Life on Mars Ficathon 2008
Title: From the very secret diary of Christopher Skelton
Author: Neuralclone
Word count: 3,187 words
Rating: Green cortina for occasional language.
Pairings: Sam/Annie with hints of Gene/Missus
Prompts: Annie accidentally shooting Sam during firearm training, scruffy Gene, Ray giving Annie a flower.
Summary: Sometimes the onlooker sees the most of the game - but he doesn't necessarily understand what he's seeing.
31st of January, 1974 What a rubbish day! The Boss had me working in the Collator's Den searching for some missing files. Lots of dust and boring bits of paper.
I said that when I joined the police force I thought it would more be car chases and shoot-outs. He said that, "Sound information management practices were an essential part of good policing". (I wrote it down so I remember exactly what he said!)
Anyway, that was how I came to miss the big fight today between the Guv and the Boss. (Ray told me about it later when we were down at the pub. He said the Boss was being a "twat" - he always says that.) Apparently they was arguing about the Tyson case, and it got so loud half the station came to watch. It sounds like one of their better fights-D.C.I. Hunt threw D.I. Tyler into the filing cabinet and the Boss head butted him back. Just my luck I wasn't there to see it!
Cartwright joined me in the collator's den afterwards-avoiding the Guv and the Boss who were in foul tempers (she said). I wonder if Annie fancies me?
1st of February, 1974 I don't think Mum understands what life is really like at the sharp end. When I told her about how the Boss and the Guv go at it hammer and tongs, she said she didn't think it "right"- policemen brawling like that. "And one's his superior officer too!" she said.
Then I tried to explain how the Boss and the Guv's fights are famous in our station-real stuff of legend. They take bets on it (though I didn't tell Mum this). She said "Tsk," and asked if they didn't have anything better to do? I said yes, and that the Boss was dead clever, and the Guv struck fear into the hearts of all the villains in Manchester, but they just didn't see eye to eye sometimes.
Suddenly she said, "D.I. Tyler? Wasn't he that skinny one I met at the Christmas party?" Then she started worrying about how he might get hurt, D.C.I. Hunt being such a big bloke and all. I tried telling her the Boss was tough-you have to be in our game!-but she still thinks he needs fattening up.
Mum served a jam roly-poly at supper tonight. Great! Yum!
2nd of February, 1974 Power cut! Right in the middle of Doctor Who! Bugger! Now I'll have to wait until next week to find out what happens.
Back to work tomorrow. (I was thinking: wouldn't it be fun if we could fight dinosaurs or Daleks like the Doctor does, instead of the usual blaggers?)
3rd of February, 1974 It was a nice morning, so I bounced into work all bright eyed and bushy-tailed, eager for another week of fighting crime. It didn't last long, though. Phyllis soon put me right. She scowled across her desk at me, and wasn't a bit cheered up when I gave her my best cheeky grin in return. "You better watch out today, my lad," she warned me, nodding in the direction of C.I.D.
Well I could see nowt wrong when I got to C.I.D. Everything seemed normal: Ray was smoking at his desk, and the Boss and our Annie were chatting together over by the filing cabinets. She was asking about his new place and he was telling her how he'd got his first undercoat on over the weekend. He was talking about colours-"Butternut Gold" I think he said.
Then suddenly the door to the Guv's office crashed open and everyone froze. I found myself hiding behind a "Just Jugs" poster pinned on one of the pillars. The Guv-well, as my Gran would say, he looked like "something the cat brought in". While I was wondering what was going on he yelled, "Tyler! Stop arsing about with that plonk and come with me!" and stalked off. The Boss made his frowny face, but didn't say anything-just grabbed his coat and hurried off after the Guv.
After they'd gone Ray explained it to me. The Guv had had a fight with his Missus on Friday night, and the Missus had thrown him out of the house! "She's a brave woman, is his Missus," said Ray, "and she's got good-as well," he added, holding his hands out in front of his chest to show what he meant. (It's a good thing the Guv wasn't there to overhear him!) The fight must have been a bad one, because the Guv spent the whole weekend sleeping on the couch in his office.
4th of February, 1974 Got to work late this morning, because me and Ray didn't leave the Railway Arms until chucking out time last night. The Boss and the Guv were still there when we left! Tyler was arguing with the Guv, trying to make him leave, but the Guv weren't having any of it. "This pub is the closest thing I've got to a home," he was saying, "and no sodding fairy from Hyde is getting me out of it."
