Fic: Gay Chicken: Don/Coop
Title: Gay Chicken
Fandom: Numb3rs
Characters: Don/Coop
Rating: R
Warnings: Vulgar sexual statements
Word Count: 1160
Disclaimer: Not mine, only borrowing, just fun, no infringement intended
A/N: More gay chicken for sororcula
Gay chicken is originally from Scrubs. As far as I can tell, it's supposed to be a more obvious form of chicken where two guys move to kiss each other, but I wanted to make it a verbal sparring match as well. Gay chicken is king!
“Billy?”
Coop kept his attention focused on the gun set out in front of him on the desk. He had carefully cleaned each piece, and it was time to put it back together. "Yeah?"
“I’m fucking horny.”
“Well, why don’t you let me suck you off, sweetheart?”
There was a long pause and then, “What the fuck, dude?”
Coop turned around in the chair and looked at the recent addition to his one-man team. Don Eppes. Dark-haired smug brat. Always thought he had the answers. In that moment, though, Coop rejoiced at having the upper hand, the young agent’s face twisted in horror and disgust.
“Relax, princess, it’s gay chicken.”
“Huh?”
Coop rolled his eyes. “Gay chicken. Like regular chicken, only instead of being the last one to put on the brakes, it’s who can queer it up the longest. And you lose.”
“Billy?”
Coop turned a page in the porno mag. Nice tits on that one. “Yeah?”
“I’m horny. Suck my cock?”
Coop fought to hide his smile. He’d clearly laid out the rules that facial reactions other than eyebrow-wiggling, lip-licking, and air-kissing were automatic forfeitures. “Promise to fuck my throat?”
When Don didn’t respond, Coop looked up at him. Don was stuck in headlights. “Sure, why not?”
Coop scoffed. “And you just gave me a limp dick, kid.”
“Sounds like a personal problem.”
“Dude, you really suck at gay chicken.” He flipped to the next page. “I win.”
“How is that a win?”
“How the hell is it not?”
“Billy?”
Coop looked away from the TV screen. Don stood in the middle of the room in a fuzzy white hotel robe. “Yeah?”
He pulled open the robe, buck naked underneath, and grabbed his cock. “Gay chicken this.”
Coop busted out laughing, despite his face being twisted in shock. “And the point goes to Eppes.”
“Billy?”
Coop pulled two burritos out of the gas station freezer. “Yeah?”
“Seriously, forget gay chicken for a second. What if - and I’m just saying this hypothetically - but let’s say you did suck me off tonight…”
“That’s cool, man.”
“Really?” Don kept his voice low. “You’ll go down on me?”
“Sure. I mean, as long as I get to play with your ass. Not trying to be vulgar; it’s just that, when I’ve got a big cock in my mouth, I like to stick my fingers up the guy’s asshole.”
Don swallowed. “Promise? ‘Cause that’s what I love. Especially if it’s three fingers.”
“Honey, you’ll get my fist.”
Don made it three seconds before his face contorted in horror. “Oh, Jesus, Coop.”
“I win again.”
“Fuck the win; I’m not going to be able to eat now.”
“Billy?”
Coop shot the ball into the pocket and then looked up from the pool table. “Yeah?”
“I was thinking about what you said. About fisting?”
“Yeah?”
“I like it without lube.” Don bent over to take his shot, and Coop whistled.
“I think you might need it, though, for two.” The pool cue skidded over the top of the ball.
“I think that might be a disqualification, kid.”
“Nah, I love getting ripped like that. Especially if you fuck me and feltch when you're done.”
Coop was a second away from cracking and losing the round.
“Hey!” shouted a deep voice, and they turned to see a burly man in a plaid shirt and trucker cap. Fuck, they really were in the Midwest. “You guys a bunch of fags?”
In the calmest, most non-confrontational voice, Coop clearly stated, “Yes, sir, we do love cock.”
The man went to throw a punch, but Coop grabbed his wrist and kicked him squarely right where it counts. Two other men - friends of the guy grabbing his balls, no doubt - rose from their seats and flew at Coop. The FBI agent ducked, kicked Tweedle-Dee’s legs out from underneath him, and sent a right-hook to Tweedle-Dum’s face.
Coop put a hand on his popped-out hip and said in his best imitation of an effeminate man, “You can fuck my ass, but you can’t kick it.” He spun around and glared at Don. “Normally, I’d take the point for this round, but I think I have to declare you the winner.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. Don’t think I’ve ever seen a bigger pussy. Do you stand with your thumb up your ass during every fight?”
