Return of the calm.
Neglecting this little space of mine on the Internets has likely to have cause more stress during this year. It's like when I had a sitdiary.net account back in the days of highschool - venting somewhere just helped let it out.
I have been pretty down. Don't want to use the word depressed, but there have been some pretty crappy days. And really, the goings on of Inez have been pretty okay. I haven't lost anyone, lost my job etc. It's just been this massive pile of worry over money, tiredness of both jobs, lack of motivation for uni and the ever lingering decisions of the future. I put a lot more on my plate that I can ever handle. I always expect too much for myself, but that is just the way I work. Ultimately, I have been pretty damn ungrateful for what I have - got a roof over my head, money to eat, at least one secure job and a fantastic partner in crime, Olly.
It's just the fact that I nitpick :
- I live with 2 smokers.
- I am sick of earning bugger all that I can't even save sufficiently
- Absolutely sick to death of my 6yr old job, and have had some confrontations with the boss of my other job making it quite uncomfortable to work
- Don't feel like I see Olly at all because I am either at work, or he's asleep/playing WoW.
Constant uphill battle ever since I moved out of home 2 years ago. And its worn thin.
But now, I have reached the end of my degree. 2010 will see a whole world of opportunities for me, if I so choose to take them. And that excites me. Scares me endlessly, but very much excites me. I crave change. Always have. Always needed to do things differently.
I am trying desparately to leave one of my jobs now. I want to leap into something new! I want to move out as soon as we can from here. I want to make a new home already!
It was tonight, looking through videos and photos from 2002 onwards that made me realise, there is always change. I am such an extremely inpatient person, but looking at the past showed me change is always just around the corner. I must hang in tight and wait. Looking at the old stuff was like going on a holiday. The 365 project I am doing this year has done the same when I look back at that. Remembering a moment, the feeling, the scent. And then returning back here to the present.
2010, you are MY year. I am going to make things happen. Whether its a change of scenery, or better still, some self-improvement, I am going to be master.
I have been pretty down. Don't want to use the word depressed, but there have been some pretty crappy days. And really, the goings on of Inez have been pretty okay. I haven't lost anyone, lost my job etc. It's just been this massive pile of worry over money, tiredness of both jobs, lack of motivation for uni and the ever lingering decisions of the future. I put a lot more on my plate that I can ever handle. I always expect too much for myself, but that is just the way I work. Ultimately, I have been pretty damn ungrateful for what I have - got a roof over my head, money to eat, at least one secure job and a fantastic partner in crime, Olly.
It's just the fact that I nitpick :
- I live with 2 smokers.
- I am sick of earning bugger all that I can't even save sufficiently
- Absolutely sick to death of my 6yr old job, and have had some confrontations with the boss of my other job making it quite uncomfortable to work
- Don't feel like I see Olly at all because I am either at work, or he's asleep/playing WoW.
Constant uphill battle ever since I moved out of home 2 years ago. And its worn thin.
But now, I have reached the end of my degree. 2010 will see a whole world of opportunities for me, if I so choose to take them. And that excites me. Scares me endlessly, but very much excites me. I crave change. Always have. Always needed to do things differently.
I am trying desparately to leave one of my jobs now. I want to leap into something new! I want to move out as soon as we can from here. I want to make a new home already!
It was tonight, looking through videos and photos from 2002 onwards that made me realise, there is always change. I am such an extremely inpatient person, but looking at the past showed me change is always just around the corner. I must hang in tight and wait. Looking at the old stuff was like going on a holiday. The 365 project I am doing this year has done the same when I look back at that. Remembering a moment, the feeling, the scent. And then returning back here to the present.
2010, you are MY year. I am going to make things happen. Whether its a change of scenery, or better still, some self-improvement, I am going to be master.