Kittens Fix Everything.
Title: Kittens Fix Everything.
Pairing: Akame.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Jin is a douchebag and Kame is the BEST!
The fans love their tour posters. Glossy hair, sleek black jackets, and the five of them cradling tiny kittens. Management figures it's time for them to do the cute thing. Sexy just isn't selling. And-- okay, they can't lie. It's kind of awesome. Koki's keeping his kitten. He's picked out a name and everything.
The handlers had brought out the kittens and Kame had freaked, sliding his fingers through fluffy white fur and cooing in this stupid girly voice, eyes all big and shiny. Then he'd carried one of them around inside his jacket on the day of the shoot, tiny head poking out from the zippered monstrosity he'd been dressed in. He'd disappeared into the bathroom after they'd packed the rest of the kittens into their carriers, and returned later, eyes red-rimmed, silky bangs falling into his face.
“They're stars now,” Nakamaru said, clapping Kame on the back. “Every other pet will be jealous.”
“They're going to their new homes!” the handler chirped, and Kame had cheered up almost immediately.
Koki knows that Kame is envisioning houses out in the country with wide open backyards, big families and scores of children running through fields of sunflowers. Kame's such a girl, he thinks, carefully pulling his kitten's paws through the gauzy purple fabric of a tiny tutu.
--
“Your fag friend is doing some gay shit with cats now,” Josh says loudly. He's sitting on the couch, fingers paused on the keys of his laptop, and he waits a moment before turning back to the screen and tapping away.
“Cats???” Jin asks. “Kamenashi?” He keeps his eyes glued on the TV. Rhianna is gyrating.
“Kame? More like L A M E. The faggy one,” Josh affirms. “I dunno, man, they're all, like, hugging them. Did you ever have to hug cats?”
Jin feels a hot flush make its way up his neck and he crosses his arms. “NO? I'm the cool one...” He's just glad that his friends are too lazy to find footage from his early days. Even his not-so-early days. Nurse costumes...
“Well, whatever,” Josh says. “They're draped all over each other... this stuff is like porn... cat porn.”
“Gross,” Jin says.
Josh shifts a little on the couch, and the laptop screen slides into view. Jin could look if he wanted to, but he doesn't give a shit about KAT-TUN's latest magazine shoot or whatever.
Josh's voice cuts through his thoughtful contemplation. “Hey, it's Akira.”
Everyone gets Nakamaru's name wrong. Jin feels giddy laughter bubble up inside his chest.
“He's so airbrushed,” Josh continues. “He's never looked like that when I've met him. Is he wearing LIPSTICK??”
Jin's eyes flick to the laptop screen, finally, and in that second he loses all grace and grabs it, eyes huge.
“THAT'S YAMAPI,” he shrieks. Josh just squirms a little, shoving at Jin.
“Fuck off! Get out of my lap!”
Jin lands on the floor, laptop still clutched tight. On the screen in front of him Yamapi is draped over Kame's shoulders. There's a kitten on his head and another one in Kame's lap. Nakamaru is on the floor at Kame's feet. Koki is holding a kitten high in the air. They're all smiling. Junno is holding Yamapi's hand.
“You're being really weird,” Josh says.
Jin wants to kill someone.
There's a long silence, then he hears the rustling of fabric behind him, Josh moving closer. He feels a hand land hesitantly on his shoulder.
“Is this about the hot chick?” Josh asks awkwardly. “I know your group didn't get to do many photoshoots with women when you were there...”
Jin resists turning to look at Josh, still staring awkwardly at the screen. What the hell.
“I'm sorry...” Josh says. “But hey, she's got a banging body... how come you've never introduced me to 'Tat-chan'?” He shuffles behind Jin, then moves his hand up and down a few times, an attempt at comfort. “Are you... upset...?”
“NO,” Jin says immediately, but the word comes out loud and shrill, cutting through Rhianna's Rude Boy.
“Okay...” Josh says. “You're just being reallllllyyyyyyy fucking weird.”
Jin sets the laptop down on the floor and snaps the lid shut. “No I'm not... they all just look really lame...”
“Okay...” Josh says again. “Dude, whatever, let's get our drink on.”
Approximately three hours and fifteen minutes later, Jin finds himself locked in the filthy cubicle of a club toilet, cell phone pressed to his ear. The music from the dance floor is loud is the bathroom. He can feel the beat thrumming through his body, restless energy making him tap his feet impatiently on the sticky floor. The walls tell him to phone CANDY for a good time. He scratches KAT-TUN SUX into the door while he listens to the phone ring.
