow.
Daehyun spends his night mulling over the things he did years ago, Am I the worst person on Earth? Did I really deserve this? Will someone really love me despite my horrible face?
When it hits twelve, and his mood starts to brighten, he feels his stomach crumble in pain, he needs a midnight snack. He slowly lifts his body to open the door. He has a routine to keep his sanity intact but when he opens the door, his eyes widen, something in him rises up. His heart began to feel some warmth, a heat it has never experienced before.
You haven’t eaten yet, it’s so not you.
Hope everything will be okay.
-Youngjae
He opens the lid and upon seeing the cake, he hears his tummy grumble in response. As he takes a bite, it’s definitely the most delicious cheesecake he has ever tasted. And for the first time in two years, Daehyun’s lips form a curve.
>>>
When Youngjae wakes up, he sees a single red rose lying on his bedside table.
>>>
Daehyun has a secret. He tries to hide it when Youngjae is in his home, and he hopes no one will discover it or he won’t be able to continue doing it. It’s a a routine: the first time was an accident; the second time was curiosity; and the third time, he was addicted.
Youngjae's eyelashes are long, almost like a girl’s.
Daehyun knows this because he's been watching Youngjae sleep for the past week. At first, he forgot that there was a new person joining him in the house so when he came across the kitchen and saw the room behind it with a light, he peeked a little and noticed that there was someone sleeping. He watched him for a little while until he began to move, and to Daehyun’s horror, he ran away almost tripping on his way back to his room. The second time, he was curious as to how his new helper looked because he hadn’t been able to see his facial features fully.
Daehyun told himself, “This will be the last time,” so he peeked a little while the man was asleep. Everything was at risk because if ever Youngjae woke up and saw him, he’s sure Youngjae would scream and run off, not only because of how he looks but also because of how creepy it is for someone to watch you while you’re sleeping.
Daehyun promised himself this would be the last time, but promises are made to be broken. Because the moment Daehyun saw Youngjae’s face, something warmed his heart. And then he became addicted because somehow, he found solace when he watched how peaceful Youngjae seemed. And he felt normal.
He doesn’t want to stop doing it. Satisfaction is the prize he’s receiving when he sees Youngjae and he can’t do it when the guy is conscious. Who would want to see a horrible looking person? Who would want to be with a scary looking guy?
Daehyun wants everything to keep the way it is.
But something happens unexpectedly.
The house is silent as it is every morning when Youngjae wakes up from his slumber. Today, Youngjae unexpectedly gets a text from Himchan notifying him of the sudden cancellation of classes. It’s undoubtedly great news because Youngjae needs a couple of free hours before his final exams. More free time means added hours to his study session and a couple of minutes to sleep.
After making breakfast, he decides to take a nap.
Everything happens so fast, as if the minutes tick by more quickly than they are supposed to. Youngjae steps outside his bedroom, still yawning while rubbing his left eye. All he wants to do is to get some water from the kitchen, so he does, but unexpectedly someone’s in the kitchen too. He’d forgotten about the schedule.
And then Youngjae sees him.
Daehyun's eyes widen and panic sets in, the hot chocolate he just made pours into his hand while the mug shatters in the floor. He quickly rushes to his bedroom, not minding the pain his right hand is feeling.
All Daehyun wants to do is to hide himself, to hide his ugly face. He’s sure Youngjae is freaking out by now and probably the guy is already packing his things and preparing to storm out of the house. And it pains Daehyun. Everyone who manages to see him runs away. Everyone is afraid of him, terrified of how he looks. They are disgusted. There were people who screamed and called him a monster. Some even fainted.
Daehyun is shaking, is shivering from the fear, from the sorrow. He blames it on himself because of how horrible he became. He wants to scream and shout. He curls himself like a ball, because he is hopeless. He is a beast.
"Open the door."
Daehyun hears a voice outside of his room.
“Daehyun, open the door.”
He hears the voice again and it’s definitely not Mr. Kang.
"Damn it, Daehyun, open the door." Daehyun is convinced that it’s Youngjae. Really, everything is like a rollercoaster ride, Daehyun doesn’t know what to feel. Why is Youngjae not running away, why does Youngjae want to see him again? Why? Why? Why?
And then he can’t hear Youngjae anymore. Is he gone? Did he leave too?
A few heartbeats pass. Daehyun hears the door click. Youngjae is approaching him, and not a single trace of fear can be seen in Youngjae’s face.
This time, his heart picks up speed and the adrenaline kicks in. Youngjae is reaching out for him, his fingers trailing down his injured hand. Daehyun tries to jerk away from his touch but Youngjae tighten his hold onto his hand.
"Stay still,” Youngjae demands. “I need to know the extent of damage.”
"W-what?" Daehyun replies, shocked.
"I said, don’t move," Youngjae orders while inspecting the hand. “Good thing it wasn’t third degree burn.” Youngjae lets out a sigh of relief.
“Wait here,” Youngjae instructs again. “I need to get some ice.”
Youngjae leaves and Daehyun feels a certain pang in his heart. He doesn’t voice it out though -- that he doesn’t want Youngjae to leave because he’s afraid that if Youngjae leaves, he won’t be back -- but after less than a minute, Youngjae enters the room again, carrying a bucket full of cold water.
Youngjae strengthens his hold on Daehyun’s wrist. “Tell me if the pain subsides okay, I need to know.” Daehyun nods in reply.
It takes awhile before the pain will go away. Youngjae takes a moment to look into Daehyun’s face.Youngjae couldn’t really say he expected that Daehyun would look like this. He drew his own conclusions and thought Daehyun wouldn’t look ‘normal’ since he did not allow anybody aside from Mr. Kang to see him.