Their argument must have turned into a punch-up later that night, because this morning the Guv turned up looking sort of crumpled and bruised, and the Boss was sporting a black eye!
Needless to say all of us in the office found excuses to be elsewhere today! Ray and me, we went round to the Cherry Tree Estate to get witness statements about a break-in which happened there a couple of days ago. (I don't know why they call it that, because there aren't any cherry trees there.) It was one of those big council estates, lots of high-rise flats, and we went all around it getting statements even from people who couldn't have witnessed anything.
I got lucky in one flat, with this old duck making me sit down and have a cup of tea (three sugars and lots of milk, just how I like it) and share a plate of Garibaldis. Just the thing for a tired and hungry detective! I think she must have been a bit lonely, because she kept refilling my cup, and insisting I stay a bit longer.
When I finally got back to the station, I ran into Bill Meadowes-P.C. Meadowes, who I used to work with when I was still in uniform. He said, "What's up Chris-too good to talk to an old mate now you're in plain clothes?"
I said, "'Course I wasn't!" Then he asked me if I'd "heard the latest about D.C.I. Hunt and his nutter D.I.?"
I started to explain D.I. Tyler wasn't a nutter, but Meadowes weren't listening. He said, "Some of the lads were down by Hunt's place last night-one in the morning! He and Tyler were rowing on Hunt's front doorstep. Hunt was banging on his own door, and his missus was leaning out her window yelling at him to go away. Tyler was trying to drag him off. Half the neighbours were watching-better than the telly, that!"
He smirked. I wanted to clock him one.
Still, I think I know how the Boss came by that black eye, now!
5th of February 1974 Mum made her extra special shepherd's pie for tea tonight-said, "Here, this will cheer you up, love," as she put it down in front of me. I didn't realise I was looking so glum! And Dad said, "Eh, no need to fret, son. Whatever it is will sort itself out soon enough." Well I wish it would, because work was horrible today. It was one of those days I wished I'd never joined the police-that I'd become a postman or an engine driver instead!
Anyway, to begin at the beginning (as the Boss says when I write up reports for him) when I got into work this morning everyone was heads down, very quiet. You could hardly recognise it as our place, it was so strange! From this I worked out that the Guv still hadn't sorted out his problems with his Missus, and everyone else was keeping mum hoping he wouldn't notice them. Not a hard deduction to make!
So I was picking through yesterday's witness statements, hoping to find something useful, when the explosion came. It began with the Guv crashing out of his office holding a pile of his dirty shirts, and calling for Annie-and we were all glad it wasn't one of us. "Oi, Cartwright-take care of these for me!" And he shoved them into her arms.
Well, that set D.I. Tyler off. He shouted at the Guv that D.C. Cartwright wasn't a maid, and that she was as good a detective as any of us, and why didn't he take care of his own dirty washing? And the Guv shouted back. Meanwhile Annie was standing there, growing redder and redder. Ray thought it was fun-it wasn't him in the firing line-but me, for some reason I felt sorry for Annie. Maybe it's because I've been treated like the office div often enough.
After the Guv left Annie turned on Tyler and said, "I don't need you to defend me, Sir!" And then she walked out. I heard the Boss mutter, "This has got to stop!" as he went back to his desk.
Anyway, after I got back from my dinner this afternoon I heard the Boss on the phone (not that I was listening or owt) ordering a dozen roses-"red ones"-and dictating a message to go on a card with them: "Forgive me, sweetheart". I thought it was romantic (though I wouldn't say so in front of the lads) buying Annie flowers, just like one of those movies my mum likes to watch.
I could sort of fancy myself as Cary Grant, if I didn't think it would be cooler to be Superman instead!
As I was headed home this evening I found Annie hiding in one of the store rooms, and I could see she had been crying. Just to cheer her up-I swore her to secrecy first!-I told her about the Boss ordering the flowers. And it worked, too-Annie gave me a big smile. I'm glad I made her happy.
Not much forwarder with those break-ins...
6th of February, 1974 Work is still quiet-except for the Guv-as there isn't much crime happening in Manchester at the moment. (Ray says it's because it's too cold and all the villains are staying indoors, like sensible people should. I pictured them all sitting by the fire with steaming mugs of cocoa!) The Boss decided that since there wasn't much urgent happening, it would be a good time for the team to get in some target practice. I was surprised-usually when things are slack he makes us catch up with our paperwork!