“RYO,” he hisses when the call finally connects. “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?”
“Hi Jin,” Ryo replies amiably. “It's so nice to hear from you.”
“DON'T BE AN IDIOT.” Jin's still hissing. “WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YAMAPI?”
Ryo laughs. “Why don't you call him??”
“Shut up...” Jin says. “Just tell me! It's going to be weird if I call him.”
“It's weird that you called me,” Ryo says. “I don't know. I have my own work to do. Why don't you call Kamenashi??”
“Whatever,” Jin says. “What's with all the cats.....”
Ryo laughs gleefully. “I heard they're quitting Johnny's and starting a home for lost cats together, it's sooooooo romantic.”
“You're a fucking idiot.” Jin grits his teeth.
Ryo just laughs again. “They're calling it PUSSY FARM.” He says PUSSY FARM in English, the words strongly accented. Ryo is so uncool.
“I'm going,” Jin says. “My friends are waiting for me.”
He hangs up and stares at his phone. Ryo is such an ass. PUSSY FARM. He crosses out KAT-TUN on the door and scrapes at the peeling paint until it reads NEWS instead.
When Jin slides back into the booth, one of the girls Ryan knows smiles sympathetically. “Girl problems?”
Jin is about to answer when Josh lets out a loud cackle of laughter. It shakes the small table and Jin's drink threatens to tip over.
“NO,” Jin says, a little more harshly than intended, turning his blank stare on her. He adjusts the giant sunglasses he's wearing and squints through them. They make him look like Will Smith.
“Sorry...” The girl really does look sorry, too, and a little hurt.
Josh slings an arm around her shoulders. “It's okay, babe, it's just about this Asian guy who has a crush on Jin.”
She wrinkles her nose. “My roommate has a friend who's gay, I can ask her for his number if you want to set your friend up with him...”
“He lives in Japan,” Jin says dumbly.
“It's okay,” Josh repeats, “they're not even that close.”
--
The thing is, there's no real reason Jin can't ring Kame and demand answers. It would just... look really weird... and he's not sure how to work it into the conversation. It's not like he cares that Yamapi is spending time with KAT-TUN.................................................
Well, he cares a little bit, but it's normal to care about your best friend. Like, to be worried about his well-being. Yamapi has too much work as it is. They work him too hard. He doesn't need to be spending all his free time with KAT-TUN.
jin to yamapi
hey, hows everythin? usa is dope. i got hot dancers. hows jpn? wats with the kittens?
Jin is a master of casual communication.
Yamapi calls him.
“Yo,” Jin says, casually.
“Kame-chan said he told you about KYT-TUN.” Yamapi sounds vaguely amused, but also a little worried. “See, I told him you wouldn't be cool with it!”
“I'm cool with it,” Jin says automatically. “Wait, HUH? Kamenashi didn't tell me ANYTHING, he's such a LIAR. What the fuck is KYT-TUN??”
“Jin...........” Pi draws his name out. “He said you guys had a meeting!”
“THERE WAS NO MEETING!”
“He says there was a meeting...”
Jin barrels on, even though a distant memory flickers at him. Kame was rambling on about something, and maybe Koki was there too, and Ueda... but Jin had been so busy playing Bejeweled on his iPhone.............. and.... there was maybe something about cats... and Kame sounding really nervous...
“That wasn't a meeting,” he says, but he can already feel his high ground starting to tremble beneath him.
“I think it was a meeting, Jin...” Pi sounds like he's going to laugh, the traitor.
“You're supposed to be on my side!” Jin says lamely.
There's a long silence, and Jin can almost see Pi raising his eyebrows in confusion.
“What do you mean, your side...”
“My side,” Jin repeats, even more lamely. “I don't know...”
“I thought you wanted to go to America...” Pi sounds hesitant now. Jin just feels kind of retarded.
“I did... I mean, I do, America is awesome...”
“Okay,” Pi says. “Well, KYT-TUN was Johnny's idea and it's just until you get back. I'm filling in for you on tour while you're gone.”
“Cool,” Jin replies.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
There's another long silence, then Pi starts laughing helplessly. “LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE FEELING WEIRD ABOUT THIS, BUT IT'S JUST UNTIL YOU COME BACK.”
“No, I know,” Jin says. “It's cool, I was just confused about the cats. I never got to tour with cats...”
“You get hot dancers, though.”
“Yeah...”
