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I'm missing pieces of myself. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I feel like I'm wandering around in a daze, trying to remember how I got to where I am ( Read more... ) -
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Somebody please explain using science how apple explodes all over a refrigerator.
I currently favor spontaneous combustion. But if it can happen in my fridge, it can happen in my living room. On the couch where I sit. While I'm sitting there on my couch.
Such is the state of my mind right now. -
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This comes from me to you drunk off my ass and automatic spellcheck wizard thing. JUST WALK INTO LAKE MICHIGAN NAKED IN OCTOBER. you be welcome world. and no need to be worried about sharks and jellyfish because this was fressh water YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS -
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Bye, grip on reality. It was comfortable having you around, but now that I have no idea where the fuck you went, I'll just have to stay strong and move on.
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I'm at the point in my high where I actually want to smoke legit cigarettes, but they taste like ham sandwiches. Which is super bizarro because they're menthols.
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I want to get a tattoo on my ass that says "PROPERTY OF NBC: THURSDAY NIGHTS"
I am their willing, subordinate bitch. Do whatever you want with me, NBC. I'll take it.
In kind of related news, I had a dream last night where Steve Carell motorboated me, then professed his love. J Stew was in the background playing a harp. It was magical. -
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Patrick, my love, who will dance dirty for me now?
In dreams, my pet, you will put this baby in the corner. Mrowr.
...Too soon?