So we all went down to the range. Annie came too, because the Boss has been teaching her how to handle a gun. (Ray says it isn't right-giving a shooter to a bird!)
Funnily enough Annie didn't seem to be enjoying herself. She was all quiet like, and I noticed she weren't looking at the Boss-she were acting like she was trying to avoid him. Ray saw it first, and he give me a nudge. "Look at the happy lovebirds!" he grinned. "Oi, Tyler, what's the matter? Couldn't get it up for her last night?" The Boss just glared at him.
Things weren't any better when we got to the range. Annie was concentrating on aiming at the targets something fierce-and hitting them too! The Boss was hovering around anxious-like, trying to figure out what was going on. Ray thought the whole thing was great fun. Me, I was just glad she weren't aiming at me.
I'm not sure exactly what happened next, because it was so sudden-like, and I was busy trying to shoot my targets. But I heard bits and pieces of the Boss and Annie talking over the sound of gunfire. "No thank you, Sir, I don't need any help, Sir," I heard her tell him as I was reloading. I caught the words "Flowers" and "Other woman" and "Who is she, Sam?" and him replying, "What are you talking about?" Then I heard my name, "Chris-?" followed by a gunshot and a shriek from Cartwright. "Sam!"
Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at Cartwright and Tyler. There he was, lying on the floor, as white as a ghost and all covered in blood. I must admit my heart stopped for a moment! And there was Annie, kneeling by his side, crying.
"Bloody hell, Cartwright," Ray exclaimed, "you've killed the twonk!"
Just then Tyler stirred and opened his eyes. "It's'all right," he muttered. "Jus'-nicked-m' arm." Then he passed out again.
Well that was it for our target practice! We had to call an ambulance, and then Annie and me, we wound up hanging around casualty for a couple of hours. At least the Boss wasn't badly hurt-he was right about the bullet just nicking his arm-but the doctor said another inch and it could have "severed an artery"! Imagine!
A funny thing happened while we were sitting on those hard plastic hospital chairs. Ray came up to us, a bit awkward-like, holding a flower wrapped in that crinkly cellophane stuff. He handed it to Annie and said, "For you, Cartwright. From the hospital gift shop. I know we don't always-well, you didn't mean to shoot him. Yeah?" Annie said, "Thank you," and looked as if she wanted to start crying again, while Ray stuck his hands in his pockets and shot me a look as if to say, "Don't think I'm soft or nowt!"
The worst of this accident is that it's going to mean a whole lot of paperwork. Maybe Ray is right and women shouldn't be given guns after all!
7th of February, 1974 Annie slunk into work this morning-there's no other way of putting it! She was sort of hiding behind a big pile of files on her desk-not that I blame her! She must have felt a right div. Besides, the Guv being in the grumpy mood he was in all week, she probably weren't looking forward to the dressing down he were going to give her.
The first big surprise of the morning was when the Boss showed up with his arm in a sling. It seems he'd discharged himself from the hospital this morning and insisted in coming straight into work! Some of the lads whistled and clapped their hands, while Ray rolled his eyes. Truth is, we weren't expecting to see Tyler for at least a week after taking a bullet. Annie cringed and hunched down a bit further behind her big stack of files. The Boss went over to her and said something. I couldn't hear what it was, but she looked up at him, turned bright red, and smiled.
Later that morning we got our second big surprise.
Sergeant Dobbs came up to our division a bit before dinnertime. She looked scared, which-well to anyone who knows our Phyllis, that isn't just strange, it's impossible! She almost tiptoed to the Guv's office and rapped on his door.
"Phone call for you, Guv. It's your wife."
We all held our breath-I know I did-as the Guv stood there trying to decide what to do. Finally he said, "I'll take it in my office," and went in and shut the door behind him. We started breathing again, but for the next twenty minutes we kept peeping over our shoulders wondering what was going on in there.
Finally the Guv emerged, looking smug but a bit puzzled at the same time. He stood in his office doorway for a moment watching us as we pretended not to be watching him-then he grabbed D.I. Tyler by his good arm (the one which hadn't been shot). "A word in your shell-like, Dorothy," he said, and pulled him into the office. "Now he's going to get it," said Ray, but I said, "Don't you know that the Guv only calls the Boss girls' names when he's in a good mood with him?" And I think I was right, because we didn't hear any thumps from behind the office door.