“Okay,” Pi says finally. “It's cool that you're cool. Email me photos of the dancers.”
Jin says his goodbyes and hangs up, then sits there for a moment staring blankly at the wall. It's not that he cares......... it's just unfair........... and it's even more unfair that he'll just look like an asshole if he complains about it. The whole world is against him.
--
May goes by in a rush, full of interviews, and dark clubs, and his concerts, and Americans who are too close for comfort. Yamapi emails him every week. He sends photos mostly, blurry cellphone pictures of whatever takes his fancy. His dinner, his lunch, a long line of queuing fans, unfamiliar hotel rooms, the rest of KAT-TUN. Ueda's changed his hair since Jin last saw him. He knows that he shouldn't be feeling nostalgic - like, he's in the greatest country EVER!!!! But sometimes he even misses Taguchi a little bit. Not that he'd admit it. Ueda's gone blond again and looks all cherubic, and Jin isn't even there to mock him.
Jin searches YouTube for shitty cellphone videos of the tour, but he gives up after clicking unsuccessfully through fanvids where, like, he and Kame adopt white children, or Ueda dies of a broken heart when Nakamaru rejects his advances, or he and Koki elope to Europe. Fangirls are so retarded. He favourites one where Nakamaru's giant head is pasted onto an Irishman doing the Riverdance.
--
He arrives back in Japan midway through July. When he steps off the plane he feels worldly, like he's too big to be contained by this tiny island. Japan #1 Top Star. He'd dressed in a big, baggy hoodie on the aeroplane, and now he strips it off hurriedly, the humidity in the air turning his hair into tiny curls and unruly wisps. He ties his hair back in a messy ponytail and pushes his sunglasses further up his nose. The giant scarf he's wearing is really hot and it's making his neck itch, but it's worth it to have everyone's eyes slide over him as they mill through the airport. He's not even supposed to be in Japan.
Jin feels weirdly awkward about calling Ryo. Like, embarrassed and kind of dumb... even though it's normal to come back when he's not doing anything in America for a few months... and his Mom really misses him.
“Let me get this right,” Ryo says when Jin calls him. “You're back in Japan............. and KYT-TUN are touring.................................. and you're not performing with them...........”
“Yeah..........”
“That's retarded,” Ryo says.
Jin fidgets and kicks a little at the black duffel bag he'd dropped on the floor by his feet. The bag had seemed like a good idea back in America, really rock and roll, like he can just up and go anywhere, any time he wants, but now he's starting to worry about his limited wardrobe. He doesn't think he packed his favourite shirt.
“I have important business in Japan,” he says.
It's purely coincidental that KYT-TUN's Tokyo Dome show on the 17th lines up with his arrival.
--
“This is the DUMBEST FUCKING THING you have ever made me do,” Ryo bitches as he and Jin take their seats.
They're wedged between a middle-aged woman and her husband on one side and a group of screaming girls on the other.
Jin shifts and avoids Ryo's angry gaze. His eyes go all tiny and mean when he's angry. “It's pretty normal.”
“Is this normal?????” Ryo asks, and Jin's eyes are drawn to the bald cap he's wearing.
“I told you to dress undercover, I didn't say to dress like a grandpa!” Everything is Jin's fault.
Ryo crosses his arms and ignores Jin's comment. Jin thinks he secretly enjoys the costume. Jin only went for a wig and baggy clothes, but Ryo had spent hours that morning in front of the mirror, painstakingly drawing on lines and wrinkles.
“I think you look very kawaii,” the 14yr old girl sitting next to Ryo says, laying one slim hand on his arm. “It's so nice that the love and spirit of KAT-TUN's music can bring together people of all ages! My granddad loves Arashi.”
“Hai......” Ryo says, but Jin can tell he's pleased. He raises his Yamapi uchiwa feebly and waves it. “I like Yamapi, he's so much better than that fat lump Akanishi Jin.”
The girl lights up and waves her own uchiwa, Junno's beaming face shining over at Jin.
Jin turns and stares into the crowd. He spots uchiwa after uchiwa, all with cartoons of giant eggplants crossed out. Then KAT-TUN take the stage in a burst of glitter and flashing lights and some weird kind of meowing Real Face remix, Yamapi hand in hand with Kame, the two of them practically glowing, and Jin wants to cry like a stupid little kid.
--
“Let's go backstage!” Ryo says later, after the crowds of happy, tearstained girls have filed past them.
All Jin can think about is the encore. Seishun Amigo. “No...” he says weakly, but Ryo just drags him through wave after wave of security. It's almost like they knew he was coming.
