Love Letters
on their third day in seoul, jin insists on dragging yamapi to watch a music show. yamapi agrees, but inwardly wonders why jin is acting so enthusiastically when he was moaning on and on about shanghai just a few days ago.
"c'mon, pi," jin says brightly. "it'll be a good chance, you know, to see how music's like in korea! like, we can totally explore new unfound areas of music, and... and learn how to perform better onstage! you know? isn't that so cool? aren't you excited? i -"
yamapi rubs his eyes tiredly. "if you're not going to tell me the real reason why you want to watch this dumb music show, you better shut up."
jin pouts. "why do you know me so well, pi?"
"it's not hard to read your transparent thoughts."
"you're really mean, you know."
"you don't have to tell me, i know."
jin hits yamapi's arm, and yamapi yelps a little and glares at him. "don't make me kill you in the train," yamapi hisses.
"go on, then," jin says, grinning widely. "i'm sure they'd love to watch some strange-looking japanese guy going all crazy and stabbing his friend."
"who said i was going to stab you?" yamapi mutters, crossing his arms across his chest and staring pointedly out of the window at the occasional bright lights in the tunnel flashing past them.
when they reach the recording studio for the music show, they join the long, snaking line of people queuing to enter. jin hops from foot to foot, pointing at fans' boards and lightsticks while chattering excitedly while yamapi pretends not to know him.
"hi," someone says from behind them in slightly accented japanese, and yamapi turns to see a korean girl waving at them and smiling.
"um, hey," yamapi says, nudging jin, who stops his rambling immediately and stares at the girl confusedly. "do we know you?"
"nope," the girl says, grinning. her hair is cropped short in a way that makes her cheekbones more prominent, and her eyes are bright with amusement. she is tall, too - in heels, she is almost his height.
"i'm akanishi jin," jin offers happily. "and this is yamashita tomohisa. but you can call him yamapi."
"i'm choi sooyoung," says the girl, giving them a polite bow, which they quickly return. "anyway, are you guys trying to get in to watch the show?"
jin bobs his head non-stop, and the girl covers her mouth to conceal her laughter. "you have to join a fanclub to be able to get in," she tells him knowledgably. "so who are you here to watch?"
"uh," jin says. he gives yamapi a sideways glance. "uh, 2pm?"
sooyoung claps her hands excitedly. "that's great!" she exclaims. "do you want me to help you guys get in? i'm from hottest!"
jin jumps up and down. "yes, yes, yes!" he yells, and everyone in their vicinity stares at him in shock.
"shut up," yamapi hisses, swatting at jin's arm. "who the hell is 2pm anyway?"
"my friend's in it," jin says, grinning. "met him in california."
sooyoung stares at him, wide-eyed. "you mean you know nichkhun?"
yamapi automatically tunes their ramblings about some guy named nichkhun horvejkul out, choosing instead to look at his watch while tapping his sneakered foot impatiently against the floor. it is the fifth, which means ryo's monthly letter should be arriving the next day. he wonders what ryo will say this time, and the thought sends a electric current of loneliness through his heart.
it takes another hour before they actually manage to get in to the performing area, and yamapi watches performance after performance, listens to unknown songs in an unfamiliar language. he is vaguely aware of jin waving crazily at the nichkhun horvejkul guy when the group named 2pm appears, but remains seated and blank-faced.
"wasn't he awesome?" jin says after the show is over and all the fans are filing out. "did you see that dance move he did? wouldn't it be cool if we could learn?"
yamapi doesn't remove any dance move. to be honest, he doesn't even remember seeing the guy at all. "yeah," he says non-comittally. "real cool."
"anyway, i asked him to meet us for lunch tomorrow! before we head back home. isn't that cool? i know you'll love him, pi! he's like thai-chinese and really, really handsome, if i say so myself! anyway, so he's great. and he's a really nice guy! seriously! okay, it depends if the fame has gotten to him, but i doubt so - he was always so humble, even when he was the most popular guy in school and all."
nichkhun horvejkul is all jin talks about when they go back to their hotel, and after a shower (fifteen minutes of peace away from jin's noisy chattering), yamapi says he's tired and wants to sleep and crawls under his covers.