So we all lived happily ever after-even Cartwright didn't get much of a bollocking for shooting Tyler. All the Guv said was, "I hear you shot my D.I. Don't do it again, luv-there's senior officers in line ahead of you waiting to shoot him"!
After work we went down to the Railway Arms-all except the Guv, for once. "It seems," he said, "I'm taking my Missus out to dinner tonight."
About our fourth round I cornered Annie alone by the jukebox, where she was trying to choose something to play. There were still some things which didn't make sense to me, and I thought she might have some answers. "So what was all that about," I asked. "The Boss and the Guv and his missus and all?"
Annie smiled and whispered, "Don't tell a soul, but Sam told me he'd arranged some flowers for her and sent a message from the Guv. He said that the Guv was so stubborn and pig-headed he'd never do it of his own accord!" So the flowers I heard the Boss ordering weren't for Annie after all-but Annie giggled and said, "He promised me he was going to remedy that!"
8th of February 1974 I had an idea about the Cherry Tree Estate break in, so first thing this morning-even though it were a Saturday-I went round to the Boss's house to see what he thought. When I got there I found the place all covered in drop cloths and the Boss was busy mixing up a big tin of paint. The Guv was there too! He was dressed all scruffy, and stirring a mug of tea with one end of paint brush.
"I can't let the one-armed man paint a whole house on his own," he said.
I told them I had an idea about that break-in, and they looked interested. So I said I remembered that we'd put away someone from the same estate who used the same modus operandi (those were the Boss's words-normal people say "the same way of doing things"!) and maybe it was worthwhile checking out what some of his mates were up to.
The Boss said, "Good lad!" and the Guv said, "Well don't expect any overtime for this, but get onto it first thing on Monday, d'you hear?" And then he added, "Since you're here, you might as well make yourself useful. Grab a paintbrush, Skelton!"
So I spent most of the day painting. It was fun-and the Boss even cooked us a some fancy foreign stuff for tea!
9th of February 1974 Doctor Who again tonight! I'm really looking forward to it. I really like that Sarah-Jane Smith-Mum says she's all right for a modern girl. I don't think the Guv would agree! Anyway, I'm sure there'll be lots of exciting villains to fight this week.
Why can't my life be interesting like that....
Author: Neuralclone
Word count: 3,187 words
Rating: Green cortina for occasional language.
Pairings: Sam/Annie with hints of Gene/Missus
Prompts: Annie accidentally shooting Sam during firearm training, scruffy Gene, Ray giving Annie a flower.
Summary: Sometimes the onlooker sees the most of the game - but he doesn't necessarily understand what he's seeing.
31st of January, 1974 What a rubbish day! The Boss had me working in the Collator's Den searching for some missing files. Lots of dust and boring bits of paper.
I said that when I joined the police force I thought it would more be car chases and shoot-outs. He said that, "Sound information management practices were an essential part of good policing". (I wrote it down so I remember exactly what he said!)
Anyway, that was how I came to miss the big fight today between the Guv and the Boss. (Ray told me about it later when we were down at the pub. He said the Boss was being a "twat" - he always says that.) Apparently they was arguing about the Tyson case, and it got so loud half the station came to watch. It sounds like one of their better fights-D.C.I. Hunt threw D.I. Tyler into the filing cabinet and the Boss head butted him back. Just my luck I wasn't there to see it!
Cartwright joined me in the collator's den afterwards-avoiding the Guv and the Boss who were in foul tempers (she said). I wonder if Annie fancies me?
1st of February, 1974 I don't think Mum understands what life is really like at the sharp end. When I told her about how the Boss and the Guv go at it hammer and tongs, she said she didn't think it "right"- policemen brawling like that. "And one's his superior officer too!" she said.
Then I tried to explain how the Boss and the Guv's fights are famous in our station-real stuff of legend. They take bets on it (though I didn't tell Mum this). She said "Tsk," and asked if they didn't have anything better to do? I said yes, and that the Boss was dead clever, and the Guv struck fear into the hearts of all the villains in Manchester, but they just didn't see eye to eye sometimes.
Suddenly she said, "D.I. Tyler? Wasn't he that skinny one I met at the Christmas party?" Then she started worrying about how he might get hurt, D.C.I. Hunt being such a big bloke and all. I tried telling her the Boss was tough-you have to be in our game!-but she still thinks he needs fattening up.