“Here,” Ryo says, finally stopping in front of a door. For a minute he looks like a wise old grandpa, eyes twinkling up at Jin. “Go bone your lady and stop acting like such a douchebag.” Maybe not.
Then he shoves Jin through the door.
Kame spins around and stares at him. “Uh... I'm sorry...” He has that smile pasted on his face, the polite, kind of sincere one that he gives the fans. “I hope you had a good time tonight...” He looks worried and anxious, eyes darting to the door behind Jin.
“KYT-TUN is shit,” Jin blurts out, immediately feeling like an asshole.
Kame's eyes go all wide and hurt. He bows a little, hands clasped protectively in front of him. “I'm sorry you feel like that.”
“I can't BELIEVE you did Seishun Amigo!!” Jin keeps barrelling on. He's not even sure where these words are coming from. He's not even sure why he's angry.
“Ah... I'm sorry... are you an Akanishi-kun fan?” Kame says, eyes all big and sincere.
“A... what...” Jin says dumbly. Then he looks down at himself and sees the baggy clothing, the giant glasses obscuring his face, the stupid wig he'd shoved on his head.
“I know it's a hard thing to deal with, but we have to rise up and believe in him and hope for him to do his best, ne?” Kame moves forward, even though Jin can tell he's horrified at the idea of a fan breaking into his changing room. “When opportunities are presented to us in this life we have to grasp them in both hands and make full use of them. Sometimes we have to look past our own wants and needs and look at what makes other people happy, and believe in that, too.” Kame's on a roll now. “I know it's hard to see KAT-TUN without him, but you have to hold on tight to the idea that Akanishi-kun will come back and love KAT-TUN and his fans more than ever. There are things in this life that we, as individuals can't understand, so we need to have faith in other people. Even though we don't get why they're doing the things they do, we have to be patient while we wait for them to come back to us. We need to look inside our own hearts and trust that others are doing the same thing. It's the only way we can truly grow.”
“OK...” Jin says slowly.
“It's all going to be okay,” Kame says sincerely. “Just keep believing in Akanishi-kun.”
There's a long silence. Kame's smile begins to falter, his eyes flicking to the door again. He looks like he thinks he's going to be stabbed or something. “Okay...” he says, in a slow, nervous voice, that polite smile still pasted on his face.
“I'M JIN,” Jin says.
Kame just stares at him.
“Akanishi Jin...” Jin repeats feebly, tugging off the wig and holding it nervously in both hands.
Kame takes a step back, eyes huge with shock now. “What the hell?”
“Sorry...........” Jin says. “I didn't mean to trick you..........”
“You're supposed to be in America,” Kame says slowly. His face is all scrunched up and angry, his eyes narrowed into furious little slits. He looks terrifying.
“I came back for a few weeks of BUSINESS,” Jin says, but as soon as the words are out he wishes he could take them back, because Kame only looks angrier.
“KAT-TUN IS YOUR BUSINESS.”
“We need to have faith in other people...” Jin holds out his hands in a weak, useless gesture, attempting to imitate the sincere tone Kame had used earlier.
Instead of getting angrier, Kame's shoulders just kind of slump, and he shakes his head. He looks so sad suddenly, and younger than the rockstar he's supposed to be.
“Sorry...” Jin repeats.
“It's fine.”
“It's not fine...” Jin says, shuffling where he stands. He doesn't know how he ended up the asshole in all of this. He just wanted to be Japan's Justin Timberlake.
“Look, Jin,” Kame just looks tired now, all grey and wrung out. “It's kind of weird, but whatever.”
“You're angry at me...” Jin presses.
“Because you're being stupid.” Kame sighs and grabs a towel, rubbing it distractedly through his hair. “But you're always kind of stupid.”
“Hey...” Jin feels a pang of useless rage, but when he meets Kame's eyes he sees a little spark of humour there.
A silence stretches out between them, and it's awkward, but kind of nice, too.
“I guess you probably have to go soon?” Kame asks suddenly.
Jin shuffles his feet again and pulls at the strands of fake hair he's gripping. “Not really...”
The room is quiet again.
“Weeeeeeeeeeellllllll...............” Kame twists the towel in his hands.
“CAN I SEE THE KITTENS,” Jin says loudly.
Kame lights up with happiness. Jin can already see ten minutes into the future: the two of them cradling kittens, Jin's face pressed into soft fur while Kame's high, cooing voice sounds in his ears.