"good night, pi!" jin chirps. "can you believe it? we're going to meet khun tomorrow!"
yamapi gives a frustrated sigh, leans over his bed to dig into his bag for his ipod, then sticks the earphones in and blasts his music at maximum valume in an attempt to drown out jin's irritating voice.
so jin was unexpectedly right. nichkhun is unbelievably handsome, with his sharp features and pale skin and polite - but still bright - smile. even though his eyes are shielded behind a pair of overlarge sunglasses, yamapi has a niggling feeling that they are probably sparkling at him.
"jin!" nichkhun says happily, doing some weird fist-banging handshake with jin that yamapi assumes they picked up in america. "how are you?"
he and jin talk about their old times, and yamapi listens to nichkhun's perfect english and adorable hand gestures, stares at the corners of nichkhun's smile and has the urge to smooth his fingers over a lock of nichkhun's fringe. nichkhun talks about life in seoul, talks about his group members, talks about sharing an apartment with six other guys and their manager, talks about music shows and reality shows and variety shows, talks about a life so very different than the one yamapi has led.
before yamapi knows it, it is time for them to go back to los angeles, and jin bumps shoulders with nichkhun and waves goodbye. when they get on the cab to the airport, yamapi looks at nichkhun through the back window of the cab and smiles.
the next letter that arrives from ryo says:
why is it the more we meet,
the more my heart feels like it’ll tear every time?
yamapi has always wanted to try falling in love at first sight. after watching all those dramas, after reading all those teenage love novels, after learning all about the tiny jolt of shock that fizzles through your veins when you lock eyes with that special person, yamapi had wanted so badly to feel that way.
and then he fell in love with ryo, and every part of him fell away until all that was left was a single, beating heart - a heart that was now marked with the name nishikido ryo, a heart that once belonged to yamapi, that now was ryo's.
ryo makes him feel like he can do anything, like he wants to fly. ryo is marvelous and brilliant and yamapi doesn't think he's met anyone as wonderful as ryo, and doesn't think he will ever meet anyone like ryo. ryo is special, special - ryo is his and his alone.
after experiencing that sort of love, yamapi thinks that even the feeling of love at first sight pales in comparison. this is what ryo does to him. this is what ryo does to him, every time.
it is when yamapi is so close to drifting to sleep that he has an epiphany.
this he realises: he will never be able to stop loving ryo. not now, not ever. even though his heart is broken, all the pieces are still floating somewhere around ryo. he will never be able to collect the pieces back, never be able to get himself back.
keep it well, yamapi thinks, and then he falls off the edge and into sleep.
ryo's next letter says:
in time that flows, i try not to lose anything.
passing by, we collided.5
it takes four months before yamapi starts to wonder why ryo knows his address. yamapi hadn't even told anyone he was in los angeles, so how could ryo know? he opens his drawer where he keeps his letters from ryo, and takes one of them out, turning it around and around but not finding a stamp or address anywhere.
and then he knows.
"akanishi jin!" yamapi yells.
so it turned out ryo had been living here, in los angeles, for the past four months. honestly, yamapi has no idea how ryo has managed to sneak past him and get his letters for yamapi into jin's hands, has no idea how ryo has managed to stay here for so long without yamapi realising. but most of all, yamapi has no idea why he never thought about that question before.
"tell him to go back home," yamapi says as he is washing the dishes, elbow-full in soapy water. "tell him to stop hanging around here."
jin shrugs. "it's not like he'd listen," he says. "he seems like he's a stubborn one."
yamapi agrees. once ryo has set his mind to doing something, he'll never stop until he sees the result - no matter success or failure. yamapi sighs in frustration, banging a plate against the kitchen counter angrily. jin backs away, waving his arms in front of himself as if they are a means of protection.
"jin," yamapi says quietly. "please."
jin is silent for a while, then he asks, "please what?"
yamapi slides his eyes shut. "tell him i want him to go. tell him i don't love him anymore, tell him i don't want ever want to see him again. tell him anything it takes to get him to go back to tokyo."
"you want me to lie to him?"
"yes," yamapi answers. when jin doesn't reply, he repeats yes again for good measure.
jin sighs. "okay," he agrees. "but you'll tell me why, won't you?"
"someday," yamapi says.
"okay."
jin brings back another letter. this time it says:
even on the day my body vanishes, this love won't disappear
even when the flowers wither away, this feeling will last long enough to take the place of eternity.
"poetic idiot," yamapi whispers, and jin leaves the room so yamapi can cry in peace.