“Billy?”
Coop turned the channel from his spot in the bed. They were living it up tonight - hotel and with two full-sized beds. “Yeah?”
“I’m horny; I’m going to jerk off.” To prove that he wasn’t going half-assed on this round, Don pulled down his sweatpants and took his cock in his hand.
Coop almost lost it. That could have been the end right there. He thought maybe this violated some law of gay chicken, but he hadn’t stated it in the beginning. Kid was a real piece of work.
“Well, how convenient is this? I was going to jerk off, too.” Tit for tat, Coop pulled out his own cock. It was weird as hell to be sitting a few feet from his partner as they both of them rubbed one out, but the TV was already set on a fuzzy Cinemax channel playing softcore, and he was able to focus his attention on that.
Before too much longer, Don was back at trying to up the ante. “Mmm, I could really go for sticking this in a nice, tight ass right about now.”
Coop met and raised. “Heh, forget that. Like to have a big cock up my ass and get a rough reach-around. Work it like this.” Coop hoped that Don, out of curiosity, would look over and then break, but he kept his eyes forward at the screen, clearly uncomfortable. Coop did the only thing he could; he went to his happiest place, and as the need to come rose, he moaned and grunted. Don tried to show him up, the both of them crying out, but then Coop went in for the kill.
“Oh, fuck, Don! Yes, Donnie. Oh, God, yes!” he screamed, trying with all his might to not laugh, as he came over himself. He looked over, and Don sat with his eyes to the wall, shaking his head, hands on his knees; his cock was limp, and he tucked it back into his sweatpants.
“You’re a real bastard; you know that, right?”
“What I am is a winner.”
“Yeah, well, fuck you and your win. I actually was horny; I really needed to get off tonight. Now you’ve permanently scarred the portion of my brain that handles jerking off. I’m irreparably damaged, Coop.”
“Yeah, yeah, stop being a sore loser.”
“Billy?”
Coop, bags packed in the back of the SUV, stopped unlocking the driver-side door and looked at his former partner. “Yeah?”
Don grabbed him and kissed him hard on the mouth.
When Don pulled away, Coop stared shocked at him for several long seconds. “Okay, yeah, you definitely win this round.”
“I wasn’t playing.”
Fandom: Numb3rs
Characters: Don/Coop
Rating: R
Warnings: Vulgar sexual statements
Word Count: 1160
Disclaimer: Not mine, only borrowing, just fun, no infringement intended
A/N: More gay chicken for sororcula
Gay chicken is originally from Scrubs. As far as I can tell, it's supposed to be a more obvious form of chicken where two guys move to kiss each other, but I wanted to make it a verbal sparring match as well. Gay chicken is king!
“Billy?”
Coop kept his attention focused on the gun set out in front of him on the desk. He had carefully cleaned each piece, and it was time to put it back together. "Yeah?"
“I’m fucking horny.”
“Well, why don’t you let me suck you off, sweetheart?”
There was a long pause and then, “What the fuck, dude?”
Coop turned around in the chair and looked at the recent addition to his one-man team. Don Eppes. Dark-haired smug brat. Always thought he had the answers. In that moment, though, Coop rejoiced at having the upper hand, the young agent’s face twisted in horror and disgust.
“Relax, princess, it’s gay chicken.”
“Huh?”
Coop rolled his eyes. “Gay chicken. Like regular chicken, only instead of being the last one to put on the brakes, it’s who can queer it up the longest. And you lose.”
“Billy?”
Coop turned a page in the porno mag. Nice tits on that one. “Yeah?”
“I’m horny. Suck my cock?”
Coop fought to hide his smile. He’d clearly laid out the rules that facial reactions other than eyebrow-wiggling, lip-licking, and air-kissing were automatic forfeitures. “Promise to fuck my throat?”
When Don didn’t respond, Coop looked up at him. Don was stuck in headlights. “Sure, why not?”
Coop scoffed. “And you just gave me a limp dick, kid.”
“Sounds like a personal problem.”
“Dude, you really suck at gay chicken.” He flipped to the next page. “I win.”
“How is that a win?”
“How the hell is it not?”
“Billy?”
Coop looked away from the TV screen. Don stood in the middle of the room in a fuzzy white hotel robe. “Yeah?”
He pulled open the robe, buck naked underneath, and grabbed his cock. “Gay chicken this.”
Coop busted out laughing, despite his face being twisted in shock. “And the point goes to Eppes.”