Kittens fix everything.
Pairing: Akame.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Jin is a douchebag and Kame is the BEST!
The fans love their tour posters. Glossy hair, sleek black jackets, and the five of them cradling tiny kittens. Management figures it's time for them to do the cute thing. Sexy just isn't selling. And-- okay, they can't lie. It's kind of awesome. Koki's keeping his kitten. He's picked out a name and everything.
The handlers had brought out the kittens and Kame had freaked, sliding his fingers through fluffy white fur and cooing in this stupid girly voice, eyes all big and shiny. Then he'd carried one of them around inside his jacket on the day of the shoot, tiny head poking out from the zippered monstrosity he'd been dressed in. He'd disappeared into the bathroom after they'd packed the rest of the kittens into their carriers, and returned later, eyes red-rimmed, silky bangs falling into his face.
“They're stars now,” Nakamaru said, clapping Kame on the back. “Every other pet will be jealous.”
“They're going to their new homes!” the handler chirped, and Kame had cheered up almost immediately.
Koki knows that Kame is envisioning houses out in the country with wide open backyards, big families and scores of children running through fields of sunflowers. Kame's such a girl, he thinks, carefully pulling his kitten's paws through the gauzy purple fabric of a tiny tutu.
--
“Your fag friend is doing some gay shit with cats now,” Josh says loudly. He's sitting on the couch, fingers paused on the keys of his laptop, and he waits a moment before turning back to the screen and tapping away.
“Cats???” Jin asks. “Kamenashi?” He keeps his eyes glued on the TV. Rhianna is gyrating.
“Kame? More like L A M E. The faggy one,” Josh affirms. “I dunno, man, they're all, like, hugging them. Did you ever have to hug cats?”
Jin feels a hot flush make its way up his neck and he crosses his arms. “NO? I'm the cool one...” He's just glad that his friends are too lazy to find footage from his early days. Even his not-so-early days. Nurse costumes...
“Well, whatever,” Josh says. “They're draped all over each other... this stuff is like porn... cat porn.”
“Gross,” Jin says.
Josh shifts a little on the couch, and the laptop screen slides into view. Jin could look if he wanted to, but he doesn't give a shit about KAT-TUN's latest magazine shoot or whatever.
Josh's voice cuts through his thoughtful contemplation. “Hey, it's Akira.”
Everyone gets Nakamaru's name wrong. Jin feels giddy laughter bubble up inside his chest.
“He's so airbrushed,” Josh continues. “He's never looked like that when I've met him. Is he wearing LIPSTICK??”
Jin's eyes flick to the laptop screen, finally, and in that second he loses all grace and grabs it, eyes huge.
“THAT'S YAMAPI,” he shrieks. Josh just squirms a little, shoving at Jin.
“Fuck off! Get out of my lap!”
Jin lands on the floor, laptop still clutched tight. On the screen in front of him Yamapi is draped over Kame's shoulders. There's a kitten on his head and another one in Kame's lap. Nakamaru is on the floor at Kame's feet. Koki is holding a kitten high in the air. They're all smiling. Junno is holding Yamapi's hand.
“You're being really weird,” Josh says.
Jin wants to kill someone.
There's a long silence, then he hears the rustling of fabric behind him, Josh moving closer. He feels a hand land hesitantly on his shoulder.
“Is this about the hot chick?” Josh asks awkwardly. “I know your group didn't get to do many photoshoots with women when you were there...”
Jin resists turning to look at Josh, still staring awkwardly at the screen. What the hell.
“I'm sorry...” Josh says. “But hey, she's got a banging body... how come you've never introduced me to 'Tat-chan'?” He shuffles behind Jin, then moves his hand up and down a few times, an attempt at comfort. “Are you... upset...?”
“NO,” Jin says immediately, but the word comes out loud and shrill, cutting through Rhianna's Rude Boy.
“Okay...” Josh says. “You're just being reallllllyyyyyyy fucking weird.”
Jin sets the laptop down on the floor and snaps the lid shut. “No I'm not... they all just look really lame...”
“Okay...” Josh says again. “Dude, whatever, let's get our drink on.”
Approximately three hours and fifteen minutes later, Jin finds himself locked in the filthy cubicle of a club toilet, cell phone pressed to his ear. The music from the dance floor is loud is the bathroom. He can feel the beat thrumming through his body, restless energy making him tap his feet impatiently on the sticky floor. The walls tell him to phone CANDY for a good time. He scratches KAT-TUN SUX into the door while he listens to the phone ring.