Mum served a jam roly-poly at supper tonight. Great! Yum!
2nd of February, 1974 Power cut! Right in the middle of Doctor Who! Bugger! Now I'll have to wait until next week to find out what happens.
Back to work tomorrow. (I was thinking: wouldn't it be fun if we could fight dinosaurs or Daleks like the Doctor does, instead of the usual blaggers?)
3rd of February, 1974 It was a nice morning, so I bounced into work all bright eyed and bushy-tailed, eager for another week of fighting crime. It didn't last long, though. Phyllis soon put me right. She scowled across her desk at me, and wasn't a bit cheered up when I gave her my best cheeky grin in return. "You better watch out today, my lad," she warned me, nodding in the direction of C.I.D.
Well I could see nowt wrong when I got to C.I.D. Everything seemed normal: Ray was smoking at his desk, and the Boss and our Annie were chatting together over by the filing cabinets. She was asking about his new place and he was telling her how he'd got his first undercoat on over the weekend. He was talking about colours-"Butternut Gold" I think he said.
Then suddenly the door to the Guv's office crashed open and everyone froze. I found myself hiding behind a "Just Jugs" poster pinned on one of the pillars. The Guv-well, as my Gran would say, he looked like "something the cat brought in". While I was wondering what was going on he yelled, "Tyler! Stop arsing about with that plonk and come with me!" and stalked off. The Boss made his frowny face, but didn't say anything-just grabbed his coat and hurried off after the Guv.
After they'd gone Ray explained it to me. The Guv had had a fight with his Missus on Friday night, and the Missus had thrown him out of the house! "She's a brave woman, is his Missus," said Ray, "and she's got good-as well," he added, holding his hands out in front of his chest to show what he meant. (It's a good thing the Guv wasn't there to overhear him!) The fight must have been a bad one, because the Guv spent the whole weekend sleeping on the couch in his office.
4th of February, 1974 Got to work late this morning, because me and Ray didn't leave the Railway Arms until chucking out time last night. The Boss and the Guv were still there when we left! Tyler was arguing with the Guv, trying to make him leave, but the Guv weren't having any of it. "This pub is the closest thing I've got to a home," he was saying, "and no sodding fairy from Hyde is getting me out of it."
Their argument must have turned into a punch-up later that night, because this morning the Guv turned up looking sort of crumpled and bruised, and the Boss was sporting a black eye!
Needless to say all of us in the office found excuses to be elsewhere today! Ray and me, we went round to the Cherry Tree Estate to get witness statements about a break-in which happened there a couple of days ago. (I don't know why they call it that, because there aren't any cherry trees there.) It was one of those big council estates, lots of high-rise flats, and we went all around it getting statements even from people who couldn't have witnessed anything.
I got lucky in one flat, with this old duck making me sit down and have a cup of tea (three sugars and lots of milk, just how I like it) and share a plate of Garibaldis. Just the thing for a tired and hungry detective! I think she must have been a bit lonely, because she kept refilling my cup, and insisting I stay a bit longer.
When I finally got back to the station, I ran into Bill Meadowes-P.C. Meadowes, who I used to work with when I was still in uniform. He said, "What's up Chris-too good to talk to an old mate now you're in plain clothes?"
I said, "'Course I wasn't!" Then he asked me if I'd "heard the latest about D.C.I. Hunt and his nutter D.I.?"
I started to explain D.I. Tyler wasn't a nutter, but Meadowes weren't listening. He said, "Some of the lads were down by Hunt's place last night-one in the morning! He and Tyler were rowing on Hunt's front doorstep. Hunt was banging on his own door, and his missus was leaning out her window yelling at him to go away. Tyler was trying to drag him off. Half the neighbours were watching-better than the telly, that!"
He smirked. I wanted to clock him one.
Still, I think I know how the Boss came by that black eye, now!
5th of February 1974 Mum made her extra special shepherd's pie for tea tonight-said, "Here, this will cheer you up, love," as she put it down in front of me. I didn't realise I was looking so glum! And Dad said, "Eh, no need to fret, son. Whatever it is will sort itself out soon enough." Well I wish it would, because work was horrible today. It was one of those days I wished I'd never joined the police-that I'd become a postman or an engine driver instead!
Anyway, to begin at the beginning (as the Boss says when I write up reports for him) when I got into work this morning everyone was heads down, very quiet. You could hardly recognise it as our place, it was so strange! From this I worked out that the Guv still hadn't sorted out his problems with his Missus, and everyone else was keeping mum hoping he wouldn't notice them. Not a hard deduction to make!