"i know why."
"why what?"
"why you wanted me to get him to leave."
"and why's that?"
"you don't want him to give up his life for you. you don't want him to leave everything behind and come here just for you. in other words, you don't want him to be like you."
"you're wrong."
"i'm right and you know it yourself."
yamapi drags his feet and runs a hand through his sleep-tousled hair as he makes his way clumsily to the breakfast table and sits down in front of jin. it takes five bites of his french toast before he realises something is wrong, and he sets it back down on his plate and looks up at jin's pale face.
"jin?" yamapi asks uncertainly. "are you okay?"
jin shakes his head. yamapi has never seen jin answer a question by actions rather than words, and he stretches out a hand to pat jin's shoulder comfortingly. "what's wrong?"
"everything," jin whispers, and there's a hitch in his voice.
"jin," yamapi repeats, this time urgently. his grip on jin's shoulder gets tighter, and he's sure it's bound to hurt, but jin doesn't flinch away or wince or show the slightest sign of feeling.
"kame," jin says, and then he lays his head down, sideways, cheek pressed against the wooden table.
yamapi's heard the story more than once. jin is a chatterbox even when it comes to his love life, and so yamapi knows about kamenashi kazuya, of course. kamenashi (otherwise known as kame, or kame-chan), was jin's first and only love. yamapi didn't need jin telling him to understand; just looking at the flickering of jin's eyes and the gentleness in the way he said kame was enough for him to know.
kame broke jin's heart, and so jin - like yamapi - ran away and left his old life behind. kame was enough reason for jin to throw everything away and flee, and when jin had looked at yamapi and said you understand don't you, and yamapi had smiled a small, sad smile and said yes.
kame was smart and levelheaded and cool, kame was everything jin is not. kame was the be-all and end-all of jin's life, kame was the planet around which jin circled. kame was jin's polar opposite (opposites attact, jin had told yamapi, smiling). kame was, because kame is dead.
jin says he wants to go back to tokyo to attend kame's funeral, and the look in his eyes is so sad that yamapi decides to go with him without jin even asking. jin has never looked so lost in his entire life - the shine in his eyes is gone, the lilt of his voice is gone, everything that made jin jin has vanished, leaving an empty shell in its place.
jin doesn't talk for the entire plane ride, just stares out of the window at the bright blue sky and white, white clouds, which slowly morphs into a crimson sunset and then a blue-black night sky and blinking stars. yamapi doesn't say anything, either, just asks jin what he wants to eat or if he wants to go to the restroom and casual things like that. yamapi understands all to well that jin wants to be left alone, that if jin starts to talk, his tears will flow together with his words.
and so yamapi doesn't talk, just sits there and thinks about ryo, thinks about regret, then continues thinking about ryo.
yamapi doesn't go home because he doesn't want anyone to know he's back. he and jin stay in a rundown motel together, and yamapi tries to make as little noise as possible, not wanting to disturb jin's quiet and slightly worrying trance.
on the day of the funeral, yamapi dresses in black and looks at jin, who is sitting on the bed staring into midspace. "hey," yamapi says softly, and jin nods, standing up.
they don't talk on the way to the place where the funeral is held, either. they don't talk when jin forces a smile as he greets long-lost friends and acquaintances. they don't talk when jin falls to his knees in front of kame's coffin and bursts into tears. they don't talk.
yamapi leaves to go get a can of coffee from the vending machine, and when he comes back, he sees ryo. ryo is talking to jin, a sympathetic look in his eye, and yamapi nearly drops the can he is clutching tightly in his right hand. he ducks behind a flower arrangement, ignoring the weird stares people shoot at him.
after ryo leaves, yamapi, hands slightly shaking from trepidation, returns to jin's side. jin remains silent as he sits in a slightly crumpled heap on the cold ground, one finger tracing the edge of the coffin lightly as he whispers kame's name over and over again.
it takes five days before jin starts talking again.
"he was a wonderful man," jin says, smiling a little wistfully, a little heartbrokenly. "i wish you could've known him."
yamapi nods. "i wish i could've known him, too. i'm sure he was the best."
"the best," jin echos, then leans his head against yamapi's shoulder.
"aren't you going to look for him?" jin asks on the sixth day, and yamapi sort of wishes jin would revert back to his silent self if it meant he would stop asking questions that made yamapi's mind hurt.