“RYO,” he hisses when the call finally connects. “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?”
“Hi Jin,” Ryo replies amiably. “It's so nice to hear from you.”
“DON'T BE AN IDIOT.” Jin's still hissing. “WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YAMAPI?”
Ryo laughs. “Why don't you call him??”
“Shut up...” Jin says. “Just tell me! It's going to be weird if I call him.”
“It's weird that you called me,” Ryo says. “I don't know. I have my own work to do. Why don't you call Kamenashi??”
“Whatever,” Jin says. “What's with all the cats.....”
Ryo laughs gleefully. “I heard they're quitting Johnny's and starting a home for lost cats together, it's sooooooo romantic.”
“You're a fucking idiot.” Jin grits his teeth.
Ryo just laughs again. “They're calling it PUSSY FARM.” He says PUSSY FARM in English, the words strongly accented. Ryo is so uncool.
“I'm going,” Jin says. “My friends are waiting for me.”
He hangs up and stares at his phone. Ryo is such an ass. PUSSY FARM. He crosses out KAT-TUN on the door and scrapes at the peeling paint until it reads NEWS instead.
When Jin slides back into the booth, one of the girls Ryan knows smiles sympathetically. “Girl problems?”
Jin is about to answer when Josh lets out a loud cackle of laughter. It shakes the small table and Jin's drink threatens to tip over.
“NO,” Jin says, a little more harshly than intended, turning his blank stare on her. He adjusts the giant sunglasses he's wearing and squints through them. They make him look like Will Smith.
“Sorry...” The girl really does look sorry, too, and a little hurt.
Josh slings an arm around her shoulders. “It's okay, babe, it's just about this Asian guy who has a crush on Jin.”
She wrinkles her nose. “My roommate has a friend who's gay, I can ask her for his number if you want to set your friend up with him...”
“He lives in Japan,” Jin says dumbly.
“It's okay,” Josh repeats, “they're not even that close.”
--
The thing is, there's no real reason Jin can't ring Kame and demand answers. It would just... look really weird... and he's not sure how to work it into the conversation. It's not like he cares that Yamapi is spending time with KAT-TUN.................................................
Well, he cares a little bit, but it's normal to care about your best friend. Like, to be worried about his well-being. Yamapi has too much work as it is. They work him too hard. He doesn't need to be spending all his free time with KAT-TUN.
jin to yamapi
hey, hows everythin? usa is dope. i got hot dancers. hows jpn? wats with the kittens?
Jin is a master of casual communication.
Yamapi calls him.
“Yo,” Jin says, casually.
“Kame-chan said he told you about KYT-TUN.” Yamapi sounds vaguely amused, but also a little worried. “See, I told him you wouldn't be cool with it!”
“I'm cool with it,” Jin says automatically. “Wait, HUH? Kamenashi didn't tell me ANYTHING, he's such a LIAR. What the fuck is KYT-TUN??”
“Jin...........” Pi draws his name out. “He said you guys had a meeting!”
“THERE WAS NO MEETING!”
“He says there was a meeting...”
Jin barrels on, even though a distant memory flickers at him. Kame was rambling on about something, and maybe Koki was there too, and Ueda... but Jin had been so busy playing Bejeweled on his iPhone.............. and.... there was maybe something about cats... and Kame sounding really nervous...
“That wasn't a meeting,” he says, but he can already feel his high ground starting to tremble beneath him.
“I think it was a meeting, Jin...” Pi sounds like he's going to laugh, the traitor.
“You're supposed to be on my side!” Jin says lamely.
There's a long silence, and Jin can almost see Pi raising his eyebrows in confusion.
“What do you mean, your side...”
“My side,” Jin repeats, even more lamely. “I don't know...”
“I thought you wanted to go to America...” Pi sounds hesitant now. Jin just feels kind of retarded.
“I did... I mean, I do, America is awesome...”
“Okay,” Pi says. “Well, KYT-TUN was Johnny's idea and it's just until you get back. I'm filling in for you on tour while you're gone.”
“Cool,” Jin replies.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
There's another long silence, then Pi starts laughing helplessly. “LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE FEELING WEIRD ABOUT THIS, BUT IT'S JUST UNTIL YOU COME BACK.”
“No, I know,” Jin says. “It's cool, I was just confused about the cats. I never got to tour with cats...”
“You get hot dancers, though.”
“Yeah...”
“Okay,” Pi says finally. “It's cool that you're cool. Email me photos of the dancers.”