“Billy?”
Coop pulled two burritos out of the gas station freezer. “Yeah?”
“Seriously, forget gay chicken for a second. What if - and I’m just saying this hypothetically - but let’s say you did suck me off tonight…”
“That’s cool, man.”
“Really?” Don kept his voice low. “You’ll go down on me?”
“Sure. I mean, as long as I get to play with your ass. Not trying to be vulgar; it’s just that, when I’ve got a big cock in my mouth, I like to stick my fingers up the guy’s asshole.”
Don swallowed. “Promise? ‘Cause that’s what I love. Especially if it’s three fingers.”
“Honey, you’ll get my fist.”
Don made it three seconds before his face contorted in horror. “Oh, Jesus, Coop.”
“I win again.”
“Fuck the win; I’m not going to be able to eat now.”
“Billy?”
Coop shot the ball into the pocket and then looked up from the pool table. “Yeah?”
“I was thinking about what you said. About fisting?”
“Yeah?”
“I like it without lube.” Don bent over to take his shot, and Coop whistled.
“I think you might need it, though, for two.” The pool cue skidded over the top of the ball.
“I think that might be a disqualification, kid.”
“Nah, I love getting ripped like that. Especially if you fuck me and feltch when you're done.”
Coop was a second away from cracking and losing the round.
“Hey!” shouted a deep voice, and they turned to see a burly man in a plaid shirt and trucker cap. Fuck, they really were in the Midwest. “You guys a bunch of fags?”
In the calmest, most non-confrontational voice, Coop clearly stated, “Yes, sir, we do love cock.”
The man went to throw a punch, but Coop grabbed his wrist and kicked him squarely right where it counts. Two other men - friends of the guy grabbing his balls, no doubt - rose from their seats and flew at Coop. The FBI agent ducked, kicked Tweedle-Dee’s legs out from underneath him, and sent a right-hook to Tweedle-Dum’s face.
Coop put a hand on his popped-out hip and said in his best imitation of an effeminate man, “You can fuck my ass, but you can’t kick it.” He spun around and glared at Don. “Normally, I’d take the point for this round, but I think I have to declare you the winner.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. Don’t think I’ve ever seen a bigger pussy. Do you stand with your thumb up your ass during every fight?”
“Billy?”
Coop turned the channel from his spot in the bed. They were living it up tonight - hotel and with two full-sized beds. “Yeah?”
“I’m horny; I’m going to jerk off.” To prove that he wasn’t going half-assed on this round, Don pulled down his sweatpants and took his cock in his hand.
Coop almost lost it. That could have been the end right there. He thought maybe this violated some law of gay chicken, but he hadn’t stated it in the beginning. Kid was a real piece of work.
“Well, how convenient is this? I was going to jerk off, too.” Tit for tat, Coop pulled out his own cock. It was weird as hell to be sitting a few feet from his partner as they both of them rubbed one out, but the TV was already set on a fuzzy Cinemax channel playing softcore, and he was able to focus his attention on that.
Before too much longer, Don was back at trying to up the ante. “Mmm, I could really go for sticking this in a nice, tight ass right about now.”
Coop met and raised. “Heh, forget that. Like to have a big cock up my ass and get a rough reach-around. Work it like this.” Coop hoped that Don, out of curiosity, would look over and then break, but he kept his eyes forward at the screen, clearly uncomfortable. Coop did the only thing he could; he went to his happiest place, and as the need to come rose, he moaned and grunted. Don tried to show him up, the both of them crying out, but then Coop went in for the kill.
“Oh, fuck, Don! Yes, Donnie. Oh, God, yes!” he screamed, trying with all his might to not laugh, as he came over himself. He looked over, and Don sat with his eyes to the wall, shaking his head, hands on his knees; his cock was limp, and he tucked it back into his sweatpants.
“You’re a real bastard; you know that, right?”
“What I am is a winner.”
“Yeah, well, fuck you and your win. I actually was horny; I really needed to get off tonight. Now you’ve permanently scarred the portion of my brain that handles jerking off. I’m irreparably damaged, Coop.”
“Yeah, yeah, stop being a sore loser.”
“Billy?”
Coop, bags packed in the back of the SUV, stopped unlocking the driver-side door and looked at his former partner. “Yeah?”
Don grabbed him and kissed him hard on the mouth.
When Don pulled away, Coop stared shocked at him for several long seconds. “Okay, yeah, you definitely win this round.”
“I wasn’t playing.”