"no." yamapi says in a tone that means the topic is over.
jin looks away for a minute, then looks back at yamapi and says quietly, "yamapi, go."
"why should i?" yamapi demands, voice trembling slightly.
jin smiles. "trust me," he says. "go."
yamapi goes. he walks and walks and walks to ryo's house, and before he knows it, it has already started to rain and he is shivering in the ice-cold, sharp wind in drenched clothes in the middle of autumn.
he ends up at ryo's doorstep dripping wet. before yamapi even rings the doorbell, the door flies open, and ryo stares at him open-mouthed.
"pi," ryo says reverently, and yamapi falls into his waiting arms.
when ryo kisses him it tastes like salt and bitterness and a thousand i love yous and i miss yous mixed into one. even though it's been years since yamapi has kissed ryo, it still feels oddly familiar and comforting, and a tear slips past yamapi's eyelids when he shuts his eyes.
"missed you," ryo whispers, just like a few months ago when yamapi first came back to tokyo, and this time yamapi says i missed you too.
jin smiles at him, hugging his duffel bag to his chest. "so what do you want me to tell nakamaru-san now?" he teases. "sure you don't want to come back with me?"
ryo curls an arm around yamapi's neck protectively. "we're sure," he says confidently, smiling back at jin. "don't steal my pi."
jin rolls his eyes. "you can have him all to yourself," he says. "i'd never dare to keep him."
yamapi makes a face at him, and jin laughs. "seriously, though," jin says, eyes darting from ryo to yamapi and back to ryo. "will you be okay?"
yamapi looks at ryo and smiles, then turns back to jin. "positive," he assures jin, moving forward to give him a hug.
when jin peels yamapi's clingy hands with a sideways glance at ryo, yamapi smiles and says, "don't miss me too much, bakanishi."
"believe me, i won't," jin says fervently, but he smiles back, eyes crinkling. "stay happy."
and then he shakes ryo's hand, waves at yamapi, then turns around and walks into the departure hall. yamapi leans into ryo's hug and sighs.
"i miss him already," yamapi says softly.
ryo's grip on him tightens. "don't you dare go after him," he warns lightly. "i'm not letting you run away from me again."
yamapi laughs. "possessive much, nishikido-kun?"
ryo tweaks yamapi's nose. "it's your fault for making me constantly wonder if you're going to disappear the next day."
yamapi reaches out to trace a light finger against the edge of ryo's jaw. "i'm not leaving," he says. "not now, not ever."
yamapi isn't leaving. he moves back into the apartment he and ryo had once shared, settles back into the life that had once belonged to him. everything is easy, everything is simple - yamapi fits right back in like he had never been gone.
yamapi makes ryo coffee every morning, ryo washes the clothes (some end up having holes and yamapi shakes his head, exasperated, whenever he sees them). they both do the grocery shopping together, but ryo pays and yamapi cooks.
everything is easy, everything is simple - yamapi fits right back in like he had never been gone. like he had never been, but the truth is that he did, and he doesn't really know how much this has affected their relationship, doesn't really know if they have bridged the wide gap between the two of them, doesn't really know if this can last forever.
ryo says they'll try, and yamapi agrees. he'll try, he'll make it last as long as he can.
he's never leaving again. not now, not ever. how could he, really, when now he understands that the place he's always meant to be at is by ryo's side?
"hey," ryo says one day. they are back at the park where yamapi first confessed to ryo, sitting on the swings under the stars as the moonlight bathes them in a pale glow.
"yeah?"
"what happens if human beings don't have oxygen?" ryo asks, and yamapi narrows his eyes at him.
"they die," yamapi says matter-of-factly.
ryo stretches his arms, then gives yamapi a tiny smile. "well," ryo says. "then i was dying everyday without you."
ryo's forty-sixth letter:
every day and night, with you,
if it's only because of this ceaseless uncalming fever.
ryo still writes letters to yamapi, slips them into whatever book he is reading right now, or into the side packet of his bag, or tucks it under yamapi's pillow. sometimes ryo gives them to yamapi with a bunch of flowers or chocolates or sweets, sometimes ryo slides them into yamapi's hood.
yamapi likes to read the letters, the short and beautiful lyrics and poetry that ryo writes for yamapi. he keeps every single one of them.
"do you think i can collect them until they reach a hundred?" yamapi asks, and ryo laughs and tugs at a stray strand of yamapi's golden-brown hair.