There are evident scars on Daehyun’s face. Just underneath Daehyun’s right eye are burn scars. It’s definitely not an attractive sight to see. No wonder people get scared. Youngjae offers a kind smile and continues to tend to Daehyun’s injury. Daehyun merely watches Youngae because it’s the only thing he can do.
It takes them around fifteen minutes when Daehyun softly replies that he can no longer feel the pain. Youngjae then covers the burn with a sterile gauze bandage and keeps air off the burn, reduces pain and protects blistered skin.
“If it continues to hurt, tell me, okay?” Youngjae says. “So I know if you need to take some pain relievers.”
“O.okay” Daehyun manages, suddenly turning away, heart hammering against his chest. “Are you not afraid?”
“Why would I be afraid?” Youngjae says casually while he stands up, shoulder moving upwards.
It’s barely a whisper but Youngjae manages to catch it:
“I’m ugly. I scare people.”
“Well you don’t scare me,” he says.
“Daehyun.” Youngjae says. Daehyun feels a shiver roaming down his spine and it’s quite an unfamiliar word travelling from Youngjae’s lips despite the numerous times the young male has uttered his name through the telephone. It’s atypical hearing his name and his stomach does this summersault.
Youngjae offers a smile, “I won’t leave. And you’re not ugly. You don’t scare me. Beauty is not found on the outside; it’s always on the inside.”
Youngjae picks up the bucket, the first aid kit and walks towards the door, “I made hot chocolate and there’s still some leftover cheesecake I made yesterday, and it’s lonely if I eat alone.” Youngjae says just before he leaves the room, “I’d be delighted if I can share them with someone.”
And the door softly shuts.
Daehyun’s heart speeds up. The pace going up and down, slow and then fast. It takes him a good five minutes for his heartbeat to calm down. He musters the courage to move away from his bed, cautiously taking small steps toward his door.
He takes unhurried steps and soon his feet are dragging him towards the kitchen.
He sees Youngjae sitting in the chair, a slice of cheesecake already on his plate and another plate just in front of Youngjae’s. He smells the aroma of the hot chocolate filling in his nostrils.
For the first time in two years, Daehyun is not eating alone.
He’s with someone. He’s with Youngjae.
>>>
Usually, friendship starts with a common interest, but Youngjae and Daehyun’s relationship isn’t even close to a common companionship. What started their friendship isn’t considered anordinary occurrence, because it began with a cockroach.
A flying cockroach.
To be exact.
After the hot chocolate incident, Daehyun still refuses to eat with Youngjae. Sure, a significant change happened but Daehyun still keeps to his room. But everything soon starts to change.
Screams echo through the doors and Youngjae almost spills the hot soup he’s making on himself. He dashes his way to Daehyun’s bedroom, stopping on his tracks when he reaches the door. He isn’t allowed to enter, right? That’s one of the rules and as a good employee, one must follow…
“Youngjae!”
The scream is so loud that Youngjae’s reflexes get the better of him. He robotically opens the door but still has the sanity to not step inside.
“What the fuck are you doing there? Come in here!” Daehyun demands.
“Are you sure? Because--”
“Just come here!”
And Youngjae enters.
“Whoah,” he says, taking into account every detail in the master bedroom, since he didn’t really have the chance to observe it back when he tended Daehyun’s injury. It’s pretty normal, not like what he imagined, and he settles for, “Your room is neat.”
“Kill him, kill him!” Daehyun begins to frantically scream as he pushes his body into the corner. Youngjae side eyes him, judging his employer from head to toe. He checks out something and he sees a cockroach just by the wall and he sighs.
“Seriously?” he says.
Daehyun angrily replies, “What?”
“Daehyun,” Youngjae says, “that thing can’t harm you.”
And the cockroach suddenly unleashes its wrath and starts to fly around Daehyun’s room.
“Jesus Christ Youngjae, kill it.” Daehyun orders again. “Kill it! Please.”
So Youngjae does, with his left slipper.
May you rest in peace, cockrochie.
“So.” Youngjae hands Daehyun a cup of hot chocolate.
Preparing the hot chocolate takes no more than five minutes but trying to explain to Daehyun that the bug is lying on the ground lifeless and can’t harm him in any matter possible takes almost an hour.
Daehyun is too horrified with the events that just transpired and getting out of his room is a challenge because what if there are others? What about its husband or wife -- or worse -- children?
Daehyun’s body is still shaking, the fear still lingering. “Not another word Youngjae,” Daehyun warns, stuttering, his voice failing him as he struggles to say the words. He slowly reaches for the cup. “I could have died.”
“Dae--”
“I said not a word.”
Youngjae let out a long distressed sigh, “Okay, okay, fine. But I need to sleep now. I have an early class tomorrow so goodnight and just put it in the sink, I’ll handle everything tomorrow.”
“I don’t want to sleep in my room.” It’s almost a whisper and Youngjae finds it hard to decipher what Daehyun has said.
“What?”
“I don’t want to sleep in my room. I can’t.”
Okay, so by now, Youngjae is trying hard not to laugh because the poor guy has already experienced a bad day. So with much difficulty hiding his laughter, he forces his body to shrug and he subsequently replies, “Then sleep in the guest room. Case closed.”
“No, Jae, you don’t understand. I can’t sleep there, either. I can’t sleep anywhere. What if there are small disgusting things around? Its husband? Grandparents? Children? Or other relatives. I’ll be dead by tomorrow.”
This is getting out of hand, and Youngjae can’t help but stifle a laughter because seriously, relatives?
“I’m sorry,” Youngjae manages to blurt out in between his laughter.
“I’ll sleep in your room.”
And the laughter dies instantaneously, and the horror on Youngjae’s face is outstanding.
