I hate my-self for my-self

[neverseen4cast]

I haven't posted in a while. I've been really depressed lately. I don't really know a way to deal with it. I try to hide it most the time, but all i can ever think of is Dustin. Like the other day i was driving and i look over and theres this black Maxima beside me. It was the same year as Dustins. And i just started crying on my way to work. Then

Comments

[burnoutthestars]

I know how you feel, all I can think about is Dustin as well... it seems like everything reminds me of him. And I did the same thing, I have seen two black Maximas and each time I have gotten depressed because they reminded me of him. I have asked questions, I have wondered why, but I don't know if we'll ever have the answers to that. As for the party, things happen. What's done is done, you can't really change it, and I don't think any worse of you for it. I know that you were trying to stay away from drinking, but I also know that all of the crap that's been going on has been really hard on you. I'm not gonna be all "now I hate you!" like, you are still my friend, and I still care about you. It'll get better eventually, I think that all of this is just going to take time. Remember that you have a lot of friends that you can talk to if you need to! You can always give me a call if you need to as well, I'm there to listen if you want to talk.

[yourlovelyugly]

get em, saro. burch, everything she said, ditto. anytime dude, just hit me up. and well, i can understand your situation, and your still the same guy, and a damn good one at that. everyone has their problems. you ever wanna talk about religion or anything like that, hit up winters or me, or church, (sojourn!) or whatever. people wanna talk to you (me and saro), just talk to us. holler dude.

[bye_bye_snyper]

That's how I felt when I first found out about Dustin, I wondered how a God that's supposed to be all-loving and all-powerful could let that happen to such an awesome person. I wanted anything and everything right then that could make it feel better, or anything that would switch my brain around so I wouldn't have to think about it anymore, or believe it. But then everything just kinda finally made sense to me when I prayed about it that crap happens cause we've been given free will and with free will comes death and pain and grief. I hate it when people tell me that everything happens for a reason and everything is part of God's plan. It definitely was not part of God's plan for Dustin to kill himself, just like it wasn't His plan for Adam and Eve to eat the durned apple. But I do believe that good things can come out of terrible stuff. I know it's gotta be almost impossible for most people to see that, but I wish that you would talk to us about this stuff and that you would come to church with us sometime soon and we could