"how many years is that?"
yamapi thinks for a while. "eight years," he says, and grins at ryo, squeezing his eyes together.
"okay," ryo promises. "i'll write you every month for eight years."
yamapi smiles happily, and points at his drawer. "see," he says to ryo. "all your letters are in there."
"not the first one," ryo says, smiliing back.
yamapi shifts guiltily on the bed. "you mean the one in paris?"
ryo pauses, then smiles. "yeah," he nods. "i bet you threw it away, didn't you?"
yamapi makes a face, then looks away, avoiding ryo's knowing gaze. ryo hits him lightly on the head, and then ruffles his hair.
"sorry," yamapi says.
ryo rolls his eyes. "don't be silly," he answers, and smiles.
ryo's one hundredth letter:
when the rain is pouring, i'll be your umbrella,
when the wind is blowing, i'll be your wall.
it doesn't matter how deep the evening darkness is,
because tomorrow will definitely come.
i just want to tell you,
because tomorrow will definitely come.
yamapi, just like i promised, i've written you every month for eight years, and there will be many, many more eight years to come. today you are still as beautiful as you were the first time i met you, your eyes still have the familiar crinkle whenever you smile, your lips still curl a little at the corners.
everyday i love you a little more, i think.
do you think our lives would have gone a completely different way if we hadn't met?
maybe i could have saved myself from a lot of pain, maybe you could have saved yourself from all the uprooting and constant fleeing. maybe we could have continued on with our lives without ever meeting each other, like two parallel lines that would never cross paths. and maybe, maybe i could have met a better person, one who could make me smile no matter what, who only made me cry because i was happy. maybe i could have learnt that love isn't all about hurt. maybe i could have been happier.
and so we've gone a long way, a really long way. we've travelled this road full of bumps and twists and turns, we've clung onto each other so tight our hearts beat as one. we've gone a long way, only to end up right at the start, with a lot more bruises and cuts than we had had at the very beginning.
but that was eight years ago, and although we are barely halfway through this path we are taking together, i am positive that we will be all right. don't you agree?
just don't let go of my hand, pi. don't run away again. we'll stay together and stick it through whatever comes our way, okay?
i love you, yamashita tomohisa. honestly, i never stopped.
yamapi thinks that ryo is the fifth season. ryo, with his spiteful glares and acidic words. ryo, with his cheerful grin and eyes that sparkle like sea glass. ryo is so much more than the colours of the spring breeze, or the salty sea-and-sand smell that summer brings, or the fire-red leaves yamapi likes to jump in during autumn, or the intricate snowflakes that ryo likes to catch on the tip of his tongue. ryo is special and unique and yamapi wouldn't want him any other way.
ryo is the fifth (and yamapi's favourite) season, the one and only season that lasts all year round and until the end of forever.
shige shakes his head at the two of them. "you guys," he sighs melodramatically. "it's been so many years, and you two are still the same."
"no, we're not," yamapi protests, wriggling out of ryo's chokehold. "please keep your horrible wandering hands away from me, nishikido-san."
"no, they're not," tegoshi agrees. "they've gotten even mushier."
ryo rolls his eyes at his long-time best friend. "speak for yourself," he remarks, eyeing the way tegoshi and massu are holding hands under the bar-top table.
shige throws his hands up in resignation. "forget it!" he says, exasperated. "everywhere i go you lovebirds pop out. it's like, like you guys are trying to coerce me into falling in love or something!"
massu grins at the frustrated expression on shige's scrunched-up face. "blame kei-chan," he says, laughing. "it was his idea."
shige points a trembling finger at massu. "do not talk about that man," he warns, and they all start to laugh.
"what man?" koyama's familiar voice asks, and shige, startled, jumps up and tries to make his escape.
"nothing," shige mutters, and gestures towards koyama to move out of the way. "excuse me?"
koyama shifts, and shige darts out from the space between koyama's body and the wall and runs towards the bathroom. koyama turns his confused gaze on the other four trying to conceal their laughter.
"what's up with him?" koyama asks, frowning.