>>>
Youngjae doesn’t like sleeping with someone in the same roomThere’s a persistent feeling of needing privacy that prevents him from sleeping in the same room with someone, much less sleeping in the same bed.
“I’ll take that side of the bed,” Daehyun says as he jumps into the mattress. He makes himself comfortable under the sheets in the safety that is Youngjae’s bed.
Youngjae would love to use one of the guest rooms -- there are plenty, but he can’t. Daehyun refused him that chance to escape.
You’re paying your debt, Youngjae. And I demand this of you. There’s no saying NO.
When that didn’t work, his boss guilt tripped him.
Okay, sleep in the guest room and leave me here but once there’s a tiny creature that will travel around your room, you’ll be the one in charge of my corpse.
Youngjae knows it’s exaggerated but what can he do?
He sighs.
“I thought you have an exam tomorrow? Aren’t you going to sleep? And one more thing, turn off the lights. I can’t sleep properly, too bright.”
Youngjae sighs again.
>>>
The sun is starting to shine, it’s probably six in the morning. According to the schedule, Youngjae should have already preparing breakfast but he forgets to set an alarm and Daehyun just doesn’t want to wake him up yet.
Daehyun's heart races as soon as he wakes up only to realize how close they are, Youngjae’s face is inches away from him. And Youngjae is more beautiful up close, he’s never been this close with him before, and his heart beat speeds up.
He lets himself stare as long as he wants. Youngjae won’t wake up, he knows. He’s breathing fine and Daehyun wonders if Youngjae is dreaming. And he is content to watch him, not minding the schedule, not minding breakfast, not minding the world.
Every time he watches Youngjae sleep, he feels elated; there’s something in him that wants to keep looking, to keep staring. And now, it’s the same but different all at once because he’s watching him sleep but he doesn’t need to do it secretly.
He smiles, again, the second time in 2 years.
How long can I continue to watch you?
Part 1: Beauty lies within
Once upon a time, in a land of the Morning Calm, an eighteen year old bachelor lives a life of gold. He has everything his heart desires, and will have everything his heart will require. Jung Daehyun may have been a superior precious stone that everyone wanted to have but not all jewels are perfect. Sometimes, because of the inherent beauty that can be seen by the naked eye, people fail to realize what’s wrong on the inside. Daehyun may have been given the perfect face, the flawless life - almost a prince in disguise -- but everything comes with a price. This near prince is selfish, spoiled and unkind. But what’s more alarming is that everyone around him treats him like a King, almost - all except for one.
But then, one regular day, all things start to change. When Jung Daehyun is walking towards the university because his limousine broke down (he mentally notes to himself he’ll have to fire his mechanic) a man grabs him by his arm and tries to rob him, but an old beggar man comes to his rescue, but instead of being grateful, Daehyun accuses the beggar of wanting to rob him, too.
Later that night, a person knocks on Daehyun’s abode; the beggar is asking for a piece of bread, but Daehyun warns his servants that no food shall be taken out of the house and no such beggar shall be within the vicinity of his house. It begins to rain, and the pitiful beggar cries for help in exchange for a precious necklace. Instead of warming up, Daehyun, repulsed by his haggard appearance, sneers at the gift, and asks his guards to throw the beggar away.
The beggar tries to free himself from the guards’ hold and before disappearing, he leaves a warning:
Appearances can deceive you, for Beauty is found within.
Appearance is just a façade and what’s within shall be the outer shell.
When the moon shines the brightest, you shall see, what’s inside you shall be revealed. You can only break the words when you learn to love another and earn a love in return
but if on your 21st birthday you shall not succeed
then the words will be permanent
and you’ll stay as ugly as a beast.
“He’s insane,” Daehyun declares and warns the guards to do their jobs properly. “I don’t want to see him anywhere near my house or eles you are all fired!”
Despite the warning, Daehyun refuses to believe, so he stayed as he is. And on the following night, the moon shines the brightest.
He wakes up and only to realize he lost everything.
He looks into the mirror and what he sees isn’t him.
With regret and sorrow, he decides to hide himself, conceal his horrible face. He’s more than persuaded that no one will love him. Two years has passed and still, he hasn’t changed.
And now, he only has a year. Will he be able to find someone?
>>>
It’s funny how fate decides to play with someone’s life. How it easily twists and turns someone’s destiny.
Youngjae has been living alone for the past year in their shabby old house with barely enough money to keep him alive. Lucky for him, he’s bright, or else he would have not won the college scholarship. His mother always said before she passed away when Youngjae was 10 that her son’s heart was big and kind. And it’s a problem because even though Youngjae has a golden heart, he is at a disadvantage because he let people manipulate him. And maybe, his kindness will be a contributing factor to his unhappiness. At a young age, little Youngjae couldn’t decipher what that meant but maybe he does now.
The letter has been delivered just today, a week before his birthday, but it was dated 2 years ago. It’s absurd how his father comes up with novel-like ideas expecting it’ll arrive exactly January 24th. Youngjae laughs at how pathetic the mailing service is but reads the letter anyways. Then, he wishes he didn’t because it is his dad’s last will, sort of. It’s his dad last - will, but not the typical last will. Youngjae’s family isn’t living luxuriously --they barely had enough to get by a day and Youngjae definitely knows his dad doesn’t have any hidden fortune.
Youngjae honestly struggles to read word per word and every word added to a sentence makes Youngjae’s heart sink. The memory of his father smiling to him before he bids his final goodbye is coming back to his mind.
But nonetheless, Youngjae continues to read it, his dad has told him through the letter words of forgiveness because he couldn’t give Youngjae the best thing in the world; words of gratitude, thanking Youngjae for being the best son; words of praise, wanting to let his son know how proud of a dad he is. Youngjae can’t help but cry. He misses his dad.
