phew.  christmas is over.  this year i got a chance to spoil jim for his birthday and for christmas.  every year he spends way too much on me and this time, i beat him to the punch.  i got him a really nice Dragon (snowboard company very nice stuff) hoodie, a pioneer dvd, quicksilver cologne, and a rocking birthday sexin.  he told me that he hated ( Read more... )

i totally know that i like a lame song, but when you relate you relate.  i can't get the whole line out of my head:

"my heart is crippled by the vein i keep closing, you cut me open.  i keep, keep bleeding love."

i need a very long extended break. 
i need some time to myself to figure out where i want this life to go and how i'm going to fit everyone and everything in it.
i have been horrible to my family, despite how awful they have made me feel growing up and still to this day, i am better than that.
i have been horrible to the love of my life for 4 years ( Read more... )

if i was to ever be concerned that someone would have to settle for me again, then it would be time to move on.  however, i put that evil, useless demon to rest.  that's right, i've realized that no one in fact settles for me and if you do, then shame on you.  if i was concerned that maybe he might be lying to me, the concern is now over.  there is ( Read more... )

everything is still not alright.
i think it's going to be a long time until everything is alright.
it's just hard to sit here and wonder how long it's going to be until it all works out, if it ever does.
here's hoping that i can finally wrap my head around what needs to be done.
that's the problem with being stuborn.
you tend to lack patience.

i'm facing a really huge moral dilemma within myself.  the kind that will either change my life forever or it'll keep it the same.  i'm driving myself insane trying to figure out what i should do.  why does every decision have to be so difficult?  can't the answer just be clear so i know what to do?  this is eating me up inside.  a part of me ( Read more... )

"'Cause someday maybe
Somebody will love me like I need
And someday I won't have to prove
'Cause somebody will see
all my worth but until then
I'll do just fine on my own
With my cigarettes
And this old dirt road"

michelle branch should marry me.  no seriously, she should.  also i miss smoking so much sometimes it feels like a huge part of my life is ( Read more... )

i fail to see how this life is better than the last; i fail to see a lot of things, like failure and success.  i fail to recognize that i am in fact my own worst enemy and i've been the arch nemesis for the past 13 years.  i think to myself that i am only but a fool, who forgot how to put a pen to the paper, a girl who forgot how to write what she ( Read more... )

the wind is ruthless ( Read more... )

the worst thing about this place is how much it costs to live.  it's even worse when you have this gigantic mooch living off of you while they're in training.  it also makes it harder when they refuse to get a part time job to even help out with the groceries.  it also sucks a lot when your boyfriend loses his job at the worst time and struggles to ( Read more... )