Jin says his goodbyes and hangs up, then sits there for a moment staring blankly at the wall. It's not that he cares......... it's just unfair........... and it's even more unfair that he'll just look like an asshole if he complains about it. The whole world is against him.
--
May goes by in a rush, full of interviews, and dark clubs, and his concerts, and Americans who are too close for comfort. Yamapi emails him every week. He sends photos mostly, blurry cellphone pictures of whatever takes his fancy. His dinner, his lunch, a long line of queuing fans, unfamiliar hotel rooms, the rest of KAT-TUN. Ueda's changed his hair since Jin last saw him. He knows that he shouldn't be feeling nostalgic - like, he's in the greatest country EVER!!!! But sometimes he even misses Taguchi a little bit. Not that he'd admit it. Ueda's gone blond again and looks all cherubic, and Jin isn't even there to mock him.
Jin searches YouTube for shitty cellphone videos of the tour, but he gives up after clicking unsuccessfully through fanvids where, like, he and Kame adopt white children, or Ueda dies of a broken heart when Nakamaru rejects his advances, or he and Koki elope to Europe. Fangirls are so retarded. He favourites one where Nakamaru's giant head is pasted onto an Irishman doing the Riverdance.
--
He arrives back in Japan midway through July. When he steps off the plane he feels worldly, like he's too big to be contained by this tiny island. Japan #1 Top Star. He'd dressed in a big, baggy hoodie on the aeroplane, and now he strips it off hurriedly, the humidity in the air turning his hair into tiny curls and unruly wisps. He ties his hair back in a messy ponytail and pushes his sunglasses further up his nose. The giant scarf he's wearing is really hot and it's making his neck itch, but it's worth it to have everyone's eyes slide over him as they mill through the airport. He's not even supposed to be in Japan.
Jin feels weirdly awkward about calling Ryo. Like, embarrassed and kind of dumb... even though it's normal to come back when he's not doing anything in America for a few months... and his Mom really misses him.
“Let me get this right,” Ryo says when Jin calls him. “You're back in Japan............. and KYT-TUN are touring.................................. and you're not performing with them...........”
“Yeah..........”
“That's retarded,” Ryo says.
Jin fidgets and kicks a little at the black duffel bag he'd dropped on the floor by his feet. The bag had seemed like a good idea back in America, really rock and roll, like he can just up and go anywhere, any time he wants, but now he's starting to worry about his limited wardrobe. He doesn't think he packed his favourite shirt.
“I have important business in Japan,” he says.
It's purely coincidental that KYT-TUN's Tokyo Dome show on the 17th lines up with his arrival.
--
“This is the DUMBEST FUCKING THING you have ever made me do,” Ryo bitches as he and Jin take their seats.
They're wedged between a middle-aged woman and her husband on one side and a group of screaming girls on the other.
Jin shifts and avoids Ryo's angry gaze. His eyes go all tiny and mean when he's angry. “It's pretty normal.”
“Is this normal?????” Ryo asks, and Jin's eyes are drawn to the bald cap he's wearing.
“I told you to dress undercover, I didn't say to dress like a grandpa!” Everything is Jin's fault.
Ryo crosses his arms and ignores Jin's comment. Jin thinks he secretly enjoys the costume. Jin only went for a wig and baggy clothes, but Ryo had spent hours that morning in front of the mirror, painstakingly drawing on lines and wrinkles.
“I think you look very kawaii,” the 14yr old girl sitting next to Ryo says, laying one slim hand on his arm. “It's so nice that the love and spirit of KAT-TUN's music can bring together people of all ages! My granddad loves Arashi.”
“Hai......” Ryo says, but Jin can tell he's pleased. He raises his Yamapi uchiwa feebly and waves it. “I like Yamapi, he's so much better than that fat lump Akanishi Jin.”
The girl lights up and waves her own uchiwa, Junno's beaming face shining over at Jin.
Jin turns and stares into the crowd. He spots uchiwa after uchiwa, all with cartoons of giant eggplants crossed out. Then KAT-TUN take the stage in a burst of glitter and flashing lights and some weird kind of meowing Real Face remix, Yamapi hand in hand with Kame, the two of them practically glowing, and Jin wants to cry like a stupid little kid.
--
“Let's go backstage!” Ryo says later, after the crowds of happy, tearstained girls have filed past them.
All Jin can think about is the encore. Seishun Amigo. “No...” he says weakly, but Ryo just drags him through wave after wave of security. It's almost like they knew he was coming.