"um," ryo says. "i think he really needed to pee."
yamapi bursts out laughing. ryo hits his arm a few times in a row, biting his lower lip so he won't start giggling. tegoshi and massu are already holding their stomachs and howling with laughter. koyama follows after shige to coax him into telling him what is going on, and yamapi wraps his arms around ryo's neck and buries his face into ryo's shoulder, still shaking with laughter.
ryo hits all three of them on the head. "now shige is going to kill us," he scolds, but there is mirth swimming in his eyes.
"he started it!" tegoshi protests, pointing at yamapi and pulling massu in front of him to protect himself from ryo.
ryo looks down at yamapi and smiles. "yes," he agrees. "he did."
yamapi wrinkles his nose at ryo. "oh dear," he sighs. "whatever will shige say?"
"that we are terrible people, that he will never talk to us again, that he has never had such horrible friends." ryo recites, and massu laughs.
"in other words, the usual," yamapi says, smiling.
"the usual," ryo agrees.
yamapi loves ryo and ryo loves yamapi and they love each other and this is what makes the world a more colourful, a brighter place to live in. some days yamapi regrets running away, some day he skims a light finger across ryo's cheek and realises that if he hadn't left, he would never have understood how important ryo was to him.
yamapi doesn't ask if ryo has forgiven him, and ryo doesn't say, but they both know that it doesn't matter - what matters is that they're together right now, right here, and nothing will tear them apart.
ryo's letter (the one written when yamapi was in paris):
time has passed since then and someday i should forget this pain,
but you taught me the meaning of love and i can’t let you go.9
i don't know if you know, yamapi, but this is not the first letter i have written you. over the years, i have written you many, many letters - but they are hidden in a lot of places and it is up to you to find them.
i always thought that one day i would be able to take your hand and bring you to all those places, watch your face as you read my letters and laugh together over past memories. i always thought that we would be together forever and ever.
but i am sorry. i am sorry that we couldn't have worked out, i am sorry that we couldn't have proved the point about forever, because i loved you, yamapi, i really did.
are you happy?
yamapi is walking towards his window when he steps on something sharp. wincing, he glares down at the floorboards, at the shiny nail winking at him. he squats down, peers down at it and sticks out his tongue. "mean," he says, not really caring that he is talking to an inanimate object.
and then something white catches his eye. he runs a finger along the crack between two floorboards, along the edge of the white paper. curious, he wedges a finger between the boards and starts to push the paper out, and ends up with an envelope with his name scrawled across the front.
and then he reads ryo's letter.
it's your "happy birthday",
a magical, special day that happens only once a year.
happy birthday, pi! even though it'll probably be a long time later when you see this, but still. you are seventeen today, and isn't that something to celebrate?
we are throwing a surprise party later. knowing you, you'll probably yell at us but love it anyway (attention-seeker).
happy birthday. i love you.
"ryo?" yamapi asks when he meet ryo at the bar later. "what's this?" he holds up the letter ryo had written so many, so many years ago.
ryo looks at it and grins. "oh," he says. "so you've finally found it?"
"what is it?" yamapi says. "you've been writing me letters all along and i never knew?"
ryo shrugs, hiding a smile. "well, if you'd read the one i sent you when you were in paris, you'd know."
yamapi glares at him. "i can't read it anymore and you know it," he snaps. "so just tell me, won't you?"
ryo laughs at yamapi's impatience, taking his hand and pulling him to sit on the high stool next to him. "just like you said, i've been writing you letters all along and you never knew."
"don't patronise me, nishikido ryo."
shige shakes his head at yamapi. "why are you so angry?" he questions. "i think it's sweet."
ryo slaps him a high-five, and they exchange matching grins while yamapi crosses his arms across his chest. "i think it's mean that you never told me," he pouts.
"i'm telling you right now," ryo says soothingly, slinging an arm around yamapi's shoulder. yamapi slaps his head away.
"that's only after i found out by myself."
ryo sighs, exasperated. "okay, okay, what do you want to know?"
shige pushes an iced tea towards yamapi while he thinks. "okay," yamapi decides. "how many letters?"
"i don't know," ryo says, and yamapi opens his mouth, ready to yell at him. "okay, um... around twenty, i guess? i wrote one every month."
"where did you hide them?"
ryo shrugs. "can't really remember," he answers, smiling as yamapi glares at him balefully.
"you have to take me to find them," yamapi orders while ryo threads his fingers through yamapi's and laughs.
"sure," ryo says, and smiles.
ryo's one thousandth letter:
we still don't know what tomorrow's happy story will be,
but let's build it together.