My current insanity

[neur0vanity]

Today was a bad day recovery-behavior-wise, and the frustrating thing about it is that a) I was aware of what I was doing and b) I didn’t seem to care

Comments

[neur0vanity]

Thank you! It's often hard for me to see the progress I'm making, but I know it's happening, and I'm learning that I can get through the rough times without relying on old coping mechanisms.

The pink didn't seem to want to jive with the pictures I was using for the new banner. I like the banner, but I miss the pink, so I might change it again soon.

[anonymous]

Okay, the truth is that I came to your live journal looking for new Numb3rs fics, because you are one of my favorite authors, and I can't wait to see more. And I'm sorry if this bothers you, because I know I'm a complete stranger, but I just had to reply to your posts

[neur0vanity]

I really appreciate you taking the time to write this. You could have just glossed over my personal posts on your journey for fic, but you took the time to read them, and that means a lot. I'm happy to hear that you're making progress with regard to your own struggles. Any kind of recovery isn't easy, and it's really wonderful that you're taking the right steps.

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. When a stranger speaks up, it really helps me to know that what I'm saying is coming through. Again, I really appreciate it.

Don't be a stranger. :)

[langenoire]

I think you're obviously getting better...it's not going to be perfect all at once. You simply cannot change years of fucked up thinking and behavior in months. But at least you recognize that what you're doing is a problem, now. You know you're not being healthy, you're reaching out for support, and you are looking for ways to change

[neur0vanity]

Thanks for the uplifting words. It's shocking how my addict side can beat me into a corner at times. As they say, this disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful. It's positive reinforcement, like what you've given, that keeps me going. So thank you. :)

[mustangcandi]

I don't think I can say anything better than the comments that have already been left... but I wanted to say that if for nothing else, I am proud of you for recognizing the issues and for saying that you are going to stop beating yourself up.... because that's the key right there. Clearly not as big a deal as what you're going through, but I'm trying to lose weight as well (like... 140 pounds kind of weight loss...) and the one thing I was always told about that is if you slip, pick yourself back up and don't beat yourself up over the fall. Letting your "mistake" linger will just keep you down and not let you get back where you need to be... where you ultimately want to be.

You are one of the strongest women I know and I know that you will make it through this and keep going... not because you have to, but because you can. *hugs*

[neur0vanity]

As always, thanks so much for taking the time to respond. You're one of those people that I consider to be a true friend on LJ instead of just some person on my friends list, and your feedback means the world

[neur0vanity]

And, yeah, a food journal is a good thing. It'll keep you cogniscent of what you're putting into your body so you'll know why you're experiencing cravings when they come up. I know that if I'm eating only protein, I'm going to start craving carbs and fat, and if I skip meals, I'm more likely to make poor decisions. I know that if I make it to 6:00 on only a piece of chicken and three egg whites, I'm going to start craving junk food (curly fries!), I'm going to find myself driving past a fast food restaurant, I'm going to go in for curly fries, I'm going to walk out with fries and a few cheeseburgers (because I'm sooo hungry), I'm going to eat it all because it tastes so good, and then I'm going to feel guilty and throw up. Uncool

[orlisheart]

When you're starving yourself - whether it's by restricting or purging - your metabolism slows down drastically, and then when you finally put food back in, your body stores it because a) it doesn't know when it'll get fed again since you've taught it that food is a rarity, and b) it's stuck in that metabolically-catatonic state. Again, I'm not 100% on all of this since I'm not professionally trained, but I've talked to people who supposedly know what they're saying, and I trust them.You know I have heard that as well and yet I can't stop myself. I eat once a day and I admit it's crap. But that's all I eat. I think I feel that if I eat more I will gain weight. But of course not eating all day and as you said above, being so hungry that you eat too much is just making me gain weight anyway. I need to figure out something. Because that is exactly what I do