It takes some time before Youngjae continues to read and once again his heart sinks. The last words are vague but Youngjae is sure these words are his dad’s last message. The mourning ends too soon when the door swings open, startling him.
The funniest thing about fate is it doesn’t give you any warning when it wants something from you. All you have to do is to accept it as is.
“Are you Yoo’s son?”
“Yes?” Youngjae hesitantly says. The look on the stranger’s face isn’t all that reassuring, ike he knows something he's about to deliver a horrible message.
The words are terrifyingly simple, as if they are placed perfectly together to reach a common goal, “Your father left a huge debt.”
Youngjae isn’t the one to be afraid; they’ve got nothing. “Take whatever you want,” he thoughtlessly replies. All the men can do is to take what -- clothes? Feel free.
The man laughs in retort, mocking Youngjae. “We don’t want anything. We want you.”
Should he call the police? Can he dash all the way to the back door?
“According to the contract he signed, if he won’t be able to pay the debt. He’ll be working for it but he won’t be able to now, won’t he?”
Youngjae’s eyes widen because he clearly knows what they’re implying and --
“So you’re going to pay your father’s debt.”
The next thing Youngjae knows is that he is in unfamiliar place in the outskirts of Seoul.
“All you need to do is to clean the house, make breakfast, lunch and dinner. Feel free to use the rooms.”
The panicking would have ended a long time ago if the very first thing this old guy said was that Youngjae would just be a house helper. It would have saved them a lot of time and all the running and punching would have not happened. But all that is in the past and though a normal person needs to worry about his life, Youngjae thinks otherwise-- his mind is already calculating the distance from this place to his school. Based on Youngjae’s calculations, travel time will be an hour. He is thankful, more than thankful, because despite all things that are happening, he still has a place to live in and he can still continue to study. Right? Education is an important thing. He needs the scholarship. His parents wanted him to be a doctor so he’ll be one.
“Call me Mr. Kang. If you'll follow me, I'll show you to your room. Welcome to your new home.”
It isn’t all that welcoming.
“I assume you know how to drive? The car keys are hanging just beside the fridge. If there’s an emergency, use the car. I’ll be the one doing the grocery shopping. I left some cash in your drawer, in cases of emergency.”
Youngjae takes it all in, one by one, somewaht confused. He wonders how his dad is indebted to the man because as far as he remembers, his dad never wanted to live a life of gold. He is brought out of his trance when Mr. Kang speaks again.
"Here is the deal,” Mr. Kang says with a soft sigh at the end. “To be honest, no one wanted this job. Everybody is declining. We’ve already asked people outside Korea but they all quit without even getting their first paycheck.” Mr. Kang sighs heavily and Youngjae notices the hint of exhaustion.
Youngjae wonders just why? Is he going to take care of some criminal? An animal? A person with a terrifying desease?
“Just do what he says and if he is in a bad mood, be extra understanding because he needs it. All you have to do is to do the chores. You can still study while working, and we’ll give you an allowance, but make sure you come back. If you don’t -- well, we’ll hunt you down.”
Youngjae wants to laugh because he has given no other option. Of course, he needs to be in this place, he needs to settle his father's debt or else his life won't be peaceful and he cannot hide. What can little Youngjae do? Hide? That's funny.
“Here’s a phone. Daehyun will call you if he needs anything. The schedule is posted on your room. Make sure you abide by it.”
So his name is Daehyun. Youngjae knows he hears the name before but cannot pin point as to when and where, he decides he'll just try to remember later.
Youngjae tries to see the better things, the slightest positive moments in all the negativity. It’s one of his best assets that makes him qualified to be put to so many life changing tests. Sometimes, Youngjae thinks his best qualities are also the worst.
“I’ll visit every once in a while. He -- Daehyun -- isn’t a people person,” Mr. Kang adds, and then he bids goodbye.
Now Youngjae is alone, and has to take care of someone who lives by the name of Daehyun. But he doesn’t mull over how pathetic his life has become -- suddenly being indebted for the decisions he didn’t make while having no one to support him, living as an an orphan. Youngjae sees the positives in all the negativity surrounding him because now he gets to live in a big house with a continuous flow of food and maybe there’s free wifi and cable too. That doesn’t sound too bad, does it?
What then welcomes him as he unlocks his bedroom door is a haven; the room he has been given is spacious, definitely bigger than what he has back home. It isn’t a surprise. The house is humongous, and it’s twice, no thrice or even four - five times bigger than Youngjae’s, but he can’t helped but be at awe. How lucky the person who owns this house must be. He sees a sturdy desk and there’s even a bookshelf too, and excitement begins to replace his apprehension.. It’s definitely not that bad.
>>>
But it’s silent.
It’s all hushed.
Youngjae once argued that silence cannot in any manner be deafening, but his best friend, Himchan, insists silence is a very scary occurrence. He doesn’t want to admit it but for the first time, Himchan is right because today Youngjae has proof of it; utter silence is really deafening.
So Youngjae starts to unpack to bring some noise into the house. It’s a simple task, a matter of folding and arranging his clothes in his drawers and putting away his toiletries in the bathroom. It is done in just a couple of minutes, no sweat wasted. He places the only framed photo of his family on top of his desk, but he has no time to travel to memory lane as the schedule posted captures his attention.
He reads it and is quite impressed but he’s weirded out a little bit because of how it specifically lays out the time Youngjae must be out of the house and how meticulous and strict it seems but he is sure he can abide by it. Is there some kind of monster in this house that is unleashed during the hours after dark?
Youngjae shrugs and continues to read the rest of the notes. They’re just about food, on what to and what not to cook. It’s pretty simple and easy to deal with. Not much of a hassle. He slowly makes his way out of the room to inspect the rest of the place. It’s big and modern and the furniture is all well-made, maybe some are imported from other countries. But the house has a different feel too. There’s an aura of sadness, and Youngjae wonders why.
