Flags of Dawn
I leave her to sleep and emerge from our musty hotel room just before daybreak. After a night of reconnecting with the only soul that could nourish mine, I need a moment to think.
What now?
I stand on the edge of the motel parking lot with my hands in my pockets and my eyes on the rocky junction of earth and sky and try to reflect on last night's conversation.
She told me that I wouldn't accept defeat, that I wouldn't give up. And that I'm not broken, or afraid, or a failure.
Then why do all signs point to that conclusion?
I can't help but feel that I have damned myself. That in finally knowing the answers I have always sought, I still breathe with fractured lungs. In my valiant quest to make mysteries known and questions answered, I feel as though I have written my own death sentence. And hers. Why she has stood by my side time again without second thought is something that I never will quite understand, but it is the only truth that continues to hold my resolve together.
I think back to last night and smile. After we reconnected with our words, we reconnected with every other part of our bodies. It had been over a year since my hands roamed over the planes of her stomach, her legs and her breasts, but loving Scully is second nature and as I kissed every square inch and finally pushed myself inside of her, it felt like a true homecoming. Our hips danced to an instinctual rhythm as our lips whispered promises of love and strength. And as we came, our eyes locked and I knew that no matter where we go from here, I will always find my home with her.
We have both lost so much over the years, and I feel that I'm on the brink of losing myself. But Scully continues to keep me tethered to reality as I walk that fine line between darkness and light. And while at the moment reality doesn't seem to hold much promise, I know that there will be answers in the next chapter that will give us the means to save ourselves. But I continue to ask myself, am I strong enough to continue, to find and fight for those answers?
As if answering my silent question, I feel two arms snake through my arms and around my middle.
"If souls travel through time in the form of starlight, then could the light of dawn be the culmination of that journey? Where they are about to begin again?" she whispers into my back.
"Or dawn could be from where they draw their strength to start over," I propose.
"Mmm," she says and tightens her arms around my middle. I lift one of my arms and twist around to wrap it around her back and kiss her hairline.
"Find your strength in my beliefs," she paraphrases back to me. "And I believe in you, in us, that we won't give up."
The sun starts to rise in front of us, and with this new chapter comes a brand new horizon.
We will fight...we will stand strong...we will overcome.
XXXXXX
In case you're interested in the song that said inspiration came from, you can find it here -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc2CyTxfgCo