So I was picking through yesterday's witness statements, hoping to find something useful, when the explosion came. It began with the Guv crashing out of his office holding a pile of his dirty shirts, and calling for Annie-and we were all glad it wasn't one of us. "Oi, Cartwright-take care of these for me!" And he shoved them into her arms.
Well, that set D.I. Tyler off. He shouted at the Guv that D.C. Cartwright wasn't a maid, and that she was as good a detective as any of us, and why didn't he take care of his own dirty washing? And the Guv shouted back. Meanwhile Annie was standing there, growing redder and redder. Ray thought it was fun-it wasn't him in the firing line-but me, for some reason I felt sorry for Annie. Maybe it's because I've been treated like the office div often enough.
After the Guv left Annie turned on Tyler and said, "I don't need you to defend me, Sir!" And then she walked out. I heard the Boss mutter, "This has got to stop!" as he went back to his desk.
Anyway, after I got back from my dinner this afternoon I heard the Boss on the phone (not that I was listening or owt) ordering a dozen roses-"red ones"-and dictating a message to go on a card with them: "Forgive me, sweetheart". I thought it was romantic (though I wouldn't say so in front of the lads) buying Annie flowers, just like one of those movies my mum likes to watch.
I could sort of fancy myself as Cary Grant, if I didn't think it would be cooler to be Superman instead!
As I was headed home this evening I found Annie hiding in one of the store rooms, and I could see she had been crying. Just to cheer her up-I swore her to secrecy first!-I told her about the Boss ordering the flowers. And it worked, too-Annie gave me a big smile. I'm glad I made her happy.
Not much forwarder with those break-ins...
6th of February, 1974 Work is still quiet-except for the Guv-as there isn't much crime happening in Manchester at the moment. (Ray says it's because it's too cold and all the villains are staying indoors, like sensible people should. I pictured them all sitting by the fire with steaming mugs of cocoa!) The Boss decided that since there wasn't much urgent happening, it would be a good time for the team to get in some target practice. I was surprised-usually when things are slack he makes us catch up with our paperwork!
So we all went down to the range. Annie came too, because the Boss has been teaching her how to handle a gun. (Ray says it isn't right-giving a shooter to a bird!)
Funnily enough Annie didn't seem to be enjoying herself. She was all quiet like, and I noticed she weren't looking at the Boss-she were acting like she was trying to avoid him. Ray saw it first, and he give me a nudge. "Look at the happy lovebirds!" he grinned. "Oi, Tyler, what's the matter? Couldn't get it up for her last night?" The Boss just glared at him.
Things weren't any better when we got to the range. Annie was concentrating on aiming at the targets something fierce-and hitting them too! The Boss was hovering around anxious-like, trying to figure out what was going on. Ray thought the whole thing was great fun. Me, I was just glad she weren't aiming at me.
I'm not sure exactly what happened next, because it was so sudden-like, and I was busy trying to shoot my targets. But I heard bits and pieces of the Boss and Annie talking over the sound of gunfire. "No thank you, Sir, I don't need any help, Sir," I heard her tell him as I was reloading. I caught the words "Flowers" and "Other woman" and "Who is she, Sam?" and him replying, "What are you talking about?" Then I heard my name, "Chris-?" followed by a gunshot and a shriek from Cartwright. "Sam!"
Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at Cartwright and Tyler. There he was, lying on the floor, as white as a ghost and all covered in blood. I must admit my heart stopped for a moment! And there was Annie, kneeling by his side, crying.
"Bloody hell, Cartwright," Ray exclaimed, "you've killed the twonk!"
Just then Tyler stirred and opened his eyes. "It's'all right," he muttered. "Jus'-nicked-m' arm." Then he passed out again.
Well that was it for our target practice! We had to call an ambulance, and then Annie and me, we wound up hanging around casualty for a couple of hours. At least the Boss wasn't badly hurt-he was right about the bullet just nicking his arm-but the doctor said another inch and it could have "severed an artery"! Imagine!
A funny thing happened while we were sitting on those hard plastic hospital chairs. Ray came up to us, a bit awkward-like, holding a flower wrapped in that crinkly cellophane stuff. He handed it to Annie and said, "For you, Cartwright. From the hospital gift shop. I know we don't always-well, you didn't mean to shoot him. Yeah?" Annie said, "Thank you," and looked as if she wanted to start crying again, while Ray stuck his hands in his pockets and shot me a look as if to say, "Don't think I'm soft or nowt!"