Cook a meal for three, do the laundry regularly, always serve dessert.
It's a fairly easy task.
There’s a library and a game room. Boy, the owner of this house is surely a hell of a rich man. And Youngjae wonders why the past helpers decided to leave; this is a peaceful and cozy house to live in.
After tourning the some of the rooms, Youngjae decides to spend his first hours sprawled on his bed. There aren’t any dirty clothes to wash, nor spots in the house to be cleaned. Seriously, if this will be a regular thing, it isn’t paying a debt, it’s living a bum life.
So he lies on his bed and promises not to fall asleep.
He falls asleep.
But then there’s something so noisy that interrupts Youngjae’s slumber. He is sure it isn’t an alarm because he didn’t set one up. It’s a Sunday, so he doesn’t have to be up for some lectures or quizzes.
“What the fuck is that noise?” Youngjae grumbles while he tries to lift himself up to locate the nonstop noise.
With half lidded eyes, and half awake brain, Youngjae manages to realize it’s a phone that’s ringing, he answers, “Hello, why the fu..”
“Where is the food?”
“Huh?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be making the food?”
“Food?” Youngjae asks, unsure why the hell he needs to be preparing food, he could have just bought something in the nearby store. And why the hell is this man yelling at him through the phone?
“It’s your first day and you’re slacking off. Go and make some food.”
“What the hell is wrong with..” Oh my God. Youngjae realizes. Oh my God.
And Youngjae makes the most delicious food he can come up with in 15 minutes. Luckily he was a fan of Rachel Ray's 15 minute meal before. He sets aside the first degree burns his skin suffers from all his cramming and the small cut on his left pointy finger due to his panicking. At last, it's finished.
He dials in the number.
“Uhm, hello?” he tries.
“What?”
“Dinner is served.”
There’s a laugh on the other end of line.
“I’m not hungry anymore. Throw it in the trash.”
"Wha--"
And the line goes beep beep beep.
>>>
The second day, Youngjae luckily remembers he has a job and his day starts off perfectly well. He prepares breakfast for an hour, but in the end what he serves are plainly bacon and eggs -- what took a lot of his time was him contemplating whether to make the meal edible or not.
Sadly, he chose the first one.
According to the schedule, he needs to leave before the clock hits seven in the morning. Is he some kind of Cinderella? It’s 6:45 and his classes start at 9, and that’s pretty long time but he doesn’t complain. Rules are rules so adios Mr. Rude Boy.
But well, Youngjae has a big heart. When Daehyun wakes up, rude boy sees the food perfectly plated with a note:
Since it was a written that I can’t return home until 5pm,
your lunch is in the fridge, just use the microwave. You know how to use it, right?
-Youngjae
“He knows how to use the microwave, right?” Youngjae asks suddenly over their lunch break.
“What?” Himchan asks, stunned. He isn’t aware that Youngjae works for someone and he’s pretty sure Youngjae is an orphan and that Youngjae doesn’t date anyone.
“What if he doesn’t know how to microwave?” Youngjae asks again and Himchan looks at him worriedly.
“Yoo Youngjae, are you on drugs?”
“Oh my god, what if he doesn’t know how to freaking use the microwave?”
“I’m taking you to the doctor.”
Youngjae excuses himself and goes to the nearest bathroom, he dials in the number. He needs to make sure. Upon a couple of rings, finally, the line picks up. “Uhm, hello?” Youngjae asks.
“What?”
“Have you seen the food in the fridge?” He asks.
“Yeah.”
“Do you know, uhm, well, perhaps, how to microwave?”
“I’m not an idiot. Of course I know.”
“Because, I’m just---”
And the line goes beep beep beep beep beep again.
Youngjae has been accustomed to his schedule and the beep beep beep sound. He leaves after he serves breakfast and goes home before dinner. He always leaves something so his boss can just microwave his food for lunch. He doesn’t forget to write small notes on the side.
I’ll clean everything once I’m back.
I hope you have a good day.
Just call when you need something.
I’ll buy a chocolate cake later.
>>>
It has been a week and Youngjae has been alternating his study and work. And who would have thought that Youngjae lives better now than in those past two years that he's alone. At least now, he has someone with him. Who he hasnt seen ever since but that is beside the point. Youngjae is feeling happy.
He has heard his boss’s voice when he’s rudely demanding something, as always, over the phone. Sometimes he sees him on his peripheral view but not for more than 2 seconds. He still doesn’t have an idea to what his boss looks like, not that it truly mattered, but it is a little troubling not knowing the face of the one you’re serving. Curiosity is killing him.
Mr. Kang visits him again this week and the old guy looks genuinely happy to see Youngjae still living in the house. It’s a Saturday and that means it’s Youngjaes time to clean, do the laundry and pretty much anything else he wants inside the house. Youngjae calls it free time. Mr. Kang joins Youngjae for lunch after they both stacked the cabinets for the newly bought groceries.
“Why won’t Daehyun join us?”
“He’s not a people person.” Mr. Kang replies strictly and Youngjae notices it’s the end of the topic.
He doesn’t tell much about their boss and the questions raised by Youngjae are always answered vaguely. He thanks Youngjae after he finishes his lunch, and he also hands him an envelope too.
Today, Mr. Kang visits Daehyun inside his bedroom. And to Youngjae’s delight, he sees a stash of cash in the envelope and he wonders again, if this jobs pays this much, why would people just leave? To celebrate, he tries something new as he takes out the cookbook Himchan has brought for him a couple of days ago, reminding him it's not healthy to microwave food. He checks the cupboard to see if they have enough ingredients and to his delight, there’s more than enough.
