Chapter One

[nevets820]

The snow had already fallen. A blistering cold wind was blowing. Jacob was on his way to see his girlfriend Sarah for New Year's Eve. It wasn't anything special, just spending a little time with his sweetheart before he would head back home and celebrate the New Year with his much beloved family. He had it all planned out. Take his bike down to the

Comments

good stuff

[mrloco88]

hey steve, ya doin good. ur use of descriptions and expressing feelings. i know u told me u didn't want to make this out into a big story and stuff, but u might want to describe the environment more. what does the snow look like on the ground? houses/location? where does this take place (city or country side??) most of all what does Jacob look like? we know he's 16 and goes to high school, but what's he wearing besides a scarf and gloves (hehe i hope he's got more biking through the snow lol) what eye color? hair color? same in regards to Sarah. u know what i mean? as i said b4 i enjoy the descriptions of the emotions he feels and the way u described his love for sarah and the cold winter. u also show instead of tell, which is a plus, trust me. took me a while to do that. i also found it a interestin way u ended the story. looking forwards to chapter 2. i enjoyed this one tho, so keep writing. u got a reader.