“Here,” Ryo says, finally stopping in front of a door. For a minute he looks like a wise old grandpa, eyes twinkling up at Jin. “Go bone your lady and stop acting like such a douchebag.” Maybe not.
Then he shoves Jin through the door.
Kame spins around and stares at him. “Uh... I'm sorry...” He has that smile pasted on his face, the polite, kind of sincere one that he gives the fans. “I hope you had a good time tonight...” He looks worried and anxious, eyes darting to the door behind Jin.
“KYT-TUN is shit,” Jin blurts out, immediately feeling like an asshole.
Kame's eyes go all wide and hurt. He bows a little, hands clasped protectively in front of him. “I'm sorry you feel like that.”
“I can't BELIEVE you did Seishun Amigo!!” Jin keeps barrelling on. He's not even sure where these words are coming from. He's not even sure why he's angry.
“Ah... I'm sorry... are you an Akanishi-kun fan?” Kame says, eyes all big and sincere.
“A... what...” Jin says dumbly. Then he looks down at himself and sees the baggy clothing, the giant glasses obscuring his face, the stupid wig he'd shoved on his head.
“I know it's a hard thing to deal with, but we have to rise up and believe in him and hope for him to do his best, ne?” Kame moves forward, even though Jin can tell he's horrified at the idea of a fan breaking into his changing room. “When opportunities are presented to us in this life we have to grasp them in both hands and make full use of them. Sometimes we have to look past our own wants and needs and look at what makes other people happy, and believe in that, too.” Kame's on a roll now. “I know it's hard to see KAT-TUN without him, but you have to hold on tight to the idea that Akanishi-kun will come back and love KAT-TUN and his fans more than ever. There are things in this life that we, as individuals can't understand, so we need to have faith in other people. Even though we don't get why they're doing the things they do, we have to be patient while we wait for them to come back to us. We need to look inside our own hearts and trust that others are doing the same thing. It's the only way we can truly grow.”
“OK...” Jin says slowly.
“It's all going to be okay,” Kame says sincerely. “Just keep believing in Akanishi-kun.”
There's a long silence. Kame's smile begins to falter, his eyes flicking to the door again. He looks like he thinks he's going to be stabbed or something. “Okay...” he says, in a slow, nervous voice, that polite smile still pasted on his face.
“I'M JIN,” Jin says.
Kame just stares at him.
“Akanishi Jin...” Jin repeats feebly, tugging off the wig and holding it nervously in both hands.
Kame takes a step back, eyes huge with shock now. “What the hell?”
“Sorry...........” Jin says. “I didn't mean to trick you..........”
“You're supposed to be in America,” Kame says slowly. His face is all scrunched up and angry, his eyes narrowed into furious little slits. He looks terrifying.
“I came back for a few weeks of BUSINESS,” Jin says, but as soon as the words are out he wishes he could take them back, because Kame only looks angrier.
“KAT-TUN IS YOUR BUSINESS.”
“We need to have faith in other people...” Jin holds out his hands in a weak, useless gesture, attempting to imitate the sincere tone Kame had used earlier.
Instead of getting angrier, Kame's shoulders just kind of slump, and he shakes his head. He looks so sad suddenly, and younger than the rockstar he's supposed to be.
“Sorry...” Jin repeats.
“It's fine.”
“It's not fine...” Jin says, shuffling where he stands. He doesn't know how he ended up the asshole in all of this. He just wanted to be Japan's Justin Timberlake.
“Look, Jin,” Kame just looks tired now, all grey and wrung out. “It's kind of weird, but whatever.”
“You're angry at me...” Jin presses.
“Because you're being stupid.” Kame sighs and grabs a towel, rubbing it distractedly through his hair. “But you're always kind of stupid.”
“Hey...” Jin feels a pang of useless rage, but when he meets Kame's eyes he sees a little spark of humour there.
A silence stretches out between them, and it's awkward, but kind of nice, too.
“I guess you probably have to go soon?” Kame asks suddenly.
Jin shuffles his feet again and pulls at the strands of fake hair he's gripping. “Not really...”
The room is quiet again.
“Weeeeeeeeeeellllllll...............” Kame twists the towel in his hands.
“CAN I SEE THE KITTENS,” Jin says loudly.
Kame lights up with happiness. Jin can already see ten minutes into the future: the two of them cradling kittens, Jin's face pressed into soft fur while Kame's high, cooing voice sounds in his ears.
Kittens fix everything.