And Youngjae spends his time making a new menu.
“Let’s make some blueberry cheesecake.”
>>>
It’s not all very reassuring when someone with a normal face and a normal life tells you everything will be alright.
Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay.
“Daehyun. You need to go out of this house.”
Daehyun feels as if Mr. Kang is telling a joke that involves him. Go out? Who is he kidding?
“You need to find the one who will love you.”
The words are uttered in a simple manner as if the goal is easy to achieve. Daehyun wants to laugh his anger out and at the same time punch Mr. Kang for his silliness. Love? That’s bullshit.
Everything was fine, was perfect, everything was Jung Daehyun. The boys wanted to be like him, the girls swooned over him. He was perfect, he was flawless. Jung Daehyun was the Jung Daehyun but everything disappeared in just one night.
Everything now is gone, ripped from him only to leave scars, burned marks, black disgusting spots marring his once perfect face. He has tried everything, even plastic surgery but the same scars would come back after every operation so he stopped or they get worse.
Friends won’t be able to recognize him. His family left him; he only has his uncle who continues to help him but he’s sure Mr. Kang is also horror-struck with him. If he weren’t, he would be the one taking care of him not some helper he hired.
Daehyun pities himself. When he looks into the mirror, he doesn’t even recognize himself.
He is a monster.
He is a beast.
How long has it been since he was cursed? 6 months 1 year? He refuses to remember, he refuses to believe, but every time he sees himself in front of the mirror, he always remembers.
On your 21st birthday…
What are the odds? He only has a year. But he doesn’t care now though because who would dare to love someone who is uglier than a beast?
“Daehyun, let me help you. It’s your birthday soon, if you want to return back to your old self, you need to find someone Daehyun, please.”
Daehyun laughs.
“Get out,” he says, but Mr. Kang refuses to stand up from his spot. “I said, get out now.”
And Mr. Kang does but before he closes the door, he says, “Daehyun, I know, someone is out there for you, the one that will truly love you.”
And the door closes with a loud thud.
Love? Me?
“No one will love me.” Daehyun’s voice is muffled by his pillow while tears stream down from his eyes. “Why me?”
Youngjae hears the loud bang of the door and he almost drops the tray he is holding. A little over a minute later, Mr. Kang is bidding him goodbye, telling him that he’ll be back again next week.
“Is that cheesecake?” Mr. Kang asks before leaving the dining room. Youngjae nods in affirmation.
“He loves cheesecake. Serve him 3 slices.”
>>>
It’s almost 9 pm and Youngjae hasn’t heard Daehyun’s voice yet. He is sure that the guy hasn’t eaten anything since lunch. And this isn’t the typical Daehyun. The guy should have devoured the food before 7pm -- it’s in the schedule -- but the food Youngjae prepared has gone the way of a neglected bouquet of flowers, been like the flowers, slowly withering.
Youngjae paces back and forth, his mind debating whether to leave what he prepared outside the bedroom door or to check on Daehyun. Would he be crossing a line? But Daehyun needs to eat. Will Daehyun eat the food if leaves it on the dinner table?
“What to do?”
He walks back to his bedroom leaving the food on the dinner table because he has a test on Monday. He should be studying.
“Ugh.” He curses multiple times as he goes back to the kitchen. The food is staring at him with all its gloriousness, and the cheesecake is begging to be eaten. Damn it, dont look at me like that!
After much battling with himself, resisting a couple of times and giving in after, Youngjae curses again. “Fuck, this is harder than my Anatomy test.”
Youngjae, with an effort to make it as quiet as possible, knocks softly on Daehyun’s bedroom door. But though he makes sure it’ll be soft as a tap, the sound bangs in his ears and he cringes. He can’t take it back, it’s now or never.
>>>
“Daehyun, the food is ready, you can eat now, I’ll be at my room.”
Daehyun has the urge to scream at his employee but can’t find the energy to do so. He doesn’t have the appetite so he ignores it. Well, his helper will have the glory to throw them out tomorrow.
Daehyun spends his night mulling over the things he did years ago, Am I the worst person on Earth? Did I really deserve this? Will someone really love me despite my horrible face?
When it hits twelve, and his mood starts to brighten, he feels his stomach crumble in pain, he needs a midnight snack. He slowly lifts his body to open the door. He has a routine to keep his sanity intact but when he opens the door, his eyes widen, something in him rises up. His heart began to feel some warmth, a heat it has never experienced before.
You haven’t eaten yet, it’s so not you.
Hope everything will be okay.
-Youngjae
He opens the lid and upon seeing the cake, he hears his tummy grumble in response. As he takes a bite, it’s definitely the most delicious cheesecake he has ever tasted. And for the first time in two years, Daehyun’s lips form a curve.
>>>
When Youngjae wakes up, he sees a single red rose lying on his bedside table.
>>>
Daehyun has a secret. He tries to hide it when Youngjae is in his home, and he hopes no one will discover it or he won’t be able to continue doing it. It’s a a routine: the first time was an accident; the second time was curiosity; and the third time, he was addicted.
Youngjae's eyelashes are long, almost like a girl’s.
Daehyun knows this because he's been watching Youngjae sleep for the past week. At first, he forgot that there was a new person joining him in the house so when he came across the kitchen and saw the room behind it with a light, he peeked a little and noticed that there was someone sleeping. He watched him for a little while until he began to move, and to Daehyun’s horror, he ran away almost tripping on his way back to his room. The second time, he was curious as to how his new helper looked because he hadn’t been able to see his facial features fully.
Daehyun told himself, “This will be the last time,” so he peeked a little while the man was asleep. Everything was at risk because if ever Youngjae woke up and saw him, he’s sure Youngjae would scream and run off, not only because of how he looks but also because of how creepy it is for someone to watch you while you’re sleeping.