The worst of this accident is that it's going to mean a whole lot of paperwork. Maybe Ray is right and women shouldn't be given guns after all!
7th of February, 1974 Annie slunk into work this morning-there's no other way of putting it! She was sort of hiding behind a big pile of files on her desk-not that I blame her! She must have felt a right div. Besides, the Guv being in the grumpy mood he was in all week, she probably weren't looking forward to the dressing down he were going to give her.
The first big surprise of the morning was when the Boss showed up with his arm in a sling. It seems he'd discharged himself from the hospital this morning and insisted in coming straight into work! Some of the lads whistled and clapped their hands, while Ray rolled his eyes. Truth is, we weren't expecting to see Tyler for at least a week after taking a bullet. Annie cringed and hunched down a bit further behind her big stack of files. The Boss went over to her and said something. I couldn't hear what it was, but she looked up at him, turned bright red, and smiled.
Later that morning we got our second big surprise.
Sergeant Dobbs came up to our division a bit before dinnertime. She looked scared, which-well to anyone who knows our Phyllis, that isn't just strange, it's impossible! She almost tiptoed to the Guv's office and rapped on his door.
"Phone call for you, Guv. It's your wife."
We all held our breath-I know I did-as the Guv stood there trying to decide what to do. Finally he said, "I'll take it in my office," and went in and shut the door behind him. We started breathing again, but for the next twenty minutes we kept peeping over our shoulders wondering what was going on in there.
Finally the Guv emerged, looking smug but a bit puzzled at the same time. He stood in his office doorway for a moment watching us as we pretended not to be watching him-then he grabbed D.I. Tyler by his good arm (the one which hadn't been shot). "A word in your shell-like, Dorothy," he said, and pulled him into the office. "Now he's going to get it," said Ray, but I said, "Don't you know that the Guv only calls the Boss girls' names when he's in a good mood with him?" And I think I was right, because we didn't hear any thumps from behind the office door.
So we all lived happily ever after-even Cartwright didn't get much of a bollocking for shooting Tyler. All the Guv said was, "I hear you shot my D.I. Don't do it again, luv-there's senior officers in line ahead of you waiting to shoot him"!
After work we went down to the Railway Arms-all except the Guv, for once. "It seems," he said, "I'm taking my Missus out to dinner tonight."
About our fourth round I cornered Annie alone by the jukebox, where she was trying to choose something to play. There were still some things which didn't make sense to me, and I thought she might have some answers. "So what was all that about," I asked. "The Boss and the Guv and his missus and all?"
Annie smiled and whispered, "Don't tell a soul, but Sam told me he'd arranged some flowers for her and sent a message from the Guv. He said that the Guv was so stubborn and pig-headed he'd never do it of his own accord!" So the flowers I heard the Boss ordering weren't for Annie after all-but Annie giggled and said, "He promised me he was going to remedy that!"
8th of February 1974 I had an idea about the Cherry Tree Estate break in, so first thing this morning-even though it were a Saturday-I went round to the Boss's house to see what he thought. When I got there I found the place all covered in drop cloths and the Boss was busy mixing up a big tin of paint. The Guv was there too! He was dressed all scruffy, and stirring a mug of tea with one end of paint brush.
"I can't let the one-armed man paint a whole house on his own," he said.
I told them I had an idea about that break-in, and they looked interested. So I said I remembered that we'd put away someone from the same estate who used the same modus operandi (those were the Boss's words-normal people say "the same way of doing things"!) and maybe it was worthwhile checking out what some of his mates were up to.
The Boss said, "Good lad!" and the Guv said, "Well don't expect any overtime for this, but get onto it first thing on Monday, d'you hear?" And then he added, "Since you're here, you might as well make yourself useful. Grab a paintbrush, Skelton!"
So I spent most of the day painting. It was fun-and the Boss even cooked us a some fancy foreign stuff for tea!
9th of February 1974 Doctor Who again tonight! I'm really looking forward to it. I really like that Sarah-Jane Smith-Mum says she's all right for a modern girl. I don't think the Guv would agree! Anyway, I'm sure there'll be lots of exciting villains to fight this week.
Why can't my life be interesting like that....