Daehyun promised himself this would be the last time, but promises are made to be broken. Because the moment Daehyun saw Youngjae’s face, something warmed his heart. And then he became addicted because somehow, he found solace when he watched how peaceful Youngjae seemed. And he felt normal.
He doesn’t want to stop doing it. Satisfaction is the prize he’s receiving when he sees Youngjae and he can’t do it when the guy is conscious. Who would want to see a horrible looking person? Who would want to be with a scary looking guy?
Daehyun wants everything to keep the way it is.
But something happens unexpectedly.
The house is silent as it is every morning when Youngjae wakes up from his slumber. Today, Youngjae unexpectedly gets a text from Himchan notifying him of the sudden cancellation of classes. It’s undoubtedly great news because Youngjae needs a couple of free hours before his final exams. More free time means added hours to his study session and a couple of minutes to sleep.
After making breakfast, he decides to take a nap.
Everything happens so fast, as if the minutes tick by more quickly than they are supposed to. Youngjae steps outside his bedroom, still yawning while rubbing his left eye. All he wants to do is to get some water from the kitchen, so he does, but unexpectedly someone’s in the kitchen too. He’d forgotten about the schedule.
And then Youngjae sees him.
Daehyun's eyes widen and panic sets in, the hot chocolate he just made pours into his hand while the mug shatters in the floor. He quickly rushes to his bedroom, not minding the pain his right hand is feeling.
All Daehyun wants to do is to hide himself, to hide his ugly face. He’s sure Youngjae is freaking out by now and probably the guy is already packing his things and preparing to storm out of the house. And it pains Daehyun. Everyone who manages to see him runs away. Everyone is afraid of him, terrified of how he looks. They are disgusted. There were people who screamed and called him a monster. Some even fainted.
Daehyun is shaking, is shivering from the fear, from the sorrow. He blames it on himself because of how horrible he became. He wants to scream and shout. He curls himself like a ball, because he is hopeless. He is a beast.
"Open the door."
Daehyun hears a voice outside of his room.
“Daehyun, open the door.”
He hears the voice again and it’s definitely not Mr. Kang.
"Damn it, Daehyun, open the door." Daehyun is convinced that it’s Youngjae. Really, everything is like a rollercoaster ride, Daehyun doesn’t know what to feel. Why is Youngjae not running away, why does Youngjae want to see him again? Why? Why? Why?
And then he can’t hear Youngjae anymore. Is he gone? Did he leave too?
A few heartbeats pass. Daehyun hears the door click. Youngjae is approaching him, and not a single trace of fear can be seen in Youngjae’s face.
This time, his heart picks up speed and the adrenaline kicks in. Youngjae is reaching out for him, his fingers trailing down his injured hand. Daehyun tries to jerk away from his touch but Youngjae tighten his hold onto his hand.
"Stay still,” Youngjae demands. “I need to know the extent of damage.”
"W-what?" Daehyun replies, shocked.
"I said, don’t move," Youngjae orders while inspecting the hand. “Good thing it wasn’t third degree burn.” Youngjae lets out a sigh of relief.
“Wait here,” Youngjae instructs again. “I need to get some ice.”
Youngjae leaves and Daehyun feels a certain pang in his heart. He doesn’t voice it out though -- that he doesn’t want Youngjae to leave because he’s afraid that if Youngjae leaves, he won’t be back -- but after less than a minute, Youngjae enters the room again, carrying a bucket full of cold water.
Youngjae strengthens his hold on Daehyun’s wrist. “Tell me if the pain subsides okay, I need to know.” Daehyun nods in reply.
It takes awhile before the pain will go away. Youngjae takes a moment to look into Daehyun’s face.Youngjae couldn’t really say he expected that Daehyun would look like this. He drew his own conclusions and thought Daehyun wouldn’t look ‘normal’ since he did not allow anybody aside from Mr. Kang to see him.
There are evident scars on Daehyun’s face. Just underneath Daehyun’s right eye are burn scars. It’s definitely not an attractive sight to see. No wonder people get scared. Youngjae offers a kind smile and continues to tend to Daehyun’s injury. Daehyun merely watches Youngae because it’s the only thing he can do.
It takes them around fifteen minutes when Daehyun softly replies that he can no longer feel the pain. Youngjae then covers the burn with a sterile gauze bandage and keeps air off the burn, reduces pain and protects blistered skin.
“If it continues to hurt, tell me, okay?” Youngjae says. “So I know if you need to take some pain relievers.”
“O.okay” Daehyun manages, suddenly turning away, heart hammering against his chest. “Are you not afraid?”
“Why would I be afraid?” Youngjae says casually while he stands up, shoulder moving upwards.
It’s barely a whisper but Youngjae manages to catch it:
“I’m ugly. I scare people.”
“Well you don’t scare me,” he says.
“Daehyun.” Youngjae says. Daehyun feels a shiver roaming down his spine and it’s quite an unfamiliar word travelling from Youngjae’s lips despite the numerous times the young male has uttered his name through the telephone. It’s atypical hearing his name and his stomach does this summersault.
Youngjae offers a smile, “I won’t leave. And you’re not ugly. You don’t scare me. Beauty is not found on the outside; it’s always on the inside.”
Youngjae picks up the bucket, the first aid kit and walks towards the door, “I made hot chocolate and there’s still some leftover cheesecake I made yesterday, and it’s lonely if I eat alone.” Youngjae says just before he leaves the room, “I’d be delighted if I can share them with someone.”
And the door softly shuts.
Daehyun’s heart speeds up. The pace going up and down, slow and then fast. It takes him a good five minutes for his heartbeat to calm down. He musters the courage to move away from his bed, cautiously taking small steps toward his door.
He takes unhurried steps and soon his feet are dragging him towards the kitchen.
He sees Youngjae sitting in the chair, a slice of cheesecake already on his plate and another plate just in front of Youngjae’s. He smells the aroma of the hot chocolate filling in his nostrils.
For the first time in two years, Daehyun is not eating alone.
He’s with someone. He’s with Youngjae.
>>>
Usually, friendship starts with a common interest, but Youngjae and Daehyun’s relationship isn’t even close to a common companionship. What started their friendship isn’t considered anordinary occurrence, because it began with a cockroach.
A flying cockroach.
To be exact.
After the hot chocolate incident, Daehyun still refuses to eat with Youngjae. Sure, a significant change happened but Daehyun still keeps to his room. But everything soon starts to change.
Screams echo through the doors and Youngjae almost spills the hot soup he’s making on himself. He dashes his way to Daehyun’s bedroom, stopping on his tracks when he reaches the door. He isn’t allowed to enter, right? That’s one of the rules and as a good employee, one must follow…
“Youngjae!”
The scream is so loud that Youngjae’s reflexes get the better of him. He robotically opens the door but still has the sanity to not step inside.
“What the fuck are you doing there? Come in here!” Daehyun demands.
“Are you sure? Because--”
“Just come here!”
And Youngjae enters.
“Whoah,” he says, taking into account every detail in the master bedroom, since he didn’t really have the chance to observe it back when he tended Daehyun’s injury. It’s pretty normal, not like what he imagined, and he settles for, “Your room is neat.”
“Kill him, kill him!” Daehyun begins to frantically scream as he pushes his body into the corner. Youngjae side eyes him, judging his employer from head to toe. He checks out something and he sees a cockroach just by the wall and he sighs.
“Seriously?” he says.
Daehyun angrily replies, “What?”
“Daehyun,” Youngjae says, “that thing can’t harm you.”
And the cockroach suddenly unleashes its wrath and starts to fly around Daehyun’s room.
“Jesus Christ Youngjae, kill it.” Daehyun orders again. “Kill it! Please.”
So Youngjae does, with his left slipper.
May you rest in peace, cockrochie.
“So.” Youngjae hands Daehyun a cup of hot chocolate.
Preparing the hot chocolate takes no more than five minutes but trying to explain to Daehyun that the bug is lying on the ground lifeless and can’t harm him in any matter possible takes almost an hour.
Daehyun is too horrified with the events that just transpired and getting out of his room is a challenge because what if there are others? What about its husband or wife -- or worse -- children?
Daehyun’s body is still shaking, the fear still lingering. “Not another word Youngjae,” Daehyun warns, stuttering, his voice failing him as he struggles to say the words. He slowly reaches for the cup. “I could have died.”
“Dae--”
“I said not a word.”
Youngjae let out a long distressed sigh, “Okay, okay, fine. But I need to sleep now. I have an early class tomorrow so goodnight and just put it in the sink, I’ll handle everything tomorrow.”
“I don’t want to sleep in my room.” It’s almost a whisper and Youngjae finds it hard to decipher what Daehyun has said.
“What?”
“I don’t want to sleep in my room. I can’t.”
Okay, so by now, Youngjae is trying hard not to laugh because the poor guy has already experienced a bad day. So with much difficulty hiding his laughter, he forces his body to shrug and he subsequently replies, “Then sleep in the guest room. Case closed.”
“No, Jae, you don’t understand. I can’t sleep there, either. I can’t sleep anywhere. What if there are small disgusting things around? Its husband? Grandparents? Children? Or other relatives. I’ll be dead by tomorrow.”
This is getting out of hand, and Youngjae can’t help but stifle a laughter because seriously, relatives?
“I’m sorry,” Youngjae manages to blurt out in between his laughter.
“I’ll sleep in your room.”
And the laughter dies instantaneously, and the horror on Youngjae’s face is outstanding.
>>>
Youngjae doesn’t like sleeping with someone in the same roomThere’s a persistent feeling of needing privacy that prevents him from sleeping in the same room with someone, much less sleeping in the same bed.
“I’ll take that side of the bed,” Daehyun says as he jumps into the mattress. He makes himself comfortable under the sheets in the safety that is Youngjae’s bed.
Youngjae would love to use one of the guest rooms -- there are plenty, but he can’t. Daehyun refused him that chance to escape.
You’re paying your debt, Youngjae. And I demand this of you. There’s no saying NO.
When that didn’t work, his boss guilt tripped him.
Okay, sleep in the guest room and leave me here but once there’s a tiny creature that will travel around your room, you’ll be the one in charge of my corpse.
Youngjae knows it’s exaggerated but what can he do?
He sighs.
“I thought you have an exam tomorrow? Aren’t you going to sleep? And one more thing, turn off the lights. I can’t sleep properly, too bright.”
Youngjae sighs again.
>>>
The sun is starting to shine, it’s probably six in the morning. According to the schedule, Youngjae should have already preparing breakfast but he forgets to set an alarm and Daehyun just doesn’t want to wake him up yet.
Daehyun's heart races as soon as he wakes up only to realize how close they are, Youngjae’s face is inches away from him. And Youngjae is more beautiful up close, he’s never been this close with him before, and his heart beat speeds up.
He lets himself stare as long as he wants. Youngjae won’t wake up, he knows. He’s breathing fine and Daehyun wonders if Youngjae is dreaming. And he is content to watch him, not minding the schedule, not minding breakfast, not minding the world.
Every time he watches Youngjae sleep, he feels elated; there’s something in him that wants to keep looking, to keep staring. And now, it’s the same but different all at once because he’s watching him sleep but he doesn’t need to do it secretly.
He smiles, again, the second time in 2 years.
How long can I continue to watch you?